Behind the Curtain: Honest Conversations about Foster Care and Adoption

What if survival isn’t the goal—or even the best question? Rebecca opens the door to a different pursuit: building a sustainable home life in foster care and adoption by asking how to thrive when nothing else changes. Through a raw, unedited monologue, she traces the arc from a stacked season of yeses, a hospital-heavy year, and the first real brush with caregiver burnout to a set of clear, livable practices that steady the family’s pace.We unpack sustainability where it actually counts: in day-to-day choices that shape peace and connection. Rebecca walks through the signals she watches—when the laughter fades, when clutter crowds her attention, when schedules spin past reason—and how she responds with three anchors: simplify what you can, add beauty you can see, and plan intentional fun. Nature becomes a quiet ally, from flowers on the counter to time on the water, and microdoses of control help the nervous system stand down so the heart can show up.When life gets heavier, the strategy gets simpler. Sleep, sunlight, movement, hydration, and small boundaries become non-negotiables that turn chaos into a plan. For anyone who struggles to define thriving, Rebecca offers a practical tool: reverse-engineer the feeling of drowning and do the precise opposite, one consistent action at a time. The result isn’t a perfect home; it’s a durable culture where caregivers stay regulated, connection has room to grow, and love is not only present but livable.If you’re navigating foster care, adoption, or simply a season that feels too loud, this conversation offers grounded hope and actionable steps. Listen, share with a friend who needs steady ground today, and subscribe to get the next chapter as we return with edited interviews. Your review helps more caregivers find this space—will you leave one and tell us your first small step toward thriving?We know that foster care and adoption present unique challenges for your marriage, so we created this Same Page Checklist as a conversation starter for you and your spouse. You can download it for free on our website at https://www.havenretreatsinc.org/couples-free-resources-1. Enjoy! Follow us on Instagram:Haven Retreats- https://www.instagram.com/haven.retreats/?hl=enBehind the Curtain Podcast- https://www.instagram.com/behind.the.curtain_pod/

A lot of adoptive and foster parents are handed an impossible goal: your family should look seamless, your child should feel “forever” the moment adoption is finalized, and your bond should eventually feel just like biology. When that does not happen, it can leave you spiraling between overcontrol and despair. Rebecca Harvin sits down with Stacy Cales, LCSW, a former foster parent, adoptive mom, and licensed clinical social worker known in Jacksonville for helping families untangle attachment challenges, and we name the pressure out loud.We talk about Stacye’s “beloved aunt or uncle” benchmark and why it can be the missing permission slip for exhausted parents. Lowering the bar is not lowering the love. It is removing the intensity that keeps everyone braced for failure. From there, we dig into why adoption day can feel like a letdown or even a threat, how our own attachment histories shape what feels urgent, and why we often parent our kids to survive the childhood we had. If you have ever thought, “Why is this still hard after all these years?” you are going to feel seen.You will also get practical tools you can use today: the calm storytelling voice, small consequences you can actually enforce, the power of repair, and why boundaries are a core ingredient of healthy attachment. We even touch on prenatal and early childhood brain wiring so you can stop blaming yourself for what is really nervous system math.If you are raising a child through foster care or adoption and you want more peace at home, listen through and then share this with a parent who needs it. Subscribe, leave a review, and tell us what belief about attachment you are ready to release.If you'd like to know more about the work that Stacey does, or if you're a Florida resident looking for an attachment therapist, you can find more at her website here: https://floridaattachment.org/We know that foster care and adoption present unique challenges for your marriage, so we created this Same Page Checklist as a conversation starter for you and your spouse. You can download it for free on our website at https://www.havenretreatsinc.org/couples-free-resources-1. Enjoy! Registration is now open for our annual Bio Kid Retreat weekend June 26-28 at North Florida Christian Camp. Go to www.havenretreatsinc.org for more information. Follow us on Instagram:Haven Retreats- https://www.instagram.com/haven.retreats/?hl=enBehind the Curtain Podcast- https://www.instagram.com/behind.the.curtain_pod/

Fostering can sound like a noble idea until it’s your front door, your kids, your routines, and your fear of what you can’t control. That’s why this conversation matters. We’re joined by Corey McKinney, a foster dad, author, and longtime mentor, to talk honestly about the “silent” part of the foster care community: dads who want to protect their families but also feel the pull to help kids who have nowhere safe to land.Corey shares what it looked like to resist foster parenting for nearly two years, what finally shifted his mindset, and why foster care has to be a full yes from both partners. We walk through the reality of a first placement that ends in disruption, the guilt that can follow, and how talking to a trusted friend or spouse can keep you from carrying it alone. We also dig into trauma-informed parenting in the most practical way: structure, food insecurity, school fights that don’t show up at home, and the small daily habits that help kids feel safe.Then we go deeper into the part most people misunderstand: attachment. Corey explains his “temporary assignment” approach, where the goal is to send a child out of your home better than when they came in, while still loving them fully in the here and now. If you’re considering foster care, adoption, respite care, or you’re already living it and need language for what you feel, you’ll walk away with clarity, courage, and concrete tools. Subscribe, share this with a foster dad you know, and leave a review so more families can find these stories.Find Corey here:Instagram: @TheCoreyMcKinney Facebook: Corey McKinney   LinkedIn: Corey McKinneyWebsite: www.coreymckinney.netWe know that foster care and adoption present unique challenges for your marriage, so we created this Same Page Checklist as a conversation starter for you and your spouse. You can download it for free on our website at https://www.havenretreatsinc.org/couples-free-resources-1. Enjoy! Registration is now open for our annual Bio Kid Retreat weekend June 26-28 at North Florida Christian Camp. Go to www.havenretreatsinc.org for more information. Follow us on Instagram:Haven Retreats- https://www.instagram.com/haven.retreats/?hl=enBehind the Curtain Podcast- https://www.instagram.com/behind.the.curtain_pod/

Foster care can be beautiful and it can be brutal, and the people who often get overlooked are the biological kids already living in the home. We wanted to change that, so we sat down with Talia Ray Farrow, a bio, foster, and adoptive sister to more than 65 kids, to talk honestly about what it is like to grow up in a foster and adoptive family that is always expanding, shifting, and saying goodbye. We get into the realities behind the highlight reel: sibling sets and separation, the grief that shows up as anger or jealousy, and the moment a child finally says, “My heart needs a break.” Talia Ray shares what helped her most as a bio kid, including parents who keep communication open every day, listen without rushing to fix, and build trust through small, steady quality time. We also talk about how grief can return years later, how to support kids through those anniversaries, and why attachment does not look the same with every foster sibling. If you are fostering, adopting, considering a foster care license, or trying to support your own children while caring for other kids, this conversation offers practical tools and a lot of hope. Subscribe, share this with a foster parent who needs it, and leave a review so more families can find these stories. What is one thing you wish someone had told your bio kids early on?Find Talia-Rae here:@sister.to.many (Instagram)@Sister To Many (Facebook)You can email here at: [email protected] know that foster care and adoption present unique challenges for your marriage, so we created this Same Page Checklist as a conversation starter for you and your spouse. You can download it for free on our website at https://www.havenretreatsinc.org/couples-free-resources-1. Enjoy! Registration is now open for our annual Bio Kid Retreat weekend June 26-28 at North Florida Christian Camp. Go to www.havenretreatsinc.org for more information. Follow us on Instagram:Haven Retreats- https://www.instagram.com/haven.retreats/?hl=enBehind the Curtain Podcast- https://www.instagram.com/behind.the.curtain_pod/

Your kid is melting down, you are touched out, and the last thing you feel is “connected” yet the relationship is still the path forward. Rebecca Harvin sits down with Angela Coston, founder of For the Sake of One and a TBRI practitioner, to talk about what connection looks like when parenting kids from hard places meets real-life stress, school breaks, IEP meetings, and the long grind of behavior that repeats for years.We break down Trust-Based Relational Intervention (TBRI) into its three practical pillars: connecting, empowering, and correcting. Angela shares simple connection moves that can change the tone of a day, from five minutes of child-led play to the surprisingly effective “order what they order” moment that signals belonging. Then we get concrete about regulation: hydration, sleep, sensory input, and why protein and complex carbs matter so much when “defiance” is actually a blood sugar crash, especially for kids affected by prenatal substance exposure.From there, we wrestle with the hard edge of trauma-informed parenting: can’t versus won’t, willful disobedience versus survival behavior, and how to hold high nurture with high structure. You’ll hear scripts for choices, “first then” language, shared power, and consequences that keep agency on the child. We close with the backbone skill that makes all of this sustainable: repair, plus the self-care practices that help parents stay regulated enough to lead.If this helped you, subscribe, share it with a foster or adoptive parent who needs hope today, and leave a review so more families can find trauma-informed tools. What is one behavior that triggers you most right now?Find For the Sake of One:Website: www.forthesakeofone.comWe know that foster care and adoption present unique challenges for your marriage, so we created this Same Page Checklist as a conversation starter for you and your spouse. You can download it for free on our website at https://www.havenretreatsinc.org/couples-free-resources-1. Enjoy! Registration is now open for our annual Bio Kid Retreat weekend June 26-28 at North Florida Christian Camp. Go to www.havenretreatsinc.org for more information. Follow us on Instagram:Haven Retreats- https://www.instagram.com/haven.retreats/?hl=enBehind the Curtain Podcast- https://www.instagram.com/behind.the.curtain_pod/

The hardest part of foster care is not what most people expect. It’s the moment you realize you can’t control the outcome, you can’t fix what’s broken, and you’re still called to stay. Rebecca Harvin sits down with Jason Johnson from the Christian Alliance for Orphans to talk about foster care and adoption as a long game, where “success” isn’t measured by perfect progress but by faithful presence and the simple, world-changing reality that a child is no longer alone.We dig into trauma-informed parenting and the daily work of cultivating a safe environment: staying steady when teens melt down, responding to mistakes without blowing up, and learning to parent more like a coach as kids grow. Jason shares the idea of “the thing beneath the thing” and why slowing down, listening, and getting curious builds trust and helps kids heal. Along the way, we name the surprise so many foster parents experience: the journey reveals us. Our impatience, our pride, our need to manage, and also our resilience and capacity to do hard things.We also talk about grief and reputation, the relationships that change when you protect a child’s story, and the dangerous mental loop of “Why can’t easy things just be easy?” The conversation lands on agency, neuroplasticity, and discipleship: what we repeatedly pay attention to shapes our beliefs, our brains, and the kind of home we create. If you’re fostering, adopting, or considering getting involved, this will give you language, perspective, and permission to keep going with honesty and hope.If this resonates, subscribe, share it with a foster parent or church leader, and leave a review so more families can find support and practical encouragement.Find out more about Jason Johnson here: www.jasonjohnsonblog.comFind out more about Christian Alliance for Orphans here: https://cafo.org/Find out more about The Pure Religion Project here:  https://cafo.org/purereligion/We know that foster care and adoption present unique challenges for your marriage, so we created this Same Page Checklist as a conversation starter for you and your spouse. You can download it for free on our website at https://www.havenretreatsinc.org/couples-free-resources-1. Enjoy! Registration is now open for our annual Bio Kid Retreat weekend June 26-28 at North Florida Christian Camp. Go to www.havenretreatsinc.org for more information. Follow us on Instagram:Haven Retreats- https://www.instagram.com/haven.retreats/?hl=enBehind the Curtain Podcast- https://www.instagram.com/behind.the.curtain_pod/

A child shouldn’t have to fall asleep in a cubicle while adults debate where she’ll go next. That image stuck, and it’s the spark behind this conversation with Jennifer Tice, co-founder and executive director of Lily Pad, a South Carolina faith-based nonprofit creating trauma-informed spaces for children and vulnerable people in crisis. We get honest about what foster care and adoption actually feel like when the crisis doesn’t end after the paperwork, the home study, or the first placement. Jennifer and I dig into caregiver burnout, compassion fatigue, and the uncomfortable truth that foster parents carry most of the week with little built-in support. We also talk about caseworkers as first responders inside a system that starts in brokenness, and why turnover hurts children who are already overwhelmed. Along the way, we name the moments nobody wants to admit out loud: bonding that takes time, grief that hits at reunification, and even the relief that can show up when a hard placement ends. Two things can be true, and saying so can keep families from drowning in guilt. Then Jennifer tells the story that led to Lily Pad: how one teen’s experience in a DSS office revealed an avoidable layer of trauma, and how a “soft place to land” can change a child’s nervous system in real time. We walk through what goes into a Lily Pad room, how community partners maintain the spaces, and why this model is now expanding into law enforcement victim care. If you care about foster care sustainability, adoption support, trauma-informed care, and practical child welfare solutions, this one is for you. Subscribe for more honest conversations, share this with someone who serves kids in crisis, and leave a review so more foster and adoptive families can find the support they need.You can find out more about Lily Pad here:Lily Pad websiteLily Pad room gallery (before-and-after transformations)Donation/support pageInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/lily.pad.inc/We know that foster care and adoption present unique challenges for your marriage, so we created this Same Page Checklist as a conversation starter for you and your spouse. You can download it for free on our website at https://www.havenretreatsinc.org/couples-free-resources-1. Enjoy! Registration is now open for our annual Bio Kid Retreat weekend June 26-28 at North Florida Christian Camp. Go to www.havenretreatsinc.org for more information. Follow us on Instagram:Haven Retreats- https://www.instagram.com/haven.retreats/?hl=enBehind the Curtain Podcast- https://www.instagram.com/behind.the.curtain_pod/

Some families look fine on Sunday and feel like they’re falling apart by Monday morning. That gap, the public calm and the private chaos, is where a lot of foster and adoptive parents live when trauma hits hard. We sit down with Ashley Mason, founder of Encourage One Another, to talk honestly about what “crisis” can really mean: unsafe behaviors, constant hypervigilance, the painful decision to pursue out-of-home treatment, and the shame that keeps so many parents quiet.Ashley shares how her own adoption story led from two moms meeting in a coffee shop to building a nonprofit that supports foster care and adoption on the back end, when the needs are intense and the bills are real. We dig into why “you asked for this” is not help, why free services often miss the root of trauma, and how families can pursue safety and healing without framing treatment as rejection. We also talk about the pressure to get an A in parenting, the misconception that perfect trauma-informed parenting guarantees connection, and the surprising freedom that comes from releasing control of the outcome.We end with practical, lived-in rhythms that make long-haul parenting sustainable: grounding yourself in the present, protecting your marriage, putting nonnegotiables on the calendar, and building small pockets of rest that keep you regulated when life is loud. If you’re parenting kids from hard places, share this with someone who needs permission to tell the truth, then subscribe and leave a review so more families can find these conversations.We know that foster care and adoption present unique challenges for your marriage, so we created this Same Page Checklist as a conversation starter for you and your spouse. You can download it for free on our website at https://www.havenretreatsinc.org/couples-free-resources-1. Enjoy! Follow us on Instagram:Haven Retreats- https://www.instagram.com/haven.retreats/?hl=enBehind the Curtain Podcast- https://www.instagram.com/behind.the.curtain_pod/

Trauma leaves clues, and foster and adoptive parents are often the first people to see them clearly. When a child “forgets” what they knew yesterday, melts down at puberty, hoards food under the bed, or shuts down into a blank stare, it can feel personal, defiant, and impossible to untangle. We wanted a map that respects what caregivers live with and explains what’s happening inside the child, not just what’s happening in the room.Rebecca Harvin sits down with Dr. Frank Putnam, a leading clinical psychiatrist and trauma researcher, to translate decades of longitudinal research on childhood sexual abuse and maltreatment into real-world foster care and adoption support. We talk about accelerated puberty, accelerated biological aging, and how chronic stress compounds across development. We also dig into dissociation and “perplexing forgetfulness,” where a child’s memory and executive function can be state-dependent, making school performance and daily routines swing wildly from day to day.From there, we get practical. Dr. Putnam explains why kids test safety and how validation can matter more than forcing details. We cover trauma-informed parenting tools drawn from evidence-based approaches like PCIT and the simplified CARE model, with a clear theme: predictable, safe relationships are the strongest lever we have, especially when systems are messy and information is incomplete.We end with resilience, prevention, and emerging science like epigenetics, plus a crucial reminder: most abused children do not become abusive adults, even though the risk is higher and the stakes are real. If you care about foster parent sustainability, child trauma healing, and adoption-informed mental health, this conversation will give you language, context, and steadier next steps.If this helped you, subscribe, share it with a foster or adoptive parent, and leave a review so more caregivers can find support when it’s hardest.Follow us on Instagram:Haven Retreats- https://www.instagram.com/haven.retreats/?hl=enBehind the Curtain Podcast- https://www.instagram.com/behind.the.curtain_pod/

The foster care system asks teenagers to carry adult-sized problems, then expects them to be “ready” on a birthday. That disconnect is where today’s conversation lives, and it’s why I’m so grateful to share the mic with Aubrie Simpson-Gotham, founder and CEO of Fostering Connections in Jacksonville, Florida. She’s building practical support for youth impacted by foster care and adoption, and she’s doing it in a way that treats teens with dignity, honesty, and real-world respect.We talk about Florida Youth Shine and what happens when youth with lived experience lead the agenda. The issues they raise are not abstract: access to mental health services, the reality of group home placements for teens, and the deep wound of sibling separation in foster care. We also name what so many caregivers and caseworkers feel but rarely get space to say out loud: overwhelm is everywhere, and the gaps are bigger than any one family can patch alone.Aubrie walks me through how Fostering Connections fills those gaps with career readiness, life skills training, youth leadership, and family empowerment nights. We get specific about financial literacy and budgeting, why teens want these skills earlier than the system often provides, and how peer groups can reduce isolation for youth who feel like no one at school understands. If you care about foster care, adoption support, independent living preparation, or youth advocacy in child welfare, this one will give you both hope and a plan.Subscribe so you don’t miss the next conversation, share this with someone who supports foster and adoptive families, and leave a review to help more people find Behind the Curtain.Follow us on Instagram:Haven Retreats- https://www.instagram.com/haven.retreats/?hl=enBehind the Curtain Podcast- https://www.instagram.com/behind.the.curtain_pod/