Be Mai Guest

For most of my life, I've strived for "holiness over happiness." In my mind, I knew they were not in competition, but in my heart and actions - I lived like they were. In doing so, I think I forgot how to simply be... happy.In this episode, I continue to reflect on why some people feel like they’ve never really seen me happy, the difference between perfect and imperfect happiness, and how God desires us to be happy and holy.

A few people throughout my life have told me they can’t really remember the last time they've seen me genuinely happy. This is me reflecting on that - looking at possible root causes and patterns, and how I’m learning to respond to them.

For over a decade, my entire professional life was inside the Church - Ministry. Seminary. Parish life. That was my world.But after getting let go from my most recent role, I found myself stepping into something completely different - a secular work environment where nobody knows my story, shares my faith, or expects anything from me.In this episode, I talk about what it’s like to leave the “bubble” of ministry and relearn how to live your faith without a title, platform, or built-in community.From navigating workplace culture and internal doubts… to wrestling with identity, pride, and starting over from the bottom - this is an honest look at a transition that a lot of people go through, but not many talk about.If you’ve ever had to start over, step into a new environment, or figure out who you are outside of what you used to do - this one’s for you.

What do you do when your faith feels like it hasn't paid off? When the people around you seem to be thriving without it? In this honest, personal episode I wrestle with doubt, comparison, and the temptation to walk away - and make the case for why I'm still here anyway.

I got fired from a church. This episode isn't about what happened. It's about what nobody talks about after it does. The hardened heart. The shame. The identity crisis. The triggers nobody warned me about. And through all of it - how do you stay faithful?

Does suffering have purpose? Can God be trusted in the middle of it? I gave a talk on exactly that - and then spent the last few months finding out if I meant it. This episode is that conversation.

In this episode, I reflect on one of the biggest traits I think I shared with my father… a man I barely knew.From what I’ve learned, he struggled to let go of the past - holding onto who he once was and the life he once knew. And in many ways, I’ve found myself doing the same.Whether it’s old friendships, past identities, or even how I see my own family, I’ve realized how easy it is to live in what was instead of embracing what is.This episode is an honest reflection on identity, change, and learning how to let go - so we can actually live in the present.

In this episode, I continue the story from Part 1.In this episode, I share what it was like meeting my brother again, the surreal realization that he had actually been following parts of my life for years, and what it meant to eventually return to California for my father’s funeral.

Part 1 of 2.After more than 20 years without contact, I got a text that my father was in the ICU. In this episode, I share what led up to that moment, the tension of deciding whether to go, and what it was like seeing him again for the first time at the end of his life.This is a story about estrangement, forgiveness, grief, and faith in a season that already felt unsteady. If you’ve ever wrestled with complicated family dynamics or wondered how to trust God in the middle of it, this one’s for you.

In this episode, I talk through the move I didn’t expect to make, the season that led up to it, and the honest struggles behind starting over.