ALMAHBUUBAH'S THOUGHTS

Everything about this had my nerves on; ideation, recording and finally, publishing. What I had envisaged a random WhatsApp gist had morphed into a germane topic of discussion. Sometimes in May 2020, a lot happened after I put up a tweet by a Muslim woman in the corporate world who ,in her words, "wasn't looking forward to marriage"( at the time). Perplexed to know there were numerous people -within my network - in whose hearts fear of marriage had maliciously nested so much so that they "weren't looking forward to marriage"- again, at the time. I attempted a narration of how I navigated that period of my life when I honestly was not looking forward to marriage . So much so that it was , in fact, as though it had lost in a fistfight against my career, which in turn had to fight everything within me lest I did nothing. Ever had to struggle with trying to get going at life? Being at a standstill! Career, relationship, health...I failed at everything . But find the why? I said "could never be me -I'm way too strong for that!" . I have long been known to show highly furtive traits, particularly so stealth in keeping my personal life away from the public space, I recorded all of this juggling between hoping to provide practical pieces of advice for sisters who spoke to me (genuinely needing counsel) and putting out this much about myself. However, didn't the prophet mention giving the right counsel when it's sought as a right of a Muslim over a Muslim? Therefore, as though hypnotized away from the reality of being vulnerable after this divulgence, I took every chance of suppressed consciousness that I could, to do this . I, for instance, recorded while folding away laundry, in bed at night, cleaning , while loosening my hairdo and even while proofreading an article. Like an elderly one recounting memories that no longer matter ,but accross whom was seated a vibrant youngster who had come to be counselled and whom he couldn't turn away, I spoke away. I would record an episode each time and thereafter refuse to listen to it. Even if I needed to in order to pull this together, I ensured not to listen beyond only a few seconds into each episode. I continued to stall publishing for aforementioned reasons, for several months. Again, I wasn't sure I wanted this much of me to be a few clicks away from everybody's access. Like, ANYBODY! Wow. I also had to thread carefully lest I get misunderstood. The slightest misapprehension would mean a damage to someone's understanding of the deen, on the account of my message. If you would savour this properly, then think of it as though you had paid me a visit and we had a gist. Nothing more. I implore you to overlook misstatements and hold this to no scholarly opinion scrutiny nor admiration. This is the point where I thank everyone : those who trusted me with their private affairs, who pushed me reiterating the need for me to do this ,and of course, those who tried to stop me out of genuine concern for me. I am thankful. What I have related is by no means a scholarly opinion but a synopsis of my personal encounter with love -the truest form of it and others' experiences, too. Everyone's pain is genuine and I'm glad to be a repository of your stories. Like I always say, I'm humbled and If I had the solution to your issues, trust me to thrust it right into them ; erupt if they have to; as I unleash your happiness. My heart goes out to everyone who has stories to tell concerning their relationships,too. I leave you by saying , ALLAAH is always correct. It's okay to not look forward to marriage at certain points in time , however, a muslim should retain a relentless desire to get married. If not right now, then someday bi idhniLLAAH. There's so much that a two hour podcast would not be sufficient to explain. Till some other time (if ALLAAH wills). Maybe this is my opening remark to podcasting, or maybe not. As salaamu alaykum! Sururah Ilorin, Nigeria. 8:02pm . 07/09/2020.