A Codependent Mind

Relationship tools are neither good nor bad on their own. In this episode we talk about three tools that are pervasive in relationships marked by codependency - lying, resentment and defensiveness. These were Brian's go-to tools in Brian's relationship toolbox. He learned how to use them very early in childhood in order to neutralize relationship threats. As an adult, however, they have not served him well and using them in our relationship caused a lot of damage.  Mentioned in this episode: Season 4, episode 4: Trust (https://www.codependentmind.com/podcast-episodes/episode/6db6d080/s4-4-codependency-and-relationships-trust) Get your Paperback or eBook copy on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYH7TMZ1 The full audiobook can be purchased on Amazon (https://www.amazon.com/Making-Re-Making-Codependent-Mind-Codependency/dp/B0D2LYSJC3/) and Spotify (https://open.spotify.com/show/4fzyWWfGTv34T5Hev7DsOP) and other platforms.  00:02:46 Lying as a Core Codependent Behavior 00:04:55 Lying in Childhood 00:10:10 Narcissistic Lying vs Codependent Lying 00:12:30 Lying in Toxic Relationships 00:19:14 Lying, Resentment and Defensiveness in our Relationship 00:29:28 Relationship Work Thank you for liking, rating, reviewing the podcast and the book. We appreciate your support and it helps other find us.  You can reach us at: codependentmind.com    

Curiosity is an important tool for doing the relationship work of fostering understanding and deepening connection. In this episode we discuss  the transformative power of curiosity, drawing on philosophical insights and evolutionary psychology. We explore how Brian's curiosity was stifled—both by external influences, like critical relationships, and internal struggles, such as fear and disassociation. By recognizing these patterns, he has learned to shift from a defensive posture to an active pursuit of knowledge and emotional exploration which has been critical for our relationship. In this episode: 00:01:44 What is Curiosity and Where Does it Come From? 00:11:14 Curiosity and Trauma 00:16:34 What Does Curiosity Feel Like 00:21:58 Curiosity in Romantic Relationships Season 4 - #1 Codependency and Relationships: Intimacy (https://www.codependentmind.com/podcast-episodes/episode/6b19fbb8/s4-1-codependency-and-relationships-intimacy) Season 4 -#13 Codependency and Relationships: You, Me, Us (https://www.codependentmind.com/podcast-episodes/episode/6e1bf1f4/s4-13-codependency-and-relationships-you-me-us) Get your Paperback or eBook copy on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYH7TMZ1 The full audiobook can be purchased on Amazon (https://www.amazon.com/Making-Re-Making-Codependent-Mind-Codependency/dp/B0D2LYSJC3/) and Spotify (https://open.spotify.com/show/4fzyWWfGTv34T5Hev7DsOP) and other platforms.  Thank you for following or reviewing this podcast. It helps other people find the podcast.  Instagram and Facebook: @codependentmind  Email: [email protected]    

Have you've been told or have you told yourself that 'relationships take work' as a reason to accept behaviours or a relationship that is not serving your needs? This season is about relationship tools, but we shouldn't use these tools to make a relationship work that isn't serving us. So what does 'work' mean in the to the context of a loving, healthy relationship? Brian and Stephanie discuss in the to the context of their relationship.  In this episode: 00:01:56 Relationship Work in Childhood 00:06:53 Conscious Attachment - Autonomy and Mutuality 00:13:14 Mutuality 00:17:25 Categories of Relationship Work Get your Paperback or eBook copy on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYH7TMZ1 The full audiobook can be purchased on Amazon (https://www.amazon.com/Making-Re-Making-Codependent-Mind-Codependency/dp/B0D2LYSJC3/) and Spotify (https://open.spotify.com/show/4fzyWWfGTv34T5Hev7DsOP) and other platforms.  Thank you for following or reviewing this podcast. It helps other people find the podcast.  Instagram and Facebook: @codependentmind  Email: [email protected]

Experiencing relational trauma and subsequent relationship disorders, whether codependency, anxious attachment, avoidant attachment, BPD can make empathy challenging. Not that the feelings aren't there, but often the empathetic system is so wounded that it is difficult to stay in a place of empathetic responsiveness. But empathy is a critical tool in forming and maintaining intimate relationships. In this episode we discuss the role of empathy in our relationship, Brian's experience with empathetic woundedness and how he overcame them.  00:00:37 What are we calling 'empathy' 00:01:46 The empathetic system 00:05:12 Empathy and interpersonal disorders 00:09:33 Empathetic system malfunctions 00:17:43 Empathy as a relationship tool 00:21:50 Empathetic responsiveness Get your Paperback or eBook copy on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYH7TMZ1 The full audiobook can be purchased on Amazon (https://www.amazon.com/Making-Re-Making-Codependent-Mind-Codependency/dp/B0D2LYSJC3/) and Spotify (https://open.spotify.com/show/4fzyWWfGTv34T5Hev7DsOP) and other platforms. 

In Season 7, we return to the theme of Season 4 with episodes that focus on relationships. What are some of the tools, concepts and practices that we feel keep our connection strong and loving? In this episode, we discuss a tool that is not generally applied to relationships - the Lean Startup Methodology (https://theleanstartup.com/principles). People with codependent habits often get in to relationships very quickly and then spend an enormous amount of time and energy 'making the relationship work.' Applying Lean Startup encourages us to redirect that energy into answering the question - 'should this relationship exist?' We discuss how to start your relationships in a Lean way and how we use the methodology in our lives. Get your Paperback or eBook copy on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYH7TMZ1 The full audiobook can be purchased on Amazon (https://www.amazon.com/Making-Re-Making-Codependent-Mind-Codependency/dp/B0D2LYSJC3/) and Spotify (https://open.spotify.com/show/4fzyWWfGTv34T5Hev7DsOP) and other platforms.  00:04:03 The Lean Startup Methodology 00:08:41 Minimum Viable Products 00:11:49 Starting a relationship Lean 00:15:44 Dating Lean 00:19:55 Using Lean Startup to make life decisions Thank you for listening!  

Brian and Stephanie discuss what they learned in writing the book including the role of Brian's mother, the similarities between narcissism and codependency, the power of re-writing stories and the intrangency of the codependent habits.  The full audiobook can be purchased on Amazon (https://www.amazon.com/Making-Re-Making-Codependent-Mind-Codependency/dp/B0D2LYSJC3/) and Spotify (https://open.spotify.com/show/4fzyWWfGTv34T5Hev7DsOP) and other platforms.  Get your Paperback or eBook copy on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYH7TMZ1 Thank you for listening, reading and reviewing!

This episode, Brian reads Chapter One from the book, The Making and the Re-Making of a Codependent Mind. The full audiobook can be purchased on Amazon (https://www.amazon.com/Making-Re-Making-Codependent-Mind-Codependency/dp/B0D2LYSJC3/) and Spotify (https://open.spotify.com/show/4fzyWWfGTv34T5Hev7DsOP) and other platforms.  Buy now in paperback or eBook form: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYH7TMZ1/ Chapter One frames codependency as learned, strategic, adaptive response to feelings of powerlessness, to emotional pain. It also covers the dynamics within Brian's family that gave rise to the codependent behaviors that would eventually cripple him emotionally and relationally for most of his life.  Based on the acclaimed podcast of the same name, follow Brian's transformative journey from codependency and despair to joyful, fulfilling and sustaining relationships. Gain guidance into examining your own life and crafting a personalized pathway to heal from codependency and trauma. In Part 1 of his journey, Brian explores: The family dynamics in his childhood that set the stage for codependent habits. The long term effects of trauma, including its complex and chronic manifestations. Threat responses (particularly freeze and fawn) and the connection to the behaviors that make up codependency. The role of shame and fear in deepening his codependent habits. How his codependent behaviors fostered isolation and perpetuated dysfunctional relationship dynamics. The toxic interplay between narcissism and codependency, and the trauma bonds that ensnared him in relationships with abusive narcissists. In Part 2, the re-making of a codependent mind, Brian describes: What is on the other side of codependency? Is it worth it? Healing from his emotional wounds by connecting with other people, repairing his emotional system and re-writing the stories of his life. How he finally broke the codependent habits that prevented him from having the emotionally intimate relationships that he always craved. Acquiring a new approach to romantic relationships.  

Money talks, as they say, and in this episode we hear about the financial dimensions of Brian's codependency. For most of his life, money was not a tool for Brian to express his values and achieve his life goals; instead, it was fuel for his codependent habits - people pleasing, caretaking, lack of boundaries. His financial codependency, not surprisingly, did not lead to financial health; it lead to debt, stress and shame. Recovering from codependency also involved a recovery from financial codependency and we explore what it took for Brian to form a new relationship to money, one that has taken him to solvency and beyond.  00:01:18 Codependency and Money 00:03:36 Financial Caretaking 00:05:38 Self-Centeredness in Financial Codependency 00:06:09 Throwing Money at Problems 00:10:09 Unveiling Financial Shame 00:10:37 Narcissistic Entitlement and Money 00:11:06 Facing Financial Resentment 00:12:48 Post-Divorce Financial Codependency 00:15:43 Using Money to Avoid Abuse 00:16:24 Financial Caretaking as a Coping Mechanism 00:17:12 Rationalizing Financial Decisions 00:18:52 Fear and Shame in Financial Choices 00:21:54 Overcoming Financial Codependency 00:25:17 Processing Financial Shame 00:30:22 Aligning Money with Life Goals 00:32:43 Conclusion and Book Announcement The paperback, eBook and audiobook version of the first two seasons of this podcast are now available on Amazon - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYB1K31V   Thank you for liking, reviewing and following our podcast. It helps other people find us. 

We have described codependency as an interpersonal relationship dynamic, but in doing so, we may have inadvertently left out a whole category of relationships in which codependency can manifest - relationships with our pets. In this episode, we discuss the pets that Brian has had (dogs and cats) and the ways in which his codependent behavior habits showed up in those relationships. We also reflect on possible connections between narcissism and pet ownership.  00:00:45 Dogs and Cats 00:03:53 Codependent Behaviors with Pets 00:14:02 Boundary setting 00:16:18 Narcissists and Pets 00:22:52 Genuine caretaking vs codependent caretaking The paperback, eBook and audiobook version of the first two seasons of this podcast are now available on Amazon - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYB1K31V Do you have a pet story to tell? Let us know on instagram or Facebook. @codpendendentmind Thank you for liking, reviewing and following our podcast. It helps other people find us. 

Learn more about Nicole's coaching practice, Meaning in Medicine, here: https://www.meaninginmed.com/about The Enneagram Test -  free test. Be sure to select the "Classical Test."  Read about your results through the Enneagram Institute here.   In this episode we explore the phenomenon of codependency within professional environments, particularly the healthcare field, with our special guest, Dr. Nicole Piemonte. A PhD holder in Medical Humanities, Dr. Piemonte has dedicated her career to the human facets of medical practice. In this discussion, we delve into Dr. Piemonte's career origins and personal journey with codependency. She describes a prevalent pattern of trauma-induced codependency within the health sector, typically characterized by 'rescuing' and 'fixing' patients—a behavior that draws parallels with institutional people-pleasing and poses significant hindrance to effective care. Further in the conversation, we examine how codependency—stemming from a deep-rooted need to be needed—leads caregivers to self-neglect due to their inherent desire to help others. Surprisingly, narcissism and codependency share this common root of trauma, offering a new perspective on the familiar trope of the narcissist physician. Nicole sheds light on the falseness of the emotion-free detachment often seen in medicine. Arguing that compassion fatigue emerges from not feeling anything, rather than ‘feeling too much’, she emphasizes the role of emotional reconnection in aiding clinicians to regain self-contentment and fulfillment. Nicole discusses how through supportive coaching and introspection, it's possible to replace these maladaptive coping mechanisms with healthier ones.    00:00:07 Exploring Codependency in Professional Spaces 00:10:26 The tendency to fix and rescue in medicine 00:14:03 Recognizing codependency in personal and work relationships 00:20:51 Caretaking and Codependency 00:23:11 Coaching and Reconnecting to Meaning and Purpose in Medicine 00:31:12 Reconnecting with Emotions and the Healing Path 00:33:11 Compartmentalization as a Life Strategy and its Consequences The paperback, eBook and audiobook version of the first two seasons of this podcast are now available on Amazon - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYB1K31V Thank you for liking, following and reviewing this podcast. It helps others find it. website: https://www.codependentmind.com/