Sober Bert | 2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 201

Check out MrBallen’s channel here: https://www.youtube.com/@MrBallen SPONSORS: - Buy Jack Link's Duos at https://JackLinks.com/DUOS or at your local convenience, gas, grocery store or subscribe and save on Amazon. - Get up to $200 off Square hardware when you sign up at https://square.com/go/bears! #squarepod - Make life easier by getting harder and discover your options at https://BlueChew.com! And we’ve got a special deal for our listeners: Try your first month of BlueChew FREE when you use promo code BEARS -- just pay $5 shipping. - Brought to you by BetterHelp. Visit https://BetterHelp.com/bears to get 10% off your first month. On this episode of 2 Bears, 1 Cave, Tom Segura is joined by the legendary storyteller himself—MrBallen! Get ready for an epic conversation as they dive into some of the wildest true crime mysteries and horror stories, including the chilling unsolved case of the Yuba County Five and a gruesome incident on an oil rig that will haunt your dreams. They also explore mind-blowing topics like habitable exoplanets, Katy Perry’s space adventure, and MrBallen’s incredible journey from Navy SEAL to YouTube sensation. Don't miss this one—it's a mix of mystery, mayhem, and a whole lot of laughs. 2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 287 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour https://store.ymhstudios.com Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:01:15 - The Strange, Dark, & Mysterious World Of MrBallen 00:07:29 - Why True Crime? 00:14:03 - The Stories That Stick With You 00:28:10 - The Yuba County Five 00:35:45 - Exoplanets 00:40:57 - Katy Perry In Space 00:44:47 - First Day On Seal Team 2 00:58:44 - New Career Path 01:10:06 - Grenade Moment Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Check out Bert's new special "Lucky" streaming on Netflix! The 2 Bears 5k is this Sunday! There’s still time to sign up and join us in Tampa at Raymond James Stadium! Sign up at https://www.2bears5k.com/#intro SPONSORS: - Go to https://shipstation.com and use code CAVE to sign up for your FREE trial. - Learn more about Lightstrike at https://Drinklightstrike.com or follow on TikTok and Instagram @drinklightstrike. - You can find Cremo’s new line of antiperspirants and deodorants at Target or https://Target.com - Get started at https://factormeals.com/bears50off and use code bears50off to get 50 percent off plus FREE shipping on your first box. - Head to https://policygenius.com to get your free life insurance quotes and see how much you could save. This week on 2 Bears 1 Cave, Bert Kreischer is joined by legendary funnyman and certified bear Thomas Lennon for one of the wildest rides yet. No stranger to confrontations, Thomas tells Bert some stories about a fight he got into in the real-world and the internet. They dive into the Amazon reviews of Mein Kampf, unpack the all-female Blue Origin space flight, and debate which celebs should be launched into orbit next. Thomas also opens up about working with Christopher Nolan, shares the weirdest thing he’s ever used his fame for, and the two squirm over some spelunking stories. The two also discuss claustrophobia, Tom's basketball injury, suicide pods in Switzerland, and whether getting beat up by a woman is a fair fight. From film criticism to Karen moments, to the legendary Pink Palace, this episode has it all! 2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 286 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour https://store.ymhstudios.com Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:01:23 - Mein Kampf 00:06:34 - Women In Space 00:11:03 - Happy Endings 00:18:18 - Back To The Lady Astronauts 00:22:37 - Thrill Seeking 00:26:00 - Caves 00:35:53 - A Funny Death 00:40:05 - Fame 00:45:47 - Tom's Broken Body 00:49:37 - Swiss Unalive Pods 00:56:38 - The Man Who Would Be King 00:59:44 - Christopher Nolan Movies 01:07:24 - Film Criticism 01:22:27 - Confrontations 01:34:57 - Cop Stuff 01:39:34 - Karen Moments 01:42:57 - Can't We All Just Get Along 01:49:38 - Couples Therapy & The Space Draft 01:55:31 - Body Acceptance Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Check out Bert's new special "Lucky" streaming on Netflix! The 2 Bears, 5K in Tampa is less than 2 weeks away! Sign up at https://www.2bears5k.com/#intro SPONSORS: - Shop data plans at https://MINTMOBILE.com/BEARS. - Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at https://shopify.com/bears. - Brought to you by BetterHelp. Visit https://betterhelp.com/bears to get 10% off your first month. This week on 2 Bears 1 Cave, Bert Kershire and Tim Segura are hooked up to IV's as they recover from their gay bar takeover and all the love the received from all those hungry bears. They talk Instagram FOMO, the magic of minority women making meals for their husbands, a chola influencer named La Sleep that Bert is obsessed with, and the performative nature of social media. They also talk about the appeal of the Kelce brothers to gays, share the unique name of a cocktail that was invented at the takeover, debate which group of people gives the best compliments, and finally they tackle the subject of sampling your own sauce, which means exactly what you think it means. Enjoy the show! 2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 285 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour https://store.ymhstudios.com Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:00:56 - Post Takeover IV Drip 00:08:56 - Watches 00:15:31 - Car Guys & Dogs 00:21:15 - Bert Is A Mexican Woman 00:28:28 - Gay Black Couple Meals 00:33:10 - The Cholo Life 00:36:51 - Instagram FOMO 00:45:51 - Gay Compliments 00:53:53 - Kelce Bears, UTI's, & Sampling Your Own Sauce 01:01:22 - Clip: Drinking An Ari Cocktail 01:08:35 - How Much To Taste? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Check out Bert's new special "Lucky" streaming on Netflix! The 2 Bears, 5K in Tampa is less than a month away! Sign up at https://www.2bears5k.com/#intro SPONSORS: - Start your free online visit today at https://Hims.com/BEARS. - Today get 20% off your DeleteMe plan by texting CAVE to 64000. - Shop data plans at https://MINTMOBILE.com/BEARS - Head to https://acorns.com/bears or download the Acorns app to get started. - Get 20% OFF + Free Shipping @MANSCAPED with promo code BEARS at https://manscaped.com! #ManscapedPartner #TCSociety Tom and Bert are back in the cave and things get spicy fast. This week the Bears dive into alternative p*rn genres you didn’t know you needed, celebrate the beauty of international women, and break down the logic and logistics behind the noble art of “homie head.” They also mentally prepare for a Por Osos gay bar takeover and talk the top 5 hot chick accents. Next, Bert recounts his unforgettable Monday Night RAW moment where he went full low-IQ adult and choke slammed two dudes on live TV! Then it’s onto arranged marriages, glory holes, and other socially important topics. Pack a towel, this one gets sweaty. 2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 284 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour https://store.ymhstudios.com Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:02:23 - Alternative P*rn 00:07:41 - Normalize Homie Head 00:14:11 - Por Osos Gay Bar Takeover 00:18:58 - Bert Choke Slammed Two Dudes 00:31:25 - The Wrestling Bug 00:40:15 - Retirement Community Idea 00:45:42 - International Delights 00:51:31 - Hottest Chick Accents 00:59:22 - Arranged Marriages 01:04:10 - Glory Holes, Milking Tables, & Sexy Nurses 01:09:51 - MSG & Summer Break 01:17:56 - Wrap Up Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Check out Bert's new special "Lucky" streaming on Netflix! Tom just announced Fall dates for his Come Together Tour at https://tomsegura.com/tour. Presale starts April 2nd, use code TOMMY. Watch Kyle Dunnigan on Kill Tony on Netflix today! SPONSORS: - You can find Cremo’s new line of antiperspirants and deodorants at Target or https://Target.com - Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at https://shopify.com/bears. - Brought to you by BetterHelp. Visit https://betterhelp.com/bears to get 10% off your first month. - Make life easier by getting harder and discover your options at https://BlueChew.com! Try your first month of BlueChew FREE when you use promo code BEARS -- just pay $5 shipping. This week on 2 Bears 1 Cave we have Tom Segura and guest bear Kyle Dunnigan! After both appearing on "Kill Tony: Kill Or Be Killed", now streaming on Netflix, they've got some thoughts and reactions from that insane event to share with of you. They also discuss Kyle's weird dating history, his interest in taller women, and how he finds dates in a world of dating apps. Kyle also has a massive collection of impressions he unloads, including Caitlyn Jenner, RFK Jr, Joe Biden, and the infamous Bill Maher impression that Bill Maher just absolutely loves okaaayy. They also exchange stories about bombing at private events and Kyle tells Tom all about the time he worked Tony Robbins' weird birthday party. Lot of stories, lot of impressions, check it out! 2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 283 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour https://store.ymhstudios.com Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:01:14 - Tall Chicks, Kinks, & Awkward Hook-ups 00:07:56 - Kill Tony: Kill Or Be Killed 00:13:14 - Favorite Dating App 00:19:19 - Contrarian Dating History 00:30:02 - How To Pick Up A Woman 00:40:05 - Kyle's Instagram Impressions 00:48:53 - Elon Musk 00:52:59 - Tony Robbins Birthday 00:55:59 - Tony Big Words 01:00:31 - Bombing At Private Events 01:10:05 - Always Working 01:12:47 - Kyle Wants To Be Adopted 01:16:51 - Wrap Up Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Check out Bert's new special "Lucky" streaming on Netflix! Tom just announced Fall dates for his Come Together Tour at https://tomsegura.com/tour. Presale starts April 2nd, use code TOMMY. SPONSORS: - Visit https://tonal.com and use promo code BEARS for $200 off your purchase. - Head to https://acorns.com/bears or download the Acorns app to get started. - Go to https://LiveGood.com/BEARS to save 10% on your first order. - Make friends and grab some merch at https://www.drinkporosos.com/ Joey "CoCo" Diaz is back, baby! This week on 2 Bears 1 Cave, Bert Kreischer welcomes the legend himself, Joey Diaz to join him in the cave. Uncle Joey recently had a health scare and was forced to spend some time in the hospital. He's doing alright now, but the worst part about it all was the blue balls and repressed feelings of horniness he felt. Jose and Bart also talk about falling back in love with comedy, slowing down your touring, the mass comedy exodus of Los Angeles, moving during a pandemic, the early days doing comedy with Rogan, the best Ralphie May stories, comic actors, saying whatever you want, and how important parking spots are in major cities. Enjoy the show! 2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 282 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour https://store.ymhstudios.com Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:01:43 - Falling Back In Love With Comedy 00:08:06 - Early Days With Rogan 00:15:29 - Slowing Down 00:19:49 - Reality Calls 00:30:04 - Parking Perks 00:32:30 - Hospital 00:41:48 - The Podcasting Problem 00:47:19 - Specials & Live Albums 00:52:46 - Ralphie May 01:17:35 - Future Plans, Pandemic Moves, & Los Angeles 01:25:20 - Say Whatever You Want 01:28:29 - Comics & Comic Actors 01:34:01 - Farts & Plugs Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Check out Bert's new special "Lucky" streaming on Netflix! SPONSORS: - Stop paying full-price for streaming services and only getting access to a fraction of their content. Get your money’s worth at https://EXPRESSVPN.com/CAVE. - Sponsored by Better Help. For a limited time, visit https://betterhelp.com/bears to get 90% off your first week! - Make friends and grab some merch at https://www.drinkporosos.com/ Bert and Tom take 2 Bears 1 Cave on location at SXSW, broadcasting straight from The Portal, a Por Osos sponsored party house—where the drinks are flowing, fans are mingling, and people are literally jumping off the roof into the pool. The chaos kicks off as Bert calls back to an insane AI-generated video called "Fat N-word Season," that does in fact exist. From there, they tackle the big questions in life, like what is the perfect boob size and do Black guys really not always fit all the way in during intercourse? They also get deep about comedians being forgotten in pop culture history, before immediately pivoting to Bert’s questionable SXSW outfit and how he narrowly avoided disaster with Magic Johnson. Ari Shaffir’s name comes up, Bert lays some praise on Tom for his Robert Smith costume on YMH Live X, and Tom tries to wrap his head around Bert becoming friends with Mel Gibson at a UFC event—which might just be the most Bert Kreischer thing ever. 2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 281 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour https://store.ymhstudios.com Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:00:47 - Fat Big Word Season 00:07:07 - Perfect Size 00:14:15 - The Legacy Of Comedians 00:18:48 - Dudes Jumping Off The Roof & Ari Shaffir 00:28:16 - Bert's Outfit 00:32:29 - Magic Johnson & King's Coronation 00:38:28 - Mel Gibson 00:48:08 - YMH Live X 00:55:35 - Hunger For Touring & Hanging With Fans 01:03:22 - Bert's Death Wish Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

SPONSORS: - Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at https://shopify.com/bears. - If you like your money, Mint Mobile is for you. Shop plans at https//mintmobile.com/bears. In this wild episode of 2 Bears 1 Cave, Tom's co-host Bert is nursing a wing injury, so Tom has brought in a man who knows a thing a two about wings, the great Sean Evans! Sean hosts the hottest interview show Hot Ones and sits in the interview chair to play Tom's own version of Hot Ones, except it involves scrotum sniffing...you'll see. The two chat about how the show has become a cultural phenomenon, the legacy of Chicago sports, Sasquatch, handwritten Quentin Tarantino scripts, weathermen, deep dish pizza, the Oscars, Bryce Mitchell, trustworthy news anchors, and Tom reveals when he will finally start watching "Severance". Sean also tells a cool story about how he became friends with Dave Grohl despite being kinda responsible for him shitting himself. Enjoy the show! 2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 280 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour https://store.ymhstudios.com Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:01:18 - Hot Ones 00:10:11 - Beautiful Bald Hotties 00:15:18 - Tom's Show Pitch 00:21:46 - How's Your Anus Doing? 00:26:06 - Chicargo Sports 00:35:22 - Sasquatch & Quentin Tarantino 00:40:01 - The Oscars 00:44:50 - Bryce Mitchell 00:51:13 - Chicago Deep Dish, Porn Docs, & Weathermen 00:57:32 - Clip: David Letterman The Weatherman 00:58:44 - National News Guys 01:03:31 - This Guy Gets It 01:09:19 - What's Sean Watching Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

SPONSORS: Head to http://Drinklightstrike.com to learn more! This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at https://betterhelp.com/BEARS and get 10% off your first month. In this wet and mild episode of 2 Bears 1 Cave, Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer are back together to catch up on everything that's been going on since the last time they were face to face. They debate who the strongest comedian is, Bert claims it's himself, Tom suggests Godfrey or Carrot Top. Who do you think it is? The bears also talk about how cities kind of blow, Bob Dylan sorta sucks, Mussolini inventing fascism, Bert's big summer plans, Chrissy D performing at MSG on 9/11, plus some Oscars thoughts, some opinions on refrigerated food, and the different flavors of Spanish around the world. Enjoy the show! 2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 279 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour https://store.ymhstudios.com Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:00:12 - Strongest Comedian Living 00:09:16 - Medical Emergency In Show 00:17:43 - Georgia's Trip To Spain 00:22:45 - Bert's IG Feed 00:26:28 - Horrible IG Feed 00:31:31 - Mussolini Deep Dive 00:35:42 - Mean Girls 00:39:53 - Fridge Food 00:41:33 - Coffee Drinks 00:46:27 - Top Dog Coffee 00:53:10 - Spanish Accents 00:59:10 - Emilia Perez 01:02:00 - The Oscars Are Over 01:06:24 - Bob Dylan Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Can’t make the 5K in Tampa? Register for the 2Bears virtual 5K at http://www.2bears5k.com Become a paid channel member of YMH to get 2 Bears, 1 Cave episodes one day early and AD-FREE here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYIgiXwJck_Pb5Nj-wIrsqg/join SPONSORS: -Visit https://tonal.com and use promo code BEARS for $200 off your purchase. -Try VIIA! https://viia.co/BEARS and use code BEARS! -Make life easier by getting harder and discover your options at https://BlueChew.com! Try your first month of BlueChew FREE when you use promo code BEARS -- just pay $5 shipping. -Download the CFO’s Guide to AI and Machine Learning at https://NetSuite.com/BEARS. In this wild episode of 2 Bears 1 Cave, Bert Kreischer flies solo—well, almost. He’s joined by the hilarious Chris Distefano for a chaotic, high-energy conversation that somehow covers everything from colon health to Benito Mussolini. Chris introduces Bert to the Yuka app and starts scanning his diet, exposing just how questionable his food choices really are. They dive into couple’s therapy, hair loss in men, and Bert’s “child in flip-flops" fashion sense. The two also get deep on career goals in comedy, grinding in the industry, and the "Luigi Mangione of Serbia". But it wouldn’t be 2 Bears without some unhinged history talk—Bert and Chris go off on a tangent about the history of currency, Bitcoin, the time Nazis packed Madison Square Garden, and the Axis Powers (because, why not?). They also touch on Florence, Italy, young people thinking Democrats are gay, and how their families keep them grounded. Strap in, grab a drink (or a Yuka-approved snack), and enjoy the show! 2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 278 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour https://store.ymhstudios.com Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:00:32 - A Colon Conversation 00:06:41 - Fun With The Yuka App 00:18:15 - Couple's Therapy 00:20:56 - Male Pattern Perfection 00:29:40 - Flip-Flops & Comedy Aspirations 00:39:29 - Famous Beef 00:43:08 - Grounded By Family & Bitcoin 00:54:18 - Are You Führer About That? 01:00:32 - The Luigi Mangione Of Serbia 01:03:14 - Florence & Fun Facts About Mussolini 01:09:31 - Comedy Hustling 01:18:26 - Podcasts 01:25:05 - Democrats Are Gay Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices