Robert DeNiro Didn't Wanna Be Friends w/ Sebastian Maniscalco | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

TEXAS! Tom will be in Amarillo at the Amarillo Civic Center Complex on November 1st, then November 2nd in Lubbock at Buddy Holly Hall and El Paso at the Abraham Chavez Theatre on November 6th. Go get your tickets now at https://tomsegura.com/tour. SPONSORS: - Head to https://DRINKAG1.com/BEARS to get a FREE Welcome Kit, including a bottle of Vitamin D and free AG1 Travel Packs, when you first subscribe! - Protect your family with life insurance from Ethos. Get up to $3 million in coverage in as little as 10 minutes at https://ethos.com/BEARS. Application times may vary. Rates may vary. - Sponsored by BetterHelp. Our listeners get 10% off their first month at https://betterhelp.com/bears - Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at https://shopify.com/bears. This week on 2 Bears, 1 Cave, Bort sits down with comedy legend Sebastian Maniscalco for one of the funniest, most honest conversations yet. They dive deep into Sebastian’s new stand-up special filmed at the United Center, what it takes to stay passionate about comedy, and how fatherhood changes everything. From crying at movies and parenting philosophies to the “arrogance of boring” and buying boats, this episode is packed with heart, humor, and classic Bert chaos. The two swap stories about old-school comedy days, meeting Jerry Seinfeld and Robert De Niro, and the truth about balancing fame, family, and fun. Tim will return next week...promise. 2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 311 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour https://store.ymhstudios.com Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:02:30 - Stand-Up, Sicilians, & Sensitivity 00:14:16 - Dressed To Impress 00:22:27 - Small Talk & Small Comedians 00:34:28 - Playing The Hits 00:39:30 - DeNiro & Casinos 00:46:20 - Wine, Wants, & Life Experiences 00:56:35 - Fun Dad & Discipline Dad 01:03:05 - Pete Correale 01:07:32 - Does Sebastian Do This? 01:16:06 - Married To An Artist 01:19:08 - Edit This Out! + Wrap Up Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Attention Hanover, MD! Tommy Buns is coming to The Hall At Live! Casino, Sunday, October 19. Get tickets now at https://tomsegura.com/tour SPONSORS: - Upgrade your wallet today! Get 10% Off @Ridge with code CAVE at https://ridge.com/CAVE #ridgepod - Stop overpaying and start saving with Ownwell. Sign up in 3 minutes at https://Ownwell.com/bears - If you’re 21 or older, grab 30% off your first order plus free shipping with code BEARS at https://indacloud.co - Don’t miss out on all the action this week at DraftKings! Download the DraftKings app today! Sign-up using https://dkng.co/bears or through my promo code BEARS. Bert Kreischer sits down with YouTuber and social media personality, Funny Marco for one of the most effortlessly hilarious and unexpectedly deep conversations on 2 Bears, 1 Cave. The two dive into everything from guessing celebrity ages and debating who the sexiest comedian is, to the weird psychology of fame, strip club etiquette, and why Ice Cube has never smiled in a movie. Marco opens up about his viral interviews with Nicki Minaj and Orlando Brown, the surreal side of fame, and what it means to stay grounded when everyone treats you like a brand instead of a person. Bert shares behind-the-scenes stories from The Cabin and The Machine, his friendship with Katt Williams, and what it’s really like when fame takes away your freedom to “just go.” Funny, sharp, and full of quotable moments, this episode swings from gut-busting comedy to surprisingly real talk about authenticity, anxiety, and why being “D-list famous” might be the sweet spot. 2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 310 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour https://store.ymhstudios.com Gambling problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER. In New York, call 877-8-HOPENY or text HOPENY (467369). In Connecticut, Help is available for problem gambling. Call 888-789-7777 or visit https://ccpg.org. Please play responsibly. On behalf of Boot Hill Casino & Resort (Kansas). Pass-thru of per wager tax may apply in Illinois. Twenty-one plus age and eligibility varies by jurisdiction. Void in Ontario. Bet must win to receive Bonus Bets which expire in 7 days. Minimum odds required. For additional terms and responsible gaming resources, see https://dkng.co/audio. Limited time offer. Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:02:17 - What's My Age Again? 00:14:14 - Interviewing Celebs & Getting A Lambo From Nicki Minaj 00:20:14 - Orlando Brown & Bert's Cabin 00:29:31 - Top Black Comedy Movies 00:40:40 - Fame 00:50:20 - Strip Clubs 00:55:55 - NBA YoungBoy 01:00:25 - The Art Of Not Giving A F 01:05:00 - Animation Domination 01:08:55 - Black Phrases 01:15:25 - Lying 01:19:46 - Chappelle, Kevin Hart, IShowSpeed, & Kai Cenat 01:28:12 - The Entertainment Of Watching People's Lives 01:36:42 - Closing Thoughts Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Attention Hanover, MD! Tommy Buns is coming to The Hall At Live! Casino, Sunday, October 19. Get tickets now at https://tomsegura.com/tour SPONSORS: - As always, get your first month of BlueChew FREE Just use promo code BEARS at checkout and pay five bucks for shipping. https://bluechew.com -Sponsored by BetterHelp. Our listeners get 10% off their first month at https://betterhelp.com/bears - Download the CFO’s Guide to AI and Machine Learning for FREE at https://NetSuite.com/BEARS. This week, Bert and Tom dive headfirst into the weirdest brain rot rabbit holes yet — from testing out VR porn ("you can see her fillings!") to auditioning more OnlyFans submissions, one of which that includes… a unique Por Osos bottle cameo. The Bears also pitch a business idea for a grown-man “locker room,” debate how Bert's woke daughters compare to Tom's redneck sons, and discover the world’s wildest dogs and cats. Plus: Jelly Roll’s 5K transformation, Savannah cats that look like mini-lions, and Bert’s desperate plan to sneak another puppy past Leanne. It’s sex robots, freeze porn, fat-to-fit inspiration, and pet chaos all rolled into one classic 2 Bears, 1 Cave mess. 2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 309 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour https://store.ymhstudios.com Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:03:22 - Jimmy Kimmel and Tylenol 00:08:17 - New Interest 00:15:54 - What The Kids Are Into 00:27:48 - The Bears Draft A Prospect 00:38:32 - The Locker Room Experience 00:46:18 - Jelly Roll 00:52:10 - Cane Corso vs. Dogo Argentino vs. Savannah Cat 01:01:14 - Wrap Up Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Attention Hanover, MD! Tommy Buns is coming to The Hall At Live! Casino, Sunday, October 19. Get tickets now at https://tomsegura.com/tour SPONSORS: - Upgrade to ShipStation today to get a sixty-day free trial at https://www.shipstation.com/cave. - Eat smart at https://FactorMeals.com/bears50off and use code bears50off to get 50% off your first box, plus Free Breakfast for 1 Year. - For simple, online access to personalized and affordable care for Hair Loss, ED, Weight Loss, and more, visit https://Hims.com/BEARS. - Upgrade your wardrobe and save on @trueclassic at https://trueclassic.com/BEARS! #trueclassicpod This week, Tom Segura is joined by one of the greatest one-liner comedians in the world, Jimmy Carr! Tom and Jimmy dive deep into the craft of comedy, comparing Carr's laser-focused joke construction to Bert Kreischer's chaotic storytelling. Jimmy reveals his controversial (and hilarious) take on marijuana legalization—mandating it for people over 50—and the tragic role of "cheap dopamine" in modern life, from social media to porn. The conversation touches on global comedy culture, the variable reward system that drives stand-up and casinos , and why the live comedy experience is 30 times funnier than watching a special alone. Jimmy Carr also gives his final, wishful prediction for how Bert Kreischer will die. Plus: Why the 21st Century is just the 20th century on better screens, the long wait for GTA 6, Jimmy's hilarious interactions with Stephen Hawking, the importance of gratitude, and why Tom should have read the Quentin Tarantino book. Don't miss a conversation that is smart, insightful, and packed with the sharp, dark wit that only Jimmy Carr can deliver! 2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 308 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour https://store.ymhstudios.com Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:01:19 - The Mechanisms Of Reward 00:10:08 - The Spectacular Death Of Burt Kersher 00:15:51 - The Times They Are-A-Changing 00:28:51 - Weed Takes 00:37:22 - The Privilege of Pressure & Boredom 00:43:36 - Beautiful People 00:53:56 - Boinking Bert 00:59:02 - James Bond & GTA 6 01:06:11 - Quentin Tarantino 01:12:47 - Wrap Up Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

SPONSORS: - Protect your family with life insurance from Ethos. Get up to $3 million in coverage in as little as 10 minutes at https://ethos.com/BEARS. Application times may vary. Rates may vary. - Sponsored by BetterHelp. Our listeners get 10% off their first month at https://betterhelp.com/bears - Upgrade to ShipStation today to get a sixty-day free trial at https://www.shipstation.com/cave. - If you’re 21+, try VIIA! For 15% off AND a free gift with your first order head to https://viia.co/BEARS and use code BEARS! #viiaparter In this episode of 2 Bears, 1 Cave, James Gunn joins Tom Segura to talk filmmaking and the state of the entertainment industry. Gunn opens up about directing Superman, the pressures behind it, and the relief of its success. He also discusses his role as co-head of DC Studios, building a decade-long DC universe, and the bold choice to reshoot five and a half episodes of Peacemaker with a new Vigilante. Tom and James bond over grounded storytelling, casting decisions, and the balance between comedy, superhero films, and CGI. They also touch on the return of comedies to theaters and how the industry continues to evolve. 2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 307 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour https://store.ymhstudios.com Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:00:45 - Peacemaker, El Tigre, & Grounded Aesthetics 00:08:24 - Big Screen Comedy 00:22:04 - Hitting The Creative Lottery With Superman 00:32:59 - The Writing Process & Juggling Big Budgets 00:41:16 - Special FX & Special Actors 00:47:57 - Batman 00:55:53 - Star Wars 01:00:12 - Guardians Of Fun 01:04:11 - Serious Filmmaking & "Ripley" 01:08:36 - Casting Highs & Lows Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

SPONSORS: - Head to https://acorns.com/BEARS or download the Acorns app to get started. - Upgrade your wardrobe and save on @trueclassic at https://trueclassic.com/BEARS! #trueclassicpod - Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at https://shopify.com/bears. - Order a bottle of Por Osos and some killer merch online https://drinkporosos.com Hey look, it's your favorite podcast hosts, Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer! This week in the cave Bert kicks things off with a brand-new joke he swears is the best thing he’s ever written, before diving into an emotional (and hilarious) story about his late bull mastiff, and the wild twist involving the family dog's long-lost sister. From there, the Bears riff on straight cat dads, Bert’s “sleep divorce,” VR porn addictions, childhood prank calls, and even the lost art of memorizing phone numbers. Bert even calls his dead grandma and chit chats with scam caller live on air. The episode only gets wilder as Tom and Bert review real OnlyFans submissions from fans, debate who should be the first official “2 Bears OF star,” and spiral into some truly insane pitches that only these two maniacs could come up with. Plus: speech impediments, Elmer Fudd racism, trolling stories, gambling breakdowns from NFL Week 1, and Bert trying to recruit Zac Efron into a shirtless golf fantasy with their new NIL athlete. This might just be the best episode of this show in a long ass time, don’t miss it. 2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 306 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour https://store.ymhstudios.com Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:01:41 - Dogs & Cats 00:08:59 - VR Corn 00:17:30 - Memorizing Geography 00:23:24 - Memorizing Phone Numbers 00:31:35 - Prank Calls 00:37:59 - We Got Some OF Prospects 00:49:50 - Speech Impediments 00:53:45 - NFL Week 1 Gambling 00:59:51 - Bert Wants To Adopt Athletes Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

SPONSORS: - Don’t miss out on all the action this week at DraftKings! Download the DraftKings app today! Sign-up using https://dkng.co/bears or through my promo code BEARS. - Don’t let financial opportunity slip through the cracks, get half off your first year with promo code BEARS at https://www.monarchmoney.com/bears - As always, get your first month of BlueChew FREE Just use promo code BEARS at checkout and pay five bucks for shipping. https://bluechew.com - Sponsored by BetterHelp. Our listeners get 10% off their first month at https://betterhelp.com/bears - Download the CFO’s Guide to AI and Machine Learning at https://NetSuite.com/BEARS. We're sorry, guys! Tom and Bert are back in the cave with a full plate: Druski’s viral NASCAR “whiteface” sketch and the art of deep-cover character work, a big “Would you die for your country?” debate, and discuss why streaming giants (Kai, Adin, Jack, etc.) have completely remixed entertainment. Plus, Tom relives an electric college football weekend (FSU at home against Alabama = goosebumps), Bert admits he tried to move a 400-lb armoire and declared himself top 0.5% strong in the city, and the guys hatch a chaotic million-dollar plan to manage an OnlyFans creator—will it work? Is white-face really back? Is Bert making things up? Watch and find out! 2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 305 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour https://store.ymhstudios.com Gambling problem? Call one eight hundred Gambler. In New York, call eight seven seven eight HOPENY or text HOPENY (four six seven three six nine). In Connecticut, Help is available for problem gambling. Call eight eight eight seven eight nine seven seven seven seven or visit https://ccpg.org. Please play responsibly. On behalf of Boot Hill Casino & Resort (Kansas). Twenty-one plus age and eligibility varies by jurisdiction. Fees may apply in Illinois. Void in Ontario. Bonus bets expire seven days after issuance. See https://sportsbook.draftkings.com/promos. NFL Sunday Ticket offer for new subscribers only and auto-renews until cancelled. Digital games and commercial use excluded. Restrictions apply. Additional NFL Sunday Ticket terms at https://youtube.com/go/nflsundayticket/terms. Limited time offer. Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:01:30 - Druski Doing White Face 00:10:54 - Streamers Ruined The Military 00:17:32 - Would You Die For Our Country? 00:26:25 - Kam Patterson 00:33:20 - Another Tour 00:38:25 - College Football Weekend 00:49:42 - Let's Become OF Boosters 00:59:17 - Bert's Fight With LeeAnn 01:05:28 - Wrap Up Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

SPONSORS: - Don’t miss out on all the action this week at DraftKings! Download the DraftKings app today! Sign-up using https://dkng.co/bears or through my promo code BEARS. - For simple, online access to personalized and affordable care for Hair Loss, ED, Weight Loss, and more, visit https://Hims.com/BEARS - Upgrade to ShipStation today to get a sixty-day free trial at https://www.shipstation.com/cave Bert and Tom are BACK in the Cave! After a memorable summer takeover by Stavvy and Chrissy D, the OG Bears return to catch up on everything—movies, standup, gambling, insane diets, and why Bert can’t stop eating 10 egg bites at once. Tom opens up about his recent cancer-screening scare, which led to a brutal five-day water fast, and accidentally dropping 25 pounds while filming El Tigre. Bert shares why his watch doesn’t fit anymore, how he tormented his director by throwing Liquid Death cans at 4 AM, and the disgusting way he measures his weight. The Bears also dive into the future of late-night TV, Amy Poehler’s move into podcasting, their own TV and film projects, and Bert’s insane plan to bet $1,000 every week on the Bucs. Plus: family visits on set, Isla living like a diva in Bert’s trailer, Tom’s boys discovering fake cocaine, and both Bears gearing up for the upcoming NFL and NCAA football seasons! 2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 304 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour https://store.ymhstudios.com Gambling problem? Call one eight hundred Gambler. In New York, call 8778HOPENY or text HOPENY (four six seven three six nine). In Connecticut, Help is available for problem gambling. Call eight eight eight seven eight nine seven seven seven seven or visit ccpg.org. Please play responsibly. On behalf of Boot Hill Casino & Resort (Kansas). Fees may apply in IL. Twenty-one plus age and eligibility varies by jurisdiction. Void in Ontario. Bonus bets expire seven days after issuance. See sportsbook dot draftkings.com/promos. NFL Sunday Ticket offer for new subscribers only and auto-renews until cancelled. Digital games and commercial use excluded. Restrictions apply. Additional NFL Sunday Ticket terms at https://youtube.com/go/nflsundayticket/terms . Limited time offer. Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:00:07 - The Final Episode Of 2 Bears 00:09:36 - Tom's New Movie & Free Bert 00:21:47 - Why Tom Got So Skinny 00:33:23 - Bert Is Fat 00:42:04 - Family Visits + America's Team 00:45:48 - Bert's Big Bet 00:54:05 - Is Tom Down? 00:58:49 - A Bert Game Show? 01:01:45 - Wrap Up Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Stavros Halkias Tickets: http://stavvy.biz/tour Chris Distefano Tickets: https://www.chrisdcomedy.com/tickets SPONSORS: - Eat smart at https://FactorMeals.com/bears50off and use code bears50off to get 50% off your first box, plus Free Breakfast for 1 Year. - Order a bottle of Por Osos and some killer merch online https://drinkporosos.com The Summer Bears’ reign has unfortunately come to an end! Stavros Halkias and Chris Distefano return for their last fill-in as hosts of 2 Bears 1 Cave, and they’re going out with a bang. From roasting Tom and Bert’s absence to spiraling into wild tangents about parenting, moving, sex robots, and pie diplomacy with the NYPD, this send-off is chaotic, hilarious, and the perfect finale. Stavvy and Chrissy talk about the shock of how much fans loved their takeover, whether they’d ever come back as the Fall Bears, and even get Bert on the phone. Tom of course doesn’t pick up. But that's okay, because Mark Normand and Sam Morril crash the party near the end, bringing eclairs and stomach bugs to help close things out. It’s been a wild six weeks, and the Summer Bears want to leave you with one last memory. You're welcome, f*ckers! 2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 303 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour https://store.ymhstudios.com Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:01:01 - The Summer Bears' Last Dance 00:10:10 - Stoic Shit + Jump Scare Ad Break 00:17:14 - Moving Around & Finding Peace 00:24:12 - Bribing Cops With Pie & Being Addicted To Losing 00:33:06 - ChatGPT Sex Robots 00:41:26 - Swingers & Phoning It In With Bert 00:55:22 - Mark Normand & Sam Morril Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Stavros Halkias Tickets: http://stavvy.biz/tour Chris Distefano Tickets: https://www.chrisdcomedy.com/tickets SPONSORS: Our listeners get 10% off their first month at https://betterhelp.com/bears Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at https://shopify.com/bears. If you’re 21+, try VIIA! For 15% off AND a free gift with your first order head to https://viia.co/BEARS and use code BEARS! #viiaparter Head to https://acorns.com/BEARS or download the Acorns app to get started. Stavros Halkias and Chris Distefano return for another sugar-fueled Summer Bears meltdown—this time with bagels, tiramisu, and enough food guilt to keep a Catholic therapist booked for years. The boys break down Chris’ ChatGPT pep talk, reminisce about Stavvy's golden toothless years, and spiral into a deep dive on Neapolitan ice cream fraud, gay NFL cheerleaders, and the politics of bagel orders. Also: Chris reveals his VO2 Max results from a flamboyant fitness coach who may or may not have called him “zaddy.” 2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 302 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour https://store.ymhstudios.com Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:01:00 - 2 Pigs, 1 Pen 00:12:45 - Catholic Guilt Vs Greek Shame 00:23:33 - Sexual Awakenings In Mom's Bed 00:30:31 - A Demeaning Offer & ChatGPT Pep Talk 00:43:50 - Social Media & Rage For The Gays 00:52:01 - Men In Women's Sports 01:00:02 - Zaddy Chris Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices