Ep 170: Are You Secretly Controlling in Your Relationship? Uncover the Truth About Covert vs. Overt Control

It's a question as old as relationships themselves...   "How do I know when it's time to break up?"   We've all asked ourselves this question one time or another...but almost no one really knows the answer.   It's not easy to look at a relationship and decide whether it's fixable or totally f*cked. But there are some symptoms that will start to pop up when things have taken a turn for the worse...and some questions we can ask ourselves to figure out exactly where we stand.   Stay and fight, or turn and run? Only you can answer that, love...but I can help you get there. Let's go over some of the signs that might be time to call it quits.     WORK WITH MICHELLE:    Join The EXPERIENCE, a year-long mentorship for the woman who wants to play in the frequency of big love, epic sex and mind-blowing relationships with men…and herself: https://michellepanning.com/the-experience    Ready to finally take action to transform your life in 2025? Apply for one-to-one mentorship with me: https://form.jotform.com/230497122673457     CONNECT WITH MICHELLE:   Instagram:http://www.instagram.com/michellepanning   Website: http://www.michellepanning.com

In 2025, we’re not settling for f*cking crumbs anymore, babe. In 2025, it’s time to become the center of your own love life; to become That Girl. That Bitch. The Dream Girl.  Whatever you want to call her, she’s yours for the taking—if you can actually get off your ass and do the work to become her. No more putting everyone else’s needs over yours. No more leading with your insecurities…or masking them with false perfection. No more criticizing your man into the ground, then wondering why he doesn’t do what you ask him to do. Have no f*cking clue how to make that transformation? Welcome to this episode of UFYR, my love. Let’s make it happen.   WORK WITH MICHELLE:  Join The EXPERIENCE, a year-long mentorship for the woman who wants to play in the frequency of big love, epic sex and mind-blowing relationships with men…and herself: https://michellepanning.com/the-experience  Join THE CONNECTED WOMAN, a shadow-work course for women who want to go from feeling anxious AF about their love lives to feeling confident, secure and having unfuckwithable self-worth: https://michellepanning.com/the-connected-woman Ready to stop obsessing over texts, chasing unavailable men, and feeling like you’re always one step away from being abandoned? Sign up for my FREE masterclass, CLINGY TO CONFIDENT: https://michellepanning.thrivecart.com/clingy-to-confident/    CONNECT WITH MICHELLE: Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/michellepanning Website: http://www.michellepanning.com

“He was everything I’ve ever wanted. How am I supposed to get over him?” Uh…you mean the guy you dated for two weeks, tops? Yeah…we need to chat about this, babe. Look, I’m not going to tell you that the timeframe of a relationship determines its emotional impact. It doesn’t. What I AM going to tell you (because I’ve had to tell myself a million fucking times over) is that there’s no way in hell you know this man well enough to say he’s “the one” after two fucking weeks. “But we had so much fun together!” You went out for cocktails. Of course you had fun. I could have fun with a fucking broom if it took me out for drinks. “But we had such great chemistry!” Contrary to popular belief, chemistry ain’t rare, babe. And telling yourself that story is going to get you into a heap of shit faster than you can say “the one that got away.” You’re allowed to grieve the relationship you THOUGHT you were going to have. But if you’re sitting around pining after a man you only knew for a couple weeks…hit play, girl. It’’s time for a reality check.    WORK WITH MICHELLE:  Join THE CONNECTED WOMAN, a shadow-work course for women who want to go from feeling anxious AF about their love lives to feeling confident, secure and having unfuckwithable self-worth: https://michellepanning.com/the-connected-woman Join The EXPERIENCE, a year-long mentorship for the woman who wants to play in the frequency of big love, epic sex and mind-blowing relationships with men…and herself: https://michellepanning.com/the-experience  Ready to stop obsessing over texts, chasing unavailable men, and feeling like you’re always one step away from being abandoned? Sign up for my FREE masterclass, CLINGY TO CONFIDENT: https://michellepanning.thrivecart.com/clingy-to-confident/    CONNECT WITH MICHELLE: Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/michellepanning Website: http://www.michellepanning.com

Today’s episode is inspired by a question a client recently put forward… And the answer is not going to be easy for most of you to hear. This client said that she always gives people the benefit of the doubt, trying to offer the most generous assumptions when it comes to their behavior…but when it comes to her partner, she immediately thinks—and says—the worst about his behavior. Why does that happen? This is extremely common in relationships, particularly longer-term relationships. You’ve not only moved out of the honeymoon phase—when everything they do is the most adorable shit you’ve ever seen—but you’ve been with them long enough to build a level of safety and trust. Why are you more critical of your partner than anyone else? Because you think you can say whatever you fucking want and get away with it. Don’t think that’s true? Hit that play button. I’ll show you what I mean.   WORK WITH MICHELLE:  Join THE CONNECTED WOMAN, a shadow-work course for women who want to go from feeling anxious AF about their love lives to feeling confident, secure and having unfuckwithable self-worth: https://michellepanning.com/the-connected-woman Join The EXPERIENCE, a year-long mentorship for the woman who wants to play in the frequency of big love, epic sex and mind-blowing relationships with men…and herself: https://michellepanning.com/the-experience  Are you a woman with all the knowledge, but none of the embodiment? Are you ready to remember who TF you are? Then you need to sign up for ALCHEMY - THE RETREAT: https://michellepanning.my.canva.site/alchemy    CONNECT WITH MICHELLE: Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/michellepanning Website: http://www.michellepanning.com

I have a complicated relationship with vulnerability. When I first started this work, I couldn’t even say the f*cking WORD. And even though I’ve gotten so much better about it…it’s still terrifying. I don’t want people to see me as less than perfect. I don’t want them to see me struggle. Because what if they see I’m not perfect, that I don’t have it all together, and I lose my credibility? What if they don’t want to work with me anymore? But I choose to be vulnerable anyway. Even on one of the scariest platforms to be publicly vulnerable: social media. Social media is a GIFT. I wouldn’t have the business I have if not for social media. But I also can’t help wondering what kind of damage it’s doing to us to have perfection shoved in our faces at every turn…and how we can take the good without getting caught up in the comparison game.   WORK WITH MICHELLE:  Join THE CONNECTED WOMAN, a shadow-work course for women who want to go from feeling anxious AF about their love lives to feeling confident, secure and having unfuckwithable self-worth: https://michellepanning.com/the-connected-woman Join The EXPERIENCE, a year-long mentorship for the woman who wants to play in the frequency of big love, epic sex and mind-blowing relationships with men…and herself: https://michellepanning.com/the-experience  Are you a woman with all the knowledge, but none of the embodiment? Are you ready to remember who TF you are? Then you need to sign up for ALCHEMY - THE RETREAT: https://michellepanning.my.canva.site/alchemy    CONNECT WITH MICHELLE: Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/michellepanning Website: http://www.michellepanning.com

When you’re fighting to win the argument, not to reconnect with your partner…everyone loses. We all looove winning an argument…at first. It feels f*cking great to get the last word. The high of nailing that last comeback is addicting… And so, so fleeting. It feels good in the moment to “win”...but the thing is, you haven’t actually “won.” In fact, odds are good that both your partner AND you have lost something through this conflict. If you’re struggling with unresolved conflict in your relationship—as in, there’s an issue or an argument that just keeps coming back up between you and your partner, and you guys just keep going around and around and around on the fucking conflict carousel… You need to decide whether you’re willing to compromise, or if you need to get off the fucking ride.    WORK WITH MICHELLE:  Join THE CONNECTED WOMAN, a shadow-work course for women who want to go from feeling anxious AF about their love lives to feeling confident, secure and having unfuckwithable self-worth: https://michellepanning.com/the-connected-woman Join The EXPERIENCE, a year-long mentorship for the woman who wants to play in the frequency of big love, epic sex and mind-blowing relationships with men…and herself: https://michellepanning.com/the-experience  Access my FREE masterclass, CLINGY TO CONFIDENT, a masterclass made for my anxiously attached babes: https://michellepanning.thrivecart.com/clingy-to-confident/   CONNECT WITH MICHELLE: Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/michellepanning Website: http://www.michellepanning.com

I am on the edge of my fucking seat today about getting to introduce you to my newest guest: one of my OG clients from all the way back in Connected Woman circa 2020, Steph Normoyle! Steph Normoyle is a somatic practitioner and the founder of Club Soma, a wellness space for women seeking true embodied transformation—without the bullshit. As a somatic practitioner, she helps women connect with their bodies, rediscover their desires, and express themselves with boldness and integrity.  But back in 2020, Steph couldn’t even get connected to HER body, let alone help other women connect to themselves…and her transformation since is absolutely fucking beautiful. You have to hear Steph’s story…and hear about the work she’s been doing since.   WORK WITH STEPH: Join Steph’s free workshop, SOMA & SIP: https://www.clubsoma.com.au/soma-sip Join Steph’s group program, A TASTE OF YOUR OWN MEDICINE:  https://www.clubsoma.com.au/group-program   CONNECT WITH STEPH: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/_clubsoma/  Website: https://www.clubsoma.com.au   WORK WITH MICHELLE:  Join THE CONNECTED WOMAN, a shadow-work course for women who want to go from feeling anxious AF about their love lives to feeling confident, secure and having unfuckwithable self-worth: https://michellepanning.com/the-connected-woman Join The EXPERIENCE, a year-long mentorship for the woman who wants to play in the frequency of big love, epic sex and mind-blowing relationships with men…and herself: https://michellepanning.com/the-experience    CONNECT WITH MICHELLE: Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/michellepanning Website: http://www.michellepanning.com

People have some intense fucking beliefs surrounding anxious attachment… “Anxious attachers are unstable.” “Anxious attachers are just way too fucking emotional.” “My anxious attachment means I’ll never have a relationship—I don’t deserve it.” No, no, and fuuuucking no. Anxious attachment causes some wild behaviour…but none of it makes you unworthy of love. And like all behaviours, we can find ways to clock them, own them, and clean them up. Let’s go over seven myths about anxious attachment…and whether it’s possible to heal your attachment style.   WORK WITH MICHELLE:  Join THE CONNECTED WOMAN, a shadow-work course for women who want to go from feeling anxious AF about their love lives to feeling confident, secure and having unfuckwithable self-worth: https://michellepanning.com/the-connected-woman Join The EXPERIENCE, a year-long mentorship for the woman who wants to play in the frequency of big love, epic sex and mind-blowing relationships with men…and herself: https://michellepanning.com/the-experience  Are you a woman with all the knowledge, but none of the embodiment? Are you ready to remember who TF you are? Then you need to sign up for ALCHEMY - THE RETREAT: https://michellepanning.my.canva.site/alchemy    CONNECT WITH MICHELLE: Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/michellepanning Website: http://www.michellepanning.com

Here’s a question for you: Are you a controlling partner? If your gut reaction was “FUCK no! I’m not controlling at all!” or “Not a chance, my partner’s the controlling one!” or some other fucking enraged denial… Let me change the question. Have you ever cancelled plans with your friends to meet up with the guy you’ve been on a couple dates with? Have you ever apologized first in a fight…even if you’re not at fault? Have you ever dropped everything in order to be there for your partner, regardless of your own needs? Then I had to burst your fucking bubble, babe, but yeah…you’re a controlling partner. You’re just getting away with it by using the sneakiest bitch in the controlling behavior pile: covert controlling. Never heard of it? I’m about to change that.   WORK WITH MICHELLE:  Join THE CONNECTED WOMAN, a shadow-work course for women who want to go from feeling anxious AF about their love lives to feeling confident, secure and having unfuckwithable self-worth: https://michellepanning.com/the-connected-woman Join The EXPERIENCE, a year-long mentorship for the woman who wants to play in the frequency of big love, epic sex and mind-blowing relationships with men…and herself: https://michellepanning.com/the-experience  Are you a woman with all the knowledge, but none of the embodiment? Are you ready to remember who TF you are? Then you need to sign up for ALCHEMY - THE RETREAT: https://michellepanning.my.canva.site/alchemy    CONNECT WITH MICHELLE: Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/michellepanning Website: http://www.michellepanning.com

I’m going to be honest… People love to joke about something being healing to their inner child. But if you’re not ACTUALLY doing the work to heal your inner child, well… Bad news. She’s actually going to f*ck up your love life for the foreseeable future. I’m not saying this to put you down—it’s just the truth. If your inner child is acting up, it’s going to ruin your ability to have a secure, stable relationship…and a lot of other important things, too. You wouldn’t let your six-year-old self behind the wheel of your car. Don’t let her drive your love life, either.   WORK WITH MICHELLE:  Join THE CONNECTED WOMAN, a shadow-work course for women who want to go from feeling anxious AF about their love lives to feeling confident, secure and having unfuckwithable self-worth: https://michellepanning.com/the-connected-woman Join The EXPERIENCE, a year-long mentorship for the woman who wants to play in the frequency of big love, epic sex and mind-blowing relationships with men…and herself: https://michellepanning.com/the-experience  Are you a woman with all the knowledge, but none of the embodiment? Are you ready to remember who TF you are? Then you need to sign up for ALCHEMY - THE RETREAT: https://michellepanning.my.canva.site/alchemy    CONNECT WITH MICHELLE: Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/michellepanning Website: http://www.michellepanning.com