Honestly, I'm Fine

What did my 9-year-old son, Kingston, mean when he said he came here to do a job? He died after six years of brain cancer, but our connection didn’t end there. In my conversation with Next Realm host Amber Rasmussen, I share Kingston’s life, our fight for his care, and the afterlife signs and visit from the other side that changed my beliefs about God and life after death. This is my story of child loss, a mother-son bond beyond death, and the spiritual awakening that brought me newfound faith.THANK YOU, AMBER RASMUSSENOriginally recorded for Next Realm and shared here on Honestly, I’m Fine with Amber’s permission. Thank you, Amber, for inviting me to tell Kingston’s story.Explore Next RealmLIVE LIKE KINGSTON FOUNDATIONSupport our work with families navigating pediatric brain and spinal cancers, childhood disability, caregiving, and child loss.Website · InstagramHONESTLY, I’M FINEPodcast website · YouTubeCONNECT WITH MAILEInstagram · FacebookWith love,Maile ❤️‍🩹🪽

Have you ever asked someone you love who has died for a specific sign and then immediately tried to explain it away when it appeared? In this episode of Honestly, I’m Fine, I share what happened after I asked my son Kingston for one very specific sign: a blue butterfly. What followed was a sequence of increasingly specific moments involving crowns, wings, KING, the El Segundo Blue Butterfly, and eventually another butterfly directly under my feet. I talk about signs from loved ones after death, visitation dreams, stacked signs, intuition, skepticism, grief, and how to stay open to connection without abandoning critical thinking.✨ Learn more about Live Like Kingston Foundation:https://livelikekingston.org—More Maile:Follow Maile on Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/mailemileymylee/Follow Maile on TikTok:https://www.tiktok.com/@mailemileymyleeFollow Maile on Facebook:https://www.facebook.com/MaileMileyMyleeVisit Maile Navarro:https://mailenavarro.comLearn more about Live Like Kingston Foundation:https://livelikekingston.org—CHAPTERS00:00 Do Our Loved Ones Send Signs?02:27 What Counts as a Sign?09:11 Grief After the First Year15:26 I Asked Kingston for a Blue Butterfly21:45 Crown, Wings & KING28:35 The El Segundo Blue Butterfly35:02 Papillon: The Second Blue Butterfly37:53 How to Ask for Signs40:43 What If No Sign Comes?41:29 Moving Forward With Love

Childhood cancer doesn’t stop costing a family when treatment ends. It doesn’t even stop when the child dies.After nearly seven years of cancer treatment, disability, rehabilitation, relapse and hospice, my nine-year-old son Kingston died from medulloblastoma in July 2024.Two years later, I’m still living with another consequence of childhood cancer that we rarely talk about: financial toxicity.In this episode, I talk openly about what years of caregiving did to my career and finances, the more than half a million dollars we spent trying to give Kingston a life worth living, the debt that survived him, losing income and benefits after his death, selling his belongings, losing our home, trying to return to the workforce, and attempting to keep life stable for his surviving sister while rebuilding financially.I also talk about something that has been harder for me to admit publicly than almost anything else: I still need help.I don’t believe anyone owes my family indefinite support because my son died. I want the opposite. I want a job, my own income and the ability to buy completely ordinary things without doing financial triage first.Right now, however, I’m recovering from emergency surgery while continuing to look for work, and my family needs help getting through the immediate expenses in front of us.GoFundMe: Support our family hereVenmo: @LiveLikeKingstonIf donating isn’t possible, sharing this episode or the fundraiser matters too.This is the financial aftermath of childhood cancer and child loss—the part that continues long after everyone assumes the emergency is over.In loving memory of Kingston NavarroJuly 29, 2014 – July 18, 2024

A few months before Kingston died, he woke up in the middle of the night while we were in San Diego for treatment and told me he had a secret.I’ve shared a lot about Kingston publicly. His cancer. His death. My grief. The signs and synchronicities that have happened since. I’ve said plenty of things on the internet that could reasonably make someone wonder if I need adult supervision.But I’ve been afraid to tell this story.Not because I don’t believe what Kingston told me.Because I do.And telling the whole story means finally talking about something I’ve been much more comfortable dancing around.So apparently that’s what we’re doing today.This is Honestly, I’m Fine.WATCH + FOLLOW HONESTLY, I’M FINEYouTubehttps://www.youtube.com/@HonestlyImFineWebsitehttps://MaileNavarro.comInstagramhttps://www.instagram.com/hautemess_la/TikTokhttps://www.tiktok.com/@haute__messFacebookhttps://www.facebook.com/BadassMama.LALIVE LIKE KINGSTON FOUNDATIONKingston’s story, pediatric cancer advocacy, bereaved-family support, and the work we’re building in his name:https://LiveLikeKingston.orgSUPPORT THE SHOWIf this episode made you think, cry, question your entire belief system, or just wonder what the hell is happening over here, follow Honestly, I’m Fine, rate the show, and send this episode to someone who might need it.Every follow, share, comment, rating, and listen helps this show reach someone new.And apparently I’m discussing Jesus before breakfast now, so clearly fine remains a very flexible term.#HonestlyImFine #Podcast #Grief #ChildLoss #Spirituality #Afterlife #BereavedMother

We sat down to read some of the cruelest comments we've received since losing our son, Kingston.Some of them are ridiculous. Some are painful. A few actually made us laugh.But somewhere between reacting to strangers telling us we're grieving wrong, accusing us of monetizing our son's death, and insisting they know our lives from a 60-second video, the conversation took a different turn.We ended up talking about what people don't see.The financial reality of pediatric cancer.The invisible cost of caregiving.Why grief doesn't have an expiration date.What it actually takes to keep a medically complex child alive.And why we continue to share our story, even when it comes with judgment.This episode isn't about proving anyone wrong. It's about closing the gap between what people assume and what families living through childhood cancer, disability, and child loss actually experience.If you've ever felt misunderstood in your grief, cared for someone with a serious illness, or wondered why we continue to talk about Kingston, this conversation is for you.If this episode resonated with you, please follow the podcast, leave a review, and share it with someone who might need it.CONNECT WITH ME:🌐 Website: https://mailenavarro.com❤️‍🩹 Live Like Kingston Foundation: https://livelikekingston.org📝 Substack: https://open.substack.com/pub/mailenavarro📺 YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@HonestlyImFine📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/hautemess_la/🎵 TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@haute__mess📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/BadassMama.LAThank you for listening, for helping keep Kingston's story alive, and for helping create more understanding for families navigating pediatric cancer, caregiving, grief, and life after loss. ❤️‍🩹#ChildLoss #Grief #BereavedParent #PediatricCancer #ChildhoodCancer #Caregiver #MentalHealth #Podcast #HonestlyImFine #LifeAfterLoss

If you've got ADHD, you're grieving the loss of a child, or you've lived through long-term trauma, trying to "manifest your dream life" can feel like a cruel joke.In this episode of Honestly, I'm Fine, I talk about counter-manifesting: what happens when one part of you desperately wants to move forward, while another part is convinced it's safer to stay exactly where you are.We get into ADHD, child loss, trauma, dopamine, why your brain can get stuck in survival mode, and why feeling stuck isn't always laziness. Sometimes it's protection.If you've ever wondered why you know exactly what you want but still can't seem to take the next step, this episode is for you.🎧 Listen to @HonestlyImFine and let me know in the comments: Have you ever felt like your brain was working against you?#ADHD #Grief #ChildLoss #GriefJourney #MentalHealth #TraumaRecovery #Manifestation #ExecutiveDysfunction #HonestlyImFine #LiveLikeKingston 🎵 STAY UNTIL THE ENDI close every episode of Honestly, I'm Fine with one of my original poems brought to life as a song.Today's closing song is Water for Your Soul, available on all major streaming platforms.🌐 CONNECT WITH ME🌎 Websitehttps://www.mailenavarro.com❤️ Live Like Kingston Foundationhttps://www.livelikekingston.org📸 Instagramhttps://www.instagram.com/hautemess_la/🎵 TikTokhttps://www.tiktok.com/@haute__mess▶️ YouTubehttps://www.youtube.com/@HonestlyImFine

THE PLAN: Walking to Heaven’s DoorWhat do you say to your nine year old child when you know he’s dying?In this episode of Honestly, I’m Fine, I tell the story people have quietly wondered about but were too afraid to ask. The conversation Kingston and I had before he died. The movie that became our roadmap. The “plan” we made together. And the impossible reality of trying to prepare your child for death while the rest of the world argues about attendance policies, parking spaces, and pretending everything is fine.This episode is raw, funny in places it probably shouldn’t be, devastating in others, and deeply human. We talk about fear, love, parenthood, childhood illness, the lies people tell themselves about positivity, and what happens when a child understands more than the adults around him.We also talk about:• why children know more than people think• the impossible pressure parents face during childhood cancer• the difference between hope and denial• grief, school systems, avoidance, and anger• The Notebook becoming accidental emotional hospice care• the promise Kingston made to me on our couch that nightThis is Part One.Part Two is next week.🎙️ Honestly, I’m FineNew episodes every Tuesday.Listen + follow:YouTube: @HonestlyImFineInstagram: @hautemess_laTikTok: @haute__messWebsites:MaileNavarro.comLiveLikeKingston.org#HonestlyImFine #Grief #ChildLoss #Podcast #Motherhood #Healing #BrainCancerAwareness #PediatricCancer #LifeAfterLoss #MentalHealth

Things I’m Done Faking: Group Chats, Clean Girl Aesthetic, and Leftovers | S2 Ep10This was supposed to be a deep, poetic episode about signs, grief, and Kingston… and instead you got me rage-quitting group chats, slandering the clean girl aesthetic, and confessing my toxic relationship with leftovers and DoorDash.Michael is here as I admit I no longer have the range to pretend I care about 93 unread messages, beige wellness culture, or the seven subscriptions silently draining my bank account for a version of me that wakes up at 5 a.m. on purpose.We talk fake expensive energy, why “10,000 steps” is just confusion with cardio, why my bladder and my haircut have left the chat, and what it means to be a grieving mom who can’t tie it all up in a healing TED Talk but can still tell the truth and accidentally fart in Target.If you’re tired, distracted, emotionally allergic to group chats, and trying to keep your kids and your nervous system alive at the same time, you’re in the right place. No clean girl aesthetic, just the real shit.Stick around after the show and listen to "You Thought" a song written by me and my 10 year old! Now available on all platforms!Follow Maile:Instagram: @HauteMess_LATikTok: @HauteMess_LAYouTube: @HonestlyImFineMore From Maile:Website: www.MaileNavarro.comNonprofit: www.livelikekingston.org

What not to say to grieving people, child loss, pediatric brain cancer, grief support, and what awareness actually means, because some people are trying their best and some people should remain silent.May is Brain Tumor Awareness Month, so we’re discussing two things the internet and society still routinely fumble: how to talk to grieving people, and how to care about a cause beyond changing your profile picture for six minutes.In this episode of Honestly, I’m Fine, Maile Navarro talks about pediatric brain cancer, medulloblastoma, child loss, toxic positivity, trauma, sibling grief, empathy failures, and the difference between performative support versus showing up when a family’s life has been blown apart.We get into the wildly unhelpful things people say after loss, from “everything happens for a reason” to “at least...” to comparing the death of a child to losses that are not remotely in the same emotional zip code.We also talk about what awareness should actually create: research funding, family support, meals, money, childcare, practical help, compassion, and people learning when to hush.And because I am human, occasionally petty, and blessed with Wi‑Fi, I also address a few online critics who had opinions about my grief, my parenting, and subjects they entered wildly underqualified.In this episode, we cover:what not to say to grieving peoplewhat to say insteadgrief support after child lossBrain Tumor Awareness Monthpediatric brain cancer realitiesmedulloblastoma awarenesstoxic positivity and clichéssibling grief and family traumahow to help grieving familiesinternet opinions nobody asked forwhy awareness should lead to actionlife after devastating lossIf you like dark humor, honest conversations, uncomfortable truths, and someone occasionally reading people with accuracy, this one is for you.-Follow:Instagram: ⁠@hautemess_la⁠TikTok:⁠ @haute__mess⁠Facebook: @BadassMama.LAWebsite:⁠⁠https://www.mailenavarro.com⁠⁠-Subscribe to Maile's YouTube Channel: ⁠@HonestlyImFine⁠ for raw conversations on grief, motherhood, healing, rebuilding your life, spirituality, trauma, and surviving what should have taken you out.-Resources and More:Live Like Kingston Foundation:https://www.livelikekingston.org-Listen to Honestly, I'm Fine Podcast. New episodes drop every Tuesday!SpotifyApple PodcastsAmazon

If you’ve ever wondered whether the people we love still communicate after death, this episode is for you. Maile Navarro shares her deeply personal experience after losing her 9-year-old son, Kingston, and the moments that made her question whether love ever truly leaves.In this episode, Maile talks about grief, skepticism, hope, and the signs that kept appearing when she needed them most, red cars, robins, songs at the exact right moment, vivid dreams, repeating numbers, and timing too specific to dismiss easily.You’ll also hear the unforgettable joke Kingston made before he died about Maile being a “slow penguin” who would need help finding him later, a moment that now carries entirely new meaning.This conversation is raw, funny, emotional, and honest for anyone navigating loss, missing someone deeply, or wondering if signs from loved ones are real.More episodes, books, and resources:www.MaileNavarro.comSupport families facing pediatric cancer and child loss:www.LiveLikeKingston.orgFollow Maile:Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/hautemess_la/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@haute__messYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@HonestlyImFine