That's What She Said

Why can two people who love each other experience the same conversation and walk away with completely different realities? Clinical psychologist, Brown University faculty member, author, and Psychologists Off the Clock co-host Dr. Yael Schonbrun joins Dr. Robin Buckley to explore the psychology of misunderstanding, overconfidence, identity, and what happens when we become too certain that we know the people closest to us. Yael shares how becoming a mother challenged her own understanding of who she was, forcing her to rethink the relationship between ambition, motherhood, and identity. From there, Robin and Yael explore why major life transitions can change us in ways we never predicted, why the people who love us may have to "relearn" us, and why saying "I know exactly what you mean" may shut down the very curiosity relationships need. They also dig into psychological flexibility, why changing one person's "dance steps" inevitably changes a relationship, how anger can provide useful information without becoming a permanent place to live, and why curiosity helps people feel not only understood, but cared about. Yael's newest book, Why Don't You Understand Me? The Surprising Science Behind Connecting in a World of Missed Signals, was released October 27, 2026. If you've ever felt misunderstood, caught yourself assuming you knew exactly what someone else meant, or realized that the people you love are changing right alongside you, this conversation will make you rethink what it actually means to know another person.

What if you're not doing too much? What if you're simply not doing enough of what brings you joy? Women are often encouraged to stay in their lane, focus on one thing, and make choices that make sense to everyone else. But what happens when the things that make you feel most alive don't fit neatly into one category? In this episode of That's What She Said, Dr. Robin Buckley sits down with Janet Clarkson Davis, founding partner of Clarkson Davis LLC, nonprofit leadership consultant, mentor, mom, bonus mom, and co-owner of Llano and Rye, a Texas-inspired barbecue business in New Hampshire. On paper, strategic consulting and running a barbecue business seem like two very different worlds. For Janet, they're connected by something much more meaningful: bringing people together, building community, and creating joy. But Janet's perspective didn't develop overnight. Growing up with a brilliant mother who struggled with alcoholism, Janet learned early how humor could change the emotional temperature of a room. She shares a hilarious childhood memory involving the Scarsdale diet and spinach flying across the kitchen, along with the more complicated lessons of learning to read people and navigate uncertainty. She also reflects on how an acting teacher's comments about her body influenced her decision not to pursue a performing career, how one woman's handwritten note helped her recognize her own strengths, and what blended family life taught her about letting go of expectations. Together, Robin and Janet explore the relationship between joy, identity, confidence, leadership, and the freedom to build a life that doesn't have to make sense to anyone else. They also get into the importance of listening before making assumptions, recognizing talents that come naturally, celebrating the success of others, and knowing when to leave the party while you're still having fun. Because perhaps the question isn't whether you're doing too much. Perhaps it's whether the things you're doing are giving enough back to you. In this conversation: Finding joy and purpose beyond traditional career expectations How childhood experiences influence humor, emotional awareness, and relationships The lasting impact of other people's opinions on our confidence Blended families and creating traditions that work for your family Reinvention, entrepreneurship, and pursuing more than one passion Leadership, mentorship, and the importance of seeing people's strengths Recognizing when life feels flat and reconnecting with what makes you feel alive And when you're in New Hampshire, visit Janet at Llano & Rye. That's What She Said is where women's wisdom takes the mic. Real women, real experiences, and conversations that remind us there's more than one way to build a meaningful life. Subscribe for more honest conversations about women's lives, relationships, reinvention, and the wisdom that comes from living through it.

How much of your life have you spent trying to be the woman everyone else wanted you to be? For years, Susie Moon followed the rules. She built a career, got married, became a mother, and worked hard to make everyone else happy. The problem? Somewhere along the way, she lost sight of who she actually was. In this episode of That's What She Said, Dr. Robin Buckley sits down with Susie Moon, business connection strategist, self-described "Mother Nudger," and creator of Pantyliner Productions, for an honest, funny, and sometimes unexpectedly emotional conversation about people-pleasing, losing your identity in relationships, finding your voice, and learning to stop caring so damn much about what other people think. Susie shares how her mother's cancer diagnosis and eventual death influenced her decision to start a business, embrace her outrageous sense of humor, and finally give herself permission to be the woman she'd spent decades holding back. They get into why GenX women struggle to put themselves first, how fear disguises itself as responsibility, the importance of boundaries in relationships, body image and aging, and why becoming more confident sometimes means being willing to make other people uncomfortable. And yes, there's plenty of inappropriate humor along the way. Because perhaps the best part of getting older isn't becoming wiser. It's becoming less willing to pretend. In this episode: Why women lose themselves in relationships and how to reclaim their identity Breaking free from people-pleasing and the pressure to be the "good girl" Finding confidence and self-worth in midlife Reinventing yourself after 40 and embracing unexpected career changes Setting boundaries without guilt or apology The role of humor in overcoming shame around aging and women's bodies Why it's never too late to stop playing small and start taking up space You'll want more from Susie: Website

What if turning 50 isn't the beginning of becoming less visible, but the moment you finally stop waiting for permission to be seen? In this episode of That's What She Said, Dr. Robin Buckley talks with Christina Vidovich, founder of Women Getting Visible, about reinvention after 50, finding your voice, recognizing the skills you've built across a lifetime, and learning to take credit for what you've accomplished. Christina shares how losing a dance business she had built over more than 20 years forced her to look closely at what she actually loved about the work and carry those skills into an entirely new chapter. The conversation moves through play, confidence, ageism, women's complicated relationship with visibility, and why saying "I did this" can feel surprisingly difficult. They also talk about why midlife doesn't have to mean starting over. Sometimes the experiences that once looked disconnected turn out to be the exact things preparing you for what comes next. If you've ever wondered whether it's too late to change direction, use your voice, step into a bigger room, or simply give yourself credit for the life you've built, this conversation is for you. You'll want more from Christina: Women Getting Visible: womengettingvisible.com Women Getting Visible events: Conference details and registration

What happens when you become very good at living a life you never stopped to question? Dr. Gwendolyn Dolske is a philosopher, professor, writer, speaker, and co-host of Good Is in the Details. Her work brings philosophy out of the classroom and into the messier questions of everyday life: Who am I? What makes a life good? Where did my beliefs come from? And how much of the woman I have become was consciously chosen? In this episode of That's What She Said, Gwendolyn joins Dr. Robin Buckley for a wide-ranging conversation about women, identity, people pleasing, motherhood, midlife, love, sexuality, cultural expectations, and the freedom that comes from questioning the ideas we were taught to accept. They explore the difference between being "good" and being obedient, why traits historically labeled masculine or feminine are often simply human, and how women can lose touch with themselves when caring for everyone else becomes their primary source of value. Gwendolyn also offers a philosophical perspective on midlife, particularly for Gen X women who inherited traditional expectations while simultaneously gaining access to choices previous generations of women often did not have. More possibility can create more anxiety, but it also creates freedom. The conversation also challenges the scripts surrounding love, sex, motherhood, aging, and what women are allowed to want. From questioning whether love is merely a feeling to examining why women are still taught to suppress desire, Gwendolyn invites us to ask a deceptively powerful question: Where did this belief come from, and do I actually want to keep it? Because curiosity is not just intellectual. It can be a way out of rigidity, people pleasing, and a life lived according to someone else's definition of who you are supposed to be. If you have ever wondered who you are beyond your roles, questioned whether the life you built still fits, or felt drawn toward something you could not quite explain, this conversation may give you permission to stop searching for the "right" way to live and start exploring a way that is actually yours. You'll want more from Dr. Dolske: The Good is in the Details podcast Book

What if flirting isn't something you do to get someone to like you, but a way of reconnecting with the playful, confident, magnetic part of yourself? Confidence therapist, dating strategist, image expert, and Charisma Quotient host Kimmy Seltzer returns to That's What She Said for a bonus conversation all about flirting, especially flirting after 40. Kimmy and Dr. Robin Buckley unpack why so many accomplished women feel awkward, embarrassed, or completely out of practice when it comes to flirting. They explore how rejection, relationships, aging, perfectionism, shame, and years of being responsible can slowly make women more guarded, even when part of them still wants to feel playful, attractive, and seen. Kimmy explains why good flirting has less to do with clever lines and more to do with body language, eye contact, approachability, curiosity, playfulness, and letting go of the outcome. She also shares practical ways to practice flirting when you feel rusty, including starting small, making it a game, and learning to tolerate the discomfort of being noticed. And this conversation goes beyond dating. Robin and Kimmy talk about why flirting often disappears inside long-term relationships, how couples can keep seeing each other as lovers rather than simply logistical partners, and how to distinguish harmless social warmth from outside attention that may be filling an unmet emotional need. Whether you're dating after 40, putting yourself out there after divorce or a long relationship, trying to rebuild dating confidence, or simply wanting more playfulness and connection in your life, this episode is a reminder that flirting does not have to be a performance. Sometimes it is simply permission to feel alive, visible, playful, and a little imperfect again. Pasted text Pasted text Want to discover your own flirting style? Take Kimmy's free Flirt Over 40 quiz at FlirtOver40.com and get access to her follow-up videos and flirt formula.  

What if self-doubt is not proof that you are unqualified, and fear is not a sign that you should stop? Dr. Jill Stoddard is a psychologist, author, TEDx speaker, entrepreneur, and expert in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy who studies anxiety, courage, and imposterism. In this episode of That's What She Said, Jill joins Dr. Robin Buckley to challenge one of the most persistent beliefs holding capable women back: that they need to feel confident, ready, calm, or fully qualified before taking the next step. Jill explains why imposter thoughts are extraordinarily common, why high achievement does not make them disappear, and how perfectionism, over-preparing, doing everything alone, and trying to be "superhuman" can actually reinforce the fear that you do not belong. They also explore why women and other people who have experienced marginalization may have very rational reasons to question whether they belong in certain rooms, why discomfort often appears precisely where something matters most, and how Acceptance and Commitment Therapy can help people stop letting fear make their decisions. This conversation is not about becoming fearless. It is about becoming more willing to feel fear while still moving toward what matters. If you have ever thought, I need one more credential, a little more experience, more confidence, or just a little more time before I'm ready, this episode may change how you think about self-doubt entirely. You'll want more from Jill:  Website: https://jillstoddard.com/ Quizzes: https://jillstoddard.com/quizzes Psychologists Off the Clock podcast: https://open.spotify.com/show/3h9wMoc9TZ6jNv7w1oTy7E?si=bf69962300a64d4b  We, the Sunlight podcast: https://open.spotify.com/show/7w3iD26b9i6Q722EYfcQlM?si=55e7df76f64d44ed  Books: https://jillstoddard.com/books

Kira Hartley became a mother at 18, spent years putting her children and marriage first, and slowly learned what it costs a woman when keeping the peace means losing her own voice. At 40, Kira left a narcissistic marriage without a perfect plan for what came next. She rebuilt her life from the ground up, turned a small buying-and-selling side hustle into successful businesses, found a healthier partnership, became debt-free in her 50s, published her first book at 55, and finally allowed herself to be seen. In this episode of That's What She Said, Kira and Dr. Robin Buckley talk about starting over after divorce, leaving toxic relationships, motherhood and guilt, rebuilding self-trust, learning to speak up again, finding love after a painful marriage, and why women over 50 may finally stop caring so much about what everyone else thinks. Kira also shares one deceptively simple piece of advice for any woman who knows something in her life no longer fits: say it out loud. If you have ever wondered whether it is too late to leave, start over, pursue the dream you postponed, rebuild after divorce, or become more fully yourself, Kira's story is a reminder that your life does not have to begin on schedule to become something extraordinary. You'll want more from Kira: Etsy shop: https://www.etsy.com/shop/DodOddity I Love You the Most: https://amzn.to/4ha0j7S  

How much of your life are you consciously choosing—and how much are you simply reacting to what happens around you? In this episode of That's What She Said, Dr. Robin Buckley speaks with Michele Risa, a leadership expert, TEDx speaker, award-winning author, and founder of Universities United. Michele has led global leadership initiatives for organizations including Microsoft, Mastercard, UnitedHealthcare, and the New York Stock Exchange. But her definition of leadership begins long before someone enters the boardroom. It begins with agency. For Michele, agency means recognizing that while you cannot control every person, event, or circumstance, you can choose how you respond. That distinction changed her life. Rather than allowing external events to dictate her inner state, she learned to pause, acknowledge what she was feeling, and decide how she wanted to move forward. Robin and Michele explore why so many capable, accomplished people reach a point where the identity that helped them become successful no longer feels authentic. We inherit beliefs from our families, absorb expectations from our culture, and learn which versions of ourselves receive approval. Eventually, however, the house, title, résumé, or carefully managed identity may stop providing the meaning we expected it to provide. That discomfort is not necessarily evidence that life is falling apart. It may be an invitation to become more conscious. Michele explains why authentic change requires more than reading a book, watching a video, or understanding an idea intellectually. Just as an athlete or musician develops mastery through consistent practice, self-awareness and emotional agency must also be practiced. Through meditation, reflection, and learning to respond rather than react, we become more capable of making decisions that reflect who we actually are. The conversation also examines what happens when people rise into leadership before learning to be honest with themselves. Technical expertise and measurable results may help someone climb the ladder, but they do not automatically produce self-awareness, emotional maturity, psychological safety, or the ability to connect with others. Innovation suffers when people are afraid to make mistakes, while collaboration becomes possible when leaders create environments grounded in curiosity rather than fear. Michele offers a powerful alternative to waiting until the end of life to consider your legacy: live it now. Your legacy is not simply what people say about you later. It is created through the choices you make, the relationships you build, the risks you take, and the values you embody today. And while personal agency begins within us, Michele is clear that growth was never meant to happen alone. The phrase is not merely I am the one I've been waiting for. It is we are the ones we've been waiting for. Connection, collaboration, and collective action are not signs of weakness; they are how meaningful change happens. In a deeply personal moment, Michele also shares her recent cancer diagnosis and how it has changed her plans to walk the Camino in Spain. Rather than abandoning the dream or forcing her body to meet the original plan, she is choosing to honor both the goal and the reality of what she may need. So if you've ever felt successful but disconnected from yourself, struggled to claim your own agency, or wondered whether the unknown might be calling you forward rather than warning you to retreat, this episode is for you. You'll want more from Michele: Website

If you've ever looked at your life after a major loss or transition and thought, "I don't even know who I am anymore," this episode is for you. Dr. Lynn Banis spent much of her professional life studying human behavior, coaching leaders, and helping people navigate change. Then change became intensely personal. After losing her mother, brother, and husband in close succession, Lynn discovered that grief doesn't only mean missing the people you love. It can dismantle the roles, routines, relationships, and assumptions that once told you who you were. Suddenly, the woman who knew a great deal about change and transformation was confronting what she calls the "wrecking ball of life" herself. In this episode of That's What She Said, Dr. Robin Buckley and Dr. Lynn Banis have a deeply personal conversation about grief, widowhood, identity loss, loneliness, aging, life transitions, and what it really takes to build a meaningful next chapter. They talk about why American culture is so uncomfortable with grief—and why the casseroles, clichés, and "he's in a better place" comments often aren't what grieving people actually need. Sometimes the most valuable thing another person can offer is far simpler: I'm here. You don't have to talk. I'm not going anywhere. Lynn also explains why grief often changes after the first year. Once the initial emotional shock begins to lift, another reality can emerge: this life really isn't coming back. The spouse, career, family role, relationship, or identity that once organized your world is gone—and now you have to discover who you are without it. That in-between space is what Lynn calls "the messy middle": the old version of your life is gone, but the new version hasn't fully emerged. It can feel disorienting, lonely, and frustrating—until eventually the question shifts from How do I get my old life back? to What kind of life actually fits the woman I am now? Robin and Lynn also explore why women can become particularly vulnerable during these transitions. After decades spent identifying themselves as wives, mothers, professionals, caregivers, problem-solvers, and the people everyone else relies on, they may suddenly have to make choices based not on expectations—but on what they themselves actually want. And Lynn makes an important distinction for anyone afraid that creating a new life somehow betrays the one that came before it: you don't have to "move on." You can move forward. The goal isn't to erase the person or life you loved. It's to honor it while making room for what still might be possible. Now, through Women Rising Together, wisdom circles, and her work with women navigating major transitions, Lynn is creating the kind of connection she believes too many women are missing: places where women can stop pretending they're fine, share what they've learned, and help one another come back to life. Because sometimes your next chapter doesn't begin by asking, "Who should I become?" It begins by asking, "Who am I underneath everything I was expected to be?"   You'll want more from Lynn: Website