EP 197: How Can the Club Help Me?

This is a re-record of a foundation episode, episode 7The brain has two modes- connection or protection.Protective behaviors include opposition, defiance, aggression- basically, any behavior that doesn't invite connection.If we want to help shift our children's oppositional behaviors, we must first help their brain shift out of protection and into protection!You can read more on my blog: robyngobbel.com/connectionorprotection/Resources mentioned on the podcast:Match the Energy Not the Dysregulation ep 155Felt Safety Series- starts at ep 161Boundaries Series starts at ep 111Oppositional Behavior Series starts at 156All Behavior Makes Sense ep 198Focus on the Nervous System webinarWe have a few spots remaining in the professional, retreat style workshop Presence in Practice in Durango, CO March 5-7, 2026. Head to RobynGobbel.com/Durango for details and registration Check out RobynGobbel.com/Trainings for the professional trainings scheduled around the US in 2026. Get access to over 25+ free resources in our brand, new Free Resource Hub! RobynGobbel.com/FreeResourceHub :::Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/bookJoin us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClubSign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/ImmersionFollow Me On:FacebookInstagram Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

Content note: This episode discusses trauma, parenting stress, nervous system activation, and self-compassion. There are no graphic details, but please take care while listening.Parenting a child with a vulnerable nervous system can stretch your capacity in profound ways, especially when you have a history of trauma yourself. In this episode, we explore what it really means to nurture your window of tolerance, not through force or self-discipline, but through safety, connection, and compassion. This episode is about strengthening your own stress response system, not by pushing harder, but by offering your nervous system the conditions it needs to feel safe.In this episode, you’ll learn:Why widening your window of tolerance after trauma has to be gentle, relational, and slowHow self-compassion functions as a powerful intervention to support your own nervous systemPractical, realistic ways to nurture your window of tolerance through connection, repair, honoring limits, and micro-cues of safetyResources mentioned in this podcast:Free Resources Hub!Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/ParentWindowOfToleranceWe have a few spots remaining in the professional, retreat style workshop Presence in Practice in Durango, CO March 5-7, 2026. Head to RobynGobbel.com/Durango for details and registration Check out RobynGobbel.com/Trainings for the professional trainings scheduled around the US in 2026. Get access to over 25+ free resources in our brand, new Free Resource Hub! RobynGobbel.com/FreeResourceHub :::Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/bookJoin us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClubSign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/ImmersionFollow Me On:FacebookInstagram Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

On February 3, I taught a live webinar online- Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior.This is the audio-only version of that webinar!To watch the full video webinar and to download the accompanying resources, head to RobynGobbel.com/webinarIn this webinar, you'll learnthe three core tenets that underlie behavior changewhat behavior really ishow regulation, connection, and felt safety are related to behaviorhow the nervous system responds to stresswhy baffling behaviors are due to a sensitized stress response systemhow attachment or developmental trauma leads to baffling behaviorsWe have a few spots remaining in the professional, retreat style workshop Presence in Practice in Durango, CO March 5-7, 2026. Head to RobynGobbel.com/Durango for details and registration Check out RobynGobbel.com/Trainings for the professional trainings scheduled around the US in 2026. Get access to over 25+ free resources in our brand, new Free Resource Hub! RobynGobbel.com/FreeResourceHub :::The All-About-Me workbook will help your child grow their owl brain and develop ways to calm their watchdog and possum brain. 24 page, full-color, instant download at RobynGobbel.com/store :::Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/bookJoin us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClubSign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/ImmersionFollow Me On:FacebookInstagram Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

Content note: This episode discusses trauma, parenting stress, and nervous system activation. There are no graphic details, but please take care while listening.If you’ve spent years learning about the nervous system to better support your child, and now you’re ready to offer the same curiosity and compassion to yourself, then this episode is for you. In this episode, you’ll learn:How core nervous system concepts like connection vs. protection, regulation, and felt safety apply to your trauma-shaped nervous systemWhy reactions rooted in watchdog and possum states make sense for you, too How sensitized stress responses, state-dependent functioning, and a narrowed window of tolerance explain why insight alone isn’t enoughResources mentioned in this podcast:When Parenting Triggers Your Own Trauma Part 1 of 6 {EP 250}Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior {EP 84}Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior webinar & eBookRead the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/TraumaShapedNervousSystemWe have a few spots remaining in the professional, retreat style workshop Presence in Practice in Durango, CO March 5-7, 2026. Head to RobynGobbel.com/Durango for details and registration Check out RobynGobbel.com/Trainings for the professional trainings scheduled around the US in 2026. Get access to over 25+ free resources in our brand, new Free Resource Hub! RobynGobbel.com/FreeResourceHub :::Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/bookJoin us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClubSign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/ImmersionFollow Me On:FacebookInstagram Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

This episode originally aired in 2020. It's a very popular episode that deserved being updated because so many folks are still listening!***Lying is probably the behavior parents seek support with the most.  It's confusing.  It's triggering.  It's exhausting. We can use our x-ray vision goggles to get underneath the lying so we can respond in ways that actually sets the boundary and increases the possibility of helping our children developing more socially and relationally appropriate behaviors. Would you rather about Lying as a Trauma Driven Behavior? Check out my blog! https://robyngobbel.com/lying/Additional Resources:Lying as a Trauma Driven Behavior Infographic Free Resource Hub: RobynGobbel.com/FreeResourceHubEp 222: Lying, Stealing, Regression and Baby TalkWe have a few spots remaining in the professional, retreat style workshop Presence in Practice in Durango, CO March 5-7, 2026. Head to RobynGobbel.com/Durango for details and registration Check out RobynGobbel.com/Trainings for the professional trainings scheduled around the US in 2026. Get access to over 25+ free resources in our brand, new Free Resource Hub! RobynGobbel.com/FreeResourceHub :::Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/bookJoin us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClubSign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/ImmersionFollow Me On:FacebookInstagram Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

Content note: This episode discusses trauma, parenting stress, and nervous system overwhelm. There are no graphic details, but please take care while listening.Parenting a child with a vulnerable nervous system can stir up your own trauma in ways that feel surprising, intense, and deeply unsettling. In this episode, we slow everything down and make sense of why this kind of parenting can feel so much harder when you have your own trauma history.In this episode, you’ll learn:Why parenting a dysregulated child uniquely activates trauma for caregiversHow attachment, memory networks, and a narrowed window of tolerance collide in everyday parenting momentsWhy understanding your nervous system is just as important as understanding your child’sResources mentioned in this podcast:When Parenting is Traumatic Ep 95Trauma, Memory, and Behavior Ep. 91 (implicit memory)Free Resource HubRead the full transcript at:RobynGobbel.com/whenparentingtriggersyourtraumaWe have a few spots remaining in the professional, retreat style workshop Presence in Practice in Durango, CO March 5-7, 2026. Head to RobynGobbel.com/Durango for details and registration Check out RobynGobbel.com/Trainings for the professional trainings scheduled around the US in 2026. Get access to over 25+ free resources in our brand, new Free Resource Hub! RobynGobbel.com/FreeResourceHub :::Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/bookJoin us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClubSign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/ImmersionFollow Me On:FacebookInstagram Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

Content warning: This episode includes discussion of severe trauma, abuse (including sexual abuse), dissociation, and suicidal ideation. Please take care while listening and pause if needed.In today’s episode, Robyn is joined by therapist, author, and adoptive parent Sally Maslansky to explore dissociative identity disorder through the lens of interpersonal neurobiology, attachment, and compassion. Together, they unpack how even the most confusing and baffling behaviors- ours and our children’s - can be understood as brilliant adaptations rooted in survival.In this episode, you’ll hear about:Why dissociative identity disorder can be understood as a brilliant adaptation to overwhelming early traumaHow making sense of our own histories (especially implicit memory and attachment wounds) changes the way we parent and repair ruptures with our kids.What it looks like, in real life, to heal through connection, compassion, and feeling truly felt- and how these experiences invite our attachment systems to move toward securityResources Mentioned on the PodcastA Brilliant Adaptation by Sally MaslanskyVirtual event with Sally Maslansky hosted by GAINS on January 21Sally Maslansky, LMFT with Daniel J. Siegel, MD- UCLA Friends of Semel Institute on March 11Psychotherapy Networker Symposium- Live in Washington D.C. & Online March 19-21Read the full transcript at:We have a few spots remaining in the professional, retreat style workshop Presence in Practice in Durango, CO March 5-7, 2026. Head to RobynGobbel.com/Durango for details and registration Check out RobynGobbel.com/Trainings for the professional trainings scheduled around the US in 2026. Get access to over 25+ free resources in our brand, new Free Resource Hub! RobynGobbel.com/FreeResourceHub :::The All-About-Me workbook will help your child grow their owl brain and develop ways to calm their watchdog and possum brain. 24 page, full-color, instant download at RobynGobbel.com/store :::Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/bookJoin us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClubSign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/ImmersionFollow Me On:FacebookInstagram Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

Should we be talking about felt safety when so much is genuinely unsafe?I’ve been thinking a lot about this hard and honest question that so many parents are holding: when danger, injustice, and unmet needs are real and ongoing, does focusing on felt safety miss the point? Or can it actually be part of resistance, coherence, and long-term protection for our nervous systems?In this episode, you’ll learn:Why focusing on felt safety is not the same as ignoring real danger, injustice, or systemic failure- and how both truths can coexistHow strengthening the nervous system can reduce long-term harm without minimizing how hard, unfair, or traumatic things areWhy regulation and moments of safety, connection, and coherence are not toxic positivity- but a necessary foundation for advocacy, boundaries, and resilienceResources mentioned in this podcast:Creating Felt Safety LIVE webinar with Robyn on Thursday January 15th RobynGobbel.com/FeltSafetyWebinarThe Club! RobynGobbel.com/TheClubRead the full transcript at: https://robyngobbel.com/nothingfeelssafeWe have a few spots remaining in the professional, retreat style workshop Presence in Practice in Durango, CO March 5-7, 2026. Head to RobynGobbel.com/Durango for details and registration Check out RobynGobbel.com/Trainings for the professional trainings scheduled around the US in 2026. :::Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/bookJoin us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClubSign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/ImmersionFollow Me On:FacebookInstagram Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

In part 3 of this series on Boundaries with Connection, Juliane Taylor Shore talks us through how boundaries work in relationships with our children - relationships where we have to show up every day - and why it is so important for us to have good psychological boundaries when our children are verbally aggressive. In this episode, you’ll learn:What are psychological boundariesHow do psychological boundaries help usWhy good psychological boundaries are important when a child is verbally aggressiveHow to create space between your mind and another's mindResources mentioned in this podcast:Juliane Taylor Shore's website: https://www.cleariskind.com/Juliane's boundaries course: ​​https://therapywisdom.com/neurobiology-of-feeling-safe/Jules' Relationship Podcast : https://whydoesmypartner.com/FREEOne-page PDF infographic on Boundaries with Connection!CLICK HERE to get the download sent to your inboxRead a summary or the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/boundaries3We have a few spots remaining in the professional, retreat style workshop Presence in Practice in Durango, CO March 5-7, 2026. Head to RobynGobbel.com/Durango for details and registration Check out RobynGobbel.com/Trainings for the professional trainings scheduled around the US in 2026. Get access to over 25+ free resources in our brand, new Free Resource Hub! RobynGobbel.com/FreeResourceHub :::The All-About-Me workbook will help your child grow their owl brain and develop ways to calm their watchdog and possum brain. 24 page, full-color, instant download at RobynGobbel.com/store :::Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/bookJoin us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClubSign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/ImmersionFollow Me On:FacebookInstagram Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

In part 2 of this series on Boundaries with Connection, we explore how to set boundaries that create success by providing structure and containment that offers safety, connection, and co-regulation.In this episode, you’ll learn:How boundaries can create physical and emotional safetyHow to create the kind of boundaries your child really needs for continued developmentHow to set boundaries with the intent of increasing regulationResources mentioned in this podcast:Previous podcast episode https://robyngobbel.com/scaffoldingFREEOne-page PDF infographic on Boundaries with Connection!CLICK HERE to get the download sent to your inboxRead a summary or the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/boundaries2We have a few spots remaining in the professional, retreat style workshop Presence in Practice in Durango, CO March 5-7, 2026. Head to RobynGobbel.com/Durango for details and registration Check out RobynGobbel.com/Trainings for the professional trainings scheduled around the US in 2026. Get access to over 25+ free resources in our brand, new Free Resource Hub! RobynGobbel.com/FreeResourceHub :::Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/bookJoin us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClubSign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/ImmersionFollow Me On:FacebookInstagram Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)