How Conflict Cultivates Intimacy Ep. 292

Elliott and I have been meaning to debate this question for a while now—so here it is! Elliott married at the tender age of 22 and, as for me, I was 42 before Dan and I tied the knot. We both have strong, loving marriages. We’re both incredibly happy. But, we took very different paths. Over the years, we’ve had fun taking sides—with Elliott proclaiming the benefits of marrying young and me asserting it’s better to wait. But, what does research say? And, which couples end up in Elliott’s office due to crises? Those who married younger or older? Join us for part 1 of our “debate” about when it’s best to marry.  Spoiler alert:  Elliott actually concedes a point to me—this rarely ever happens in any disputes we have! But, I’m guessing I’ll be conceding a few points to him in part 2. :-) Sponsors: Authentixx  Website: http://www.authentixx.com Code: LOVELIFE for 10% off your order! The Wellness Company Website: ⁠https://www.twc.health/lovelife⁠ Code: LOVELIFE for 15% off your order! Dr. Karin & Pastor Elliott Anderson Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook Instagram: @dr.karin | @pastorelliottanderson --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/love-and-life-media/message

Imagine this: you’ve worked your whole life to swim at the collegiate level. You make the team at an Ivy League school. All those sacrifices paid off—you’re competing at the elite level! And then, before your sophomore year, a guy joins the team. His name is Will, but he now goes by Lia because during his junior year, he decided he was a woman and started hormone therapy. You don’t think it’s right that a 6’1” man will take the place of a female teammate–a girl who’s worked as hard as you did to earn her spot on the roster. Furthermore, you’re uncomfortable with a man changing in the women’s locker room. You mention this and you’re told, “You should get some psychological support.” None of this makes sense. None of it is fair. But, if you discuss it—even with your teammates—you’re called “transphobic.” You stop talking about it because no one’s listening. You finish your senior year and then head to New York for your first job. But, you’re still mad about it. You know men competing against women is wrong. You realized it’s bigger than the injustice you endured—women’s sports are at risk of extinction. You break your silence and join The Independent Women’s Forum—an organization devoted to protecting women’s rights in the midst of a culture that permits men to invade female spaces. This is exactly what happened to Paula Scanlan.   She shares her story today on Love & Life. Sponsors: Authentixx Website: http://www.authentixx.com Code: LOVELIFE for 10% off your order! The Wellness Company Website: ⁠https://www.twc.health/lovelife⁠ Code: LOVELIFE for 15% off your order! Dr. Karin & Pastor Elliott Anderson Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook Instagram: @dr.karin | @pastorelliottanderson --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/love-and-life-media/message

In the midst of newlywed bliss, we often overlook the importance of presenting ourselves to our families and friends as a united front. That is, until our in-laws begin to meddle and make inappropriate demands . . .  Of course, we remain respectful of our parents and in-laws. Of course, we want to avail ourselves of their wisdom and guidance. But, a young couple (or not-so-young couple) must demonstrate to their families (and to themselves) that their primary allegiance is to each other–NOT to their families of origin. It’s a complex, difficult process which involves grieving the loss of former alliances. For example, a father and daughter may have always had a special bond–which is wonderful–but now, the daughter’s primary connection needs to be with her husband.  Learn how to grieve these losses while simultaneously establishing healthy, appropriate boundaries with our families of origin.  Elliott and I discuss all this and more in today’s episode!  Sponsor: The Wellness Company Website: ⁠https://www.twc.health/lovelife⁠ Code: LOVELIFE for 15% off your order! Dr. Karin & Pastor Elliott Anderson Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook Instagram: @dr.karin | @pastorelliottanderson --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/love-and-life-media/message

You have questions. We’ve got answers! As part of our series on Elliott’s premarital counseling curriculum, we shared 2 episodes about how to cultivate true sexual intimacy and fulfillment.  We received some feedback from listeners whose sex lives are extremely difficult. They don’t intend to leave their marriages for various reasons–there are children involved, or they love each other deeply despite the physical disconnectedness, or they don’t believe sexual incompatibility warrants divorce–but obviously, they’re very unhappy with the status quo.  Specifically, listeners asked us: 1. What if my spouse is emotionally abusive? I’m not going to leave because we have children and I don’t want to disrupt their home. But, it’s brutal having sex with someone who’s cruel, demeaning, and volatile. Any thoughts? 2. Our sex life isn’t going well, but my spouse refuses to go to counseling. How can I make things better? 3.  feel like our sexual relationship is one sided in that my husband always gets his needs met, but mine rarely are. How can I address this without feeling like I'm begging? Join us to hear Elliott’s advice for these difficult issues around sex, emotional abuse, and incompatibility. Sponsor: The Wellness Company Website: ⁠https://www.twc.health/lovelife⁠ Code: LOVELIFE for 15% off your order! Dr. Karin & Pastor Elliott Anderson Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook Instagram: @dr.karin | @pastorelliottanderson --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/love-and-life-media/message

A 2016 Pew Research Poll found that just 44% of respondents consider shared religious beliefs to be key to a successful marriage. Therefore, 66% of us aren’t too worried about aligning spiritually with our partner. But, is it wise to minimize this? Actually, according to multiple studies, couples who pray together DO stay together. In fact, marital satisfaction is highly correlated with religious affiliation and committed practice. Join us for our responses to this data—and other research findings which highlights the importance of aligning spiritually with your partner.   Citations: Effects of Religious Practice on Marriage What Couples May Not Realize About Relgion and Marriage Sponsor: The Wellness Company Website: ⁠https://www.twc.health/lovelife⁠ Code: LOVELIFE for 15% off your order! Dr. Karin & Pastor Elliott Anderson Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook Instagram: @dr.karin | @pastorelliottanderson --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/love-and-life-media/message

Dave Wayne had found his passion and purpose in life. As a psychiatric nurse, he’d gained the respect of both his peers and superiors–so much so, that he won a prestigious award at his hospital!. Not long after receiving this accolade, Dave was fired. Why? He declined to take an injection of an experimental product.  But as so often happens in life, our darkest moments propel us in a new direction–one that’s more aligned with our values and better suited to who we’re meant to become!. And, in Dave’s case, his skepticism around Big Pharma had already made him realize a profession grounded in pharmaceutical interventions wouldn’t be a fit for him long term.  Dave now serves as a holistic health coach. He emphasizes the importance of nutrition, lifestyle, and mindset on our emotional well-being as he helps clients “describe” from medications. Join us to learn how you can thrive free of Pharma!    Sponsor: The Wellness Company Website: ⁠https://www.twc.health/lovelife⁠ Code: LOVELIFE for 15% off your order! David Wayne Website: https://www.describe.health Instagram: @david.wayne.rn Dr. Karin & Pastor Elliott Anderson Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook Instagram: @dr.karin | @pastorelliottanderson Citations: Undisclosed financial conflicts of interest in DSM-5-TR: cross sectional analysis, BMJ 2024; 384 doi: https://doi.org/10.1136/bmj-2023-076902 (Published 10 January 2024) https://www.bmj.com/content/384/bmj-2023-076902/rapid-responses --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/love-and-life-media/message

We started an occasional series a while ago called, “Empowered Evolving” in part, because I saw so much shifting all around us. Beliefs that had once been considered integral to folks with certain philosophical ideology, now seem to be embraced by those on the opposite side of things. Furthermore, over the last several years, we’ve witnessed the abolition of core American rights I thought we all valued.  Very strange times, indeed. I called the series, “Empowered Evolving” as a way to remind myself—and anyone else who might have been feeling unsettled, as I’ve felt over the last several years—that evolving IS empowered. We used to encourage people to question authority and do our own research and think for ourselves and ask for second, third, and fourth opinions. We warned each other to resist tribalism and group-think. Americans were pioneers, independent minded. We read Thorough’s Civil Disobedience in high school and lived by Shakespeare’s “To thine own self be true”  Naturally, when you live out such principles, you often evolve. Evolving can feel lonely. You may lose friends, your community, even your identity. This all happened to today’s guest, former psychiatric nurse turned holistic health coach, Dave Wayne. Sponsor: The Wellness Company Website: ⁠https://www.twc.health/lovelife⁠ Code: LOVELIFE for 15% off your order! David Wayne Website: https://www.describe.health Instagram: @david.wayne.rn Dr. Karin & Pastor Elliott Anderson Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook Instagram: @dr.karin | @pastorelliottanderson --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/love-and-life-media/message

Sometimes, even when we’re well into adulthood, dynamics from our family of origin continue to impact us and our relationships.  We may be physically distant, but still emotionally enmeshed! Oftentimes, we remain entangled in family drama, which consumes our time and energy. What’s worse—it robs us of the emotional bandwidth necessary to pursue healthy, romantic partnership.  We may not actually be available for love—even though we deeply desire it and long to meet our person.  Join us to learn 2 key principles from Family Systems Theory which will greatly enhance your ability to relate to your family of origin with emotional maturity.  As an added bonus, healthier family relationships lead to healthier relationships with EVERYONE in your life—including with yourself, your friends, and your romantic partner! Sponsor: The Wellness Company Website: ⁠https://www.twc.health/lovelife⁠ Code: LOVELIFE for 15% off your order! Dr. Karin & Pastor Elliott Anderson Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook Instagram: @dr.karin | @pastorelliottanderson --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/love-and-life-media/message

In Elliott’s final session of his premarital curriculum, he delves into a topic which all too often proves incredibly difficult for couples to discuss—sex. We began this conversation in episode 295 but, because there’s obviously a lot to talk about, we broke it up into 2 parts. Elliott shares Biblical wisdom to help couples cultivate deep, meaningful sexual connections. He also provides practical steps for every stage of marriage—whether you’re newlyweds hoping to establish a firm foundation or you’ve been together for years and years but have lost that spark. No matter where you are in your love journey, this episode is for you! Sponsor: The Wellness Company Website: ⁠https://www.twc.health/lovelife⁠ Code: LOVELIFE for 15% off your order! Dr. Karin & Pastor Elliott Anderson Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook Instagram: @dr.karin | @pastorelliottanderson --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/love-and-life-media/message

In the final session of Elliott’s premarital curriculum, he helps couples develop habits and dynamics necessary for cultivating sexual intimacy and fulfillment. Step one—you need to be able to talk about it! As Elliott notes, many couples struggle to discuss this most important element of their relationship. Elliott shares the key questions he poses to couples to assist them in establishing a solid foundation for the physical expression of their love and commitment.   Sponsor: The Wellness Company Website: ⁠https://www.twc.health/lovelife⁠ Code: LOVELIFE for 15% off your order! Dr. Karin & Pastor Elliott Anderson Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook Instagram: @dr.karin | @pastorelliottanderson --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/love-and-life-media/message