Happy Life

Marriage Benefits-We Don’t Just Date For Fun [Show Opens] Myrtle Alegado: Do you remember when you began to seriously consider getting married? On today’s episode, we’ll talk to newlyweds who will share the progression in their relationship, from meeting, to courtship, and finally to marriage. Welcome to Happy Life, a podcast brought to you by INC Media Audio that aims to help newlyweds navigate through the first years of marriage. I’m your host, Myrtle Alegado, and I’ve been married to my husband, Paul, since 1999. Later, we’ll hear some Bible-based advice through Brother Felmar Serreno, a minister of the gospel in the Church Of Christ. [Show Catchphrase] Inspiration to make your marriage thrive, you’re listening to Happy Life Myrtle: Today, I’d like to welcome our newlyweds from Yorba Linda, California to the podcast. Thanks so much for joining us on Happy Life, Aedelbert and Darlene! Darlene Alejandro: Thank you for having us, Myrtle. Aedelbert Alejandro: Hello! Thank you for having us. Myrtle: How are you both doing today? Darlene: We’re good. Aedelbert: Doing good. Myrtle: Well, as I understand it, you got married in January of this year, right? Aedelbert: Correct. Darlene: Yes. Myrtle: Oh, well,congratulations to you both! Now, how did you both meet? Aedelbert: So I moved to the Bay Area to finish college at San Francisco State University, and Darlene actually came up to me at one of our church events. It was a coastal cleanup. And, you know, I was hanging out with my guy friends, and Darlene came out of nowhere and just introduced herself to me. Darlene: Yeah. [laughs] Myrtle: Is that how you remember it, Darlene? Give us your take. Darlene: Yeah, he was new to Daly City local congregation. And it was about a month before I met him that he was already living in Daly City. And normally when someone new or a new member [of the Church Of Christ] comes into Daly City, I usually meet them just to welcome them. I didn’t meet him yet, so when I saw him at the coastal cleanup, yeah, I just went up to him and I was like, “Hi, I’m Darlene. I haven’t met you yet, but welcome to Daly City.” Myrtle: Aww. Well, that’s cute, Darlene! Darlene: Yes, so I went up to him at the coastal cleanup. And then maybe a couple days after that, one of our mutual friends on Instagram posted a picture of their friend group, and that person tagged him. Since I met him, I figured, “Okay, I can follow him now.” And then fast forward a couple more days, he posted this story about working out and he asked, “Who wants to be my workout buddy?” Mind you, I did not work out at that time but something inside me was like, “I’m going to respond and I’m going to say I’m going to be his workout buddy.” And that’s where we started talking or messaging with each other. Aedelbert: Yeah, so after Darlene replied to my story and she said, you know, “I’ll be your workout buddy,” we actually planned to hang out one day. And you know, one thing led to another, we started texting more, and started hanging out more. That led to me falling for Darlene, and I started courting her, and then I proposed to her [in] June of 2021. Myrtle: So, Aedel, you used the term courting, and I’d like to touch on that a little bit. In the Church Of Christ, we don’t use the term dating per se, because that implies that you’re just seeing someone in a kind of casual, romantic relationship. With courtship, we do so in a Christian manner, according to God’s teachings. So, now you’re both in your late 20s, and you’ve been married for a few months. What do you think about those individuals who date just for the sake of dating or date just for fun? Aedelbert: I think individuals who date just for the sake of dating or just for fun, at least from my personal point of view, I think they’re doing it just because you know, they’re bored or they’re trying to maintain this social presence online. They just want to be in this relationship so they can look cool to other people, or just simply not to seem that they’re alone, I guess. Darlene: Yeah, I agree with Aedel to an extent. I mostly think that people nowadays date for fun because [of] peer pressure. I guess the times that a person could start dating is typically, like, when you’re a young adult. Maybe you’re a teenager and you start developing, and you want to understand more, like, these feelings that may come up with another individual in your life. And since you’re just discovering these feelings, you don’t really know what to think about them. But they’re strong enough that it moves you to do something about that, which is dating. Your heart, it’s like it’s telling you one thing, but then your brain is saying another thing, and it’s hard to differentiate the two. And that’s why I think some people want to experiment, and they date around to see who is the best option for them. Myrtle: And what are your opinions on this mentality? Darlene: Dating just involves a lot of feelings in general and, personally, I feel like it involves more negative feelings than positive. To hear about the concept of dating, and dating multiple people, or dating around, someone is bound to get hurt at some point. I think it’s just inevitable. Aedelbert: I just disagree with ‘dating for fun’ or that mentality of dating for fun. Because, honestly, what’s the point of dating when the whole reason is eventually you’re trying to get married, which goes back to courting someone in a Christian manner. At least when we’re courting someone we try and find, like, their Christian values, what they believe in, seeing how one person’s beliefs aligns with yours. For me at least, I was always taught that growing up. And if you’re going to date someone, you’re really trying to figure out why you want to spend the rest of your life with that specific person. Myrtle: Just curious, you know, you mentioned that you want[ed] to find somebody whose values kind of align with yours. Do you think that people don’t look for that these days, that the youth don’t think about that? Darlene: Personally, I feel like nowadays, to find someone with the same values as you, or the same faith as you, I feel like it’s not at the top of a person’s priority. Most people just think of personality traits right off the bat. Like, they have to be funny, or they have to be a certain height, or they have to, I don’t know, have brown eyes, brown hair. Stuff like that. Aedelbert: I think people trying to find if their values align or not is lost, because people are in it for, like, a social standing type thing. So they do it for a specific reason, that they’re trying to attain this specific thing, and they know that this person can help them get it. Myrtle: But you know, at what age or point in life do you think people should start seriously searching for a ‘forever’ relationship? Darlene: Honestly, I can’t really put a number on it, because I didn’t think I would get married at this age. I’m 27 right now, I didn’t think I’d get married at this age. But I think they should hit certain goals in their life first. Like, for example, I think someone should be established in a career, or at least confident in the path that they’re taking in their life. I definitely think they should also be confident just on their own. To have a partner, like a forever relationship, they are just like an added blessing. Aedelbert: There’s no set age that someone should start looking for their ‘forever’ relationship, because everyone has their own path in life. Everyone accomplishes a certain, you know, achievement in life at different ages. First of all, someone should be established in their career, just so that it doesn’t put that financial burden when, you know, it’s time to get married. Like you should be confident that you could be okay with yourself, who you are as a person, and then finding someone else to share those blessings with you in your life, then that’s the perfect time to move forward and look for that relationship. Myrtle: And I just want to add that, of course, you should also have the blessings of your parents to go forward with a ‘forever’ relationship and, you know, that next step in life, or next step in the relationship, engagement and then marriage. So, you know, these days it’s common practice for boyfriend and girlfriend to just move in together and not get married at all. We, as members of the Church Of Christ, do not follow this practice, and later we’ll hear what the Bible has to say about this, of course. But I’m curious about how you two feel about this. Aedelbert: I don’t think it’s right for this type of practice. Honestly, because I think it gives people an option or like a way out. But if you’re married, of course, you got married before God and then we learned that it’s till death do you part. So you’re always going to have to figure out how to work things out. And I think at the end of the day, when you’re going through all these things on a daily basis, of course, you’re going to work through things, and try and figure out where things could be improved on, and you’ll always get through it. And when you’re married, there’s no trial and error compared to those who just live together without the benefit of marriage. Darlene: Yeah, I agree with Aedel. There’s just no obligation to stay and, like, work things out. How do you know that they’re going to stick around for the rest of your life? Like, how do you know that things are going to work out? Compared to when you’re married, there’s that official stamp that you’re both in this for life. Myrtle: And in your opinion, what are the positive aspects like, you know, financial or emotional to get[ting] married? Darlene: One positive aspect to getting married, well, there’s financial benefits because obviously there’s an extra income, but it also teaches you a lot about just how to handle your money. Budgeting and saving is very essential when you’re married. I’ve been telling some of my friends, like, you really don’t know how expensive it is just to live, and have your place, and have things set in your everyday life until you’re married. I don’t know if it’s just me. [laughs] I’ve been encouraging some of my friends, who could be on their way to getting married, to start this when you are engaged, maybe even if you have a feeling that you’re going to be engaged, to start saving a lot and learning about how to budget your money. Myrtle: Okay, I’m going to do a shameless plug for our episode number two. If you haven’t listened to that yet, it’s the episode with Chris and Alyssa about Buying Your First House as Newlyweds. So, they talk a lot about budgeting, financial planning, and just being, you know, able to have that open discussion. So yeah, as per Darlene and what she’s been telling her friends, give that episode a listen if you want to know more about that aspect of getting married. Darlene: I heard that episode when it came out, and I was still able to learn from that and we’re already married. But yeah, it’s a great episode. But going back to positive aspects, another positive is the emotional benefits. He is my calm whenever I have anxiety, so it’s very peaceful to have him around. Aedelbert: To kind of continue on that, I think one of the biggest benefits that we get from being married is you’ll always have someone there to really go through everything together. Whether it’s little, big decisions in life, they’ll always be there to support you no matter what you do. And you won’t really have to go through anything alone anymore. Myrtle: Well, thank you for sharing, you know, what you believe are the positive aspects of marriage. And now that we’ve touched on some of the financial, social and emotional benefits, I’d like to hear what the biggest benefit of getting married is. Returning to Happy Life is a minister of the gospel in the Church Of Christ, Brother Felmar Serreno. Hi again, Brother Felmar! Brother Felmar Serreno: Hello, everybody. So getting right to it, I think the question was, Myrtle, what is the biggest benefit of getting married? So, the biggest benefit of true marriage is being blessed by God in more ways than you can imagine. Just listen to how the Bible describes a husband and wife who have been blessed by God. In the Book of Psalms, the chapter is 128, the verses are 1 to 4. We’ll quote from The Good News Translation: Happy are those who obey the LORD, who live by his commands. Your work will provide for your needs; you will be happy and prosperous. Your wife will be like a fruitful vine in your home, and your children will be like young olive trees around your table. A man who obeys the LORD will surely be blessed like this. [Psalm 128:1-4 Good News Translation] Brother Felmar Serreno: Isn’t having a happy, prosperous, and blessed home what every married couple dreams of? But what should we understand? Only the Lord our God can give true happiness and prosperity to a married couple. And this goes well beyond material things. For those tuning in, never forget that there are many things money cannot buy, such as: God’s love and favor; the development of patience, understanding, and harmony between husband and wife; the growth and the strengthening of love and faith; God’s guidance and protection upon us day by day; the truth of God’s words taught to us in the Church Of Christ, which, when obeyed, paves the way to God’s tremendous blessings in this life and, more so, in the life to come. But what home will surely be blessed like this? The Bible stated, “Happy are those who obey the LORD, who live by his commands.” Therefore, we should never do anything that would lead us away from obeying God’s commands that have been taught to us based on the Bible. Otherwise, we would forfeit God’s blessings upon our marriage and our home. In connection with that, it’s important that we are reminded about the warning of the apostles regarding how we should live, especially nowadays. Let’s listen to Romans, chapter 12, verse 2, in The Message translation: Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you. [Romans 12:2 The Message] Brother Felmar Serreno: The Bible teaches that we should not become so well-adjusted to the culture of society that we end up fitting into it without even thinking. So what should we do? Members of the Church Of Christ ought to discern if a practice or belief proposed by society is something acceptable to adapt [to]. And doesn’t our Church Administration continue to lead us in this regard? For example, through the lessons we receive in worship service, aren’t we guided on how to analyze and compare what we encounter in the world with the teachings and values we have been taught based on the Bible? Well, why the Bible? Because it is the word of God—and that’s been proven to us many times in our Bible studies and in our worship service lessons. And what should we never forget about the words of God, His teachings, and His ways? In Hosea, chapter 14, verse 9, in the Today’s English Version: May those who are wise understand what is written here, and may they take it to heart. The Lord’s ways are right, and righteous people live by following them, but sinners stumble and fall because they ignore them. [Hosea 14:9 Today’s English Version] Brother Felmar Serreno: The Lord’s ways are right. God’s teachings are the ultimate truth. That’s why it’s His words or teachings which should reign supreme in our life. So, now I want to comment on something we heard earlier in today’s podcast. So, even if things like “dating for fun” or “living-in together,” without getting married first, might be common practice in today’s society, remember, that doesn’t make it the right practice. Those practices lead to fornication or pre-marital sex, which goes against morality or God’s teachings. Actually, we just took that up in a recent episode with Kegan and Aila[faye]—so to all our listeners out there, if you want to hear Bible-based teachings on why the Church Of Christ does not agree with pre-marital sex or live-in relationships, please listen to that episode as well. Myrtle: Thank you for those Bible verses, Brother Felmar, and for joining us again on Happy Life. Brother Felmar Serreno: Well, thank you again for having me, Myrtle. Thank you to the Happy Life team. God bless to all the married couples. Myrtle: So, Aedel and Darlene, how important is it to find a future spouse with the same faith and values as you? Darlene: I think it’s so important to find someone with the same faith and values, because this is like what you hold at your core. Your faith and what you value in life is what motivates you to make decisions. Marriage is a forever thing. It’s a big decision that couples make, and when you have someone who agrees with you and understands you at your core faith and values, it just makes decision making in every step, after getting married, much easier to take. Aedelbert: And I think it’s important because it allows your relationship to run more smoothly. You can make those decisions together, and you won’t clash because both of your values are the same. And like I mentioned earlier, with those values and beliefs aligning, your goals will also be very similar. So, then you’ll both know what it’s going to take in order to work together and reach those goals, so you know you’ll be able to maintain a happy marriage. Myrtle: For both of you, was your faith in the Church Of Christ instilled in you at a young age? Aedelbert: Definitely. Growing up, everything that I did revolved around Church [events]. You know, I went to all the Church activities. I was born and raised in the Church, even to the point where my family was so active they always helped and planned local activities. So, ever since from a young age I was always involved. Darlene: Yeah, same for me. I was also born and raised in the Church, and I did also grow up going to all of the activities inside of the Church. But other than the activities, like, my mom was an organist for the choir, my dad was a head deacon. Both of those roles in the Church, you have to be at the place of worship early. When I was a kid, I was the only kid there. And then, sometimes, with those roles in the Church, you are also one of the last to leave. So I was also the last kid to leave the place of worship with my parents. And that also carried into just growing up inside the Church, like when I was a teenager, to a young adult, and still now. Myrtle: And how important was your faith to you in your late teens and early 20s? Aedelbert: It was very important to me. Thinking back how my late teenage years, you know, when I was still in high school, one of my close friends actually asked me, he’s like, “Are you going to be doing this for the rest of your life? Are you always going to be going to your church worship services and activities like this, because you never really hang out with us and party with us.” And you know, it was a Friday night, I had choir practice scheduled, and I replied to him, I told him, “Yeah, that’s where my priorities are, and it’s always where I’m going to be.” His reaction was like, he kind of looked at me weird and he’s like, “Oh, okay.” You know, “Do whatever you want to do, I guess.” I could tell that he didn’t really understand why I’d rather choose Church rather than, you know, go hanging out with them. He just didn’t really understand why I chose Church. Myrtle: I know that you said that your friends didn’t really understand, you know, your stance and how much your faith meant to you. But what did it mean to you to stand up for your faith and to make sure that that was always a priority in your life? Aedelbert: My family, my extended family, all of us were very active. They just instilled in me that no matter what happens, whatever you come across, always choose [the] Church and God first. Because of our faith, we were always taught to do what God wants us to do. Darlene: Same thing for me. Growing up in the Church, my faith was also very important to me, especially because my parents were very active and they were officers, and same for my brother who was also an active officer in the Church. And it even went beyond my family. I had a lot of friends who were at the same activities as me, and at the same worship services that I was attending. So I am blessed to say that I had a community of friends and family inside the Church, and they all definitely helped me stay afloat in my faith. But this was especially essential during my teen years. Myrtle: Because of your faith, how significant is it that you’re able to pray to God regarding your marriage? Darlene: Being able to pray to God, especially about our marriage, it’s really important to me. But before I say more, I have a funny story, because when we were still dating I actually used to pray, like, “Dear God, if Aedelbert is not the one for me, please end things right now for the both of us.” But obviously we’re married now, so God had other plans. And now that we’re here, now we pray together. We started praying together when Aedelbert was courting me, and we still pray together now as a married couple. Aedelbert: I think prayer is very important, especially when you’re in a relationship, because before we even got together I had a devotional prayer. And I prayed and asked God, “If Darlene is the one for me, if she’s the one who you want me to court, you know, show me the signs and allow everything to fall into place.” I think that if you don’t have a devotional prayer, if you don’t pray for this person, how do you know you’re supposed to be with that person? How do you know that person was given to you from God? I mean, obviously, Darlene is the one for me because, you know, we’re married now. But I think it’s very important, even more so now that we’re married, that we continue to pray together. Now, we pray every single morning before we start our day, and then every single night we pray again, you know, just to ask God, “Thank you for being with us, thank you for all the blessings that we received today.” And the biggest thing is to let God be the center of our relationship, so that we never forget about him. And the whole reason that we are together is because of Him. Myrtle: So God gave you the blessing to court Darlene, but how hard was it to get her parents’ blessing? Aedelbert: Honestly, I was terrified. San Francisco Is not that hot. It’s very cold over there. But when I went there, I remember I was walking to the house, I was so warm. I was just sweating like crazy. I was super, super nervous. Darlene: My whole family was there, my mom, my dad, and my brother. But not me, because I didn’t want to be there. So, I was in another room just letting him deal with whatever my family had to say. Aedelbert: I sat down with her parents. I just simply asked, like, “Hello. I just want to ask for your blessing and for your permission if it’s okay to court your daughter.” And surprisingly, everything went really smoothly. Yeah, everything just fell into place. Myrtle: Well, now you have almost six months of marriage under your belt. How has married life been, and how have you been blessed by God up to this point? Aedelbert: With the new transition to a new city together, and we’re both relocating our new jobs, I was from San Diego, Darlene was from the Bay Area before we even got married, I feel blessed because everyone always says, “You don’t know your spouse until you actually live with them.” And, you know, you’re going to figure out all these little things that will just annoy you. But, so far, everything just worked out. Everything just seemed so seamless and smooth, that when we feel that somehow things won’t work out, somehow God always ends up providing things that we need. Darlene: To go off of what Aedel said, we’re not saying that it was, like, 100% easy and 100% smooth. Like of course, there were adjustments that we both had to make, because this is obviously our first time living together. So, we did have to make adjustments. But it was, at least for me personally, moving in together and transitioning to married life together was significantly easier than I expected. It was stress-free for the most part. But yeah, if there were any moments where it didn’t feel easy, especially having God on our side, like, we knew at the end of the day that everything would be okay. Aedelbert: Honestly, marriage isn’t something people should be wary of. Life feels so much more blessed having someone, my wife, Darlene, to share it with. Darlene: Yeah, I agree. I am also very blessed to be married to you. Like it’s not just being able to be with your best friend every day, but it’s a blessing to know that this is my person, and he came from God. God gave Aedelbert to me, and that’s a great blessing to have. Myrtle: And I’m so thankful to you, Aedelbert and Darlene, for giving us your perspectives on this topic and for sharing the benefits of marriage that you’ve experienced. Darlene: Thank you for having us. This was fun. Aedelbert: Thank you. Myrtle: We hope that this topic we covered today has provided a new outlook on the benefits of marriage and reminded us about the fact that it is an institution that is truly a blessing from God. This brings us to the end of our episode for today! To learn more about Christian relationships please visit www.incmedia.org.  If you’d like to say hi, send us a question, or see who our newlywed guests are, you can visit our Instagram account: @happylife.podcast. Please also remember to share our podcast with your family and friends and all the newlyweds that you know! Thank you from all of us here on the Happy Life team. We’re so glad you joined us today, and hope we’ve all been reminded about the blessings of marriage. [Show Closes]

Supporting Each Other in a Health Crisis [Show opens] Myrtle Alegado: A health or medical crisis can have a significant impact on any marriage, but perhaps even more-so for newlyweds. You’re still finding your footing early on in your marriage, so how do you ensure you support each other enough to help each other get through this ordeal? We’ll find out about Joel and Richelle’s experience in today’s episode. Welcome to Happy Life, a podcast brought to you by INC Media Audio that aims to help newlyweds navigate through the first years of marriage. I’m your host, Myrtle Alegado, and I’ve been married to my husband, Paul, since 1999. Later, we’ll hear some Bible-based advice through Brother Felmar Serreno, a minister of the gospel in the Church Of Christ. [Show Catchphrase] Inspiration to make your marriage thrive, you’re listening to Happy Life. Myrtle: Because the topic of discussion today is an extremely sensitive one, and I know it may be difficult to talk about, I am so appreciative of Richelle and Joel, from London, who are here to chat with me today. Welcome to the Happy Life podcast, Joel and Richelle. Joel Dela Cruz: Hello. Richelle Dela Cruz: Hi. Hi, Myrtle. How are you? Myrtle: I’m good. How are things over there, over the pond? Joel: We’re good. Thank you very much. Thank you for having us. Myrtle: So you two have been married for how long now? Joel: Coming up to three years in September. Myrtle: Oh, wow! Congratulations. So, now tell me about finding out that you were expecting your baby boy, Noah. Joel: So, we weren’t really planning. We just left it up to God and if He blessed us with a child, He blessed us. So, we weren’t really actively trying to have a baby or conceive at the time. Richelle: Yeah, so you can say that we were surprised when we found out. Actually I was the first one who found out. I realized it because that day, it was during the pandemic, and I was working from home and I don’t usually eat junk food. But I realized I finished, like, a bag of crisps, or chips for America. I finished a whole bag and then I looked at it and I was like, “What’s happening?” And then I messaged him, I was like, “Can you actually buy a test?” and when he came home, I tested and we actually filmed ourselves. And yeah, we were really surprised. We were really scared. It’s something that we didn’t expect, and we felt we weren’t ready for it at that time. Myrtle: But it was God’s perfect time, right? [laughs] Joel and Richelle: Yes. Myrtle: And what was your pregnancy like? Richelle: So my pregnancy went very well, if I can say that. Every stage of my pregnancy, from the moment that we found out that we were pregnant, to finding out the gender, up to the due date, we tried everything that we could to prepare ourselves. So, not just physically for me, mentally, and even more so spiritually. We held our devotional prayers, and I did some exercises as much as I could, tried to eat healthily. Myrtle: So up until the delivery, was everything pretty normal with your pregnancy? Joel: Yeah, as she mentioned, everything was normal. The way Richelle planned to have a natural birth, water birth to be specific. Richelle: Here in the U.K., we have a good kind of support system as well, with a midwife. So every time I would go for my appointment, they checked everything and also we talked about my birth plan. They knew what we wanted to do, if in case something would happen, and they were informed of what we wanted to opt for if something like that would happen. Myrtle: So at this point, this is where the story does take a turn. I know that you did not have your ideal water birth. Can you tell us what happened during the delivery? Joel: It started early morning, because around 1am or so where she actually was able to start pushing. So, past the contractions, and actually being admitted, and being able to go into the water and start pushing. At that time, she was trying for a good few hours. It was only when there was a switch between the midwives, where the next midwife decided to check and see if it was okay. So they got out of the water, and that’s when they discovered that her water didn’t actually break just yet. And then when they broke it there was a lot of meconium, which is basically the baby’s poop, that he inhaled. And that’s when they decided to rush her to the birthing center. Richelle: At this point, I think I was in labor for more than 24 hours, right? Joel: Something like that. Richelle: Or 26 hours. So it’s like the next day already, and at the last minute when they found that there was meconium, you know, I was kind of heightened in terms of the labor stage. So I just remember being carried, they put me on a wheelchair, and they transferred me. So I was in the birth center. So from the birth center, they transferred me to the labor ward, and that’s where all the doctors and all the medical facilities are, and I just remember being rushed. I laid on the bed. Within a minute, I have all of these like wires attached to me and then, you know, they were asking me to push already. And there [were] maybe five people around and they were kind of in panic. Joel: Yeah, no, I think there was a slight delay from when they got her in, because it was early morning and it was during that switch of nurses and midwives and doctors. And I think at that moment, every minute counts or every kind of second counted at that point, especially because they didn’t know how distressed the baby was. As soon as she had her next contractions they asked her to push and go for it, or else if she didn’t do it after I think one or two tries, they were going to go straight to C-section. But because the baby was quite far down already, that even would be quite risky. Richelle: Yeah, I just remember being in so much pain. At that time I was already fully dilated and I didn’t have any painkillers at all. I think I just had [laughing] gas, but they asked me to stop with it because I was already inhaling too much. So if you could imagine, I had to quickly give birth to Noah to try to save his life. And at the same time I remember thinking to myself, I just want this to be over with. It was just the most painful thing for me. And I remember when Noah came out, I only held him for a second, right? They had to quickly take him away from me. Joel: Yeah, so as soon as he came out, they literally put him [in] Chelle’s arms. They asked me to cut the cord straightaway, but then they realized. Then they took the baby straightaway, put off to the side, wiped off all the meconium that was on the baby, and then they began to suction out his windpipes for all the meconium, and then start doing basically the revival process, which we didn’t know at the time. But that’s what they were doing, rushing around. There’s more equipment coming in, there [were] the ICU trays coming in on wheels, and things like that. Myrtle: So you weren’t fully aware of how much in distress he was at that time I guess. But can you try to explain what Noah’s complications were at birth? Joel: So at birth, they originally just thought it was meconium aspiration, but when they got him into the ICU did a few more tests. Because it’s such a trial and error thing at that age, you can’t ask the baby what’s wrong, they have to try everything to see which one his body [will] react to. So they tried different drugs. They started doing everything they can. They had cannulas in every single part of his body that they could get into, both arms, legs, bellybutton, feet. Literally anywhere they could put up a cannula in they did. I think their main concern was that his blood pressure was constantly dropping in and out, his heart rate was dropping. They deemed him to have multiple organ dysfunction, mainly the lungs and the heart. They didn’t know what to do really at that point. They had a lot of concerns. They were calling different consultants in. They even started to speak to Great Ormond Street Hospital, which is a specialist child hospital in the U.K., one of the top hospitals, for advice on what to do too. Richelle: To list what the doctors had advised us, his complications were: meconium aspiration syndrome, liver failure, thrombosis of vessels, metabolic acidosis, metabolic disorder, suspected sepsis and acute kidney injury. Myrtle: I mean, that’s a pretty long list, so it must have been shocking to hear all of that. And then how did he react with all the medications and drugs that they were giving him? Joel: When they began with the various drugs, he got to a point at Chelsea hospital where he was at literally [the] maximum care that they could give him. There’s nothing more they can do to try and save Noah. Great Ormond Street suggested that they have a procedure called ECMO [extracorporeal membrane oxygenation]. The way they described it to me is that it’s similar to a heart lung bypass where they would take out the blood from Noah and they would re-oxidize it and pump it back into the body. So it takes on the function of the heart and lungs, but it’s not a permanent solution. It’s to allow the heart and lungs to recover from everything that’s happened and heal. Myrtle: So he was on that machine and then I’m sure for such a young, small, baby that must have been kind of risky as well. Richelle: Yes, it was very risky. Actually the doctor in Great Ormond Street, he told us that was his only chance of surviving basically. So they’ve tried giving him all the drugs, the medicines, that they could but he wasn’t reacting to it very well. And the last chance that we had was to put him on ECMO. So he was only two days old at that time. He was a small, newborn baby. So it does come with a lot of risks. The doctor sat us down, I remember that time, and he basically listed to us all the things that could go wrong. And one of them was that, because he is quite unstable and his heart was failing, his liver was failing, he had a high chance of getting a stroke or even bleeding. Because again, they will open up his artery to connect that ECMO machine and that could lead to a lot of bleeding which he was already at risk for. Joel: Yeah, because he was on blood thinners, if I’m not mistaken, for the blood to circulate and not clot. So to get him onto that machine, he could basically bleed out anywhere and they won’t know the cause. There was loads of different risks getting to that point or even making that decision. But even before that, the transfer to Great Ormond Street, we [weren’t] even sure if he was going to make it there, because imagine he was [at] maximum care at Chelsea. To get him into an ambulance, they have to lower that level of care and they have to also transport him, which you’re moving the baby with all that. But everything was timed perfectly, and to be honest that’s all God’s timing really. If something happened, if there was a car that blocked us, or literally every second counted at that time. And then after that in Great Ormond Street, with all the risks of even getting him on ECMO, they had to wait for him to get to a stable point before they can even operate. Richelle: We had to wait for a long time. Joel: Yeah, we had to wait for quite a while for him to just even get to that point where they said, “Okay, let’s do it. Now is our window. Let’s go. It’s now or never.” Richelle: Yeah, at that time it was already past midnight. We hadn’t had any sleep or food, but that was the last thing on our minds really. For me, I couldn’t even sleep. We were so tired. But I remember, as soon as the doctors left, we offered a prayer to God. You know, we had nothing else to do really, but to pray for a miracle, because it was literally out of our hands. You know, we had to trust that God will use the doctors, the surgeons, as His instruments to save our son, because that’s all we could hold on to—God’s power and His mercy—that hopefully we’ll still see our son after the surgery. But yeah thankfully, I think after five hours, five, six hours at this time, the doctors came in with the surgeons and I remember them saying, “It was a success.” And that was the first time actually that I just cried my heart out. I’ve never felt so much relief ever in my life, after hearing those words. He was saying a few things about the surgery, how it went, but in my mind I was just praying, and crying, and thanking God. For me that was again another miracle that God performed. Joel: They also said good things but they also mentioned that, before when he was on ECMO, slim to none was his survival ratings to now 50/50 pretty much, or just below 50% he mentioned. Those were the odds that doctors can give, but I mean in our hearts we entrust to God and no matter how slim the chances are, it’s all in God’s hands really at that point. Myrtle: You know, I can’t even imagine how scary and nerve wracking those first moments and hours were for both of you. I mean, you’re newlyweds and now you have a newborn baby in the NICU or neonatal intensive care unit. How did you try to support one another and what were the first few hours, or you know, days or even weeks like? Joel: It’s quite hard to describe it. Everything merged into one big survival mode of what I need to do to just get through this moment, get through the second. During the day you normally think of hours, or minutes, or how long until work finishes. But in those moments, it was literally every second mattered. Something was happening every single second, hands were moving, people were moving. Within those 24 to 48 hours, there [were] a lot of things that happened, and I think my body anyway kicked into just survival mode, and just going with what your body intends to do basically, and it just kept moving. Richelle: For me, the first 24 hours were a bit different from Joel I’d say. I felt a sense of loneliness and defeat. As a first time mother, you know, seeing your child being in that condition, fighting for his life, and as a mother I couldn’t do anything. I felt like it was my fault. I carried Noah for nine months, I gave birth to him, and he wasn’t okay. And I didn’t know what to do at that time. Also, because all of these happened during COVID, and due to the restrictions in the hospital, I didn’t have my family or friends around me. And even Joel, he could only stay with me at the hospital until 6pm, and most of the things that kind of happened to Noah happened at night after 6pm. I remember during that day, we didn’t even tell our family I was in labor, so they didn’t know that I was actually giving birth to Noah. And we wanted to surprise them, you know. I had this image in my mind that I would just show Noah’s face and then surprise [them] kind of thing. But again, that didn’t happen according to what we planned. Obviously they asked me, “Where’s baby?” And I remember I couldn’t even answer. I was just crying to them because, you know, I had to tell them, “Baby’s not here. He’s in NICU. He’s not with me.” So after you give birth, here at least in the U.K., you’re put into a ward with all the other mums who just gave birth. And there is no room, you’re just separated by curtains basically. So all night, all I could hear [were] newborn babies, and they were crying, they were cooing, you know. And then all the mums figuring out how to feed their baby. And I remember just sitting there alone, just crying, because you know I was praying I was like, “God, I’d rather be struggling right now, trying to figure out how to deal with a new baby, than sit here alone without my baby.” That really broke my heart. I don’t think I told Joel this actually. Yeah, because every hour, the midwife would also come to me just to check if everything is okay. And I remember the look on their faces when they would open the curtain and I was by myself. And they would ask me, “Are you okay?” And then all I could say was, “Yeah, I’m okay,” but I’d be crying at the same time. You know, that was really hard for me. It was already late at night. You know, I tried my best not to disturb anyone else. So it was really just me by myself, just going through all the emotions I could feel. And especially postpartum, to all the mums out there who [have] been through that, you know, your emotions can be wild even after you give birth. Isn’t it? Myrtle: You’re a hormonal wreck. It’s, like, so emotional, everything makes you cry. So I can’t even imagine, honestly, Chelle, how you were just by yourself and feeling so isolated. My heart, it just goes out to you for what you went through. Richelle: I still wanted to see my baby. So I actually forced myself to stand up and walk to the neonatal ward just to see him, even though I was still in so much pain. You know, I just gave birth a few hours before that. Just going to [the] NICU and seeing my newborn baby with so many cables around him, he had a tube through his nose and he was breathing with a machine, that was really hard for me to see. His body was so small and, you know, it’s a sight I wish no mothers would see. Joel: Yeah. When I did come back, the only thing that we could do together is just try to be there for each other. And because of COVID, we weren’t allowed to both be in [there] next to Noah. So we had to take turns at that time, which is very difficult. I can speak for parents that if your child is in a condition where you can’t do anything about it, you just see them there and you can’t do anything, it is heartbreaking. We just tried to comfort each other. We prayed every time that we were together or we felt overwhelmed. We would pray and that would calm us down and calm our nerves. We just poured our hearts in prayer really, whatever we could think of. We left the decision of what happens to Noah up to our Almighty God. And we just promised that no matter what happens, we will continue to be faithful and continue to serve Him come what may. Richelle: Yeah, and during those first 24 hours or even 48 hours, we would always receive bad news. Joel: Yeah, we would always hear, “He could go at any moment. Please be ready. His blood pressure is unstable.” They tried to manage our expectations. They were saying they were giving him all the best care and medication. He’s not taking it well. But between Richelle and I, all we could do is trust in our Almighty God. Richelle: At that moment, we already expected for us to be staying in the hospital longer than planned. So Joel went home and got our stuff. All throughout the night, I was just by Noah’s side. And I remember, the nurses and the doctors, they were forcing me to go back to my bed. But they reassured me that they would call me again if they ever needed me, and so I went back to my bed. And it only took 10 minutes. I didn’t even get to sleep. One of the doctors, who told me that they will call me, physically went to my room and asked me to go to see Noah. And obviously seeing the doctor, physically coming to me, my mind was already in a panic mode. I was already expecting the worst. And then when I got to [the] NICU and saw Noah again, there were about 10 doctors running around. They were talking amongst each other, they were getting all the equipments, and one of the doctors approached me. I remember the look on his face, and he told me to call Joel and ask him to go to the hospital and he told me, “Just prepare.” That’s all he said. And I remember seeing all the machines, they were beeping loudly. I saw flashes of red, all the stats were going red. You know, I knew something was wrong. At that moment, they haven’t told me yet. You know, just looking at the doctor’s face, I knew at that moment that I could possibly lose my son any moment now. So I called my dad and I cried hysterically. I remember being in the hallway, and I was just on the phone with my dad and I was just really crying out loud. And I was like, “I’m going to lose Noah. I’m going to lose my son. What do I do?” You know, I felt so defeated and helpless. And I remember my dad telling me on the phone, you know, “Just pray. Just place your trust in God. Anything can happen. He can make the impossible possible. So just pray.” You know, and after a while that calmed me down. All the nurses ushered me back to my bed. And when I was left alone again, I prayed again, because that’s all we could do at that moment. You know, I really knew nothing else but to seek God’s comfort. I was begging him to just ease my pain. Joel was really supportive of me. He really was my rock at that time. I went through severe depression and although I did try to suppress it, I wanted to seem strong. So I tried my best to really suppress whatever I was feeling, but it was really hard for me. But Joel kept reminding me of the good things that were happening, and we both made sure that our spirits were up whenever one of us seemed down. And I would say the whole experience made us even closer to each other. Myrtle: My heart really does hurt for you both and what you went through. As a mother myself, Richelle, I can’t even fathom what your pain must have been like. But, you know, after all of these hours of being in the NICU and hearing the machine and whatnot, can you share what happened next? Joel: A lot happened within the first week after he was put on ECMO. We managed to get him offered and anointed with oil. I felt calm after that moment, and I believe that’s a manifestation of God’s love. And the fact that we put our faith and our trust in Him, He really put us at ease at that point. We knew and we both understood that whatever happens next, it’s up to our Almighty God, and we were both very thankful and grateful for whatever would happen next really. Richelle: I remember the nurses were telling us, Joel and I, how we both looked happy when we were in the hospital. Do you remember that? Joel: They always said, “How are you guys so calm? How are you guys so relaxed about this?” Richelle: Yeah, I think after he was anointed and offered, we literally were so calm. You know, we even celebrated his first week. We were so happy that he actually reached one week. We were over the moon. We wanted to thank all the nurses that were taking care of Noah at that time. My brother and sister-in-law, they have a cake business. So I asked my sister-in-law and my brother to make them cakes in a cup, because it was still during COVID. So we had to give it individually. And it had like a little thank you note from Noah, you know, thanking them for taking care of Noah. At that time, he was still unconscious. He wasn’t moving yet but, you know, we felt happy because he was really stable. He was the most stable he could [be] at that time. We were beyond ecstatic, because we felt that God blessed us with not just a day but a week with him, which was more than what we prayed for every day. By the grace of God, after six weeks, Noah got to come home with us and he recovered around 10 weeks after that. Myrtle: I’m so happy to hear that. That must have been such an amazing feeling. At this moment, I’d like to welcome back Brother Felmar Serreno, a minister of the gospel in the Church Of Christ, to learn what to do in times of a health or medical crisis. Hello again, Brother Felmar. Brother Felmar Serreno: Hi, Myrtle. Hi, everybody, and a big thank you to Joel and Richelle for coming out today and sharing your story. And in connection with that, we want to start our Bible-based advice today by asking the Holy Scriptures: Is it a new thing that members of the Church Of Christ face life-threatening situations? Let’s read what the Bible says here in II Corinthians, chapter 1, the verses are 8 to 10. We’ll quote from The Message translation: “We don’t want you in the dark, friends, about how hard it was when all this came down on us in Asia province. It was so bad we didn’t think we were going to make it. We felt like we’d been sent to death row, that it was all over for us. As it turned out, it was the best thing that could have happened. Instead of trusting in our own strength or wits to get out of it, we were forced to trust God totally—not a bad idea since he’s the God who raises the dead! And he did it, rescued us from certain doom. And he’ll do it again, rescuing us as many times as we need rescuing.” [II Corinthians 1:8-10 The Message] Brother Felmar Serreno: Here we heard from Apostle Paul, a member of the Church Of Christ in the first century, who also found himself in life threatening scenarios, along with many other Christians in their time. And what is a natural human reaction when your life is in danger? In the words of the early Christians, “It was so bad we didn’t think we were going to make it. We felt like we’d been sent to death row, that it was all over for us.” In short, they were devastated and felt like all hope was lost. So we can understand where Richelle was coming from when she shared with us earlier how defeated she felt, even feeling like she had failed as a mother, that her heart was broken into pieces and how she was crying nonstop for her newborn whose life was hanging by a thread. And you could say it was one of those ‘perfect storm moments’ because this family emergency happened while COVID was still very much at large. So if I remember correctly, Richelle, your parents and siblings couldn’t come see you after giving birth, right, and Joel’s visits were limited? Richelle: Yes, that’s correct, Brother Felmar. Birth of a baby is such a momentous and joyous occasion, and normally you would celebrate that with your friends and your family. But at that moment, due to COVID restrictions, I couldn’t see my parents or siblings. They couldn’t come to the hospital, and Joel’s visits, they’re very limited. He had to go home after 6pm. Brother Felmar Serreno: Right, so we can all just imagine how lonely Richelle felt at the time, on top of everything else. Nevertheless, in these life-threatening scenarios or ‘perfect storm moments,’ understand that something good is meant to come from it. What’s that? Look at what Apostle Paul said here: “As it turned out, it was the best thing that could have happened. Instead of trusting in our own strength or wits to get out of it, we were forced to trust God totally.” Therefore, God uses these types of trials for our learning, so that we become well-educated on the truth that the one who matters most is God. Everything else in life pales in comparison to serving God, living with God, and trusting in God. What’s one proof? Well when we, members of the Church Of Christ, are confronted by danger, or when it seems like all attempts at a solution have failed, yet who do we still keep praying to? Who do we beg even more to help us? Isn’t it God? And why is that? Because like Apostle Paul stated, “He’s the God who raises the dead.” So nothing is impossible with God. Never forget, too, what’s stated in Job, chapter 12, verses 9 to 10, that in God’s hand is “the life of every living thing, and the breath of all mankind.” So giving life, preserving life, and saving a life is not in our hands, nor in the doctor’s hands, or in that of modern day medicine—but in God’s. So if any of God’s faithful servants, tuning in right now, are going through a life-threatening situation—if not you yourself, maybe a loved one, similar to what Richelle and Joel experienced with their son—so what should we do? The Bible teaches this in the book of Psalms. The chapter is 62, the verses are 5 down to 8, in the Good News Bible. We quote the following: I depend on God alone. I put my hope in him. He alone protects and saves me; he is my defender and I shall never be defeated. My salvation and honor depend on God; he is my strong protector; he is my shelter. Trust in God at all times, my people. Tell him all your troubles, for he is our refuge. [Psalm 62:5-8 Good News Bible] Brother Felmar Serreno: Yes, our family members, physicians, medicine, can be instrumental for our betterment. But Who is it that we should truly depend on to save our life? The Bible says, “I depend on God alone. I put my hope in him. He alone protects and saves me.” That’s why, in the Church Of Christ, we obey the teachings of God, because that’s the proof we depend on Him and trust in Him. Holding prayers and the anointing of oil, like what we heard from Joel and Richelle earlier—that’s in accordance with God’s teachings written in the Bible, along with seeking medical attention. The truth is, even physicians and medicine are used by God as instruments for our welfare. But, does this mean that we should only turn to God when we have a problem, or in extreme cases? No, because the Bible teaches us: “Trust in God at all times…” So even when things are going well for us, we’re healthy, we’re prosperous, we must continue to trust in God by being prayerful, thankful, and obedient to His commandments and instructions. Now before I close our spiritual advice for today, I’d like to go back to what Apostle Paul said. If you remember, after surviving the peril he and other Christians experienced in Asia, Apostle Paul exclaimed that God “…did it, rescued us from certain doom. And he’ll do it again, rescuing us as many times as we need rescuing.” So here’s my question to Richelle and Joel: Did you feel the same way after God rescued you, especially your son? Richelle: We believe that Noah’s survival was a miracle that God allowed us to see. And because of that, our faith has been strengthened. And it just gives us the firm hope that no matter what happens in our lives going forward, as long as we place our full trust in Him, God will never forsake us. Brother Felmar Serreno: Well again, thank you very much to the both of you for coming out today and sharing with us your story. We hope that as your experience has strengthened your faith and given yourselves that added confidence in our Almighty God, that moving forward even if there will be other trials or problems, God will continue to rescue us. May it be that through your story, through this podcast, those tuning in also have been edified in the faith. So thank you again to you both. Thank you to the Happy Life team. That’s all from me for today. See you all next time. Myrtle: Thank you for joining us again on Happy Life, Brother Felmar. Those were truly very inspiring words of advice from the Bible. So, Chelle and Joel, what kind of support did you receive from family, friends, and even fellow brethren in the Church Of Christ? Richelle: We felt so much love, care, and compassion from our family, friends and loved ones. Due to COVID restrictions at that time, we couldn’t see everyone in person. But once we were comfortable to share the news with them, we felt such an overwhelming love from everyone. They didn’t hesitate to call us, or message us, to show their support and encouragement, which we really appreciated at that time. Our parents, my mom and dad, they would come to the hospital after their day’s work just to give us food and to help us with our clothes, since we were staying at the hospital. And my sisters, and a few of our friends as well, came to the hospital socially-distanced. So we got to see them from afar. Every single effort that they did, to show that they were there for us, is remembered by us and we’re really thankful for that. Joel: And even just dropping us a random message of,“Hey, how are you? How’s Noah?”—a lot of those things, we really felt love from our family and friends really at that point. And even ministers would also contact us, and one of the first ministers we actually reached out to is our district supervising minister, Brother Glenn Gomez. He was the first one, outside of our family, that we contacted to just seek advice and what we needed to do. Because one of the first things that we always knew to do was speak to your spiritual advisor. He was the one who was God’s instrument to give us the confidence and faith that we needed to face this trial. Richelle: Also one of our other overseeing ministers here in the U.K., Brother Phillip Velasquez, he’s our overseeing minister in INC Media Services here in Europe, he was the one who offered Noah to our Almighty God. It wasn’t planned. Brother Philip was actually one of the ministers who called us. Joel: We asked permission from Brother Glenn if it was possible to offer him because we wanted his name written in the Book of Life at that point. And if he was to pass away, who knows what would happen? That was one of the questions that we asked, and Brother Phillip called us at that point too. Richelle: I mentioned it briefly to him that we would like to anoint Noah and offer him as well. And Brother Philip was like, “Oh, I’m free tomorrow. I don’t mind doing it. I’d like to do it.” And I was like, “Yes, yes, please.” Joel: So we sought the permission from Great Ormond Street if they would allow it, because they weren’t allowing any external visitors or anything like that. But because he’s a minister, it’s a slightly different story where there’s exceptions in cases like Noah where he could go at any time. They allowed him to come visit the next day, which was quite fortunate for us really. RIchelle: We actually received a message from our Executive Minister, Brother Eduardo Manalo, who directly instructed Brother Phil to anoint Noah, and to pray for him, and to offer him to our Almighty God. After succeeding bad news, that was one of the best news we could have received. Joel: It was overwhelming. We felt so blessed, and we felt his love and care that he would go this far and he didn’t know us, and he remembered us and our family, which is another manifestation of our Almighty God’s love and guidance through the Church Administration. Myrtle: Oh, wow. I’m sure it was so reassuring to feel that you were not alone. It must have been heartwarming. What do you think got you through those first few days and weeks? Joel: Throughout the stay in the hospital, we managed to still worship and we still had guidance from our local resident minister, Brother Daniel Apostol. He was always there to help us too whenever we needed. And it was being able to fulfil our duties, and our primary duties of worshipping, that really put us at ease. And the worship services at that time felt so timely. They felt like our Almighty God was answering our prayers through the worship service. Richelle: The worship service was something that we couldn’t miss despite what we were going through. You know, with God’s grace and mercy, Joel even continued to perform his duty as the local TSV, so that’s technical support for video streaming. I continued to attend our choir practices. We felt that those are the things that we couldn’t give up. Despite what we were going through, we will still continue to perform our duties and to worship God. Joel: At that time, the Children’s Worship Service started again and I was able to perform as a teacher again. And that was a really big blessing for me to be able to teach the younger generation, and I just remember thinking that I hope one day I’ll be able to teach Noah as he grows older in the CWS too. And being able to hold on to those duties, and keeping us busy throughout those times, it really helped us get through those situations. Richelle: Yeah, we kept ourselves busy doing the works for our Lord God, and it helped us change our focus. It helped us feel hopeful for what’s to come, especially whenever we would pray as a couple. There are times when we are given situations, such as this time, where we really cannot do anything on our own. And this experience with Noah was one of those times. And it was important for us to be able to pray to God, not only because we needed His help and His guidance during this clouded, confusing, and overwhelming time, but also to remember to thank Him. Joel: Yeah, absolutely. Having that right and privilege to be able to pray, and know, and believe that He has heard our prayers, is such a big blessing that we would never take for granted. And we’re grateful for that right. And no matter when it is, what day, what hour, our Almighty God is always going to be there for us. And He has been there for us, especially through those moments which were probably, undoubtedly, our most troubled and darkest moments in our lives where we didn’t know what could happen. Richelle: That’s actually one of the things that the ministers that we spoke to reminded us through, you know, the verses that they’ve read to us and through their prayers for us: that no matter what happens, as long as we place our trust in our Lord God, we need to trust that He has a better plan for us. Be it that we might lose our son, or that we get to spend more days with him, but at the end of the day whatever it is, it’s God’s will. And whatever God wills for us is always for the better. Myrtle: How can friends best be supportive of a newlywed couple experiencing a health crisis or a medical scare? Joel: Just being able to show your genuine care, no matter how you choose to show it, whether it be by dropping a text, or a call, or act of kindness. We had some friends that dropped us some food. Richelle: Especially during COVID, because you can’t really physically see someone. Myrtle: You know, even just those little quick texts like, “I’m thinking about you guys,” or “I’m here for you.” Something as simple as that, right? So what would your words of encouragement be to other newlyweds who are also experiencing a health or medical crisis? Richelle: That they are not alone. They have a whole community behind them willing to help. Even though there are moments when you feel and think that you are alone, just remember that our Lord God is always there. He is always ready to help you and to comfort you. We have to just remember that with our Almighty God, He is Almighty. He can do everything, even the impossible. Myrtle: Very, very true. And you know, now that Noah has turned a year old, what are you thankful for? Joel: Thankful for many things. The fact that he’s healthy, the small wins where he gets signed off from physio, or has a checkup and they’re surprised at how much he’s progressed, that everything is good. He’s a very active baby, and you wouldn’t think that what he went through he went through really, and it makes us appreciate him even more. Richelle: It’s such a privilege to see him grow, and we’re just really grateful for his life. We couldn’t imagine living without him, and we’re just thankful that we are in his life, he is in our lives. And we’re thankful to God, especially, for blessing him with a year full of achievements and milestones. And like what Joel said, even the small wins. Even after he was discharged we had many, many doctor’s appointments, follow up appointments. And just hearing the doctors telling us that he’s growing as he should be, achieving all these things, it just… it makes us happy and beyond grateful to our Almighty God for letting us see that. And again, it’s one of our answered prayers. Myrtle: Spoken like the proud and thankful parents that you are. Well, Richelle and Joel, my sincerest thanks to you both for opening your hearts to us and for sharing your pain, your worries, your joy, and your gratitude with all of us. Richelle: Thank you! Thank you for having us. Joel: Thank you very much for having us. Myrtle: Give Noah a hug from Auntie Myrtle please. Richelle: Yes. Joel: Will do. [laughs] Myrtle: It’s scary when you’re faced with an unexpected medical or health crisis as newlyweds. The stress and challenging situation will definitely test you and determine how you’ll overcome it. But it’s definitely doable with a great support system and, most of all, with God by your side. This brings us to the end of our discussion for today! To learn more about Christian relationships please visit www.incmedia.org.  If you’d like to say hi, send us a question, or see who our newlywed guests are, you can visit our Instagram account: @happylife.podcast.Please also remember to share our podcast with your family and friends and all the newlyweds that you know! Thank you from all of us here on the Happy Life team. We’re so glad you joined us today, and hope we’ve all been reminded about the blessings of marriage. [Show closes]

Young Newlywed Entrepreneurs [Show opens] Myrtle Alegado: They say that compared to older generations, young people can be very optimistic. They’re full of energy and often come up with fresh ideas because they aren’t always set in their ways. What does this have to do with today’s topic? Stay tuned and find out. Welcome to Happy Life, a podcast brought to you by INC Media Audio that aims to help newlyweds navigate through the first years of marriage. I’m your host, Myrtle Alegado, and I’ve been married to my husband, Paul, since 1999. And later, we’ll hear some Bible-based advice through Brother Felmar Serreno, a minister of the gospel in the Church Of Christ. [Show Catchphrase] Inspiration to make your marriage thrive, you’re listening to Happy Life. Myrtle: The willingness of the youth to try new things, coupled with their ability to quickly adapt to new technologies, make them natural leaders in the ever-developing small business climate. Our newlywed couple today are really quite young, but they’re also aspiring entrepreneurs. Let’s welcome Kegan and Ailafaye to Happy Life. Hello, you two. Kegan and Ailafaye Baker: Hello! Myrtle: Both of you are still quite young. What made you decide that this is the right time to get married, and would you mind telling us how old you both are? Kegan Baker: We’re both 21 and we started dating when we were 18. Her parents were very strict. They had a lot of rules. We wanted to gain their trust. We had to be home at a certain time, very early in the night, like eight o’clock. We would rush home at like 6:30. We were like, “Oh we gotta get home. We don’t want to get her parents to be mad at us. And we wanted to avoid temptations and to be careful. We saw, like, a lot of people our age going out and doing things that weren’t necessarily appropriate for Church Of Christ members, especially like later on in the night they’d go clubbing and things like that, or they’d go travel together and they’re not married. And we wanted to avoid that as much as possible, because we are members of the Church [Of Christ]. We want God’s blessing in everything that we do. We wanted to also go and travel the world together, to embark on a new journey, and get to know each other better. So, that’s why we decided to get married so early on, and we wanted to just start our lives together. Ailafaye Baker: Aside from my parents, we had a lot of help from the brethren within the Church. One of the brethren was Brother Ricky Bravo, who’s a minister in the Church Of Christ, and his wife, Sister May Bravo. So we would go over there for dinner, and they are a couple that we really really trust because, truthfully, they remind us a lot about ourselves. They shared stories with us that they’re actually the opposite of us. Sister May and Brother Ricky Bravo, they got married later on in life, and she actually shared with me that they got criticized for being a lot older. They always had their home open for us whenever we needed any type of guidance. That’s why we developed a good relationship with them. Since he’s a minister in the Church, we would always be comfortable enough to ask him questions and advice. He would share [with] us the words of Almighty God and counsel us when we had problems. Myrtle: So did you find that people questioned your decision to get married so young? Ailafaye: A lot of people actually did question our decision to get married young. A lot of people would ask us why. “Why would you get married so young?” “There’s a lot to live for.” “There’s a lot out there to do.” “You’re still in college,” or “That person is holding you back.” But I think the easiest way to put it is that you love this person, and you trust this person, and you build a relationship with them. A lot of people assumed I was pregnant, and that was the main reason why we would be getting married. And it hurt my emotions a lot, because I had to have this negative reason to be marrying him. Sometimes, because I’m a human, it would get to me. When you hear the words of other people you start to question yourself, but only you know the truth. We know what’s true. And we trusted in God to get rid of those rumors actually. My mom, I came to her for guidance. I asked her, “Mom, there’s a lot of people saying these things about me.” And she told me to be more prayerful, and to ignore them, and that God knows what’s true. “Anywhere you go,” she always told me this, she said, “even if I’m not watching you, God is always watching you.” We didn’t let what others said hurt us. We just became more prayerful. It actually strengthened our faith [in] God. We just took all the negative and basically wanted to show everyone that through faith anything is possible. Myrtle: And, Kegan, Ailafaye said that you two knew the truth and, you know, of course God knows the truth. How important was it to have your family’s support as well? Kegan: It was very important, but it was really harder for me because I had just become, you know, newly [baptized] in the Church, and they had just met her. They didn’t really believe in the same things we believe. But praise be to God that my mom and my stepdad are now in the Church. Myrtle: Aww! Kegan: Yeah. Myrtle: Congrats! That’s awesome. Kegan: It was really, really important that I had her parents’ blessing, which is why I bought a house so early on in my life is I saved every penny I made working, because I didn’t want to marry her and not have anything for her. I didn’t want to live on the streets with her being married, you know? Myrtle: You said that it was important for you to have her family’s support. So, you know, how did you get them, I guess, to come around to the idea of you two getting married so young? Kegan: A lot of prayer, a lot of going to devotional prayers, talking with them, them getting to know me more. Our families really championed us because they wanted the best for us. Even though we were young they were like, “You guys have a bright future. We want to see you do the things that you want in this life, just as long as they are in accordance with God’s will. Myrtle: That’s great advice. And you know, with marriage, there are a lot of adjustments and challenges and that might be extra difficult for a couple so young. So I was wondering, what inspired you to start your own business at this stage in your life? Kegan: I have always had a passion for food. I love cooking. I started cooking when I was 14 in restaurants. That was my first cooking job ever. I’ve always been very ambitious. In culinary, I’ve watched, nonstop studied, practiced all the time. I’d buy, like, bags of potatoes and just practice knife cuts. But my wife is the main reason I started this business. She always believed in what I can do. She always showed that she really cared about my passions and stuff. My mom, she started a Hawaiian shave ice truck, and she told me how hard it was to start. And she kind of helped guide me. I’m Hawaiian and Filipino. I’ve always loved just cooking. So my goal is to showcase my talents and my family’s culture. Growing up, I didn’t learn about my cultures that much, because we lived separated from my grandparents on both sides. Myrtle: So what do you love about, you know, the Hawaiian culture and cuisine? Kegan: I love just the different flavors and how they’re so different. Filipino food is like more, you know, vinegar, black pepper and all that stuff. And then Hawaiian food is a little more sweet and then when you have them together, it’s just so good. I want to bring my family’s culture and my food to the people of Orlando, because there’s not that many easily accessible foods, for people who are from the Philippines or from Hawaii, here. They’re always like, “Oh, there’s never any good places around here.” They’re all mixed or not authentic and it’s hard for them. I want to support the needs of my family, my wife, and then I want to also be able to give back to the Church. Myrtle: So you said you started pretty much cooking when you were 14. You know, how else did you kind of add to your culinary skills and how did you continue to learn? Kegan: I did a lot of reading, a lot of watching people. And then, since I was in restaurants a lot of chefs helped me to develop my skills, as well as my own mom, and my wife’s family as well. They were kind of the harshest critics, but they always did it with love and helped me to become the best chef version of myself. Myrtle: What do you love about that, Ailafaye, that he’s such a good chef? Ailafaye: I think the best thing about that is that, like he said, my family is the greatest critic. So, a lot of that comes from how strict they are. So,when it comes to food, we’re from Pampanga, which is the food capital of the Philippines. So, my dad takes a lot of pride in his cooking, because that’s how my grandmother took care of them when they were younger. So, when they would criticize him about even, like, how he chops the food, or how the flavor of the food is, it has to be spot on. And he was surprised, because of how critical my family is, that he started to develop in a way that, like, I thought he would be offended. But instead he grew to challenge himself, and he got over every obstacle. Sometimes my dad would be so mean, that he would need to take a moment, go to the room and pray, and then come back and try again. So, him being able to take criticism, and basically taking it as a way to better himself in his cooking, was what makes him a best chef for me. Myrtle: Oh, well good on you, Kegan. You’re growing a tough skin at a young age, you know, and I think that’s really needed in any kind of industry where you’re really trying to go after your dreams. People are going to criticize you, people are going to pretty much try to pull you down, but you’ve just gotta keep going. Right? I mean, you’ve got the support of your family, and your wife, and you’ve got God. So, just keep praying about it. So, how did you prepare yourselves to become entrepreneurs? You know, what kind of research did you carry out to see if launching a business would even be feasible? Kegan: I did a lot of research, countless hours of just looking at, you know, how this can be done. There [were] a lot of permits that we had to get done, a lot of licensing, especially in America. You’ve got to go through the proper channels and the proper laws to be able to, you know, sell food. I worked at five restaurants. Two of them were Italian restaurants, one of them was number one in Orlando at one point when I was working there. So about seven years, give or take, in the restaurant industry. There were a lot of chefs who tried to mentor me, but there was also a lot that tried to hinder me from learning, or becoming better, because they were afraid that I was going to be better than them. We did devotional prayers every single night. Am I going to quit my job to do this? I don’t know what I’m going to do. There were a lot of things that happened where, like, I don’t know how we’re going to get through this and then we prayed. And then somehow it got resolved. Even when I feel I don’t have enough knowledge or skills, I turn to God for the answers. Myrtle: And He definitely has all the answers. Let’s also hear some biblical advice about our topic today. Right now, let’s welcome back Brother Felmar Serreno, a minister of the gospel in the Church Of Christ. Hi again, Brother Felmar! We’re glad you’re joining us again on Happy Life. Brother Felmar Serreno: Hello, everybody. Now, if I’m not mistaken, Kegan and Aila, you have actually set the record for being the youngest newlywed couple, so far, on the show. And at 21 years old, currently, the both of you, I don’t know if anyone will top that, not that it’s a competition or anything like that. So I actually want to zero in on what you mentioned earlier about wanting to avoid temptations and be careful. Of course in courtship, after getting to know someone, you develop very strong feelings that would turn into love for one another. But during this development and early stage, the risk of falling into temptation may arise. But we never want to be defeated by temptation, because that leads to sin, and sin leads to God’s anger. And if you make God angry, well, then how can you expect Him to bless your dreams, or help you succeed as an entrepreneur, or flourish as a married couple? So, having said that, the question now is this: “What temptation should be avoided by a man and woman who are in courtship or engaged?” They should avoid committing premarital sex. Why? Because sex is a blessing that is reserved for married couples. First off, what’s the proof that sex is a blessing from God? Let’s turn to the book of Genesis, chapter 2, and the verse is 24, in the New King James Version: Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. [Genesis 2:24 New King James Version] Brother Felmar Serreno: Therefore, based on the Bible, sex itself is not something impure. It is pure, because it is from God. But for whom is this blessing reserved? For a husband and wife, a man and woman who have been joined together in holy matrimony. And what should attract husband and wife to each other in sex? Let’s go to I John, chapter four, verse seven: Beloved, let us love one another, for love is of God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God.  [I John 4:7 New King James Version] Brother Felmar Serreno: Sex should be motivated by love, the blessing of love that God has formed and developed between husband and wife for each other. Sex is an expression of love to the spouse that God has blessed you to have. Take note: This expression of love should not be one sided. Both husband and wife should give themselves to each other out of their love for each other. However, if someone were to take sex outside of true marriage, what would happen? This is what the Bible teaches in I Corinthians this time, chapter six, the verses are nine to 10: Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God. [1 Corinthians 6:9-10 New King James Version] Brother Felmar Serreno: What are examples of sex outside of true marriage? According to the Bible, fornication, or premarital sex. What else? Adultery, having sex with another person who is not your spouse. What else? Homosexuality, men having sex with other men, or women having sex with other women. What does the Bible say about adultery, fornication, and homosexuality? These are unrighteous. What will befall those who practice unrighteous deeds? They will not inherit the kingdom of God. They will not receive God’s graces in this life, and more so in the life to come. Therefore, to everyone who’s tuning in, take note: When others engage in premarital sex, they are ruining the potential of God’s blessings in their life. Premarital sex is in violation of God’s design of love and marriage between a man and woman. That’s why in the Iglesia Ni Cristo, the Church Of Christ, that we’re members of, from our Bible studies on doctrines, to worship service lessons, to initiatives of the Church through the CFO, or Christian family organizations, and even to podcasts like this of the Church, under INC Media, what is it that we are molded to do? Live in righteousness or holiness and not unrighteous deeds. So, we’re all aware that there’s pressure in various circles of society to go along with premarital sex or fornication, especially for those in your age bracket, Kegan and Aila. So, if you don’t mind sharing with everybody, what helped the two of you to stand your ground, all this time, in our Christian values? Maybe if we could start with Aila. Ailafaye: So, what helped me stand my ground in our Christian values is my relationship with my parents. My mom and my dad both led me to have a stronger faith with God. My mom always had a good relationship with me. She taught me, from a very young age, how powerful it is to pray when times get difficult. Being honest with your parents is so important, especially even when you get into a relationship. Because when you get into a relationship, it’s something new. There are a lot of things that I’m experiencing now that I look to my mom and my dad for guidance. Like, I never knew this before. My mom had always guided me in a way where I would see my parents with arguments, they would end it with prayer. So to help me stand in my Christian values is my relationship with my parents, in teaching me the importance of having our faith with our marriage. Kegan: So, what helped me in standing my ground in my Christian values is being honest with the people around me. Telling people, “Oh, I don’t do specific things, because I’m a member of the Church. I don’t go out drinking. I don’t do this.” Even to friends, I found it was better to tell your friends and have no friends after they, like, leave you or whatever, than have bad friends who try to influence you to be of the world and to do all the bad things that they’re doing. Those obviously not members of the Church Of Christ, and they don’t know, like, the proper way to serve God. So, that obedience to God was the most important thing to me. Brother Felmar Serreno: Thank you very much, to the both of you, for sharing that.  Communicating well with our parents, and communicating well with our friends and peers, right, helping them understand our beliefs—two great ways to ensure that we remain in our Christian values, no matter what society or the culture around us may do or say. Alright, last follow up question for today: “Do you really think it makes all the difference to stay faithful to God’s design of marriage?”I guess what I’m asking is, by staying loyal to our Bible-based teachings in the Church, what do you believe this will do for your life and future together? Kegan: It really makes a difference, because we followed God’s design for marriage, the aspect that we didn’t live-in together. We didn’t cohabitate and live in the same place. And we went through the Bible lessons for marriage that taught us how important it was to, like, love each other and to care for one another, and to always respect one another. And those lessons really helped cement our marriage and our faith. Always choosing what God wants for you is always the right choice, because He knows what your future has in store. No one else knows that, not even you as a person knows that. God is who can help guide us in everything that we do. Ailafaye: We believe to always follow in God’s teachings because, honestly, when you’re married you go through so many problems and difficulties. And a lot of the things that we learned through the counseling within the Church, and the teachings of marriage in the Church, has helped us get through and navigate throughout our lives as a married couple. And God will bless you if you do the right things. And that’s so important, especially with our business is that we know that if we are always obedient with God and following His teachings, then any trials and difficulties that happen to us, we can get through because we have the power to call upon Him in any problems that we may go through. Brother Felmar Serreno: Okay. Thank you very much, Aila and Kegan, very well said. Thank you for your sincerity and your honesty in sharing with us what you have been through and the conviction that has resulted from staying true to our Bible-based teachings, you know, in spite of what the people around us or what society may say or think. Again, like what you mentioned and what is based on the Holy Scriptures, when we choose to remain faithful to God, when we choose to make God happy, the blessings will make all the difference when it comes to not only your marriage, but also your dreams, also your ambitions in this life. So, we pray for your continued success and may God continue to bless all of the married couples out there. Myrtle: Thank you for those Bible verses, Brother Felmar. We’re glad you’re here with us on Happy Life again to help all the married couples. So, Kegan and Ailafaye, what would you say was the most challenging thing you faced trying to get your business off the ground? Kegan: The most challenging things we found were, you know, trying to juggle married life as newlyweds and trying to start our business at the same time. We barely had time for each other with all of our duties. We’re trying to become deacon and deaconess [in] the Church. And I also [am] aspiring to be a CWS (Children’s Worship Service) teacher in the Church. So I had a lot of things going on and so did she, because she was a choir member. Now she’s going to be a deaconess. Ailafaye: I agree with that. Honestly, when he said he wanted to start a new business I was afraid. I was really scared, because it’s a new thing. It’s something that you’re not familiar with. And similarly enough, we had to go through the challenges of being newlyweds as well as going through the challenges of having a new business, without knowing how to start up a new business. We were basically just relying on God to show us the way. There’s a lot of times where life gets really hard, and in our wedding speech we were like, “Oh, it’s going to be so much fun because we get to travel and we get to have fun,” and then truthfully you’re hit with the fact that no, there’s bills now. You can’t travel, and that’s the reality. It’s not going to always be like how you see it in movies, that it’s going to be happy all the time. Sometimes it’s just having dinner together. You take moments like that, and being there and having your partner with you when you’re having a difficult time, having him remind me that, “It’s okay! We will get through this. Let’s just close our eyes. We’ll pray. We’ll get through this problem together.” Myrtle: But you know in marriage now, and in your business aspirations, what do you pray for? Kegan: So we pray for, obviously our business, that we are successful in that endeavor that we have. But we also pray that we stay united as a couple, and really fight for our faith, and never lose sight of what is most important to us, which is God. We also pray for our parents, because we see that they’re getting older and we have less and less time with them. Because we’re starting these businesses, getting to know what married life is like, we pray that God protects them as well as us. And then I pray for my family who isn’t in the Church yet. Even my immediate family, like my brother and my sister that aren’t in the Church yet, I always constantly pray that God will guide them to it. Ailafaye: As husband and wife, of course it’s praying for the peace in our household. We pray that we can get the mindset and to be prepared for whatever comes our way, [and] to always love one another because that’s a big one. We also pray that we always have everything that we need in our life, and that I hope that God will prepare us one day to be parents, but of course in His timing. We’re not in a rush for that. We’d like to really enjoy each other’s company and get to know each other more. Myrtle: Now, you know, you’re both members of the Church Of Christ. So how does having the same faith help you as newlyweds and in business planning? Ailafaye: It’s really helped me a lot. I really can’t even imagine life without being a member of the Church Of Christ. We would always call Brother Ricky (Bravo) and say, “Hey, Brother Ricky, could we please hold a devotional prayer in the chapel?” Every morning, we would go rush over to the chapel. Things that are difficult to talk about, we tell God. Like they say during worship service, before you even let the words come out of your mouth, God already knows and God already has a solution for your problem. Kegan: Right as soon as I started the business, I was like, “There’s no way, no way I’m going to be able to do this. I’m 21, I just got married, I’ve got all these bills. I don’t know what to do. And then I’d go and I’d pray, like, crying before God because I didn’t want to cry in front of my wife. Even though she’s your partner, you can’t express all those emotions out to her, but you know you can do it to God. My wife is the real reason why I keep pushing. Whenever I’m sad or anything, she’ll tell me, “Go pray. Go take a break. And remember that God is with you, and always put your trust and be patient.” Myrtle: I couldn’t agree more with what Ailafaye advised you. If you have any helpful advice to share with other young couples, you know, those who are at the right age, are financially stable, they’re mature in their faith, and also have their parents’ approval, and they’re thinking about marriage, what would you say to them? Kegan: I would say what a minister of the Church Of Christ told me is, “Just do it. Go for it. What do you have to lose? Life on this earth is only temporary and as long as you do what God is asking you to do, and what is right before Him, He will bless you, and your future, and your family.” I would like to add, it’s difficult but worth it. There are a lot of times where you’re arguing, but at the end of the day you come together, before you go to bed, you don’t stay angry at each other, and you pray. If you’re thinking of marriage, hopefully that means you found the person you’re meant to be with. But you’ve got to always, you know, add that into your prayers. “God is this who I’m supposed to be with? Is this the person that’s right for me?” And why wait till you’re old. Why wait 10, 15 years, 20 years, down the road to be like, “I’m going to marry this person.” Also pray that God will guide your decisions. Myrtle: As young newlyweds, what are your hopes for the future? Ailafaye: Truthfully, we just hope for a really bright future, because we don’t know what’s ahead of us. Like he said, you don’t know what’s going to happen five minutes from now, maybe even five years from now. You just have to be more prayerful about that stuff, because God already knows before you know. We also pray for success in our business, because truthfully our business is what provides for our family. We always want peace in serving God as well. Kegan: Our hopes, as newlyweds, for the future is to be able to provide a good life for our kids with peace in our household, with love from one another and care in our families. And to achieve any goal that we decide to reach for, if it’s God’s will, we pray for success and we will achieve it. Myrtle: You know, for a couple that is so young, those are such positive outlooks and I agree that continuing to put your faith and trust in God, while also continuing to serve Him, is the key. So, Ailafaye and Kegan, thank you so much for joining us on Happy Life today and for sharing what, you know, newlywed life is like at such a young age and for also sharing what it’s been like trying to start your business. Ailafaye: Thank you so much. Kegan: Thank you for having us. Myrtle: Starting your own business comes with its own challenges and demands, and becoming entrepreneurs, while also being very young newlyweds, can be difficult too. Making good decisions, regarding your marriage and your business, can only be done with the guidance of God by putting your utmost trust in Him. And that brings us to the end of today’s episode. To learn more about Christian relationships, please visit incmedia.org. If you’d like to say hi, send us a question, or see who our newlywed guests are, you can visit our Instagram account: @happylife.podcast. Please also remember to share our podcast with your family and friends and all the newlyweds that you know. Thank you, from all of us here on the Happy Life team. We’re so glad you joined us today and hope we’ve all been reminded about the blessings of marriage. [Show closes]

Cross Border Love During a Pandemic [Show Opens] Myrtle Alegado: With today’s technology the world doesn’t seem so large, and we can easily connect with friends and family. It has even made it easier to find a romantic love interest across borders, or even across the world, and stay in a long-distance relationship. We’ll discuss more about this in our episode today. Welcome to Happy Life, a podcast brought to you by INC Media Audio that aims to help newlyweds navigate through the first years of marriage. I’m your host, Myrtle Alegado, and I’ve been married to my husband, Paul, since 1999. And later, we’ll hear some Bible-based advice through Brother Felmar Serreno, a minister of the gospel in the Church Of Christ. [Show Catchphrase] Inspiration to make your marriage thrive, you’re listening to Happy Life. Myrtle: Our newlyweds, for this Happy Life episode, are a long-distance, cross border, transnational love story success! Zachary is originally from Toronto, Canada, and Isabelle is from the Bay Area of Northern California. Thanks for agreeing to chat with us today on Happy Life, Zach and Isabelle. Zachary Sese: Hello, Myrtle. Hello, everyone. Thank you. Isabelle Sese: Hi, Myrtle. Thank you for having us. Myrtle: So how was your day today? Zachary: Not bad. We’re here traveling towards an area in Wyoming, a long drive. Isabelle: Yeah, it was a long drive. This is our seventh state in the past seven days. Zachary: We’ve traveled seven states in seven days, yeah. Myrtle: Wow! Well, we appreciate that you’re joining us today, despite your traveling, and despite all the distance that you’ve logged on your car probably. So we’ve had a lot of previous Happy Life guests who were also in long-distance relationships before marriage, but we haven’t really discussed, in depth, the challenges of being in one. Why don’t you two share how you met, and how you got engaged, and of course eventually married. Zachary: Before we were married, we were actually both District KADIWA presidents. It’s an organization in the Church Of Christ for the youth that’s aged 18 and up who aren’t married. In 2018, we had a KadCon. This is a conference for those members within that organization. I was actually District KADIWA vice president at the time. Part of this activity is that we recorded something with KADIWA officers all across North America, and these videos would be shown to every local [congregation] across the world. Through these videos, that’s where I actually noticed Isabelle in one of the videos. I guess she definitely caught my eye. I started to like her from those videos. So, I guess you could say I was a fan of her, but I mentioned to a friend of mine that I thought she was cute, she was pretty. And it turned out that Isabelle had actually visited Toronto recently to attend a wedding, and the friend that I mentioned to had actually met Isabelle. So yes, it was actually interesting. We actually had mutual friends already. Myrtle: That’s so cool. Isabelle: Yeah, so two months after that KadCon, late 2018 so probably late December and even early January 2019, the friend that Zach told that I was cute, shout out to Chryselle, she actually messaged me. She said that she had friends who were visiting the Bay Area for vacation. So she asked if I could meet up with them and tour them around. Then she eventually gave me Zach’s contact information. So when I did reach out to Zach, I asked him for his itinerary, when they were planning to be visiting. But when I found out the dates he was visiting the Bay Area, it just so happened that I was going to be in the Philippines, so we didn’t actually get to meet in person. But we did start messaging on Telegram starting from then. Zachary: Based on that, when we started messaging, I personally thought that she had no idea I was interested in her. I thought I was playing my cards right. Myrtle: Playing it cool? Zachary: Yeah [laughs], but we just kept talking and sending video messages to each other. And it was when she got back to California, after her trip, we started to video chat with one another, and then in January or February 2019 I finally told her that I liked her. And then from there, she mentioned, “Hey, you know, you’ve got to ask my parents.” So in April 2019, so just a few months after, when I was able to get enough vacation days, I flew to California and asked her parents if I could officially court her. And then, thankfully, we got engaged two years later in June of 2021. Actually, I wanted it to be sooner. I wanted to propose, actually, the year before that. But because of COVID-19, the restrictions were really tough. So, I was just waiting for that one opportunity to just be able to fly.And then we ended up getting married in January 2022. Myrtle: Yeah, that darn COVID. Isabelle: Oh, yeah. Myrtle: You know, if anything, it kind of taught us patience a little bit didn’t it? Zachary: Yeah. [laughs] Isabelle: It definitely did. Myrtle: Well, that was kind of a whirlwind, you know, relationship from 2019 to getting married in 2021. What were the biggest challenges in having a cross-border long-distance relationship or, you know, what people call LDR? Zachary: See, what’s actually funny is that before I met Isabelle, I actually didn’t want to date anyone from the West Coast. I apologize to anyone from the West Coast. Just hear me out. [laughs] It’s just that it’s far from Toronto, and I always thought that there was a big challenge with the time zone. The three hours, it can get pretty, pretty difficult especially later at night. But when we did get to see each other it was never long enough to visit, and the limited vacation days and other responsibilities, it made it really hard for us to be able to have a lot of time to really spend with one another. Isabelle: So for my side, very opposite side of the spectrum compared to Zach. I’ve actually been in long-distance relationships, and I actually preferred it because I had a little bit more of independence. But when Zach and I were in an LDR, I thought it was way more difficult because I knew he was the one, and I wanted to be with him already, especially in person. So, I guess the biggest challenge was to be patient while waiting to see each other in person. With the three hour time zone difference, it was definitely difficult to schedule quality time, because whenever I was sleeping, like early in the morning, he was already getting ready for work. And then whenever he was getting ready to sleep, I was just getting out of work. So, that was pretty difficult for us to coordinate, especially with our busy lives, but we found a way. He would usually just stay up till 2am and wait for me. So that’s how we were able to find our quality time. Zachary: Actually to interject with that, it’s funny because the years that we were dating, because I really pushed myself to stay up for her to adjust to the time zone, I  think all these years I’ve always been on the west coast time zone. Myrtle: [laughs] You started training yourself early, I guess. Well you know, I completely understand, because when my husband and I were dating, way before video chats were even available by the way, he lived in Hawaii and I was in Toronto. So, our time difference was six hours. Isabelle: Oh, wow! Zachary: Oh, man! Myrtle: Yeah but you know, we made it work too. So, that’s one thing you take away from long-distance relationships, right? You put in a little bit more work, but it’s worthwhile. So is there anything you enjoyed about having a cross-border, long-distance, relationship? Isabelle: For me, I really liked being able to focus on my life. In relationships, when both people are from the same area, you tend to see that they devote a lot of time to each other, which is not a bad thing. But from my personal experience, I felt like I always put myself on the back burner and focused on the relationship only or more. So, being in a long-distance relationship, that really allowed me to find that balance. So, I got to spend more time with my parents, I focused on my career, my responsibilities with Church, and even my self-care time, and I got to spend time with Zach because we really had to schedule everything. Zachary: We talk about it a lot that we both really enjoyed the space. I personally felt like I had the appropriate amount of space, and even though we were apart, it [was] almost as if we had the space, but we were still together because we would video call a lot with each other. So, I could do my activities, she could do her activities. I could perform my duties, she could perform her duties, and we could do whatever we needed to do. It was enough for us, because we were still in each other’s lives. But because we were so far from each other, we were very understanding that we both had our individual lives, our responsibilities, and priorities. And we never really had any arguments about the lack of attention or not having enough time for each other. So, the physical distance made us more understanding of the fact that we had other things to attend to. Myrtle: Yeah, and then when you do, you know, have your time together it’s almost like you cherish it a little bit more, right? Zachary: It definitely means more. We definitely valued every time when we were physically together. It really felt much more. Myrtle: See, only LDR people know this, right? [laughs] Zachary and Isabelle: [laugh] Myrtle: Now aside from your video chatting, and your video calls, how else did you stay in touch and communicate with one another? Zachary: Well, what’s interesting is that the way we actually met, per se, was through messaging. So, we were always used to communicating with one another that way. It started from text messaging, and then it evolved to sending video messages, and then eventually to video calls. So a good chunk of time, when we never hung out, was on video calls and we understood that was the nature of our relationship, and we were very understanding and supportive with that. We both used up a lot of our data usage during that time. And, you know, I would say phone plans are a lot better in America than in Canada, so it was a lot easier for her to keep up with our video calls versus me. Sometimes I had to tell her, “Sorry, I don’t have any more data. I’ve got to wait till I get home.” [laughs] So, because of that, that we would use up our data or whatever internet we have, even when we were working at our offices, sometimes we’d stay on video call just for each other’s presence. That was enough for us. Knowing that we were far, just the fact that we know that we were there and it was almost like that was our support for each other. I promise you, we were not slacking off. [laughs] Myrtle: Okay. [laughs] Zachary: Actually to be honest, when we video call, I would probably say less than 50% we’re actually talking to each other. Isabelle: It sounds really cheesy. We’re just staring at each other. Zachary: No. [laughs] Myrtle: No, I totally get it, because just having each other’s presence, even if you’re not saying anything, it’s a comfort knowing the other person is there. So, I totally understand. Isabelle: Oh, yeah. And even during the pandemic, when we were just at home, or we’re doing chores, or attending meetings online, we just ended up staying on call with each other the entire time. Surprisingly, we never got tired of each other. Myrtle: So, what were your parents’ reactions to your long-distance relationship and then, you know, getting engaged and having to decide who would move? Isabelle: So, I’m very close to my parents. I also want to say I’m the youngest child, and I’m the only daughter. So, a lot of pressures of being their daughter, but overall my parents were really supportive throughout our relationship. My dad, if anyone knows my dad, they know that he is super strict, and he was extra strict on Zach. Myrtle: Uh oh! Isabelle: It’s as if he knew Zach was the one, so he did things to kind of test him throughout our courtship. But my parents were really happy that they were able to see Zach loves and he takes care of me, and they know that he’s a really great guy. So, when we got engaged and we started preparing for the wedding, I could tell the idea of me leaving the house gave them some sort of separation anxiety and empty nest syndrome, especially for my dad. My mom, you could see a little bit of that in her, but she didn’t really show it. She actually showed it way differently. The week I got engaged, so the same week, she already started sketching out how she wanted to transform my room into her home office and crafts room. Yeah, I remember I was working from home, and she just brings in her notepad and a pen and she just walks in and just starts drawing something, like ”What are you doing?” She’s like, “I’m trying to figure out where to put all my furniture when you move out.” So yeah, she was definitely a little more eager for me to leave. She was so very supportive of me and Zach. In terms of moving, my parents wanted me to keep my job where I currently work, because I’m very blessed to have an amazing working relationship with my bosses and co-workers and work is very stable in that company. So, from what I initially researched, when I was looking at job opportunities in Canada, it would take me a minimum of one year for me to be able to legally find work if I were to move to Canada, which would have definitely been a challenge financially. But, ultimately, my parents, they knew that it was going to be Zach and I together for life. It’s our life together. And their advice to us was to keep a devotional prayer for God’s guidance on the best place for us to go. Myrtle: Absolutely. Before we go to you, Zach, and you know your parents’ reactions to your relationship, what do you do for work, Isabelle? Isabelle: I’m currently an electrical design engineer for an engineering consulting firm. Myrtle: Oh, wow. Isabelle: Oh, yeah. A very, very difficult program, but I’m really glad I stuck it through. Myrtle: I see now. So if you moved to Canada, you would have to get recertified and whatnot. Isabelle: Exactly, yeah. Myrtle: Okay, I understand now. All right, Zach, you’re up. Zachary: Well, when we first got together, my parents actually were very supportive and excited, knowing that I’m with someone that has the same values and faith. So my parents have always been the type to give me guidance on my relationships, but will also allow me to make my own decisions. I would say that was always kind of a good thing and a bad thing, because I liked it because, you know, they let me make decisions. But also sometimes when I’m confused, sometimes they’ll give me, like, a philosophical answer hoping I make the right decision. And sometimes I’m just like, “Can you just tell me what to do?” [laughs] But jokes aside, it was really helpful that they allowed me to learn from everything. When I decided to fly to the Bay Area to visit Isabelle and ask for permission to court her, and later on to propose to her, my parents simply said, “Okay. Ask God for guidance to be sure of your decision.” That was always what they wanted, to make sure that everything that I do is reliant on God’s will and not my own. My parents also wanted to keep me close, for sure, and wanted me to stay in Canada. And I think any parent would want their kids close, so it’s always only natural. Obviously, they hoped Isabelle would move to Canada, but they knew that wherever we ended up would be what God’s answers to our prayers were for us. So, maybe it was a bit hard, but they were more happy knowing that where we’re going is what God has for us, because they know that God knows what’s best for us. Myrtle: Mmhmm, I’m sure that it was a little hard for them to let go, but they know God’s got you, right? Well, when you got engaged, you know, aside from your work situations, what were the other things you looked into regarding moving after you got married? Isabelle: So, when Zach just finished his master’s and he wanted a career change in that field, we thought that it was a really great opportunity to take advantage of the different job opportunities the Bay Area has to offer. And that’s pretty much what the deciding factor was for him to move to the Bay Area. Zachary: Yeah, because we both had stable jobs. With me trying to find my position and striving for a career change, it just made sense for me to move to the Bay while Isabelle stayed at her job, because hers was, you know, she was really sure of what she’s doing already. Our only concern was when I would be able to work, because I would be waiting for my work visa to be approved. That was the only, I guess, caveat. I don’t exactly enjoy not working, but we knew that it would be a short-term, temporary, concern. Isabelle: We definitely do consider relocating to Canada one day. That was honestly our initial choice because of wanting to stay close to Zach’s parents. And yeah, the free health care would be very beneficial, especially when we decide to start a family. Zach loves the snow, the cold winters, and buying coffee from his favorite Canadian coffee shop every day. I would just have to adjust my sunny California standards whenever we do decide to move out there. Myrtle: Yes, get used to the snow! [laughs] What was the process you underwent to see how and if Zach would be able to move there? Isabelle: We researched the immigration forms and the legalities of Zach moving to the Bay Area. Once we figured out what we needed to do as well as the timeline, we actually had an immigration lawyer consulting us throughout this process, we went straight into apartment hunting. Zach actually flew into California two months before the wedding. So, our wedding was in January, he moved in November. And he moved early so that he could start helping with the final logistics of our wedding planning as well as with the apartment hunting, and he stayed with one of our friends during that time. So throughout those two months, he really dedicated a lot of time to researching areas that we wanted to live [in], especially somewhere close to work. Because anyone who’s listening to this podcast, if you’re familiar with any metropolitan city, traffic is really bad. So, I definitely wanted to live closer to where I worked. We also researched the amenities we really wanted to have, one of which was an in-unit laundry, and then of course what would fit our budget. Zachary: You know, it was really timely because once we found a place we were interested in, the U.S. Thanksgiving holiday rolled around, which meant Black Friday and Cyber Monday deals. Myrtle: Yessss! Zachary: We bought our first apartment home basics, like bedding, cookware, and did our best to look for any used or unwanted furniture we could use. We pretty much got everything in our apartment on Cyber Monday. Isabelle: Oh yeah, and we stored everything in my small bedroom at my parents’ house. Once we found that apartment, Zach moved into it two weeks before the wedding to really prepare and set everything up before the wedding day, and that helped tremendously. It was definitely like a weight lifted off our shoulders so that we had a place to go to right after we got married. Myrtle: Must have been exciting too, that feeling of knowing you have a home, you know, right after your wedding. Zachary: Oh, definitely. It was really comfortable knowing that living there, even for the first week, and saying, “Oh, this is our home.” I just have to get used to I won’t see snow. But I would say the most difficult part of the moving process was the moving day. We picked up the moving truck, loaded it with all of our belongings and furniture, drove the truck about an hour away, and unloaded it at the apartment, just the two of us. It was a solid workout. Myrtle: I can imagine. Zachary: It was the most strenuous but most rewarding workout we had. And I think it was also a good experience for us, because it also gave us an instance of team building for us in our relationship. So, it was great. Myrtle: Moving can definitely be pretty stressful, but if you work together, you know, and that’s an important thing to learn early on in your marriage, right, that teamwork? So, that’s pretty awesome that you guys have that. There’s definitely a lot to consider when it comes to moving from one country to another, but I’m glad it all worked out for you both. Right now I’d like to welcome back Brother Felmar Serreno, a minister of the gospel in the Church Of Christ. Hi again, Brother Felmar. It’s always nice to have you here with us on Happy Life. Brother Felmar Serreno: Hi, Myrtle! Hi, Zach and Isabelle, and hello to everybody tuning in. Well, like you mentioned at the outset, Myrtle, this isn’t the first time we’ve had guests on the show who are the product of LDR or long-distance relationship. Our avid listeners are well aware that in those previous episodes, one thing to be noticed is how our guests spoke of prayer, how communicating with God regularly has been a huge factor for the stability of their relationship. And one of the reasons behind that is there’s only so much you can know about a person through text messaging or video calls. I mean, how can you gauge true compatibility when you’re both in different time zones, when visiting each other only lasts a couple of days, or when you haven’t even tested the waters yet on how you handle disagreements and other challenges together as a team? Nevertheless, there is someone we can turn to, and should turn to, for guidance on whether or not this relationship is really meant to go the distance, no pun intended, despite the concerns that a long-distance relationship has, and who is that? None other than the Lord our God. But why turn to God? Why conduct devotional prayers to Him regarding your courtship or engagement? Because as we’ve learned in previous episodes, a true spouse comes from God. That’s based on Proverbs, chapter 19, verse 14. For today’s Bible-based advice, there’s something we’d like to highlight that ought to be included in the devotional prayers of a man and woman who are in courtship or engagement, long-distance or not but especially if it’s long-distance. So, what is an important thing the both of you should be praying together about? We turn to the book of Colossians, chapter three, verse 14, in The Good News Translation, for the answer. I quote: And to all these qualities add love, which binds all things together in perfect unity. [Colossians 3:14 Good News Translation] Brother Felmar: If you are truly sincere about the relationship you’re in, why wouldn’t you pray for that, right, that your affections, or your feelings, or true love for each other would grow? And why is this important? So that there will be unity, according to the Bible. If a man and a woman who are in a long-distance relationship are sincerely asking for unity in their devotional prayers then, by the mercy of God, He will help your relationship to grow in love and unity, in spite of the fact that you are physically apart from each other. Because think about it. You’re already miles apart from each other and then there would be a lack [of] unity? Even if just one of you is not on the same page, how can you expect a relationship like that to become something meaningful and solid? So, that’s our Bible-based advice for today. For those who are in a long-distance relationship, if you’re serious and sincere about it, then you should be praying together. And what’s an important thing to pray for? That God would help you to overcome the challenges of a long-distance relationship, and that He would help you both grow in love for each other, so that there will be unity in your relationship. As a side note, if neither of you are ready to hold this devotional prayer, well then, I’d say it doesn’t sound like the relationship is serious. [The] thing is though, if the relationship isn’t serious, then what’s the point? You see that’s the danger that others step into, a “relationship” without true direction. Things like casual dating either end in feelings getting hurt, families in conflict, or poor life choices. So again, if you’re not ready to hold devotional prayers about your courtship, whether long-distance or not, much better to focus on the other priorities of life in the meantime, like succeeding in school, building your career, and edifying our spiritual life. Myrtle: That was a wonderful Bible verse and reminder about the importance of prayer, Brother Felmar. Thanks for sharing that with us today. Isabelle and Zachary, do you have any tips now for other long-distance relationship couples in a cross-border, transnational, or international relationship, especially when it comes to dealing with immigration? Isabelle: Some advice I would like to offer is document as much as you can about your relationship. So, save everything like photos, letters, messages, anything that shows proof of legitimacy of your relationship. I think those are the key things in applying for immigration. Thankfully, it’s a lot easier to save that information, because we’ve gone almost fully digital, but it can also be very overwhelming. Because I know with Zach    and I, we have three years worth of photos and you can’t send all of them. You have to really be selective of those things. So yeah, document as much as you can. Zachary: We pretty much chose the photos that showed our best angles. No, no, I’m kidding. [laughs] But I would say, something we didn’t plan for was our change in who was moving where, and especially with the pandemic it affected how quickly one can be approved for immigration. But what I would say is don’t let the immigration timeline affect how you view your plans either. Ultimately the goal is to stay together, especially after marriage. Myrtle: One hundred percent, yes. I agree. How did having the same faith as members of the Church Of Christ help you in your cross-border relationship? Zachary: Having the same faith was pretty much the foundation of our relationship. It’s how we met. It’s how we found out our common interests. It’s how we progressed in our lives, individually and together. Sharing the same faith means always sharing the same understanding when it comes to priorities and values. Isabelle: Even when we have disagreements, the first thing we do is ask God for the right answers. So we’re constantly on the same page in our relationship, because we know that we should do what God wants. Myrtle: And if you don’t mind, can you share what you do pray about together? Zachary: We always ask for peace, love, and harmony in our relationship. We always ask for support and understanding for each other, especially in the performance of our duties in the Church. When we were still dating, we asked God if it was His will for us to be bound as one. When we got engaged, we thanked God for blessing us with the engagement. We prayed to God to guide us in our wedding plans and to bless us in our future marriage. As per the advice from both of our parents, we also prayed for guidance about where we should live and for us to remain active in our duties wherever we go. Isabelle: Now that we’re married, we ask God to give us the qualities and characteristics needed for us to fulfill our duties as husband and wife. We always ask that God provides us with the things that we need, especially as we’re in the stage of praying for a family together. Zachary: So pretty much always, always pray. Knowing we have God in our lives gives us the courage and hope we need to go through everything, such as when we went through the very extensive immigration process. We know that those are challenges, but that’s why we want to make sure that we rely on God. So we pray, ask God for help. Myrtle: Absolutely. Well, here’s kind of a light-hearted final question for you both. When you first got together and were dating, what were the differences you noticed between Canada and the United States? It has probably changed since I became part of the, what I like to call, ‘CanaRican’ couples. So what are your thoughts on, you know, the differences you noticed? Isabelle: It’s hard for me to generalize pros about the U.S. because I only grew up in California. Though it’s a huge state, it’s only one of the many states in the U.S., but because of that I never really felt what a true winter felt like. So to me, that’s a pro! So the worst weather that we have to go through in California is pretty much heavy rain, and even then the heavy rain doesn’t last very long. I have family who actually live in Canada, so in Saskatchewan, and they tell me about how often they have to shovel snow just to get into their cars or get out of the driveway. I definitely don’t feel like I’m missing out. But other than the weather, I feel like Canadians in general are so much nicer than Californians, probably because we live a faster way of life and probably because Canadians have universal health care. [laughs] Zachary: I would say for me, a con about California is that they have no winter. I like winter, I must admit. A pro, particularly in California, is the quality of coffee. Tim Horton’s is great. That’s part of our culture in Canada. But coming to California, there is so much more to learn about coffee that I never knew and just add that appreciation for it. And also the abundance of fast food. Many might say that that’s not a good thing but, hey, having many options is great. To be honest, I still have trouble conceptualizing how far one mile is, and Isabelle has seen my struggle over these past few months. So to help me out, she has forced herself to convert to kilometers on Google Maps. So she said she’s pretty much given up on me learning it. So, she’s just going to adjust to kilometers for me. But in general, those are pretty much some of the things that I noticed are different, but overall I’m really enjoying living here. Myrtle: I totally agree with, you know, our much loved Canadian coffee, but I have to say I do love the minty iced coffee at Philz in the Bay Area. Anybody who’s been to the Bay Area knows this coffee with the minty leaves in it…..so good! Zachary: Yes, that is true. That is very true. Myrtle: Well, Zach and Isabelle, it was so awesome to have you both here with us on Happy Life, and hopefully you enjoyed your time with us as well. Isabelle: Thank you so much! Zachary: Thank you so much, Myrtle, and to all of Happy Life. We enjoyed. Thank you for having us. We really enjoyed it. Isabelle: Thank you so much, Myrtle, for having us, and thank you to everyone who’s tuning in. Myrtle: Being in a cross-border, transnational, relationship allows you to experience the best of both worlds in my opinion. There are definitely some decisions to be made when it comes to figuring out who will move where but, ultimately, as long as you’re together, that’s all that matters. And that brings us to the end of today’s episode. To learn more about Christian relationships, please visit incmedia.org. If you’d like to say hi, send us a question, or see who our newlywed guests are, you can visit our Instagram account: @happylife.podcast. Please also remember to share our podcast with your family and friends and all the newlyweds that you know. Thank you, from all of us here on the Happy Life team. We’re so glad you joined us today and hope we’ve all been reminded about the blessings of marriage. [Show Closes]

Age Gaps In Marriage [Show opens] Myrtle Alegado: When you hear that someone you know is dating an older person, perhaps several years older. What goes through your mind? Do you form an opinion either way about their relationship because of a potential generational gap. Let’s see how the discussion unfolds today with our newlyweds with an age gap. Welcome to Happy Life, a podcast brought to you by INCMedia Audio that aims to help newlyweds navigate through the first years of marriage. I’m your host, Myrtle Alegado, and I’ve been married to my husband, Paul, since 1999. Later, we’ll hear some Bible-based advice through Brother Felmar Serreno, a minister of the gospel in the Church Of Christ. [Show catchphrase] Inspiration to make your marriage thrive, you’re listening to Happy Life. Myrtle Alegado: As mentioned earlier, our newlywed couple today has an age gap that might even be considered a generational gap as well. Jasmine and Mac are from Winnipeg, Canada. Hi, you two, and welcome to Happy Life. Jasmine Balacano: Hi! Mac Balacano: Hi there. Myrtle Alegado: How’s Winnipeg life at the moment? Jasmine Balacano: Pretty muddy, rainy. Not bad. [laughs] Myrtle Alegado: It’s rainy here too, but, you know, such is the case with our west coast city. So when did you both get married, and how have you been enjoying married life since then? Jasmine Balacano: We got married last year, May 2021, during the pandemic. We had a pretty serious lockdown at the time, and it was very stressful. We had to change the wedding date about three or four times. Myrtle Alegado: Oh, wow. Jasmine Balacano: Yeah, and we were only allowed to have 10 people at the wedding. So, yup. [laughs] Mac Balacano: Yeah, and it’s  been a very busy year for us. I can’t even believe it’s been one year. I often joke with people that I feel like in 2021 I got a new life. We got married, [and] I ended up getting a new job. So, working in a new industry, building a new team, new processes and things like that. So work’s been very busy. We also got a new dog, Loki, who is a puppy. He’s almost one now, but you know around that time when we first got him, he [was] obviously quite the handful. So life’s been very busy, but of course we’ve been enjoying every moment of it. Myrtle Alegado: I mean, all of that, plus a pandemic going on still. You know, I can imagine how, you know, hectic and intense the first year has been for you two. And I know other newlyweds can relate to how chaotic the first months can be. So I know you have an age gap, and I won’t mention exactly how many years. Let’s just say that Jasmine’s in her 20s and Mac’s in his 30s. What did you like about each other in the beginning, despite the age gap? Mac Balacano: You know for me, when I first met Jasmine, it was really just that our conversation clicked. You know, at that time, when even reflecting back on when I was talking to other people or getting to know people, you know, there’s always something kind of missing. And with Jasmine that was never the case. Our conversations just clicked, they flowed, they were very natural. We often talk about how we’re best friends, and we’re very fortunate to have that. But that’s definitely, you know, the biggest thing for me. Jasmine Balacano: For myself, I was honestly unaware of the age gap. Actually, I think both of us were. We just had no idea. But we met at church and my first impression of Mac was like, you know, “Wow, he’s so active. He’s doing KADIWA stuff, he’s a CWS (Children’s Worship Service) teacher, all kinds of things. And one thing that always stood out to me too was, not just that he was already very successful but, he was just always dressed to the nines, in a suit, lift up the bottom of his pants…boom, funky socks and shoes. I don’t know, it just got me. I just thought that was so funny. I was like, “Who is this guy?” And like he said, our conversations always just really clicked. We always had very witty banter and kind of like challenging each other. But overall, like, we always just kind of understood each other. When we were finally aware of the age gap, it never really felt like it was anything to be worried about, because we always just felt like we were on the same level anyway. Myrtle Alegado:  Well, it definitely helps if your conversations are effortless, and age doesn’t indicate any compatibility in my opinion, and what’s that saying? Age is just a number. So, you know, I’m sure that’s pretty much how you two thought about the situation when you first started talking to each other. And, Jasmine, you mentioned that Mac was active in the KADIWA. Let me just clarify that that’s the youth group in the Church Of Christ for those who are 18 and older who are unmarried. So now, you know, what [are] the things that you appreciate about each other’s personalities. Jasmine Balacano: For me, things I appreciate about Mac is he’s very ambitious, he’s very much a go-getter, and it’s very inspiring. You know, when I first met him, he had so much going on, like, even outside of church activities. He was volunteering at all kinds of different organizations, apart from his own work. He wakes up every morning, and he’s just so optimistic. And you know, he’s the guy that would show up all the time. Like, you ask him to be there, he’s there. You ask him to do this, he’s doing it. He always keeps his word, and that was something that was very important to me, because he’s just very loyal and trustworthy. One of the other bigger things is he is such a critical thinker. I never used to be a critical thinker. I’d say because I am much younger my perspective is not as broad, right? So he would always kind of challenge me and push me out of my normal frame of thinking, and he always plays up the opposing opinion whenever we have discussions. It’s really refreshing to have someone not agree with me, because I love to be right all the time. I just love to prove my point and be right, but I can never win with Mac I find. I can never win. But he’s like the perfect balance for me. Myrtle Alegado: So he’s a sharp dresser, and he’s a stand up guy? Awww. [laughs] Jasmine Balacano: Yeah, pretty much. [laughs] Myrtle Alegado:  So, Mac, how about you? Mac Balacano: Yeah, no I mean, sorry. I’m blushing a little bit here. So as Jasmine kind of described, I think you can kind of read between the lines. You know, I definitely have an A-type personality. So, you know, she really helps me balance my personality out. She really forces me to be more patient, really take the time to, what’s that saying, “stop and smell the roses,” just to slow down a little bit which I really appreciate. Because I think that’s so important that we all, even though we’re busy, we take time to really reflect and just to appreciate all the smaller and more simple things in life. And so she really helps to do that for me. So I really, certainly, appreciate that. The other thing is she’s very creative and handy. That is the complete opposite of me. I’m a very logical, structured kind of person, so I have a really hard time with very abstract kind[s] of things. And I’m really not good with handy things around the house, as what we’ve learned. So she’s actually the one who’s really good at that. So that’s really helpful. Myrtle Alegado: And you’re going through a reno[vation] right now? Mac Balacano: Yeah. Jasmine Balacano: We are. Mac Balacano: Exactly, yeah. So she’s been instrumental in that for sure. And yeah, she’s really great to bounce ideas off of, and to talk things through. And again, just because we’re looking at things from different perspectives, you know, that’s very helpful. And I guess, you know, one of the other more lighthearted thing[s] is she really helps me find great gifts for other people. I mean, that’s part of her creativity, right. So I have a really hard time with that, so that’s fantastic. I know some of those are serious, some of those are a little bit more lighthearted, but at the end of the day, you know, I do believe that these are rare traits. The other really great thing about her, she’s very empathetic and sympathetic to people. She really helps me kind of be able to put myself in other people’s shoes, you know, whenever I’m trying to understand other folks, so that’s really wonderful. I feel very lucky, you know, that she has those to kind of help balance me out. And she’s really my better half. Myrtle Alegado:  And I think that’s so great. Honestly, I find that just like you two a lot of couples find that their spouse does complete them in a sense or, you know, helps them to feel more balanced, I guess. And obviously, spouses each have different personalities. So, you know, are there occasions when you do get irritated with one another? Is that the case with you two? Does that happen? Mac Balacano: [laughs] Yeah, no, definitely. I mean, I imagine that’s for every married couple. But, you know, for me, yeah, Jasmine can be all over the place. At times she can find it hard to focus. And so like a simple example of that, I think, is just as this past year we’re getting used to living together, you know, she’ll start one thing and she won’t finish it. She’ll switch to something else and then she won’t finish that. And then I’ll be like, “Hey, did you do this?” Oh, like, “I completely forgot,” right? Or, “Hey where’s this?” and it’s just somewhere you would completely not expect it to be. You know, she tends to get distracted very easily. Sometimes it feels like very often, but anyway. So, that’s something definitely, I’m challenged with at times. Jasmine Balacano: It’s really funny, because I think he takes everything too seriously. You know, I’m always like, “You need to just relax.” And he’s very, like, everything needs to be organized. He’s not to this extent, but it’s basically like, “I don’t want my peas touching this,” kind of keep the food separate on the plate is kind of how I could best describe him. Like, he likes tidy, but in no way am I a tidy thinker or doer. I think it is more of the creative side of me. And I’m very laid back, and he’s just very high strung about time, especially time and efficiency. And, you know, like, sometimes we can’t even go to the mall without him being like, “What’s the most efficient route to get from this store, to that store, to that store?” Myrtle Alegado: Oh, wow. [laughs] Jasmine Balacano: And I’m just like, I’m a window shopper, right? I’m like, “Oh, I saw something there. Let’s go walk in there.” And he’s like, “That’s not part of the plan.” And I’m just like, “You need to relax.” Myrtle Alegado: Don’t deviate from the agenda. [laughs] Jasmine Balacano: Yes, he’s very, like, itinerary based if anything. Myrtle Alegado: Can you describe how you do deal with your different outlooks or approaches to life in general? Jasmine Balacano: I think like every married couple, you want to talk things through, right, in a rational, calm state of mind. Usually it’ll take me about 30 minutes to kind of come around and be like, “Okay, I was being a little too much there.” So, you know if I can tell he’s really, like, in the zone, ‘I need to think about this.’ And I was just kind of like, “No, I need an answer now.” You know, we’ll start a conversation and be like, “Hey,  can I just say something?” And that kind of gives the verbal cue to him that like, “I’m probably going to say something that you’re not going to agree with, but this is how I actually feel about it.” And sometimes he’ll do that back to me as well. Like he’ll just kind of be like, “Look, this is obviously not meant to offend you, or this is not meant to be a hurtful thing, but this is really my perspective on it and I just want to let you know that it’s coming from a place of neutrality.” Mac Balacano: I think there were moments in the beginning of our relationship, and including at the start of our marriage, where we’re adjusting to each other and certainly where we have moments where our conversations might have escalated. And I think it usually takes us a bit of time to come back around from that very initial, kind of knee-jerk emotional response that you might typically have in those situations. And for us we really want, and take the time, to kind of calm down first. I think we learned that fairly quickly. We’re both feeling a lot of feelings, all the feelings, right now and maybe we just need to, you know, just take a moment, just calm down, and we’ll kind of continue the conversation later. But I think at the end of the day, you know, where we land is, like, and I really credit a lot of this to Jasmine, she’s really helped me get to this point especially as, you know, reminding each other that we’re on the same team, right? At the end of the day, we want what’s best for each other. And whether that means sometimes letting the other person have what it is that they want or that they need, or coming to a compromise of some sort, or something that works for the both of us, right? She’s really helped me kind of understand that, “Hey, you know, just because sometimes we say something, it doesn’t necessarily mean that that’s what that person was intending to make you feel.” Our intentions aren’t necessarily bad. They can still be good intentions and very wonderful things that we want to come out of that conversation. And we just, again, need to take that time to really reflect and not be so emotional, so that we can, you know, land in a happy place or in a good place at the end of that conversation. Myrtle Alegado: Well, I think it’s great that you can both recognize when the other is, you know, “triggered” at the moment and needs some time to kind of just back away from the situation, you know, really contemplate about things, and then you reconnect together and really get to that place where you’re both in a state of understanding of each other. So I think that’s absolutely awesome. But going back to age gaps now, do you think your age gap affects how differently you approach things? Jasmine Balacano: Usually, I don’t feel that our age gap really makes anything different. And if we do have a concern, we’re very straightforward with each other and we’re not trying to play mind games with each other either. It’s nothing like that. And it’s nothing about like, “Is that what your generation of friends do?” Like, we never, ever, question it like that. It’s more about the individual rather than what stage of life you’re in, I find. Mac Balacano: And for me, you know, I don’t really think it affects how we approach things, per se. I think it just affects the nature of the problems that we face on an individual level, just due to the fact that we are in slightly different phases in our life, right? So, I think it’s not so much how we deal or approach the issue, it’s more we’re challenged with different things. I think that’s really where that comes in. And related to that, I think our age gap does allow us to see things together or collectively in a more diverse kind of way. You know, it lets us approach things together from different vantage points or points of view, just because we grew up in slightly different generations, or we’re exposed to different things, or the current things that we’re experiencing at that moment are slightly different because of the different life phases that we’re both in. So I think through that, it just really helps us to be able to see things together from many different views, which ultimately I think helps us get to making better decisions, right? Myrtle Alegado:  I can see that. Yeah, for sure. And you know, there’s different data out there that categorizes the ages of those who are Gen Z and Millennials. So I think Jasmine, I probably consider you as a Gen Z, while Mac is a Millennial. What are your views on this, these two generations, and how much do you think they differ? Mac Balacano: You know, I mean for me personally, I don’t think Gen Z is all that different from Millennials. I almost feel like they’re Millennials but amplified. So I think of things like, you know, even better with technology or it’s more intuitive. That’s something that makes me feel really old when I have to ask, “What is that? How does this work?” So there’s that. I think the other thing too, broadly speaking you know there is more, what I see, more activism, more acceptance, right, in terms of different social issues or social viewpoints. And then speaking of social, there’s also social media differences, right? So for me, I don’t have a TikTok account. Myrtle Alegado: Same. Jasmine Balacano: I’m always showing him TikToks, like, constantly. Mac Balacano: Yeah, so there’s stuff like that, right? There are those slight differences, but I don’t find them significant enough in a way that dramatically affects anything, I guess. Jasmine Balacano: Yeah, I personally don’t like to consider myself Gen Z. I find myself right in between. I’m at the very end of the Millennial generation and right at the beginning of Gen Z. I feel like Gen Z’s have a very different outlook on life, in my opinion. I don’t feel that I share a lot of their opinions. I can’t come up with anything off the top of my head, but some things that I do feel that I share with that generation is, you know, not wanting to conform to societal [norms], or like, you know, pushing boundaries and limits. Those are some things that I feel that maybe I’m more in line with. But you’ll never see me doing a TikTok dance. Probably not. [laughs] Myrtle Alegado:  But why do you think there’s a stigma to dating someone when there is an age gap? How do you feel about the stigma? And this is coming from someone whose parents have an 11 year age gap. And, honestly, I never really thought about it. So, you know, what are your thoughts on this? Jasmine Balacano: Personally, I think it could be a Western perspective, that age gaps are inappropriate. There’s a lot of that going around, I find. And, you know, perhaps people might come to the conclusion, or maybe assume, that the person who is younger isn’t able to make a proper decision, or maybe they’re being, like, groomed is a word that I hear a lot. But the reality is, you know, and especially for me and Mac in our situation, I think it’s personally fine for the people involved in the relationship, and more importantly because it was a consensual choice. Sometimes I feel nervous about the stigma, maybe that I’m being judged. I definitely can say that I definitely was judged for, you know, starting a relationship with Mac because he is a little bit older than me. But most of all, you know, like one of the things that always kind of was reassuring in my mind was that I knew myself, and I knew my relationship with Mac. Mac never pressured me. He never put anything on me in that way, any kind of his ideals or perspectives, you know. It was always up for discussion, and he was probably one of the only people regarding that topic that made me feel like I had a voice. And, you know, we always make sure that even now in our marriage, that we’re talking about these issues and these needs when it comes to our generational [differences] or the way we approach things. And it’s not just because of our age gap, but it’s because we want to make these decisions with consent, respect and with love. Mac Balacano: Yeah, and for me, you know, I think I’ve been fortunate that I personally never really faced the stigma associated with our age gap, or I’ve never really felt that way. But I do know that some people think that it can be, for example, like a red flag when there’s an older guy who may be dating a younger girl. And maybe I think, you know, for some people they might think, “Oh, you know, there must be something wrong with that guy. Why? Why can’t he find someone his own age?” And I think that’s usually attributed to the lack of maturity and progression in their life, potentially, right, and I think also especially since girls tend to mature mentally and emotionally faster than guys. So, I do think that’s a valid concern in some situations, and I certainly, you know, have seen examples of that kind of play out. But I can appreciate why some people may have concerns around that. Myrtle Alegado: That’s true. Every relationship and situation is different, for sure. Right now, I’d like to welcome back Brother Felmar Serreno, a minister of the gospel in the Church Of Christ, so that we can hear the Bible-based advice regarding our discussion today. Hi, there, Brother Felmar! I hope you’re doing well today. Brother Felmar Serreno: Hi, Myrtle! Hi, everybody. Doing well. Thank you for asking. Hello to Mac and Jasmine. So regarding age gap, for example the husband is 5 or 10 years older than the wife or vice versa, is this a problem? To answer that, let’s be reminded about something first. Let’s be reminded that one of our Christian values is to respect and honor our parents. That’s why in the Church Of Christ, we are taught to communicate and seek approval from our parents first, before entering courtship, engagement, and marriage. Therefore, so long as parents on both sides do not disagree with the relationship, despite the age gap, then the two involved may proceed with courtship. That being said, what should parents consider before giving their consent that their son or daughter can enter courtship, which is also something the individuals themselves should consider before courtship and more so marriage? So, I actually answered a similar question to this on one of the episodes for the Heart and Soul podcast. The questions are slightly different, but the same Bible-based teaching applies. So if everyone could please listen to what’s stated here in the book of Proverbs, Chapter 19, verse 14. We’ll quote from The New Revised Standard Version: Houses and wealth are inherited from parents, but a prudent wife is from the LORD. [Proverbs 19:14 New Revised Standard Version] Brother Felmar Serreno: So, based on this, one of the very important questions to ask oneself prior to getting married is: “Is this person that I am courting, or is courting me, the answer to my prayers? Is this person the blessing to me from God?” This is something parents ought to ask themselves too: “Is this person the blessing from God who will be the future spouse of my son or daughter?” But how do you determine that? One way that helps is if you can answer yes to the following questions: Do they have genuine feelings for each other and have they proven themselves to be compatible with one another? Do they have stable livelihoods? Have they proven themselves to be mature individuals capable of making good rational decisions? Above all, are they both spiritually mature? So long as the answer is yes to all of those questions, age gap is not an issue. Regarding the stigma or the judgments people may make about married couples who have an age gap, well, people concocting negative thoughts in their mind is something beyond our control. But what we can control is our reaction. How should Christians react to insults or negative thoughts against us for whatever reason it may be? We learned this in our Bible study on doctrines in the Church Of Christ prior to baptism. Let’s be reminded about this important teaching here in I Peter, chapter 3, verse 9. We’ll quote from The New International Version: Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult. On the contrary, repay evil with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing. [I Peter 3:9 New International Version] Brother Felmar Serreno: We, Christians, should know better than to repay evil with evil. Rather, God expects us to repay with blessing or kindness. So, not just to Mac and Jasmine but to all married couples out there with an age gap, the next time you may get a weird look or remark from someone because of your age gap, what should we repay? Repay kindness. So I’d actually like to ask Mac and Jasmine very quickly, “How do you control your reaction in these situations?” Obviously, human as we are, it doesn’t feel nice when you’re on the receiving end, right, of something negative. But at the same time, we are Christians, we are members of the Church Of Christ. In all circumstances, we must uphold our Christian values and the way we act or respond, right, we reflect the values that we uphold. So, how do you control your emotions in those types of situations? Mac Balacano:  Well, Brother Felmar, you know, I think I’ve been fortunate enough in these situations, it’s not often that I have a negative reaction from other folks when it comes up in conversation. But you know what? When it does, I usually try to make it a little bit more lighthearted, in terms of the situation. I just say things like, “Oh, you know, but we feel age is just a number. That’s not how we define our relationship,” just something that is, you know, more neutral or lighthearted to not make the situation negative or anything like that. Brother Felmar Serreno: Jasmine, how about you? Jasmine Balacano: I’d say the same thing. I’m a little more quick with my comebacks. When Mac says we do it lightheartedly, I usually make a joke out of it or something. I’ll probably say something like, “Yeah, I know Mac’s graduation pictures are in black and white,” or something like that just to be funny about it. But it does get tiring. It can be a lot. Sometimes I just tried to ignore it, but most of the time I would play it off with a joke or something like that. Brother Felmar Serreno: Since you mentioned it does get tiring, how do you help each other out? Like, do you talk about it afterwards? Do you, like, vent to each other? You know, how do you deal with that when it does get tiring? Jasmine Balacano: I think, yeah, we would vent to each other. Like sometimes, if we were out with friends, and then like on the drive home, we’d kind of talk about it. And it’d be like, “Yeah, that’s kind of frustrating,” and then we would just kind of laugh it off and talk about something else. Like Mac said, it’s not something that we really base our relationship off of. Our relationship is so much more than the number between us, and that’s why it’s not that hard to brush off. Brother Felmar Serreno: Well, there you go. And to everyone who’s tuning in, if you do have an age gap in your relationship, we hope that what Mac and Jasmine shared is of help to you. It does help to vent to each other, right, just to help each other, you know, get through it. Because like what Mac and Jasmine mentioned, as Christians, when you’re in the moment, it’s better to just have a neutral response, right, a light hearted response. You don’t want to make a big deal out of something that really isn’t a big deal. Like what Mac and Jasmine mentioned, they are well aware their relationship is so much more than a number. But sometimes for others, you know, they don’t see it that way yet, right? So what are you going to do about that? That’s not within our control, right? But having that lighthearted response, because we are Christians, it helps to ensure something small doesn’t get out of hand. And then we can always talk about it after as husband and wife, just to make sure we’re doing okay and get on with our day. Well, that’s all the spiritual advice that I have at this time, Myrtle, for our episode for today. I hope everyone enjoyed it and it was of benefit to everybody. I’ll sign off now, and I’ll see you all next time. Myrtle Alegado: Thank you again, Brother Felmar, for sharing those Bible verses that definitely did inspire all of us today. Jasmine, earlier you said that you felt like you were sometimes being judged for your age gap. And Mac, how do you feel about telling people about your age difference? Mac Balacano: You know, I don’t personally really have any feelings about it really. It just kind of rolls off my tongue if it’s a relevant part of the conversation. Because to me, you know, it’s just a normal relationship, and again I don’t think it’s something that we or myself really use to define the nature of our relationship. Jasmine Balacano: Yeah, I’m actually fine with our age difference. Before it used to bother me, and then it kind of stopped, and then recently I think with the current social climate, it makes it such an uncomfortable topic. It’s not that I’m like, “Oh, no, my relationship is inappropriate.” It just makes it really awkward to want to tell anyone, because just the phrase itself, ‘an age gap,’ already has some sort of negative connotation to it. Just kind of what Mac said, it’s just like a normal relationship. And we’ve always been on the same page in terms of our views and things like that. So I am totally fine with it. It’s just something that feels a little bit odd to discuss sometimes. Myrtle Alegado: And how much has your faith helped you in being understanding of one another and in accepting each other’s differences, and maybe even, you know, kind of dealing with people’s thoughts about your relationship, whether they’re warranted or not? Mac Balacano: Having the same faith and belief system, first of all, I think is one of the most important things that you need to have in a relationship. And really because that common ground really creates a foundation for your relationship, creates a foundation of who we want to be, what we want for a future together. Even around the time when Jasmine and I were thinking about getting engaged, before we got married, you know, we had those kinds of discussions, right? We really wanted to nail down, like, what do we want our future to look like? And I think that’s super important that people have those kinds of conversations. You know, “Do you want to have kids? Where do you want to live?” No matter what those kinds of conversations are about your future, I think the underlying thing that should be there, that would really help people, is that you have the same faith and belief system. I think that’s really important. Myrtle Alegado: A hundred percent I would agree with you. So can you share what role prayer has had in your marriage? Jasmine Balacano: Prayer has always been a very important part of our relationship, even more so now in our marriage, and even the days leading up to our wedding. Knowing that when we pray together that God is with us and that, you know, we can really rely on Him in our relationship to ease any of the anxieties or the worries we have about the future. And we know that every time we pray, that we’re able to do that together, that God is there with us, you know. And it’s always been a comfort to us whenever things were falling apart, even when things were going amazingly, you know. We always would pray and just be so grateful and thankful no matter what happened. And especially when we’re planning for our future, one of the things that my mom always told me and I held it with me when I met Mac, even before we were getting married and now, is my mom always told me that you should always be with someone that brings you closer to God and that a relationship that revolves around God will be a successful one. I’ve always held that very dear to my heart. Every time we pray together, we’re never really that worried. We just trust. Myrtle Alegado: As it should be. So what words of encouragement do you have for newlyweds, or engaged couples, even those who are simply just dating, who have an age gap that might be considered a generational gap as well? Mac Balacano: Yeah I mean, for me, I think there’s going to be, you know, practical issues, some of which I’ve personally experienced. You know, whether that’s people having their own thoughts or opinions, or either of you are going to be in a slightly different phase in your life, right, maybe one of you is working already full-time, but someone is still in school or trying to sort out what their future could potentially look like. And just kind of think those through ahead of time, and just make sure that you’re okay with it, or have that discussion between the two of you to make sure that you’re on the same page. And you know, for us, as Jasmine has mentioned, you know, it’s a conversation. We want to make sure that we’re both okay with it. It’s give and take, right? We’re building a life together, and we’re both pitching in in different ways. So, you know, I think at the end of the day age is just a number and I personally don’t think it should overrule what you feel about each other. I think everything else that we’ve talked about, the foundation of your relationship, like all that stuff needs to be there. And I think age is just one of the many other different considerations that you should be thinking about in terms of your relationship. Jasmine Balacano: I agree with Mac. You know, when we first started dating, I felt a little bit left behind. I wasn’t as successful, I was still kind of starting out my career. I was still in the process of, like, establishing myself in terms of my own personal success. But my best advice is, you know, find someone who wants to communicate with you, someone who wants to have those really hard discussions, those difficult conversations, right, and someone who’s encouraging you. And these conversations always have to be done with open hearts and open minds, because if you don’t have that willingness to understand, that willingness to love unconditionally, when that stuff gets hard then it kind of speaks for itself. So, that really is kind of my advice is just be open minded, you know, be open hearted, be understanding, and be patient most of all. Mac Balacano: And finally, I think if you pray about it and you have God’s blessing, we talked about we’re very fortunate to have, that’s the feeling that we have in our lives, that we truly feel that, you know, God has been with us every step along the way, and it’s coming up to our one year anniversary. And, you know, I think that’s really the most important thing, right, that you not only have a relationship with each other, but that together you have a relationship with God. That’s really all that matters. Myrtle Alegado: Those were great words of advice, Mac and Jasmine. And honestly, we’re so grateful to you for sharing how you’ve managed to deal with an age gap in your marriage and as newlyweds. So thank you both for joining us [in] our discussion today on Happy Life. Jasmine Balacano: Thank you so much. Mac Balacano: Oh, thank you. Myrtle Alegado: Hopefully what Mac and Jasmine shared today will provide some comfort to other couples who are currently dating, or perhaps engaged to be wed, and experiencing the same challenges. And that’s the end of our episode for today. To learn more about Christian relationships, please visit incmedia.org. If you’d like to say hi, send us a question, or see who our newlywed guests are, you can visit our Instagram account: @happylife.podcast. Please also remember to share our podcast with your family and friends and all the newlyweds that you know. Thank you from all of us here on the Happy Life team. We’re so glad you joined us today and hope we’ve all been reminded about the blessings of marriage. [Show closes]

Managing Time as a Married Couple [Show opens] Myrtle Alegado: With the many demands on our daily lives, newly married couples struggle in balancing their time between work, daily tasks, and other obligations. When we find ourselves very busy, is it still a reasonable goal to achieve work-life balance? Today on the show, we’ll chat with a newlywed couple from Burlingame, California, to talk about how they make time for each other despite their busy schedules, while still prioritizing what truly matters in their relationship. Welcome to Happy Life, a podcast brought to you by INC Media Audio that aims to help newlyweds navigate through the first years of marriage. I’m your host, Myrtle Alegado, and I’ve been married to my husband, Paul, since 1999. Later, we’ll hear some Bible-based advice through Brother Felmar Serreno, a minister of the gospel in the Church Of Christ. [Show catchphrase] Inspiration to make your marriage thrive, you’re listening to Happy Life Myrtle: On Happy Life today, I’d like to welcome Paolo & Rachelle from Burlingame, California, and they’ve been married since August of 2021. Hey there, Paolo & Rachelle!  Thanks so much for agreeing to chat with us today. Rachelle de Dios: Hi! Paolo de Dios: Hello! Myrtle: How are you both doing? Rachelle: We’re good. Happy to be here. Myrtle: Oh, well, we’re so glad you joined us. Can you tell us a little bit about yourselves and how you both met? Paolo: Sure. Rachelle and I, we first met at a Church activity. It was August 2018, and it was a career fair for the Kadiwa [youth in the Church Of Christ aged 18 and up who are unmarried] members. She had just moved from Detroit about a month before that, and, you know, I’m sure she was still learning a lot about the new areas and things like that. Maybe it was coincidence, but yeah, we met through that activity and just kind of went from it. Rachelle: Yeah, I was new, moving to California. So I was just kind of nervous about everything. But I remember when we were going through some of the notes for this career fair, I was like, “Oh, Paolo’s kind of cute.” I actually knew what to do with all the instructions of this career fair, but I pretended to not know much. So, I was messaging him like, “What are we supposed to wear? What do you mean for this job thing? What do we do?” I kind of just initiated the chatting. Myrtle: Look at you being sneaky! Way to go for what you want. [laughs] Rachelle: Woo! Myrtle: Did you know that she already knew the answers, Paolo, but messaged you on the side just to have an excuse, I guess, to talk to you? Did you know that? Paolo: Honestly, no. I think when she was messaging me, I thought, like, “Wow, I can really impress her.” You know, “I can tell her exactly what we need to do here. She needs my help.” You know, “I’m going to be that person to support her in her time of need.” But you know, she’s smart. Myrtle: But how long were you two talking before things became serious, and then when did you get engaged, and finally married? Rachelle: I want to say talking for about three or four months, and then when we got engaged, a year and a half to two years. That’s when we got engaged. Myrtle: So today we’re discussing managing time wisely, and for newlywed couples, I’m sure you can very much relate to that because both of you are working. Can you tell us about your careers? Rachelle: Yeah, so I am the head of strategy. I work in a neurotechnology clinic in Silicon Valley. I work with a lot of different technologies for health, whether it’s brain map scanning, or we’re creating products for speech, or language, or learning, or disabilities, or head trauma. I work on the projects that are involved in that. Myrtle: It sounds pretty intense. Rachelle: Yeah, it sounds a lot cooler than I think it is. Myrtle: Oh [laughs]. And then, Paolo, yourself? Paolo: I’m a marketing manager and business analyst. So you know, I help different companies kind of build their communication and advertising. In a simple way, I spend their money to sell more things. So kind of a simple job. Myrtle: Well, it definitely sounds like you both have pretty busy schedules. What does your typical workday look like? Rachelle: So, we both work from home and we have a sweet little rescue dog that is about 10 months old now. Yeah, it’s a lot of meetings. It’s a lot of back to back meetings on Zoom. And it’s a lot of taking care of Ollie (the rescue dog). Myrtle: You know, that’s your home and that’s your office, so you’re pretty much together all the time. What do you find most challenging about coordinating your schedules, even though you see each other all the time? Rachelle: I think the most challenging thing about coordinating our schedules is that we don’t really know what’s going to happen throughout the day. So, every week is different, every day is different. Sometimes I’ll have a meeting, and then we’ll have a meeting at the same time, and then we have Ollie who wants to go out. Or sometimes the days are a little bit longer than we expected, and those get kind of tricky. That’s usually what’s challenging about coordinating our schedules. So, we’ll try to figure it out as we go. Sometimes one of us will work while the other takes Ollie out. Or sometimes, actually most of the time, Paulo takes Ollie out in the morning, which he’s great about because I take a little bit longer to get ready. But we figure it out. Paolo: Yeah, I think sometimes, especially working from home, the whole day feels like one big blob of time. So you know, like she said, kind of mapping it out and kind of spacing it as much as possible is really helpful. Otherwise, it’s all noise and we won’t get anything done. Myrtle: And then do you take lunch breaks together? Paolo: Totally. Rachelle: Oh, yeah. All the time! Paolo: She’s like an amateur chef, for sure, and I’m an amateur eater, so she makes a bunch of stuff. It’s awesome. Rachelle: He’s good at cooking too though. Paolo: I think, if anything that’s like the number one advantage of working from home is that we can kind of treat ourselves. We can do things in advance, cook things in advance, eat things in advance. Rachelle: We eat a lot. And then also with our schedules, I’ll even take time sometimes during the work day to practice for the organ. I’m an organist at our Church, and if I know I’m leading that practice that day, I’ll go over a lot of the notes. I’ll go over a lot of the things I’m going to say during practice, and Paulo is usually really great about giving me that time because I tend to stress out a lot, you know, especially if it’s something I really care about. So he’s been really great at giving me that time. Myrtle: So despite your busy schedules, how do you still make sure that you spend quality time with one another, and are there specific things that have worked out for both of you? Paolo: Yeah, I think quality time is really important. I think there are certain things that we can control and if we can, you know, we make sure to plan those things ahead. So for instance, we make sure we have lunch and dinner together no matter what, as long as it’s within our schedules, which it usually is. Even on a, you know, a busy workday or a busy evening, we make sure to make that time for each other. And like I mentioned before, you know, we both love to cook just as much as we both love to eat, so I think sharing those commonalities, it’s something that we need to do every day anyway, so we might as well enjoy it. Rachelle: Yeah, we genuinely enjoy each other’s company. So it’s such a big deal when we’re working from home and we see each other every day. We still get excited though to watch movies in the living room, we get excited to hang out together, we have a lot of hobbies that are similar. Paulo is actually really into golf now, which is great. You’re good at it now. I feel like you’re really good at golf now. And, ahh, he makes really good steak, so I’m super into steak even more now, because he’s really good at making the perfect medium rare steak. And coffee, which I love, he’s so good at making coffee. You should see the kitchen. I think if anything that we’re going to argue about is kitchen space, because it looks like a coffee shop. Paolo: That’s true. Rachelle: But it’s good coffee though, so I still love it. I’m super into basketball, food, being outdoors, and you know he switches those things off, because I know he wasn’t always into basketball too much but now he is. And you weren’t too outdoorsy, but now I feel like you love it unless that’s just for me. Paolo: Yeah, I mean, I think it’s both. I think I love it, and I love you so I think it kind of goes hand-in-hand. Myrtle: Aww! Well, you had me at golf, steak and coffee. So I’m coming over. You know, are you free this weekend? [laughs] Rachelle: Come over. Myrtle: But you know, what are the things that you enjoy doing when you want to wind down or relax together? Paolo: Some simple things that we never take for granted is getting some snacks or even popcorn, she loves buttery, buttery popcorn, and just watching a movie together and winding down. I think that’s something that we always look forward to. Also we just like to hang out and just kind of either lounge on the couch, kind of relax and not really work or stress or do anything, but just be there together. Myrtle: Well, you know, last season we had an episode that covered being fully present without the distractions of phones, computers, tablets, and the like. How do you deal with this challenge since you both work from home? Rachelle: Yeah, in the beginning, we were distracted by our phones and our laptops. It was pretty difficult because we both work from home, so technology is super big in our lives. And even when the work was over, we’d still be glued to our phones. But we’re really good about always having lunch together and dinner together. I think food really does bring us together, and it was a no-phone zone because we enjoy it that much. We try our best to put our phones away for the moments that we actually get to hang out with each other. And luckily, we’re addicted to watching those shows and movies so we probably wouldn’t be checking our phones anyway. Yeah, I’m just glad that we were able to do that together. Myrtle: And you’re both officers in the Church Of Christ. Rachelle, you mentioned that you’re an organist and then, Paolo, I believe you’re in the choir too, right? So how does that impact your schedules, having to, you know, go to choir practices and things like that? Paolo: Rachelle is [a] choir organist and I’m an assistant choir leader in our local congregation. Rachel’s been an organist for, I don’t know, forever. Like, she’s been an organist since she was a child and I’ve been in the choir since then, too. We’re kind of used to it, in a sense, to prepare for, you know, worship services, to prepare for our duties and our responsibilities in the Church. This is something that I think getting married and living together, it’s something that we had to keep in mind too, not only individually but together. Rachelle: Yeah, and sometimes we actually need to cut our workdays short because of those added responsibilities. We’re both in leadership, so especially during the days we have leadership meetings we actually have to stop working just so that we can attend that. And we do our best to prepare and practice before the worship service, because we really do value our duties as choir members in the Church. Myrtle: So what does work/church/life balance mean to both of you? Rachelle: It means everything. I mean, it was super difficult at the beginning of our marriage to really balance it all. And the good thing about us, which is why I think we work so well as a couple, is that we actually prioritize Church duties before everything. Paolo: Yeah, I agree. And no matter what comes in our lives, and no matter how difficult it can be, it’s really our faith that really, not only brings everything together but really, provides us the blessings that we need in this life. Myrtle: Absolutely. But how did you learn to manage your time? Were there time management tips that you learned before getting married? Paolo: I think the biggest thing that really taught us was just living in it. I think a lot of the experience that we had, early on especially, that’s what really kind of drove it home or really kind of fast forwarded our learning. And when it comes to, you know, time management, when it comes to living together as a married couple and really balancing everything together, the first few months of marriage was really hard. We were trying to prioritize our own lives and we were trying to, you know, navigate through this brand new life together. It was really hard, really difficult, but you know with God’s help and just the blessing that comes from marriage, I think we really grew to understand each other, and really understand how to better plan for our life. Rachelle: We were both Kadiwa officers before getting married, and Kadiwa is that youth group in the Christian Family Organization for those 18 and up who are unmarried. And our local congregation actually had great time management tips in a workshop that we actually still utilize today. They talked about different apps you can use to be organized, Google Sheets. We also talked about having daily schedules, which we actually use all the time. Myrtle: What a great idea for a workshop that I think would be beneficial for all age groups, really. And actually at this point, I want to know what the Bible has to say about making time to strengthen marriage relationships. Brother Felmar Serreno, a minister of the gospel in the Church Of Christ, is here with us again on the podcast. Hello, Brother Felmar! Thanks for joining us again. Brother Felmar Serreno: Hi, everyone. So our topic today—making quality time to strengthen the marriage relationship. However, when it comes to this, fulfilling that without cutting work hours or time for other commitments and, above all, without compromising on our spiritual obligations, you know, trying to accomplish all of this, for others it sounds impossible. Others might not even bother to try, you know, to work this out, meaning they might say something like, “Well, we have to make compromises somewhere, because it’s either we take time off from work, or we absent ourselves from other activities, or we lessen our time for each other, because we can’t just do all of it on the regular.” But what we want to share with everyone today is that it is possible, and here’s how. The Bible teaches us this in the book of Matthew, chapter 19, the verse is 26. We’ll quote from the English Standard Version: But Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” [Matthew 19:26 English Standard Version] Brother Felmar Serreno: As members of the Church Of Christ we have heard this truth many times: “With God all things are possible.” It’s in the Bible. The Lord Jesus Himself taught this so why would we not believe it, right? But just in case there’s a part of us that’s going, “Okay, but how will God make it possible? How will He make it possible for me to have time for my career, to have time for my Church duties, and to have time for my marriage, and even have time for myself? All of this on a regular basis? How?” Here’s the answer to that question. The Bible teaches this. We’ll read Philippians this time, chapter two, the verse is 13, here in the International Standard Version. I quote the following: For it is God who is producing in you both the desire and the ability to do what pleases him. [Philippians 2:13 International Standard Version] Brother Felmar Serreno: You see, the reason people tell themselves sometimes, “It’s too hard to make regular quality time for my family,” or “It’s too hard to keep pursuing my life goals,” or “It’s too hard to hold onto my duty,” is because maybe they’re looking at themselves thinking, “I lack the ability.” You know, “My time management skills are poor,” or “I’m no good at logistics.” Or they lack the desire, the motivation, the energy, the drive, or they lack both. However, according to the Bible, what can God do for us? He can produce in us both the desire and the ability to do what pleases Him. Therefore, if we want to level-up on our time management with married life, work, and above all our spiritual life, the only way to succeed is to seek God. Why? Because He’s the only One who can truly increase both the desire and the ability we need to do all the right things in life, including the things we want to do for ourselves and our marriage that are in accordance with His will. So, having said that, Paulo and Rachel, what I’d love to ask you is: “Can you attest that what the Bible says here is true?” We heard from the Scriptures earlier that the Lord God produces in us the desire and the ability. In your life, especially in this recent year plus where, you know, you got married and you’re newlyweds now, how has God increased the motivation that we need so that we can see to all of our responsibilities in life, especially when it comes to our spiritual life? Paolo: One of the important things that we noticed, whether it’s in our marriage or I think even in our lives before we joined together, was, we were blessed enough to be in our duties [while] in our childhood. A lot of the energy, a lot of the motivation we learned comes from kind of pushing forward. We have our duties, you know, we have our obligations and our family, and now we have each other. Fulfilling the duties that we have really gave us the strength, the energy, and the drive, and also the direction coming from the Holy Spirit. Rach has a great quote: “Faith over fear,” and I think that also helps with that, right? Rachelle: Mmmhmm. What Paulo said is so true. We were very motivated through our duties but also just our faith in general every time. I think we were surprised by how marriage was and I think a lot of newly [wed] couples can attest to that. You know, you’re so excited, the wedding is done, and then you get to life and it’s not as easy as we thought it was going to be. We learned so much. And during those difficult times, I think what kept us motivated was our faith, was the fact that God will continue to bless us if we trust in Him and we trust in each other. That’s something that really kept us motivated through everything. Brother Felmar Serreno: I like what you both shared there that the faith is what gave you direction. Our faith is what gives all of us direction. When we have that direction, when things are clear, why wouldn’t you be motivated? You know exactly where you’re going. But the Bible teaches that God also promises to develop in us or produce the ability, right, which is also important, because sometimes you’re motivated, you want to do it, but you may lack the ability. Like what Rachelle mentioned, you were surprised that, you know, it’s not as easy. Getting married is exciting. It’s happy, right? But then you start to settle in, into living together, working together at married life, and yeah, it’s not that easy to say the least. So, have you also seen, since you have been married, that God is producing in us the ability to adapt, to grow, without compromising on our other responsibilities, right, to family to work, especially when it comes to our spiritual life? Has God done this for you? Paolo: I definitely, definitely believe so. One of the biggest things that I’ve learned, and that I believe God gave me the ability to learn, is to be understanding and patient. Living with someone who I’ve only dated and seen, you know, every couple of days in a week, now all of a sudden, we’re with each other every single hour of the day. It’s amazing, it’s exciting, but it also adds a lot of different experiences and perspectives. I believe God gave me the ability to really understand much clearer and have a better view of my wife, a view of our life together. Rachelle: Yeah, to also follow up with that, [Brother] Felmar, I think God granted a lot of new abilities for me that I don’t think I had before, which was also patience. I think I would have given up so many times before, and I’m actually really glad that I didn’t get married until my 30s. And because of that, I think, yeah, the patience and then the understanding like Paulo said, I learned so much but God really gave me that ability to not give up, to keep an open mind, to keep an open heart, to really put trust in God. Because if this was the old me, I think I would have been scared of a lot of these situations, and a lot of these new things, but God also granted more faith, and He gave me more bravery. We’re now learning about another person. Even though you’re married, you’re still learning every day and I think that’s going to continue. Brother Felmar Serreno: That’s awesome to hear that from the both of you, you know, attesting to what Scripture teaches us, that God really does produce in us the desire, the motivation, and the abilities that we need to do the things that are pleasing to Him, and to do the right things in life that would also set us up for a good future. Things like patience, understanding, how to handle new experiences, these things are not automatic to us, right? These are things that we really have to learn. We have to practice, we have to master, we have to gain the ability to do it. Now at this part, for those who are hearing this and they heard your answers when it comes to what God has done for you, and they’re at the stage in their life where, you know, they need that. You know, they want that from God, that He would produce in them the desire, the motivation, and the abilities that are needed in marriage, and in being Christians or members of the Church of Christ, serving God and getting through this life. So, what did the two of you do to convince God to help you out? How did you convince Him to give you the desire, the motivation, as well as the abilities? Rachelle: How did we convince our Almighty God? We’ve had the same devotional prayer at 10:15pm, and we never miss it no matter what. That’s something that we started when we were even just starting to date and it’s continued to our marriage. Through prayer, I truly believe that’s what helped us the most. I think God is still with us, because we never neglect to call unto Him, and there’s so many times where I think we even prayed more besides our devotional prayer times, extra prayers, times where we needed Him the most. I think our faith through Him is what has helped us. Paolo: Yeah, I agree 100% with everything that Rachelle said. I think another big thing too, we definitely humbled ourselves. I for sure humbled myself, because I knew I was lacking, you know, not only for God but also for her to be honest. But yeah, humbling ourselves and really understanding too that there’s a lot more that can be done. There’s a lot more to be happy about and to be really thankful for, so that was a huge thing for us and for me personally too. I think that’s what’s helping us grow, you know, as a married couple, as individuals too, and I think most especially in our faith and our duties. Brother Felmar Serreno: Wow. Well, I hope that also inspires everyone who’s tuning in today. You know, prayer, always communicating with God, that’s something that’s also been consistent in our podcast right, Myrtle? And you know, if you think about it, when it comes to family, or our friends, right, staying in touch with those that we care about and those who care about us, you strengthen the relationship, right? You naturally strengthen the relationship when you are regularly communicating with your friends or your family. So, the more we talk to God through prayer, our relationship with Him is also strengthened, and because our relationship with God is strengthened, and we live by His commands, we’re doing what pleases Him, we will be able to convince our Almighty God to answer our prayers, to give us the motivation and the abilities that we need to succeed in life, in our marriage, and most of all in our faith. So, thank you very much for answering those questions. I’m going to hand it back to Myrtle now. To everyone else, thank you again for always joining us on Happy Life. See you all next time. Myrtle: Thanks so much, Brother Felmar, for those very inspiring Bible verses and reminders that you shared with all of us today. So, we talked about how important it is for you to spend quality time together, but you know there’s all this talk about self care. So, when you need to have alone time, or decompress, or relieve stress, what are your favorite things to do on your own? Paolo: I think one of the ways that I de-stress, it’s working out in our home gym. You know we made, I think during COVID a lot of people including us, we made our own home gym. I work out, just have that time to myself, listening to music, either lifting weights or doing cardio, and it’s something that, you know, I do for myself. I think physical exercise can really relieve stress. I think also having that time to yourself, to really care for yourself, is really important and healthy, and that’s one of the things that I do to kind of de-stress and kind of unwind. Rachelle: Yeah, and to preface, our home gym is in our garage next to some trash cans. It’s a really good gym though. You should be really proud. I know Paulo is really proud of it, but the home gym sounds so extravagant, but it’s a small little gym in our garage. But I agree. Working out, playing sports, is a super good time to decompress and relieve stress. I also do some writing on the side. I think that’s also helped me decompress. It’s one of my, kind of,newish favorite things to do since the pandemic. So that’s stayed and it’s been kind of fun. Myrtle: So,with all your making time for your alone time, making time for your together time, making time for work, making time for your Church duties, you know, why do you give so much importance to your Church duties and to prioritizing God and serving Him? Rachelle: Our Church duties are what actually drew us together in the first place when we first started dating. Our duties are very important to us and we can relate to the schedules that are involved with that. Paolo: Yeah, and you know with both our workplaces, we made it a fact to let them know, our coworkers, about our faith, about the importance of our duties, and also what that entails as far as our obligations at work versus at Church. So they know that our duties come first and that we really set aside that time. Since they knew about that from the very beginning, it really paved the way to make it not as difficult to make that time for our duties, for our faith, for Church activities, and other things like that. Myrtle: We talked about how important it is to have Church duties, and we also heard that it is possible to kind of juggle it all. What would your advice be to newlyweds who are hesitant about taking on more responsibility at Church because of time constraints and busy schedules? Rachelle: It always works out. At those times when we actually didn’t prioritize our responsibilities at Church, we actually saw how that affected our marriage as well. It wasn’t a good thing when we didn’t prioritize our responsibilities in Church. When we feel closer to God, that’s when we [feel] stronger and closer to each other. If both partners have responsibilities at Church, you end up having a lot more in common with everything else in life too. Paolo: Yeah and I think that’s really important. When you see that motivation and that love coming from your partner in their duties, it really motivates you to do the same, you know. And because it’s both of our priorities to stay within our faith, to stay within our duties, and that we both put God first in our lives, it really shows how great they are, you know, at taking care of not only responsibilities in their faith, but also other responsibilities in their life, especially our marriage. Myrtle: Yes, for sure. And if you can share or try to summarize, how do you think that you have been blessed by God by putting your Church duties first? Paolo: The biggest way that God really blessed us, I think it was the peace that He continues to provide to us. In the beginning, you know, we had a lot of challenges, a lot of things to learn from one another. But I think because we prioritized our faith and our duties, God really gave us the patience, and the understanding, and the humility to really grow and learn together. Rachelle: And how else we’ve felt so blessed, with putting our duties first, is that even though life is so messy, and with the new things of marriage life can get kind of crazy and there’s all these challenges, but when we look around, God has blessed our lives in so many ways. We have each other, we have our jobs, we have our dog that we love so much, and we have so much to look forward to in the future, and it’s exciting and we never would have been here without God. And there were probably times where we might have taken it for granted or there might have been times where we took our responsibilities at Church for granted, and it showed us that it’s scarier and it’s harder when God is not there. But when He is, it’s amazing and everything that you’re scared about, or everything that you have fears about, it just goes away. God shows you that it’s going to be okay, and it’s just been amazing. It’s funny, because I feel like we’ve been married only for a little bit, but then I also feel like I’ve been married forever. So, yeah. Myrtle: Well what you’ve said, it was beautifully put, you know, that you can feel God’s blessings in your lives. I thank you so much, Rachelle and Paolo, for sharing what your busy schedules are like and how you manage to balance at all. We’re sure that many of our listeners can also relate to trying to find that balance and to striving to make time for what really matters in your lives. And for you, that’s your duties inside the Church Of Christ. So again, thank you for joining us on Happy Life. Paolo & Rachelle: Thank you. Myrtle: Work-life balance may be quite a challenge to achieve for many newlyweds as they embark on a new chapter in their lives, but we learned that there is a way that we can still do what matters most to us. We’ve come to the end of our discussion for today! To learn more about Christian relationships please visit www.incmedia.org.  If you’d like to say hi, send us a question, or see who our newlywed guests are, you can visit our Instagram account @happylife.podcast. Please also remember to share our podcast with your family and friends and all the newlyweds that you know! Thank you from all of us here on the Happy Life team. We’re so glad you joined us today, and hope we’ve all been reminded about the blessings of marriage. [Show closes]

Myrtle Alegado: Someone catches your eye, his or her personality is attractive, you get along well, and you start falling for this person. You live in the same country, but there’s actually a language barrier. Today, we’ll meet Michael and Cindy, from Belgium, and they’ll share what it was like in the beginning of their cross-cultural relationship and how they’re doing now as newlyweds. Welcome to Happy Life, a podcast brought to you by INC Media Audio that aims to help newlyweds navigate through the first years of marriage. I’m your host, Myrtle Alegado, and I’ve been married to my husband, Paul, since 1999. Later, we’ll hear some Bible-based advice through Brother Felmar Serreno, a minister of the gospel in the Church Of Christ. [Show Catchphrase] Inspiration to make your marriage thrive, you’re listening to Happy Life  Myrtle: As mentioned earlier, our newlyweds today are from Belgium. Hi, Michael and Cindy. We hope you’re both doing well over there. Cindy Van Acker: I’m doing very good. Thank you so much, Myrtle, for your time for today. Michael Van Acker: Hello, Myrtle. Thank you for having us and happy to be here. Myrtle: So would you two mind giving us a little background information on where you both grew up? Michael: I was born in Zele. Zele is a very small town in Belgium, a small community. Almost everyone knows each other, a lot of greens and nature close by. My dad, he is a Belgian while my mom is a Filipina. Myrtle: You were born and raised in Zele. Michael: Yes, I was born in Zele and also raised. Myrtle: Oh wow. That’s pretty awesome. So how about you, Cindy? Cindy: For myself, my parents are both Filipino. I grew up in the capital city of Brussels, Belgium. Myrtle: And now do you still live in Brussels or Zele or did you both move somewhere else? Michael: Now we are living in Schoonaarde, also in Belgium of course, and it’s about 45 minutes driving from the capital city, Brussels. Myrtle: Okay, so a little bit on the outskirts up in the suburbs maybe. So, we talked previously and you mentioned that, although you live in the same country, you speak different languages, right? Cindy: Yes. It is correct, Myrtle. Actually, in Belgium, we speak different languages. But it actually depends [on] where you live. Usually we speak French, Dutch or German. But for myself, since I live in the capital city of Brussels, I speak and am fluent in French. Michael: And since I grew up in a Dutch area, I’m speaking Dutch. It’s my mother language. So actually, we don’t speak each other’s languages. Myrtle: That is so interesting. Okay, wait, I have to ask you both. How do you say happy life in Dutch and then in French? Michael: In Dutch, it’s gelukkig leven. Myrtle: Okay, I will not even try to repeat that. [laughs] Cindy, how do you say it in French? Cindy: La vie heureuse. Myrtle:  Oh wow, that is so cool. So what was it like trying to talk to each other in the beginning when you first met? Michael: We [have to] go way back. We actually met each other when we were still teenagers. Myrtle: Oh, young love? [laughs] Cindy: Yes, indeed. Since we met when we were teenagers, the only language that we actually could speak was English. But back then, our English was terrible, especially mine. I really had to learn and practice it every single day. We had so many misunderstandings back then. We had a hard time [expressing] ourselves in English, so we had less patience of course before, since we both have different mother languages, because obviously [it’s] easier to speak in our own language. But to look back [there were] actually very funny moments and conversations. Myrtle: I can imagine. Michael: But now of course we are older, so we have more experience, more patience. So our English improved a lot and is much better right now. Myrtle: So in school you both, like you said, Cindy, you spoke French fluently and, Michael, you’re Dutch, in school was English something you had to learn as well? Cindy: For myself, it was actually mandatory to learn Dutch and English. Since in English we had to use it in our courses and of course for Church. Actually, English I learned it in Church, because I needed to communicate. But for example, in Dutch I’ve actually studied it for so many years, I think more than seven years, but since I don’t practice it every single day I am not good. So, basically I speak French every single day. Myrtle: And how was learning English for you, Michael, in school? Michael: Also [I] was obligated to take that course in high school already starting from the second year, I believe, and then up to the sixth year. But then when we had the college life there, also some courses were in English. So through the years, English became more and more the main language in my life. Myrtle: Okay so, you know, aside from the language barrier, did you learn that you had other cultural differences that you noticed as well? Michael: Oh, yes. Cindy is more of a big city woman, while I grew up with a more of a country lifestyle. And I’m also more conscious about what to consume, while Cindy is more a consumer mindset. She buys with convenience since everything is close to her, for example, grocery stores. Myrtle: So have you noticed whether this has led you to maybe approach situations or tasks differently too? Cindy: Yes, actually, Myrtle. For example, if Michael has something in mind, he will tend to do it directly, or even immediately, and finish it right away. He’s someone that hates and avoids postponing things, but for me, I’m more thoughtful or take time to ponder. I’m someone that needs to think if it’s really necessary to address it now. So for example, we were speaking about having a new kitchen in our new house. Michael wanted directly to have a picture in front of him, search prices to see how much it will be, determine how much time [it will] take, how big or how small [we can] go. He wants all those details immediately. Michael: Well, Cindy on the other hand, she will think about it first. Then make a plan for how it will look like but not really focusing on the exact details. She will plan first and finalize details later. Cindy: Also I think for myself, when it comes to speaking, I am a more direct person. I will say things, what is actually on my mind. Michael [will] try to avoid conflict. My attitude is, like, also more expressive than Michael’s. Michael prefers things to be more relaxed, more calm. It’s okay. It’s alright. [laughs] But for myself, I’m more adventurous and maybe will take more risks than Michael. Michael: Yeah, for example, I will rather not jump off a cliff or bungee jump. I will never do that. But Cindy would love to do that. It’s on her bucket list. Myrtle: [laughs] Oh, oh you’re an adventure seeker huh, Cindy? Cindy: Yes. Myrtle: You know people say, ‘Opposites attract.’ So, maybe that’s truly the case with the two of you. I didn’t ask, how long have you been married now? Cindy: I think we got married about… not long ago. So six months. Myrtle: Oh, not even a year. Wow, okay, so truly newlyweds! So do you agree, Cindy, that opposites attract? Cindy: Yes, I agree. But actually in the past, I was not believing it. But in our case, I agree, because our differences help us to complete each other and we also get to learn things from one another. Myrtle: That’s a good way to look at it. What would you say are your biggest frustrations, though, in dealing with, you know, your language barrier or communication barrier in marriage? Michael: Cindy and I actually have two types of arguments. Argument type one is when we don’t understand each other, we can’t find the right word to express ourselves and what we really mean, while with the second type of argument it’s a discussion that starts about something else, like a certain thing that happened that one of us did not appreciate from the other. But with these arguments, we really do try to take the time to explain ourselves without getting angry at each other. Cindy: It’s true. There are actually times that we don’t understand each other, because the words that we are using are quite literal, and maybe the word sounds a bit harsh, without meaning it to that person. But the biggest frustration happens if one of us is using the language barrier as an excuse. Like in one of our arguments we just say, “Ah, well you just don’t understand me again,” and then almost closing off when it comes to our conversation, while the other person is actually trying to explain things clearly. Myrtle: And what happens when you have misunderstandings like that and how do you handle those situations? Cindy: It’s quite frustrating, to be honest, but we try giving each other some space, helping to give us [and] each other the time so that we can think and process everything. Michael: But we make sure that we always try to fix it before we sleep, otherwise both of us will have a bad, bad sleep and that’s not good for both of us. Myrtle: Yeah, and that’s a good approach that most couples try to, you know, take in terms of having arguments with one another. You know that saying, ‘Never go to bed angry,’ right? Michael: Yes indeed. Myrtle: But you know, right now, I’d like to ask Brother Felmar Serreno, a minister of the gospel in the Church Of Christ, to impart some biblical advice about maybe adjusting and learning in marriage through intercultural challenges or differences. Hello and how are you today, Brother Felmar? Brother Felmar Serreno: Hi, Myrtle! I’m doing well, thank you very much. And hello to Michael and Cindy, our guests today, and hello to all our listeners. So I’m really interested in this topic that we’re taking up: differences between husband and wife, culturally speaking, and how to handle those moments of frustration or anger that may come up in communication, right? So getting right to it, is it evil to feel angry? We’ll start here in the book of Ephesians, chapter four, the verse is 26, in the Today’s English Version, I quote the following: If you become angry, do not let your anger lead you into sin, and do not stay angry all day. [Ephesians 4:26 Today’s English Version] Brother Felmar Serreno: So becoming angry, in itself, is not evil. Anger is an emotion, a feeling, just like how sadness, joy, excitement, are also feelings. But according to the Bible, there is something we must be careful of after we become angry. What is it? “Do not let your anger lead you into sin.” What else does the Bible teach about anger? “Do not stay angry all day.” Now, some might be thinking, “How do you do that? How do you stop yourself from committing sin when you’re angry? How do you stop yourself from staying angry all day?” Because we do see in the news, on the internet, even in scenarios in movies, right, where people give in to their anger. There are those who do allow themselves to be angry all day or all week. It’s like they purposely give themselves that time to be angry, sometimes for months or even years. However, according to the Bible, we should not live that way, especially when it comes to man and woman who have been joined by God in holy matrimony. So going back to our question, “How can married couples ensure that those moments of frustration or anger don’t lead to sin and that no one stays angry all day?” We go now to the book of Proverbs, Chapter 14, verse 29, in The Living Bible, I quote: A wise man controls his temper. He knows that anger causes mistakes. [Proverbs 14:29 The Living Bible] Brother Felmar Serreno: Let’s be reminded that disagreements can happen in marriage. We actually did a whole episode on this in season one. Nobody, then, should be doubting their marriage or second guessing the love of their spouse, just because every now and then there are moments of friction. We all have flaws. So, communication in marriage isn’t going to be smooth sailing every single time. And this goes for everybody, by the way, not just husband and wife who are very different from each other ethnically speaking, like in the case of Michael and Cindy. But do take note that if anyone is always arguing with their spouse, or if there is constant disharmony in one’s marriage, that’s a different issue. And we also discuss that in detail in our episode on disagreements, again in season one. But when it comes to handling the average arguing between husband and wife, so again let’s be reminded, what does the Bible teach us? How did the Bible break it down for us, so to speak? Number one: don’t allow your anger to lead you into sin. Number two: don’t stay angry all day. And three: control our temper. Therefore, based on these teachings from the Bible, when arguments do happen, calling for a timeout is helpful. Would you agree, Michael and Cindy, that when those moments of friction arise, calling for that timeout, is a big help? Cindy: Yes, Brother Felmar. Michael: Yes, Brother Felmar, definitely. Brother Felmar Serreno: There are times, you know, those heated discussions may happen, who usually calls for the timeout first. Is it Cindy or Michael? You’re both smiling now. Cindy: [laughs] I think me. Brother Felmar Serreno: Cindy, okay. Yeah, I’m sure all married couples, we take turns on that, right? But why is calling for that timeout helpful? Well, for starters, you get a chance to cool off or simmer down, you know, do some deep breathing and settle our emotions, because the Bible teaches us to control our temper. So we shouldn’t allow our temper or emotions to control us, especially to the point that we would commit sin by hurting our spouse physically, or even verbally by using harsh words, right, if our emotions would get the better of us. So a timeout, or cooling off, will enable you to think things through, and that’s important because remember what the Bible said earlier, “anger causes mistakes.” Now, what are some examples of things that you should be thinking through, right, during that timeout? If a recent argument is the result of your error, for example, so acknowledge it, right? Own it, take responsibility for it. Look, we’re not going to get it right every single time. Sometimes you’re right, but sometimes your spouse is right. So, when you’re the one who’s wrong, don’t make excuses for it. Don’t brush it to the side or play it down. Squash that ego. Apologize to the love of your life for your mistake and move on. But what if your spouse is at fault, then why not compose in your mind the best and gentlest strategy on how to help your spouse understand his or her mistake? And then from there, why not you both plan together how to react better to a situation like this in the future should it come up again? So, that’s our Bible-based advice for today. Take care, everybody. God bless and we’ll see you all next time. Myrtle: Once again, Brother Felmar, thank you for the words of God that continue to teach all of us and guide all the married couples. Despite having different cultural upbringings and growing up speaking different languages, how has having the same faith, as members of the Church Of Christ, helped you in your marriage, Michael and Cindy? Michael: First of all, we truly believe that God brought us together. He did this for a reason. So, we learned during our marriage seminars that challenges and difficulties will arise in our relationship, and if those difficulties will come, we need to pray and that’s also something we always do together. Cindy: Yes, and if there are differences and it leads to an argument, we always pray to our Almighty God. We pray for Him to help us, to give us understanding, and to give us more patience. And after we pray, we take our time to talk or to say sorry to each other. Myrtle: And that’s an important part of marriage, learning how to apologize. But are there things that you’re still trying to learn together or adapt to? Cindy: I think we still haven’t yet learned how to completely communicate with one another, or at least find a way to do it easily, because we haven’t been married that long, or a little over six months. But day-to-day, we’re improving in our communication skills. Michael: We try to learn by really explaining directly what we mean when we don’t understand each other, so that in the future, when the same problem or similar problems occurs, we will understand each other quicker and better. Myrtle: Do you have any tips that you could share with other engaged couples or newlyweds who also might have a language barrier in their intercultural marriage? Michael: There will be times of course that your patience will be tested. Moments will come where you will argue or disagree in something. But if you do have a little fight, cool down from one another, give each other some space, then try to fix the situation right away. Do your best to really express how you feel. And of course, always pray. Cindy: And we’d also like to share that it was also challenging for both of our parents to communicate to each other. Sometimes it comes down to a form of sign language, gesturing, pointing or even showing kinds of pictures to try to express what they [are] actually meaning. We’re doing our best. For Michael and for myself, even though it can be annoying to repeat ourselves a lot, we try to explain and repeat again if [necessary] but in a calm way. If you get annoyed, it will only get worse, so it causes more problems and misunderstanding. So we also try to use some words that the other person knows in their mother language. That can sometimes help. We do our best to maintain our mutual love and respect, despite having different languages and cultures. Michael: But of course, there’s also positive things. So for example, a positive thing about being in a multilingual marriage is that it’s helpful when we are traveling. Myrtle: Well that’s very true. I would definitely consider that a plus if you speak two languages already, plus English, so very, very multilingual. But it’s kind of interesting too, Cindy, what you shared about your parents not understanding each other. I didn’t even think about that aspect. So how’s their communication improving? Is getting a little better, too? Cindy: I think it’s getting better. We’re getting there. It was just actually funny, especially for my dad who had a hard time to speak in English, also for my mom. And the dad, for example, for Michael has a hard time to speak in English. So sometimes, he says words in Dutch and trying to explain it in English. So it’s very funny, but we’re getting there. Myrtle: And like you said, showing pictures sometimes if needed, right? [laughs] Cindy: Yes. Technology is actually helping us. Myrtle: Yeah, I mean if we didn’t have these smartphones, who knows how we would communicate, right? It’s like there’s Google Translate now too, so that’s pretty awesome. But you know, I’d like to thank you both so much for being on Happy Life with us today and for sharing all of your experiences, your struggles, but also sharing that you’re still improving and learning from one another, and that’s really wonderful to hear. Michael: Thank you, Myrtle, for having us. It was truly a pleasure to be here. Cindy: Thank you so much, Myrtle for having us. It was a pleasure as well to meet you and have this discussion. Myrtle: I think marrying someone from a different ethnic culture definitely makes you more open to learning and appreciating the differences in each other and can also help you relate to others better as well. Will there be times of frustration and misunderstanding because of language issues? Absolutely. But you can also continue to grow with one another, improve your own language and communication skills, and remember that your commitment to one another is for a lifetime. And that’s all we have for you today. To learn more about Christian relationships, please visit www.incmedia.org. If you’d like to say hi, send us a question, or see who our newlywed guests are, you can visit our Instagram account: @HappyLife.podcast. Please also remember to share our podcast with your family and friends and all the newlyweds that you know. Thank you from all of us here on the Happy Life team. We’re so glad you joined us today and hope we’ve all been reminded about the blessings of marriage. [Show closes]  

Sharing Common Interests as Newlyweds [Show Opens] Myrtle Alegado: So you just got married and you’re basking in the giddiness of newlywed bliss. But have you thought about how to build that connection even more with your spouse? In our last episode, we talked to a couple from Vista. Now let’s travel a few hours north on the I-5 and meet another California couple to discuss the importance of sharing common interests as newlyweds. Welcome to Happy Life, a podcast brought to you by INC Media Audio that aims to help newlyweds navigate through the first years of marriage. I’m your host, Myrtle Alegado, and I’ve been married to my husband, Paul, since 1999. Later, we’ll hear some Bible-based advice through Brother Felmar Serreno, a minister of the gospel in the Church Of Christ. [Show catchphrase] Inspiration to make your marriage thrive, you’re listening to Happy Life. Myrtle: On Happy Life today, I’d like to welcome Jasmine and Darryl and they’re from Oakland, California. They’ve been married since April of 2019. Hey there, Darryl and Jasmine! We’re so glad you were able to join us today. Jasmine San Pedro: Hi, thank you so much for having us. Darryl San Pedro: Thanks for having us today. Myrtle: So, you know, tell us a little bit about what life is like right now in the Bay Area. Darryl: Gas prices are kind of crazy, but the weather’s fine. Myrtle: Well, send some of that warmth up here to Vancouver please. [laughs] So you know, if you can, tell us a little bit about yourselves and how you two met and then became husband and wife. Darryl: Yeah, so we met in college. We went to UC (University of California) Berkeley together and we met there at a theater production. Myrtle: So how many years were you just friends? Jasmine: Um, since 2012. Darryl: Yeah, I want to say 2012. Jasmine: 2012, yeah. Myrtle: Oh okay, so that was a pretty good, you know, three years of building that friendship before it became something more. So Darryl, you mentioned you were both in theater production. Was that the common interest that brought you together? Darryl: Yeah, we shared a passion for performing and that was actually what formed the basis of our initial friendship. Jasmine: Yeah, it was really easy to talk to each other because we liked a lot of the same things and, you know, just have a love for music and theater. Myrtle: And, you know, as someone who can’t act or sing, I find it so amazing that you’re both talented in those areas, so. You know, what do you love about having this common love for the arts? Jasmine: Yeah, I mean, in a sense, we kind of speak the same language. Much of our life is shared, so we’ve really become in tune, pun intended, with each other. There’s really a lot of work that is needed to be done with, like, your bandmates, or your castmates, when you’re in the creative space. So for me and Darryl, a lot of the time, we don’t even need to say a word to each other, and we learned to communicate with each other in that way, which is pretty cool. And I really just love the amount of time we get to spend with each other when we’re doing these types of projects. Myrtle: Yeah, it’s funny when you hear couples say, he can understand me with just a look. I guess, you know, that’s pretty true for the two of you. What are, you know, some of the favorite things that you’ve worked on together? Darryl: I would say our very first performance together will always hold a special place in my heart. I mean, essentially, that was when we met. And I do enjoy reminiscing and laughing about some of our earlier shows and gigs in college. I can still vividly remember how, you know, we weren’t very polished and not always in sync back then. We’re still not very polished but, you know, at least we’re not polished together now in a sense. [laughs] If I were to pick a favorite performance, it would also be the celebration of the Church Of Christ’s 50th anniversary in the West. We had just gotten engaged and I feel like performing in that event, and just being surrounded by so many people with really high levels of faith, helped us to grow in our faith individually. And you know, what we learned in that production really strengthened our foundation for our marriage. Myrtle: You mentioned that what you learned in the production strengthened the foundation of your marriage. So what did you learn exactly during the production? Darryl: Yeah, I mean, we definitely learned how to really trust in God when it comes to the process, you know. And we also kind of learned how to support each other especially, you know, in stressful times, yeah. Jasmine: We also learned to be very patient. We had a lot of long nights and late nights preparing for that event. So that was, learning patience was definitely good for our marriage. Myrtle: Oh yeah, those are great qualities to learn early on in your relationship. Darryl, you mentioned that you had just gotten engaged. Do you mind sharing a little bit about your proposal? Darryl: Yeah. Actually, the theater where we did our first production together, I was able to propose on that very stage. So, I was trying to think of what would be the perfect place for us to do that, and I was able to, you know, pull some strings with some friend who worked at that theater and decorated it with some of our memories and proposed on that stage. Myrtle: Oh, wow. Jasmine: Yeah, it felt like it went full circle. Myrtle: That would definitely be a memorable place for your engagement to happen. Let’s go back to you, Jasmine, your favorite performance that you’ve done together. Jasmine: Yeah, I would say my favorite performance we’ve ever had the privilege to be a part of was the play called ‘Steadfast’ and it was for the INCenterstage (the stage production platform in the Church Of Christ) in the District of Northwest California. The auditions were actually on the day of our wedding. So, we recorded our virtual auditions the day before in the hotel where we were, like, prepping, and we sent the videos in on the day of our wedding. And we were blessed to be casted in roles of husband and wife in the play. And in the play, our characters went through like these different life challenges alongside their son, and they got through it as a family by prayer and with God’s guidance. And our entire first month of marriage was pretty much spent on that production, and I felt like we were acting out what the rest of our lives would essentially be like. Myrtle: Oh, wow. And I have to say, the fact that you auditioned the day before your wedding and sent in the video auditions just shows how much, you know, the love of performing means to you both. Those two occasions must have been incredible and I was actually at INC50West in Sacramento. And I applaud all the performers on that day because it was absolutely amazing and incredible. I’d just like to share something I read on www.psychologytoday.com from Dr. Stephen Betchan. He said that it’s not just hobbies that should be considered as interests. A Pew Research in 2016 found that: “44% of adults surveyed said that shared religious beliefs are important for a successful marriage.” Now going back to your shared passion, what do you find attractive about your spouse when they’re in their “creative zone?” Darryl: Jasmine can get pretty scary and intense when she’s in her zone. Like when she’s songwriting, I know I can’t talk until she’s done. She always puts her all into whatever she’s working on. I also really liked that she sets the highest standards for herself. Like she pretty much won’t stop until it’s perfect. That amount of drive has always been something I admired about her. And it also extends to other facets of our lives, not just the creative part. Myrtle: Okay, but on a scale of 1 to 10, how scary is she when, you know, she’s in her zone? Darryl: I would say like 12. Myrtle: Uh oh Jasmine: I’m not that scary. No! [laughs] Myrtle: How about you Jasmine? When Daryl’s in his creative zone, what do you find attractive? Jasmine: You know, sometimes it’s a little bit hard to fully appreciate the other’s talent or artistic choices when we’re performing together, because sometimes we’re so focused on our own self. But when Darryl is like playing in a band without me, or acting in a scene that I’m not in, or  if he’s even just playing on the guitar or the piano at home, while I’m like scrolling on my phone in the other room, sometimes I’m taken aback and I’m just like, “Wow, that’s my husband!” I mean, I know the amount of work and practice it took for him to get to that point. So that perseverance is definitely attractive, and of course I love seeing him have fun. Myrtle: So, Darryl, did you know that she secretly thinks that to herself when she watches you? Darryl: No, I always thought that she just wasn’t paying attention. [laughs] Myrtle: So, as creative as you two are together, and when those creative juices are flowing and you’re playing off of each other, are there times when you want to perhaps delve into your own creative space and just focus on that? Jasmine: Oh, we’re getting candid. I would say sometimes, yeah. But it’s not so much that we don’t want to spend time with each other. It’s more that there’s nothing to really talk about. You know what I mean? Darryl: I know what you’re trying to say. So, essentially, I think what she’s trying to say is that we’ll enjoy each other’s presence and maybe it’s silent but we’re working on our own things together. So for example, Jasmine might be working on a sewing project while I’m reading a book or playing guitar. Sometimes it’ll be like 3 hours of straight silence, you know, and then the 3 hours are up and then we kind of look up from what we’ve been doing and we’re like, “Oh yeah, you’re here.” Jasmine: Nooo, I mean….. Darryl: But it’s also, like, in those moments we’re still enjoying being together while still doing our own thing, if that makes sense. Jasmine: Yeah, I mean, we’re both very creative people, and sometimes it’s creative in different ways. You know, whether it’s sewing and he’s reading or, you know, he’s doing something else. So, I think it’s also important that even though there are parts of our creative space that don’t overlap, that we still make time for that. Myrtle: Well you know, in your opinion, how important is it for newlywed couples to have a common interest or hobby together? Darryl: I think it’s essential. You know, with marriage, you’re merging your two worlds and like if you imagine the two of you and your lives as different circles in a Venn diagram, sharing fun hobbies, passions, interests⁠—I feel like it really helps solidify that center portion, you know, when it overlaps? Jasmine: Yeah, I mean, life as a newlywed is already so chaotic, and you have to learn how to allocate your time for yourself versus time for each other. And having a shared interest, it helps you work on yourself and your relationship at the same time. Myrtle: What other hobbies or interests of your spouse did you adopt or try together in the first year of marriage? Jasmine: Well, I have always loved music, but I’ve never been a huge fan of jazz music, which that’s Darryl’s jam. I ended up learning about all these like different jazz musicians, jazz standards, music theory, because, you know, that’s something that he was passionate about. He’s also weirdly very passionate about his coffee and I learned a lot of the different brewing styles and the different notes in the coffee that I never knew existed. And yeah, we even go out to small coffee shops everywhere we go now. Darryl: Yeah the funny thing is, for me, I always used to hate shopping. [laughs] Myrtle: Typical, typical husband, hates shopping. [laughs] Darryl: But Jasmine introduced me to thrift shopping and she’s pretty much a pro with that. With her, it feels more like a treasure hunt rather than like a regular shopping trip. And it’s something we do at least once a week now, and I’ve learned to really enjoy the hunt too. Myrtle: But did you truly adopt the hobbies as your own or you just wanted to join in and spend some time with your spouse to strengthen your relationship as a newlywed couple? Jasmine: I mean with the jazz and the coffee, some of it I learned passively just because I was constantly exposed to it, but some of it I learned intentionally. I kind of wanted to understand why Darryl would get so excited about certain things. I feel like I just didn’t want to get left out. Darryl: Yeah, thrift shopping was just to spend time together at first. I was like okay, “I’ll try it, see what happens.” But then I learned to love it myself. Like I still don’t have the same amount of patience and stamina that she has while we’re in the thrift store, right? But Jasmine can stay in the store for hours and go to multiple stores in one day, but now we usually have to go get some coffee before we go thrift shopping. That helps. Myrtle: Ah, so you combine both interests on, you know, one little trip so that’s kind of awesome. At this point in the discussion, I’d like to turn to what the Bible has to say about how to strengthen the bonds of marriage. Here with us again is a minister of the gospel in the Church Of Christ, Brother Felmar Serreno. Hi again, Brother Felmar. How are you today? Brother Felmar Serreno: Hi, Myrtle. Hi everybody. I’m doing well, thank you, and I was just enjoying how Jasmine and Darryl described how they learned to like each other’s hobbies or interests. And it brought to my mind a Bible verse that I’d like to share with everyone today. It’s found here in the book of Ecclesiastes, chapter four, the verses are nine to 11. Here in the New International Version, I quote the following: Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? [Ecclesiastes 4:9-11 New International Version] Brother Felmar: So what can we gain from this Bible verse? Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor. So the Bible is teaching us that much can be achieved when two or more cooperate. But since our podcast is about marriage, so in our discussion we’ll stick to two—husband and wife. What else do we learn from the Bible based on the verse we read? We learned that two can help each other up, and two can help each other keep warm. Now how can this truth help our marriage? So let’s always be supportive of our spouse. Let’s be sensitive to our spouse’s interests. As long as the idea, or proposed new hobby, or dream is not against the will of God, why not do your genuine best to support your spouse? Wouldn’t you agree, Darryl and Jasmine? Jasmine: Oh, yes, for sure. Darryl: Yes, definitely. Brother Felmar: That’s why I mentioned earlier that I really enjoyed listening to you two describe how you both made the effort to learn about each other’s passions or hobbies. Because Jasmine could have been like, ‘I like music, but I don’t like jazz. Live with it.’ Or Daryl could have said, ‘I hate shopping, so don’t even try to convince me.’ But think about it, everybody. That’s not a very warm way to react to something that your spouse enjoys doing. In fact, it’s quite cold. Also stopping your spouse in his or her tracks, when your spouse is trying to express to you about a passion or hobby that he or she has, well there is no additional warmth or positive connection that the relationship gains from that. At the very least, why not show your spouse your sincere support for their interest by giving it a chance or trying it out, rather than just saying ‘no’ right off the bat. Speaking of saying no, who all the more should we not reject, especially when we are being called for a higher purpose? Let’s listen to what Apostle Peter wrote to the members of the Church Of Christ, here in the book of I Peter, chapter four, the verse is 10. We’ll stay here in the New International Version. First Peter, chapter four, the verse is ten. I quote the following: Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms. [I Peter 4:10 New International Version] Brother Felmar: What did Apostle Paul encourage all members of the Church Of Christ to do? To use whatever gift we have received from God to serve others. Isn’t that the same message we receive in the Church of Christ today through our Church Administration? That’s why at times, right, our resident minister, or local head deacon, or maybe one of the youth group officers, approach us, approach brethren, to do what? To invite us to hold a duty inside the Church so that we can use our God-given talent to serve or help others. And Darryl and Jasmine are great examples of this. They’re gifted in music and the performing arts. But not only have they allowed their talents to benefit their relationship, but they have allowed their talents to be of service to the Church and our brethren, through events like the 50th Anniversary in the West, INCenter stage and the like. Well, what if others are asking, “Well, me and my spouse, we’re not musically inclined.” That’s okay. We all have different strengths. Like those of us who are good with numbers, take up a duty in the finance department; those of us who are keen on data processing, join the secretariat; the tech savvy amongst us, take an office in the TSV (Technical Support for Videostreaming) or the district multimedia bureau. The point is, if we are being called by God to hold a duty in the Church, to use those strengths or talents He gave us, let us not refuse God. So, let’s support our spouse in taking up a duty. Even better, if both husband and wife take up Church offices, for not only are we supporting each other and helping each other grow in faith but we are also, as a married couple together, helping the Church and being of service to others. Myrtle: Those were great Bible verses, Brother Felmar, and we thank you so much for sharing them and those words of advice with all of us and our Happy Life listeners. Brother Felmar: Well, like we learned, we are here to help each other, to be of service to each other, so that’s always a blessing, that’s always a wonderful privilege to do. So, thank you again to everybody and see you next time. Myrtle: So, Darryl and Jasmine, how has your common interest or passion helped you in your faith and in your services to God? Jasmine: Well, first of all, we’re so thankful that the Church Administration has allowed so many projects and initiatives within the creative space. We’ve had so many opportunities to partake in these projects and, you know, help grow and share our faith. And I’d say we really try to be good examples for the youth and, you know, show them how you can connect your passion to your faith. Myrtle: Absolutely! The creativity and talent of Church Of Christ members all over the world, it’s incredible. And just seeing, you know, the INCMVs (Iglesia Ni Cristo/Church of Christ christian music videos) and other projects that are out there; the INCinemas (the film production platform of the Church Of Christ), and you know INCenterstage, all those things. Those are all amazing platforms for performers. What would your advice be to newlyweds who are trying to find a hobby or activity to do together? Darryl: I would say to have an open mind. Because if your spouse is excited about something, even if you’re not super excited about it initially, at the very least you’ll enjoy spending the time just doing something that they enjoy. And then eventually you might find that you grow to love yourself. Jasmine: Or you might also grow to both hate activity and bond over that. But I’d say start small. Your shared passion or hobby doesn’t necessarily need to be anything big like an elaborate play or production. I don’t know, try board games, karaoke, painting, running even. But like Darryl said, it’s about the time spent, not necessarily the activity. Myrtle: Well, personally, I’m passing on the running but everything else… [laughs] Darryl: We pass on the running too. [laughs] Myrtle: But are there any other possible hobbies or interests that you want to delve into together now? Darryl: We’re getting older, so we do want to get more involved in healthier habits like cooking and exercising. And of course, everyone reminds us that we’re not getting any younger, so we should want to be in the best shape when we’re starting to have kids. Jasmine: Oh, yeah, I’m not the most active person. So, even if it’s not something I’m particularly passionate about, I definitely do think we need to start working on building healthier habits. My older sister actually just got married and she and her husband are like #fitspo, #ironchef. They’re always sharing their workouts and their meals in our family chats, and they’re a huge inspiration for us. Myrtle: For, you know, couples who might not understand yet, how would you describe how this common passion enhances your marriage and love for one another? Jasmine: Yeah, so I would say imagine all the things that you would do with perhaps your best friend or your siblings that you just really genuinely enjoy. And imagine that—but exponentially better. I feel like sharing an interest or passion together is like having another love language, essentially. And in fact, it pretty much covers all of the other five love languages. It really just gives you, as a couple, more opportunities to express your love for each other. Darryl: Yeah and because we are both so passionate about music, there are some times when we are very strongly opinionated about certain things, and sometimes our opinions do clash. So for example, like, deciding what genre a song should be, or I want this melody to go up versus she wants this melody to go down, and sometimes neither of us wants to budge. But we always find some kind of solution or compromise, and many times what we end up with is better than what either of us individually wanted to do in the first place. When we are facing challenges in finding success, we make it a point to be prayerful. You know, if we feel stuck, we acknowledge that we don’t know everything and that God will help us on our path. Even before we got married, we would have our own devotional prayer and, you know, we would always ask God to guide us so that any decisions we make would not compromise our faith or our duties. Myrtle: Well, definitely turning to God in prayer to ask for help in the challenging times and even to thank Him for the successes is integral I’d say. What are your future goals together to further your love for the performing arts? Darryl: Well, while we don’t yet have any kids, we do want to work on some original music. Even if it’s not to, like, put it out into the world, it would be nice to just have a somewhat tangible form of our art. Jasmine: Yeah, it would be super special to be able to share this with our kids one day. Myrtle: Absolutely, I think it’s a great idea! And I can’t wait to hear you know when your album drops. [laughs] Well, Darryl, Jasmine, thanks so much for sharing your experiences with us today and for also sharing your love for music and the arts. Jasmine: Thank you so much for having us. Darryl: Thanks for having us. Myrtle: Well, keep being creative over there in Oakland. Deepening the love and bond you have with your spouse is something all newlyweds should strive for. Finding activities and hobbies to bring you closer as a newlywed couple can go a long way in helping to achieve that. If I may share, when I first became a newlywed, I couldn’t understand my husband’s love for golf. But I finally gave in one day, and I joined him on the course. Lo and behold, now it’s become something we love to do together! So, hopefully we’ve given you some inspiration to talk to your husband or wife to suggest a new hobby to try, or even to maybe just get back to an interest you already share together but haven’t had time for. Make that time and build some memories together! That brings us to the end of our discussion today! To learn more about Christian relationships please visit www.incmedia.org. If you’d like to say hi, send us a question, or see who our newlywed guests are, you can visit our Instagram account @happylife.podcast. Please also remember to share our podcast with your family and friends and all the newlyweds that you know! Thank you from all of us here on the Happy Life team. We’re so glad you joined us today, and hope we’ve all been reminded about the blessing of marriage. [Show closes]

Buying Your First House as Newlyweds [Show opens] Myrtle Alegado: Hi, Happy Life listeners. I’m pretty excited to have the discussion today with our newlywed couple. In my opinion, it’s a topic that a lot of newlyweds, and married couples in general, want to know more about but are maybe hesitant to talk about. What is it, you ask? Well, today we’ll chat about finances and whether buying a house as newlyweds is feasible. Welcome to Happy Life, a podcast brought to you by INC Media Audio that aims to help newlyweds navigate through the first years of marriage. I’m your host Myrtle Alegado and I’ve been married to my husband Paul since 1999. Later we’ll hear some Bible-based advice through Brother Felmar Serreno, a minister of the gospel in the Church Of Christ. [Show catchphrase] Inspiration to make your marriage thrive, you’re listening to Happy Life.  Myrtle Alegado: I’m really grateful to have Chris and Alyssa here, our newlyweds from Vista, California, to share their financial journey thus far as a married couple. Hi, Chris and Alyssa and welcome to the Happy Life Podcast. Chris Agana: Hi, Myrtle. Alyssa Agana: Hi, Myrtle. Thank you for having us. Myrtle Alegado: Oh, it’s a pleasure. You know, what’s life like right now there, down in Vista, California? Chris Agana: It’s not too bad. It’s, you know, that SoCal weather. It’s warm but nice and breezy. I know, it’s the beginning of spring now. It’s like the perfect weather so it’s been just nice and cool Alyssa Agana: Can’t complain. Myrtle Alegado: Well, send some of that sunshine over here to “Raincouver” as we like to call our city. Always jealous of the California sunshine. But again, it’s so great to have you here on the Happy Life Podcast. So please let us know how you met and how long you’ve been married. Chris Agana: Alright, so Alyssa and I actually met when we were teenagers. This is back when I first moved into the area, and I actually met her at church. And I’ll have to say and admit that it was love at first sight. Myrtle Alegado: Aww. Chris Agana: We became friends, and got to know each other and actually dated for several years, Alyssa Agana: Several years. And in 2019, Chris finally popped the question. And about a year later, we got married in November of 2020. Myrtle Alegado: It’s been almost a year and a half now that you’ve been married. My understanding is you became homeowners too before you got married. So for all the engaged to be wed couples out there who are currently planning ahead, can you share how this was even possible? Chris Agana: Yeah, sure. So we actually both grew up with parents who taught us to always save, save, and save. Growing up, we would both always hear, save more than you spend and also live below your means. So early on, we developed good saving habits. And with the money that we both save individually, we knew that we had to be strategic in how we budget our money. And we had open conversations with each other to align and establish our priorities. The first thing was our wedding, second was a down payment on the house, and third was that we wanted to have enough money left over to have a comfortable emergency fund. Alyssa Agana: We also reached out to friends who recently bought homes to learn more about their experiences. And through that we were able to find a first homebuyers program, which helped a lot. Chris Agana: We also held devotional prayers together daily and often in the chapel. When we put an offer on this house that we have now, we went straight to the chapel and we prayed about it. And the next day, we found out that the offer was accepted. Myrtle Alegado : Oh, that’s fabulous. But you know, it sounds like there were so many expenses, you know, one after another. It’s like, your wedding, which you know, was it a big wedding? Chris Agana: You know, because of COVID it was supposed to be a big wedding and it got smaller, and smaller, and smaller, and actually became a small intimate wedding, which we really appreciated. It helps us save some money, but also I think it was the wedding that God intended for us. Myrtle Alegado: I keep saying the important thing is you’re married. Chris Agana: Absolutely. Myrtle Alegado: And you know, that was the number one goal right? So, it must have been a really exciting feeling when, you know, your offer was accepted. So, you know, what other expenses, in your experience, did you come across with the purchase of your home and, do you have any tips for other newlyweds out there who are going to be first-time home buyers as well? Chris Agana: So, when people are trying to figure out if they can afford a home, oftentimes they get caught up with that big listing price, but it’s important to look at what that monthly payment will look like. On top of your mortgage, you’ll have to determine if there’s going to be additional monthly fees. So some of these monthly fees are something called an HOA, which is a homeowner’s association fee. This is for property maintenance, and amenities. There’s also something called local community taxes. For example, here in the state of California, we have something called Mello-Roos. There’s also property tax, there’s home insurance, and depending on how much you put down for a downpayment, you may also have to pay something called PMI and this is private mortgage insurance. There’s additional costs and fees that need to be paid for upfront, such as closing costs, there’s home inspection fees, there’s also appraisal fees. And there’s also an escrow account. So fortunately for us, our first homebuyers program provided us with a free educational course, and this helped us understand the whole process and what to expect financially. And to let everybody know, there’s a lot of free online resources. Myrtle Alegado : Yeah, a lot of fees that kind of stack on top of one another without even realizing. Like you said, some people just look at the sticker price on the house. Like, “Okay, we can afford that.” And then they’re shocked to learn, well, no, there’s this fee, and that fee, and this expense, and that expense, like even just the home inspection fee. You know, this Mello-Roos. Can you tell me a little bit more about that? It’s not something that I’ve heard of here in Canada. So I’m not sure if it’s just in BC, but I don’t think we have that here in Canada. Chris Agana: Sure. So in California, I’m not sure that other states have this, they may call it something else, but it’s usually in areas that are in development. So, the newer areas that have to make sure they have the roads set up, they have the schools built, and everything that you need in the community. That tax pretty much covers when people purchase the homes in developing areas. Myrtle Alegado: Definitely sounds like there’s a lot of information to research and, you know, knowledge that you have to arm yourselves with when you’re buying a home. But, you know, as for you two were you always on the same page in terms of financial goals or, you know, how did you even broach the subject and open up the conversation while you two were still dating? Chris Agana: So while we were dating, we’d often talk about our future together and what we wanted in life. And we knew that we wanted a traditional wedding, which luckily we had, we also wanted to buy a house and a home for us to move into immediately right after the wedding. In order for us to achieve these things together, we had to be open and comfortable about money, right? We had to talk about money and be as honest about dollar amounts—how much money we earn, how much money we have saved, and even how much debt we might have. Alyssa Agana: And honestly, it was harder for me to start talking about finances. And initially, I really struggled with being, like, so open about discussing dollar amounts. But we came to the understanding that we both had to see the big picture of our financial situation, which is so important in a relationship, especially in one that’s leading into marriage. Myrtle Alegado: Yeah, for sure. And I don’t think, you know, finances is an easy topic, at all, of conversation for most people. So, you know, what was it like when you first started having those discussions? Chris Agana: So, having those types of discussions can be difficult and actually just really uncomfortable. But it’s really important for couples to talk about finances while dating and actually planning their future together. It helps them to better understand each other with their spending habits, current financial situation, if they have plans for pursuing education in the future, they’ll have to know if they’re going to have to take on more debt. And sometimes you’ll never know if your significant other is helping their own family with bills and expenses, so it’s good to know these things. Having an open conversation about finances also helps us to manage our expectations of how we can spend money within our relationship. Alyssa Agana: And as we started having more serious conversations about getting married and life plans, we also became more interested in financial planning and budgeting, especially since we’re both more established in our careers and felt more financially ready at the time. So once we got engaged, that interest grew exponentially, and we started preparing our wedding budget, and also began house hunting. And at that point, financial planning and budgeting became a necessity. And now with more than one year of marriage under our belts, we want to learn more about investing and also becoming more financially literate. Chris Agana: So it takes a lot of maturity, and it takes a lot of trust to be honest about financial challenges that you or your significant other may be facing. And for us talking about finances actually brought our  relationship to another level and we were able to understand each other a lot better. Myrtle Alegado: So you said that you were kind of pretty stable in your careers. Do you mind if I ask what you both do for a living? Alyssa Agana: So I currently work in the regulatory affairs department for a medical device company. Previously, I was working in a lab. Chris Agana: And I currently work in the compliance department, specifically privacy for a health provider. Myrtle Alegado: What are the things that you do to help each other budget, especially now as a newlywed couple? Alyssa Agana: So, we make it a priority to set a date at the end of each month for budgeting and reviewing our expenses. We remind each other to be mindful of our spending and we’re also very honest with each other about purchases. And we try to make sure we’re on the same page especially when it comes to really big purchases, but we’re also still trying to figure out what budgeting method works best for us. Budgeting for us has always been about adjusting and adapting. Myrtle Alegado: Well, how do you buy gifts for each other, if you have to, like, be upfront about your purchases? Then you can’t surprise each other! Chris Agana: Well, we don’t check it to that extent. Myrtle Alegado: Oh, okay. That’s no fun! Chris Agana: While we were dating, and when we were engaged, we were both living with our parents. And prior to getting married, we didn’t know what our monthly expenses were going to look like until we actually got married and started living together. The first few months were more about, I think, information gathering—trying to see how much our average monthly spending would look like. So as the first couple months passed, we were able to get a baseline and begin figuring out where we could make adjustments. We are actually considering doing something called a zero-based budgeting, where every dollar we earn has a purpose. Myrtle Alegado: Yeah, there’s a lot of learning, definitely, in the first couple of weeks and a couple of months. Alyssa Agana: Yeah, and when we first started tracking, we were spending a lot on dining out and coffee and things like that. And we made it like an intention to lessen our dining out and we ended up spending more on groceries. But not that much more that it met the dining out amount that we were spending initially. Myrtle Alegado: I’m guilty of the coffee purchases sometimes. So it’s just being cognizant, I think, of the spending and like you said watching where it goes, right. So you said something about zero-based budgeting. Can you tell me a little bit more about that and what that means, because I’m absolutely clueless over here. [laughs] Chris Agana: So it’s pretty much, once you have an understanding of how much money is coming in monthly, you’re automating where that money’s going, each dollar pretty much. Let’s say you make $1,000 a month, you know that a certain amount’s going straight to your retirement account, a certain amount’s going straight to a certain checking account that covers your bills, a certain other amount’s going straight into your emergency fund. It’s like you know what the purpose is for each dollar, so that if you do get that money just dropped into one account, and you don’t have a plan for it, you might just spend it when it comes your way. So having that zero-based budget, you’re almost hoping that you’re not going to spend it all so it gets to zero. But each dollar has its purpose so that there’s not just money sitting around for you to spend. Myrtle Alegado: So you’re pretty much tracking it better than just letting it go into one account and then… Okay, I kind of understand now. You know, I suppose there are so many ways to look at finances and budgeting and there are different approaches too, but right now I’m curious what the Bible has to say on this topic. So at this point, we welcome back a minister of the gospel in the Church Of Christ, Brother Felmar Serreno. Nice to have you back on Happy Life, Brother Felmar. Brother Felmar Serreno: Hi, again, Myrtle, and great to have Chris and Alyssa here with us today. Thanks for joining the show. You know, growing up, my parents also taught about the importance of saving up and being careful with how you spend or use what you have. So I was nodding along while Chris and Alyssa were talking about that earlier. However, when it comes to saving up, our parents were not the first ones to teach about this. In fact, what does the Bible say about preparing for our future? Let me read for you what’s stated in the Book of Proverbs, chapter six, the verses are six to eight. We’ll quote from The New International Version: Go to the ant, you sluggard; consider its ways and be wise! It has no commander, no overseer or ruler, yet it stores its provisions in summer and gathers its food at harvest. [Proverbs 6:6-8 New International Version] Brother Felmar Serreno: So like I was saying earlier, our parents were not the first ones to teach about saving up. Who [were] the first? The ants were! Myrtle Alegado: I had no clue, Brother Felmar, that the ants had all of these financial things figured out long before we did. Brother Felmar Serreno: They had it figured out a long time ago. No, no, no, everybody. That’s just a joke, right. It is the Lord our God, who is the one teaching us about how to effectively prepare for our future. And how is God teaching us? Through His truths written in the Bible, where in this particular verse, an example is being used, namely, the ants. Brother Felmar Serreno: What should we learn from the ants? It stores its provisions in summer, the Bible says, gathers its food at harvest. Now what do summer and harvest represent? They refer to the time to work, or the available opportunity in order for one to save for the future. So when that opportunity is there, the time when we should be saving rather than spending excessively, we should not waste that time or opportunity. Now, what should we also bear in mind? It’s difficult to save efficiently without a plan. Do you agree, Chris and Alyssa? Chris Agana: Yes, absolutely. Alyssa Agana: Yes, definitely. Brother Felmar Serreno: Now, if you’re going to make a plan, it might as well be a good one, right? That’s why seeking knowledge, doing research, taking advantage of courses out there, like what Chris and Alyssa did, this is an integral aspect of saving up for the future. And as we’ve discussed in past episodes, based on the Bible, who should we always include in our plans? Our Almighty God—seeking His guidance and favor through prayer. Brother Felmar Serreno: Do you know why else it’s important to communicate with God and to trust in Him, even when it comes to matters like buying a home? Let me read for you what’s stated here in the book of Psalms, chapter 142, the verses are one, three down to five in The Message: I cry out loudly to God, loudly I plead with God for mercy. “As I sink in despair, my spirit ebbing away, you know how I’m feeling, Know the danger I’m in, the traps hidden in my path. [Psalms 142:1, 3-5 The Message] Brother Felmar Serreno: Human as we are, there is a limit to how far ahead we can plan. Sometimes, just planning out the next day’s difficult. Add to this the many, many things that are beyond our control. Knowing this, what should we include in our prayers to God? The Bible states, “I plead with God for mercy. You know how I’m feeling, Know the danger I’m in, the traps hidden in my path.” And how does this apply to financial matters like buying a home? Well, sadly, we do live in a world where title and deed fraud exist, as well as home inspection scams, scams involving mortgages, and the like. Now, I don’t know if Chris and Alyssa have ever experienced this firsthand. Have you come across or know others who have been victims of things like scams or fraud? Chris Agana: Unfortunately, yes, especially in the news. Brother Felmar Serreno: Well, there you go. And what are these? These can be considered as traps, which are hidden from us. And what has been the experience of many? They became victims of such fraud or criminality, which became a major setback for them. Imagine trying to be diligent and honest in saving up for your future only to have it stolen from you, due to a hidden trap. Brother Felmar Serreno: Mind you, unexpected and devastating scenarios do not only come in the form of scams but also in the form of things like calamities, natural disasters, as well as social unrest. So to everyone listening, who is the only One whom we can turn to to save us, to steer us away from traps that are hidden in our path? The Lord our God, for He is Almighty and all knowing. In summary, newlyweds who are preparing for their future, should not be careless with the time and opportunity that God is giving us. Make every day count. Remember, too, that our earnings are part of God’s blessings to us, so let us not waste it. Rather, husband and wife ought to talk and work together on a regular basis in budgeting the income, and for this to be done in a harmonious and efficient way—let us pray about it. Our devotional prayers are crucial for God to bless and guide our plans, and to save us from any kind of trap or misfortune that we cannot foresee on our own. Myrtle Alegado: We always appreciate the biblical advice you’re able to impart to us on the topics we discuss with our newlyweds, Brother Felmar. Thank you again for being here on Happy Life. Brother Felmar Serreno: Thank you again, Myrtle, and God bless to Chris and Alyssa. And hello again and see you next time to all our listeners out there. Myrtle Alegado: So, you know, having heard all of that advice from the Bible, what do you prioritize when you do your finances as newlyweds, Chris and Alyssa? Chris Agana: So our highest priority is to set aside for [our] offering first. Then, we pay ourselves by contributing to our retirement investment accounts, then it’s our necessities like groceries, then fixed expenses and bills like our mortgage, our HOA, internet and other utilities, and then finally the remaining expenses that aren’t necessities but we still enjoy, like eating out, our coffee, and shopping, and travel. Myrtle Alegado: So what happens if you go over your budget on, you know, dining, and coffee, and shopping? Chris Agana: It’s okay. I don’t think we’re too strict on ourselves, right, as long as we’re not splurging. And just going back to the comment you made about the coffee thing, as long as you make a budget for it, you know, enjoy your coffee a day. You might have to trim $5 or so off the grocery list or whatever the expense is, but I like for us, if there’s something that we enjoy we’ve just got to make adjustments so that we can actually enjoy our money. Myrtle Alegado: So move that money around, appropriate somewhere else. So do I need that blouse, or do I want the coffee? Alyssa Agana: Exactly. Myrtle Alegado: So has, you know, the discussion of or addressing your finances ever cause any tension in your marriage? Chris Agana: It’s not tension, but we both have different risk tolerance. So Alyssa always keeps me grounded on decision making, and I try to expose us to other investment options. An example is that one morning, I wasn’t happy with the super low interest rate that our savings account, holding our emergency fund, was earning. So I told Alyssa, I was like, “We are going to put all our money in the emergency fund in the stock market.” And she was like, “Whoa, whoa.” She reminded me that this emergency fund is for emergency purposes, that we have to be able to access it, you know, as soon as possible if there [are] emergencies. So that actually kept me grounded. Alyssa Agana: And finances, in my opinion, [haven’t] caused any major tension in our relationship, but Chris has always been the more financially literate one. So when he brought up wanting to invest more in the stock market or in crypto, I didn’t understand what these things were, so I was super apprehensive about it. But he explained these to me, and in doing my own learning I began to understand more, and I felt more comfortable about making those decisions together. Also being homeowners and being married, that really affected my mindset on spending. I think of myself as a little bit of a recovering shopaholic. I used to love shopping, I still do. Myrtle Alegado: I can relate. [laughs] Alyssa Agana: Oh, yeah! But once we became homeowners, all I could think about was the mortgage. And with being married, it’s not just my money. I’m sharing that money with my spouse. So there was a time where I felt like I wasn’t allowed to buy anything that was just for myself, unless I really, really needed it. It took a lot of adjusting and being open and honest with Chris about it. And of course being the understanding and encouraging husband that he is, he reassured me that I shouldn’t feel this way and that we just have to make a budget for it, like he was saying. And I’m still working on finding that balance and shifting my mindset, but it has improved significantly. Myrtle Alegado: So be honest, when he wanted to move everything to stocks, you know, what was your reaction? Alyssa Agana: I was like, “Hold up.” [laughs] Myrtle Alegado: Wait, what? [laughs] But you know, your top three financial planning or budgeting tips, what would they be for the engaged couples out there or newly married couples? Chris Agana: Sure. So I would say that number one, it would be to have an open communication about finances. We have to understand each other’s financial situations and spending habits. And also talk about your goals, because these can impact and be impacted by financial decisions. Number two, as a couple, know where your money is going. I would suggest having a spreadsheet or an app for tracking your spending. I always go back to how our parents would have to use, you know, checkbooks to manually balance their money, right. So we have it a lot easier nowadays. So take the time to prepare a realistic budget and always remember to compromise. Number three would be to prioritize an emergency fund, because you are no longer responsible just for yourself, and emergencies happen so you always want to be prepared. And our biggest tip would be to pray for your finances, your livelihood, and your decision making, so that our Almighty God can always guide you. Myrtle Alegado: If there are individuals out there who never grew up with the great advice that your parents instilled in you to save, save, save, you know, or if one spouse is a spender and one is a saver—I’m the spender, I’m the spender. I admit it—how can people start to turn around their habits and find some balance? Chris Agana: Well, we never think it’s too late to start, right? We’ve heard of stories from other couples who are able to completely turn around their financial situation. So I would say that the first step is for both people within the relationship, they have to acknowledge and agree that a change needs to be made—and then actually take action. Alyssa Agana: And then once you’re on the same page, you need to assess your current financial situation and understand where all your money is going. We speak from experience when we say tracking your expenses, and seeing your numbers, will be alarming initially. But it will help you identify and find where you may be overspending and where you can make cuts. Chris Agana: And then from there, you have to establish a budget and set some savings goals. Find a budget method that works best for you, and then within that budget, set a savings goal. Also set yourself up for success, and once you meet that plan you’ll be on your way to achieve that goal. Alyssa Agana: We also recommend automating your savings. We both read a book which recommended setting up an automatic transfer of a specific amount from your paycheck to a savings or investment account, and that way you won’t be tempted to spend that money. Lastly, it’s to use your resources. Seek out people around you who would be willing to provide any advice. There’s also countless free resources online to help you get started as well. Myrtle Alegado: So, you know, with all of your knowledge regarding finances, did either of you take a course about this or was this just like self-learning? Chris Agana: Self-learning, mainly. I mean, I think I took a personal finance class in high school, but the only thing I remember is balancing a checkbook back then. And yeah, I think a lot of it’s been through YouTube and podcasts and just trying to learn. We also reached out to some older people at our Church, who we look as mentors, and of course our parents. We asked them, you know, “What’s the best advice that you [can] give as far as finances?” Alyssa Agana: We also listen to a lot of podcasts as well. I think I learn best when I’m listening to something while I’m doing something else. So that’s been really helpful. Chris has sent me several podcasts to listen to, and I found them very enlightening. Myrtle Alegado:  Well, I find it admirable that, you know, you’re both pretty disciplined when it comes to your finances. I think maybe that’s what a lot of people have to work towards, is disciplining themselves in terms of spending. But you know for you two, what are your next financial goals, and how do you plan to achieve them? Chris Agana: So our next financial goals are to fine-tune our budgeting, level up even more on our financial literacy. We also want to establish multiple income streams, preferably passive that could be through, maybe, real estate or even content creation. And we want to learn more about investment options to make the best of our earnings. We’ve actually become very interested in reaching financial independence at an early age so that we are able to focus more time on our duties at church and our families. We plan to do this by learning more through books, online resources, as we mentioned, podcasts, reaching out to others, trying to find more mentors, and of course, through faith and prayer. Myrtle Alegado: Content creation. Do tell, do tell. Are you willing to share? Chris Agana: You know, I think just being on here and going through some questions, I kind of want us to be able to help other couples through content creation; whether it’s through blogging, or social media, in podcasting. I think it’d be really beneficial, especially fitting our particular demographic. What do you think? Alyssa Agana: Sure. Chris Agana: [laughs] Myrtle Alegado: Alyssa’s like, “Sure, honey, whatever you say.” She’ll just be your trusted sidekick. Chris Agana: She’s going to be the face of it. Myrtle Alegado: So how has, you know, your faith and prayer helped both of you in your relationship when it comes to dealing with finances, and saving, and budgeting? Alyssa Agana: So we held devotional prayers for our wedding and home buying process. And now that we’re married, we continue in our devotional prayers together. And we always remember to include our finances, our livelihood, and for guidance in our decision making. Chris Agana: Yeah, and God has definitely blessed us with amazing opportunities and has helped us financially. So even though we make our own goals and have our own hopes for the future, we know that we can’t get there without His guidance. Myrtle Alegado: So your positive advice to those newlyweds and engaged-to-be-wed couples out there is that it is possible to be newlywed homeowners. Yes? Alyssa Agana: Definitely. Chris Agana: Absolutely. Myrtle Alegado: Well, you know, I thank you so much for being here with us on Happy Life today and for sharing all of your knowledge and what your financial journey has been like thus far as newlyweds. So, you know, it was really great to have you both here on Happy Life. Chris Agana: Thank you very much. Alyssa Agana: Thank you for having us. This is a lot of fun. Myrtle Alegado: And if you ever come up to Vancouver, you can come up and give me some tips so I can stop spending. Avoiding the topic of finances in your relationship is an easy thing to do, but it isn’t really beneficial. So, just rip the band-aid off so to speak, and jump into that discussion with your fiance or spouse, and get going on your own financial journey. And that’s it for our discussion today. To learn more about Christian relationships, please visit www.incmedia.org. If you’d like to say hi, send us a question, or see who our newlywed guests are, you can visit our Instagram account: @happylife.podcast. Please also remember to share our podcast with your family and friends and all the newlyweds that you know. Thank you from all of us here on the Happy Life team! We’re so glad you joined us today and hope we’ve all been reminded about the blessing of marriage. [Show closes]

Having a Honeymoon Baby [Show opens] Myrtle Alegado: Being newlyweds is an exciting time in the marriage journey but have you known some newly married friends who found out that they were expecting a wedding night or honeymoon baby soon after marriage too? We’re going to delve into that topic today as we launch season two, so stay tuned. Welcome to Happy Life, a podcast brought to you by INC Media Audio that aims to help newlyweds navigate through the first years of marriage. I’m Myrtle Alegado and I’ve been married to my husband Paul since 1999. And later, we’ll hear some Bible based advice through Brother Felmar Serreno, a minister of the gospel in the Church Of Christ. [Show Catchphrase] Inspiration to make your marriage thrive, you’re listening to Happy Life. Myrtle Alegado: In Season One of Happy Life, we talked about adjustments as newlyweds and the transition from the big day to your new life as husband and wife. Imagine now that one of those adjustments also includes welcoming a baby. And today we have with us Thirdy and Bianca all the way from London. Their wedding was in April of 2021, so another pandemic wedding. Hi, Thirdy and Bianca, and thanks so much for joining us on Happy Life. Thirdy Magsino: Hi Myrtle. Thank you for having us. Bianca Magsino: Yeah, thank you for having us. Myrtle Alegado: Well, how are you two doing over there in London? Thirdy & Bianca Magsino: We’re good. We’re good. Thirdy Magsino: A bit sleep deprived, but we’re good. Myrtle Alegado: That’s to be expected. So can you tell us a little more about your wedding and you know, your life together immediately afterwards? Thirdy Magsino: So we got married last year, April 29, 2021. We have been in a long distance relationship for a couple of years. So she lives in Hamburg, Germany. And the wedding was on the 29th of April. And shortly afterwards, maybe three days after, she left… Bianca Magsino: I had to go back Thirdy Magsino: To go back to Germany to fix some paperwork and to handle some government things for the wedding. Myrtle Alegado: Wow. Like only 3 days? Thirdy Magsino: Yeah, it was, it was kind of bittersweet. It was like, from the high of the wedding. And then all of a sudden, like the sadness of saying goodbye straight away, like a few days after. Myrtle Alegado: So you had your wedding, and then you went back to being kind of like an LDR [long distance relationship] couple . Bianca Magsino: Yeah, yeah. But then it wasn’t for too long. Because Thirdy then came to Hamburg to stay with me in June, until August, which was nice. So we’ve got to spend some time in Hamburg as well before I finally moved to the UK in September 2021. Thirdy Magsino: We always said, looking back, it’s not going to be long, but in the moment. Bianca Magsino: In the moment, it always feels long. Myrtle Alegado: Yeah, well, that’s true. I mean, it was, what, four or five months. So it’s kind of significant, a third of the year or whatnot. So but you know, on our episode today, we’re talking about having a honeymoon baby or expecting a baby in your first year of marriage. First of all, congratulations to both of you on the recent birth of your baby girl. So when was she born? And what’s her name? Bianca Magsino: Thank you. She was born on the 19th of January 2022. And her name is… Thirdy Magsino: Evie Grace Magsino. Myrtle Alegado: Oh, that’s so wonderful, you know, [as] first time parents you must be, as you said, sleep deprived, but at the same time, you’re probably ecstatic that she’s finally arrived. But you know, when we were looking into discussing this topic, we found that there were pros and cons to becoming pregnant right away after the wedding. You know, for example, some pros are if you’re worried about having problems conceiving, you know, at least you’ll find out right away and you’ll have avoided the question many people ask right after you get married—you know, “When are you having kids? When are you having kids?!” And on the other hand, some cons are that having a baby means a huge change in your life right away, which also means you won’t really have that time to adjust to one another during the newlywed phase. And also your friends might not be at the same stage as you or, you know, ready to have children of their own. So you might not be able to see your friends as much. So why don’t you tell me about how you found out about your pregnancy, Bianca, and what it was like? Bianca Magsino: So I found out when I was back in Germany. It was a month after when I was waiting for that “time of the month” to come. And it wasn’t coming, so I was like “Okay, maybe it’s time for me to actually check” because there is a possibility. And by the time I did check, well it turned out positive. So I was like, “oh, okay,” but maybe it does happen that sometimes it does test positive but you know, a false positive. So I waited another week and then I tested again and it turned out positive again. So I was like, “Okay, this is it. I’m guessing we’re pregnant.” And yeah, you can really say it is a honeymoon baby because we weren’t really [together not long) after the wedding. Myrtle Alegado: Literally a honeymoon baby, because if you left after three days…. [laughs] Bianca Magsino: And then I waited a bit to tell Thirdy because I wanted to kind of surprise him in a special way and not just tell him on the phone, “Oh, we’re pregnant.” I ended up ordering something online. It was a baby romper that said, “I can’t wait to meet you, Daddy.” And I shipped it to his house. And yeah, I was on the phone when I told him to open the package. He thought it was, because I think it was almost close to our first ‘monthsary’. So 1 month after our… Thirdy Magsino: Or, two months? Bianca Magsino: Oh, two months. Yeah, he thought it was a monthsary wedding gift for him. Thirdy Magsino: What’s this? Bianca Magsino: And then, yeah, we were on a phone call, on a video call. And then I was like, “Oh, can you open this package?” And that’s how I told him. Myrtle Alegado: So you were going through all of this, you know, alone by yourself, taking all these tests and whatnot. So wow, that must have been hard to kind of keep under wraps. Bianca Magsino: It was. It was because we’re usually a couple that tells each other everything straight away. Like something small happens, I [would] already tell him. So it was really difficult for me to keep it a secret. I wasn’t trying to keep it a secret on purpose, but I just wanted to tell him in a nice memorable way. Yeah. Thirdy Magsino: A special way. Myrtle Aegado: So, Thirdy, why don’t you share, you know, your version of events on that call? Thirdy Magsino: Honestly, because usually when she’s hiding something or you know trying to surprise me, there’s a bit of like, you know, Bianca Magsino: You can kind of tell.  Thirdy Magsino: Hmmm, something’s going on. But no, she was able to hide it and kind of surprise me fully. And yes, it was like our ‘monthsary’ wedding gift. I was like, “Oh sorry, I didn’t get you anything. And then she told me, “Okay, make sure you record yourself.” And I was on the phone, and then there was one phone recording and one phone on us together, on the video call together. Yeah, so it came in a little, small box. And all of a sudden I opened it and I could barely see it. All I saw was ‘Daddy.’ I was like, “What? What’s this?” I saw her laughing. “What’s this?” And then I lifted it up a bit. And I was just speechless. Anyone that knows me, I’m never speechless. I talk a lot. I talk a lot, yeah. I could not speak, I was just … I could not… Just thinking about it now, yeah, it’s… for a good like 20 seconds. I was looking at her like and looking back [at it] and I was just like, stunned. And then she said… Bianca Magsino: I had to speak for him to kind of realize what was happening. I said, “Oh, we’re pregnant.” And that’s when it kind of hit him, I think. Thirdy Magsino: Yeah, because, you know, reading ‘I can’t wait to meet you Daddy,’ I was like, “Is this a joke?” Like, is this a joke or like for real? My mouth just dropped. I was… I can’t believe it. That was really like, it was an unbelievable moment. Like, my emotions [were] just like riled up and I just couldn’t think. I couldn’t process anything.   Myrtle Alegado: So what were, you know, the other emotions that both of you experienced, finding out about the pregnancy? Bianca Magsino: To be honest, we were not really planning to get pregnant straight away. But we were like, oh, maybe we can wait a year or so. We wanted to travel together and do things together after being in a long distance relationship for so long. But at the same time, we also said that if it happens, it’s God’s will and we will, of course, take it. The only thing that was a bit difficult was being separated from Thirdy in the beginning, especially right after the wedding, and when I found out I wasn’t physically with him. By the time I was able to speak to him about it, it felt lighter. I wouldn’t call it a burden, but a kind of… Thirdy Magsino: Like a relief. Bianca Magsino: Yeah, relief of being able to talk to someone about it, instead of just having to keep it to yourself. It was very emotional, I think, also for Thirdy. He already said that he was quite speechless when he found out. “Am I ready for this? Are we ready for this?” That’s what one of our concerns were. And then we were also thinking, “Oh, what if we’re not ready for this?” What if there’s … Thirdy Magsino: And in the moment, while I was away, you were able to talk to your mom weren’t you? Like, after you told me, you were able to tell her as well, isn’t it? Bianca Magsino: Oh, yeah, yeah, I told my mom after.  A week or two after, I was able to also talk to my mom. And I told her, “I’m pregnant.” She was happy. And that was also some emotional support that I needed and that she was able to give me. Not just my mom, but also my dad. By the time I told them, it just really felt like a big relief on my end, yeah. Myrtle Alegado: So how many weeks did you keep it to yourself, Bianca? Bianca Magsino: I’m not too sure [about] the weeks. Maybe around… Thirdy Magsino: I think you said it was like two, three weeks wasn’t it? Bianca Magsino: Yeah, after I waited for my cycle and it didn’t come. Oh no,  actually, by the time I found out, it was almost three weeks until I told Thirdy. Thirdy Magsino: Yeah, it was almost a month. Myrtle Alegado: Three weeks, okay, almost a month. Yeah, and it’s such a time where you really want to share it with your spouse, right? So, how did you feel during those times, Bianca, when you’re really trying to keep it a secret, but at the same time, you know, you want to share it? Were you feeling any loneliness, I guess, maybe? Bianca Magsino: In a way, you can kind of call it loneliness, because, like we said, we share everything. We don’t keep any, we usually don’t keep any secrets from each other. So I really, it’s because it’s also such a big thing. And I wasn’t expecting it. And by the time I saw this positive test, I was like, the first thing that popped into my head was I want to talk to Thirdy about it. I want to share this, because it’s going to be our baby. And keeping it from him, yeah, it kind of made me feel a bit lonely. Yeah. Myrtle Alegado: Thirdy, you know, what else went through your mind after she finally told you, and you were able to visit her in Hamburg too, right? Thirdy Magsino: It’s crazy, because you’re so overwhelmed by emotions, knowing that you’re about to have a kid. And then when you are there in the doctor’s [office], and you hear the heartbeat for the first time… Bianca Magsino: It’s a completely different thing. Thirdy Magsino: It’s something else. Bianca Magsino: Like you know about the baby, but then when you hear the heartbeat. Yeah. Thirdy Magsino: It’s a living being that’s inside you. Bianca Magsino: That’s when it feels even more real. Thirdy Magsino: Yeah. Myrtle Alegado: I think a lot of parents feel that way where, I mean you know you’re pregnant. But the first time that you hear the heartbeat, it’s like, oh wow. There’s a living being inside you. Bianca Magsino: Yeah. Thirdy Magsino: The progression from a little kind of seed to… It’s crazy, those early days, because we just got married. And now we’re expecting a baby. So we’re adjusting to a lot of things. Bianca Magsino: When it comes to marriage, and then we have another thing to cope with… Thirdy Magsino: Yeah. Bianca Magsino: which is pregnancy and parenthood. Thirdy Magsino: Yeah, it’s a lot to wrap your head around. But hearing the heartbeat for the first time was really, it’s difficult to describe. You really can’t describe it in terms of— that’s your baby. That’s me and you, you know. Myrtle Alegado: So if you can kind of share, you know, how did you manage all of your emotions? You said there was like a whole jumble of emotions so I’m expecting, you know, fear, happiness, excitement. I guess all of those kinds of things? Thirdy Magsino: It’s a lot. It’s, honestly, [there are] so many things that [run] through your mind, not just in the moment but especially afterwards when you just think, you know, you’re going to be a dad, you’re going to have to help provide, you’re going to have to lead the family, you’re going to have to be a supportive husband, you know. There’s so many things. It’s like you’re scared and happy and kind of like, “How do I do this?” It’s just a lot. It’s just … Bianca Magsino: Because it’s something you haven’t experienced before. Thirdy Magsino: Being in charge of someone, like, as they grow up, is something else. It’s completely different to anything that we’ve ever… It feels like we’re not qualified for it, if that makes sense. It’s like, we skipped step three to ten. And then we went straight to it. Like okay, here’s a baby. And that’s, for us, that was just kind of like the overwhelming thing I think, isn’t it? We’d like to say we’re still relatively young. Some people would laugh, like, some of our younger friends would laugh at that. We’d like to say that we’re relatively young, and it feels like, “We’re allowed to have kids this young?” Because we don’t feel like we’re parents, you know? Yeah, it doesn’t feel like… Bianca Magsino: We barely felt like Buklod [the group of married brethren of the Church Of Christ within the Christian Family Organizations/CFO]. Thirdy Magsino: Yeah, we barely felt like a married couple. Myrtle Alegado: Right, yeah. I mean, definitely unchartered territory that you’re navigating through, right? So just how do you deal with a great blessing that is, you know, at the same time, a little bit stressful, and thrusts you into uncertainty or the unknown? I’m looking forward to hearing what the Bible has to say. Here with us again on Happy Life Is Brother Felmar Serreno, a minister of the gospel in the Church Of Christ. Hi there, Brother Felmar, and welcome back to Happy Life, as we start this new season. Brother Felmar Serreno: Hello there, everyone. Hello to the Happy Life team. Hello to you, Myrtle. And [it’s] so good that we could all get back together again like this for season two of the podcast. And to start us off, we have Thirdy and Bianca joining us for episode one of season two. And very glad to have you both and congratulations again on your newborn. Thirdy Magsino: Hi, Brother Felmar. Thank you so much. Bianca Magsino: Hello. Brother Felmar Serreno: So, I would first like to respond, at this time, to what was mentioned earlier about the “viewed” pros and cons on becoming pregnant right after getting married. Now, we are not saying here that it is wrong to have an opinion on the matter, or that you should absolutely reject any suggestion that others may give you about getting pregnant in your first year or so of marriage. But there is a biblical truth to remember when planning, or not, to have a child or when to have a child and how many, in fact. What should we remember? Let me quote for everyone what is written here in the book of Proverbs, chapter 19, verse 21, in the New International Version, the Bible says: Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails. [Proverbs 19:21 New International Version] Brother Felmar Serreno: This is what we should never lose sight of. While we do have the opportunity to make plans, and hear suggestions and weigh the supposed pros and cons of getting pregnant, in the end, in spite of all of our efforts, “it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.” So for example, a married couple decides that they do want children right after the wedding. However, it’s not happening. Well, God has a purpose for that. It could be the opposite—husband and wife do not want a honeymoon baby. Rather, they want a couple years first to themselves. They do not want to become parents right away. But that’s not what happens. They do become pregnant sooner than planned. Well, God has a purpose for that, too. And if I’m not mistaken, if I heard it right earlier, for yourselves, Thirdy and Bianca, you kind of wanted some time first to yourselves, huh, before becoming parents. Am I right? Thirdy Magsino: Yes, Brother Felmar. We have been in a long distance relationship for so long. So we were like, okay, let’s take this time to, to… Bianca Magsino: Just enjoy. Thirdy Magsino: Enjoy our alone time, travel the world. Brother Felmar Serreno: Well, there you go. A perfect example to what was just mentioned. What ended up happening in reality is different from what they had planned. But the point is, what ends up happening, God has a purpose for that. And when God’s purpose does begin to unfold before us, what do we need to do? We’ll stay here in the book of Proverbs, chapter 3 this time though. We’ll go and read verses five to six. Here in the Message translation, the Bible teaches: Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don’t try to figure out everything on your own. Listen for God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; he’s the one who will keep you on track. [Proverbs 3:5-6 The Message] Brother Felmar Serreno: When God’s purpose starts to unfold before us, what do we need to do? We need to trust Him. How should we trust God? The Bible states, “from the bottom of your heart.” What else does the Bible mean when it teaches us to trust God? “Don’t try to figure out everything on your own,” the Bible says. So in the case of newlyweds having a baby right away, or not—whatever the outcome, we ought to recognize that that is God’s purpose. That’s His plan for us, and we must trust Him, even if what ended up happening is different from what we originally hoped or planned. But maybe some are thinking right now, and maybe it’s something that has crossed your mind, Thirdy and Bianca—how can you be sure that you will succeed down this path that God has purposed for you, when originally that’s not what you had planned? So, how can you be sure that you will succeed on something that you originally didn’t plan? That’s why the Bible stated, right, “Listen for God’s voice in everything you do. He’s the one who will keep you on track.” So it may be something different from what was originally planned. But if we’re listening to God’s voice, He will teach us how to adapt. He will teach us how to get through it, to be successful down this path that He has purposed for us. “Listening for God’s voice,” what is the equivalent of that? If we read the same verse, in the New King James Version, it’s equivalent to acknowledging or recognizing God. And Thirdy, if I can ask you very quickly, what is one way that we prove to God that we do acknowledge or recognize Him? Thirdy Magsino: Brother Felmar, one way we recognize God is by praying to Him at all times. Brother Felmar Serreno: Correct, exactly—prayer. So devotional prayer is crucial, especially if you are pregnant and expecting an additional member of the family. We need the Lord God to continue to guide our every decision we make for the well-being and security of our family. And what should we never forget about raising a family? Let me read for you from I Timothy, this time chapter 5, verse 8, here in the Revised Standard Version: If any one does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his own family, he has disowned the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. [I Timothy 5:8 Revised Standard Version] Brother Felmar Serreno: Based on this biblical truth, the Lord God holds parents responsible to provide for their own family. Thus, what are some guiding questions to consider when you’re expecting a child, particularly if this is your first child? So, here are some guiding questions. Number one: have my spouse and I worked out a plan for our finances? I’ll say it again. Have my spouse and I worked out a plan for our finances? So what are things to consider? Hospital bills, present and upcoming gas bills for all of those back and forth checkups, budget for diapers, baby wipes, baby clothes, baby bottles, you know, everything baby, right? For yourselves, Thirdy and Bianca, praise be to God your daughter has already been born, right. But prior to, did you also experience, you know, these bills and expenses just, you know, coming left and right? Thirdy Magsino: Yes, Brother Felmar. Well, here in the UK, it’s not too much of a problem regarding hospital bills, but one thing that we had to consider is the baby room. Like it’s a lot. It’s a lot to consider. We never expected it to be that much actually. Brother Felmar Serreno: And going into it, Bianca, did you talk with Thirdy? Like, did you work out a plan? Was it helpful to have a plan going into this? Bianca Magsino: We weren’t sure what to expect. We did end up talking about it. In our situation, Thirdy is responsible for the finances, so I leave it all up to him. Brother Felmar Serreno: I see. Okay, well, if that is how you communicated with each other for your situation, then that works as well, right? It’s important that husband and wife communicate. The point is though this is a guiding question, generally speaking, for everyone who’s going into pregnancy, expecting a child, especially if it’s their first one. It does help to be prepared by having a plan for those expenses or financial concerns. Brother Felmar Serreno: All right, so here’s another guiding question for those who are expecting a child. Have my spouse and I worked out a plan for household chores and other important routine activities? Obviously, as the pregnancy progresses, there are many things your respective wife will not be able to do. And that includes also after the baby has been born. So, husbands out there who are expecting a child, or your wife is currently pregnant, or has recently given birth, right, we really need to brace ourselves. Because as a loving and responsible husband, you will take on most, if not all, of the housework, while earning a living, and while tending to your wife and your unborn child or newborn child, as the case may be. So, you know side note, you are really fortunate and express your gratitude if your parents and relatives are around and they’re willing to help, right? But with or without that extra help, husband and wife ought to work out a plan for things like doing the laundry, taking out the trash, staying on top of important dates like paying the rent on time. You don’t want to forget that, right? What else? Renewing things like your car insurance. But as members of the Church Of Christ, above all, let’s stay on top of our spiritual obligations and deadlines, such as preparing for the worship service ahead of time, marking our calendar for the upcoming committee prayer meetings or CFO (Christian Family Organization) activities, setting aside for our Thanksgiving, finding ways to attend Bible studies and share our faith. So regardless of how busy life gets, we must never lose sight of accomplishing these Bible-based doctrines of ours, and all the others. Why? Because even more important than providing the material is providing the spiritual needs of our family. And what does it mean to God when that is the order of our priorities? It means that we do trust Him with all of our heart. And for that, what will God do for us again? He will keep us on the right track. Myrtle Alegado: Thank you, Brother Felmar, for joining us again here on Happy Life and for sharing the biblical advice that always provides us with insight and clarity, and also for those probing questions to really help expectant parents to prepare. Now before you go, Bianca and Thirdy, do you have anything further you’d like to ask? Thirdy Magsino: Yes, Myrtle. We were wondering, Brother Felmar, we’d just like some advice on balancing our relationship on being new parents. Brother Felmar Serreno: Ah, okay, okay. Married life is an adjustment. Having a child is an adjustment in itself, right. So all of these adjustments happening, which is why to answer your question, we did the series on communication in season one, because to maintain that balance and harmony within the relationship of a married couple—communication is huge. Communication is big. So, hopefully you can have a chance to review those episodes. And in those episodes, we hear from married couples, their experiences and what helped them, as well as, again, Bible-based advice, right? Because nothing beats Bible-based advice—God’s counsel, His guidance—so that our marriage will work and will be harmonious, and we’ll have that balance, like you said, every day. In that series on communication, we touched topics like how do you handle disagreements, expectations, [and] making decisions. So those things and more were discussed in season one, so I’m not going to, you know, go over everything right now all over again. It would take a lot of time up. The point is—communication is big. And just as a side note to that, in my humble opinion and based on experience, and also working with other married couples, you know, sometimes the imbalance in the relationship, sometimes it stems from something as simple as you just both need a break. Sometimes it’s as simple as that—you just both need a break. So, as a side note, a suggestion would be [to] try to have an outlet. Try to have an outlet, a personal outlet, and an outlet that you do together as husband and wife. Like for others, you know, the personal outlet of the husband could be, you know, just having time alone to read a book at a coffee shop, you know, just to reset the stress levels, you know, kind of to do that. Or for the wife, it could be, you know, to take a brisk walk around the neighborhood, right? Get some fresh air in your lungs. And an outlet that can be done together is to maybe watch a movie together, right, have a good laugh, you know, just to get your mind off of things. Again, reset those stress levels and then go back together again, you know, to tackle the problems of life, right. But again, that’s just something on the side that, you know, we can share. Number one, always, is the Bible-based guidance we receive, communicating with God. We also touched on those things in season one on that series on communication. So hopefully, does that answer your question, Thirdy and Bianca? Thirdy Magsino: Yes, Brother Felmar. Thank you so much. Brother Felmar Serreno: If you don’t mind me asking, do you have something like that, like an outlet that you do, together? Thirdy Magsino: We used to watch movies together, Brother Felmar. We used to have like this little tiny projector screen and used to try and project on the screen, on the wall of our bed. But right now, we haven’t had the chance to have any [time] I think. Bianca Magsino: The focus is on the baby, right now. Thirdy Magsino: Yeah, the only time we’ve ever had any relaxed time is just walking around the house, in the garden or something. Brother Felmar Serreno: Well, that’s the thing. At least you have that right? You know, because the way I see it, if you don’t make kind of like the extra effort to pinpoint, you know, just really set it in stone—on this day, at this time, we’re going to unwind. You know, let’s get some time for ourselves, let’s get a break, reset, so that we can keep going, right? So, yeah, it helps to have an outlet. So thanks for sharing that as well, and hopefully it’s of help too, to all the listeners out there. Myrtle Alegado: Thanks again, Brother Felmar, and we’ll see you next time on Happy Life. Brother Felmar Serreno: Thank you, everybody. Bye for now. Myrtle Alegado: So, Thirdy and Bianca, if I can just add my two cents to a little bit of advice on  maybe finding that balance. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Everybody needs help. So if you’re fortunate enough to have family and friends who are willing to maybe watch the baby for an hour, take the time to have that quality time together so that you can continue to build on your own relationship while you also adjust to becoming new parents. Thirdy Magsino: To be honest, that is one of our difficulties I think, to reach out for help. There’s so many people offering their advice right now, but we’re still yet to take their offer. We’re trying. Bianca Magsino: We’re trying, yeah. Myrtle Alegado: I know it’s hard. It’s hard to let go because, you know, she is your first baby and you’re new parents. Thirdy Magsino: Yes, we were fortunate enough to have our family help us in… Bianca Magsino: The first couple of weeks. Thirdy Magsino: Yes. Her family actually came here a few weeks ago to help with the baby and to meet their grandkids, which was really beautiful, beautiful memories. Myrtle Alegado: So, Thirdy, you know when we chatted before you said when you first heard the news during that video call, you asked Bianca to pray together. Can you share what your prayer was about? Thirdy Magsino: Yes. It was really unexpected, like what we mentioned earlier. So, the prayer was mainly just from the heart. We’re just so thankful, we’re so thankful. It was a prayer of thanks and a prayer to ask for help, for the solution, you know, because we don’t know how to be good parents. But through prayers, we always ask [to] help us to be a good example, to give us the solutions. Because in the prayer, I said something along the lines of we know that this is a blessing, but we know that there’ll be many tests that we’ll encounter along the way. But whatever the tests may be, help us to pass them. Help us to overcome them and to learn from those tests. Yes, having a baby, for us, is really, really an amazing thing. But we’re overthinkers, both of us, and we worry a lot. You know, that’s one thing that we would like to improve in ourselves. But that’s one thing that I mentioned in the prayer [to] help us to always be thankful, no matter the situation, circumstance. And even until now we pray for the same things. Bianca Magsino: Always with a thankful heart. Thirdy Magsino: Always, no matter [the] difficulty, no matter the circumstance. I think that’s a difficult thing, just having a positive outlook in any situation. Because right now, currently—praise be to God—the baby, Evie, is perfectly healthy and we’re thankful. It was just overwhelming thanks and just non-stop crying. Bianca Magsino: It’s a blessing. Myrtle Alegado: Aww, well you know thank you for sharing all that with us. But you know, what are your biggest worries as you dive into parenthood, and how has the adjustment been to this new chapter in your life? Bianca Magsino: In the beginning, it was or still is very scary. Because, yeah, we’re first time parents, we haven’t experienced this before. We don’t know how to raise a child. We don’t know how to, yeah, just take care of her, do things. I mean, you can only read as much online about how to parent but at the end of the day, you have to figure it out on your own, like how to be able to take care of this baby, or of Evie. And of course, with prayer, that’s really one of the things that is helping us the most on how to be able to cope with everything that we’re experiencing right now. But yeah, it’s just crazy. Because when you think about it, you have to… this isn’t just like a one month thing and then you can kind of say, “Okay, I don’t want this anymore.” But you have to raise this child until they’re old enough to be able to stand on their own. Thirdy Magsino: Even after. Bianca Magsino: Or even after. Yeah. Myrtle Alegado: Yeah. I mean, I don’t think it stops honestly. Yeah, there’s no handbook that says, “Okay, at this stage you do this, at this stage you do this, right? You’re always learning as well, right? Because when they become parents, I think you still continue to parent your own children. Bianca Magsino: Yeah, yeah. We can tell from our parents. Myrtle Alegado: So you know, how do you get past all the worries and the fears that you have? Thirdy Magsino: Just a matter of accepting what’s been given to us, good and bad. So whatever God’s plan is for us, it helps us get past the worries and fears I guess. Because if you kind of go against it, if you’re really negative towards a certain situation, it kind of feeds into the worry and fear even more. Bianca Magsino: It makes it worse. Thirdy Magsino: Yeah, it makes it a lot worse, rather than if you just accept it in the moment, it makes it better and you know that you’re following God’s plan. And that’s what we continue to pray for, to have that characteristic—to help us to follow whatever His plan may be for us, whatever it may be. And because at the end of the day, God always knows what’s best for us. He’s always given us and allowed us to have the best in this life. Whatever it might be, it’s always been for the best. Bianca Magsino: And it’s also easier to manage those day-to-day challenges we experience when we have this positive outlook. Thirdy Magsino: Yes, yes, we do that everyday now. We, at the end of the day, we try to [ask] “what three things are you most grateful for today?” Even if it’s a small thing, like, oh, we got to eat lunch together. Bianca Magsino: We were able to take a nap. Thirdy Magsino: Yeah, those simple little things really are, you get to appreciate [them] even more. Myrtle Alegado: Yeah, no, those are great. You know, that’s a great mindset, and to be able to have those affirmations at the end of the day, it changes how you look at things in a more positive light. What are your hopes, and what are you looking forward to now? Bianca Magsino: We are looking forward to seeing how she will develop her own personality. We kind of see some of our own traits in her. Like it’s the small things, like the way she sleeps, for example. She has some favorite positions that kind of remind me of Thirdy’s sleeping positions, and that’s kind of cute to see, like she really is a mix of the two of us. And we’re excited to also see her grow even more. Thirdy Magsino: Yeah. Also another thing for us is we’re really excited for her to be an active member of the Church, you know, for her to be strong in the faith. Bianca Magsino: Definitely. Thirdy Magsino: For us that’s going to be one of the main things that really, we’re so excited to see, to perform [our church duties] with her. Imagine that, the first time she’s in the choir loft, or you know, whatever her duty will be in the future, and all of us are performing together. That’s the goal. Bianca Magsino: That’s the dream. Thirdy Magsino: That’s the dream. That’s the dream. Myrtle Alegado: Well, I’m sure, you know, with all of your prayers and the support system you have in your family and friends, I have no doubt you two will be great parents. So, you know, congratulations again, and thank you for sharing your experiences and your emotions that you went through here with us on Happy Life. Thirdy Magsino: Thank you so much, Myrtle. Bianca Magsino: Thank you. Thirdy Magsino: Thank you so much for talking to us and having us. Bianca Magsino: Yeah, that was really nice. Myrtle Alegado: Well give a little Evie hug from Auntie Myrtle. Thirdy Magsino: We will, after she wakes up. Bianca Magsino: Will do, after she wakes up. Myrtle Alegado: Becoming parents in the first year of marriage sounds daunting, but we hope the discussion that we had today provided some comfort for those newlyweds who are currently expecting. Remember to lean on your friends and family and most of all, trust God. And that brings us to the end of our episode for today. To learn more about Christian relationships, please visit incmedia.org. And if you’d like to say hi, send us a question or see who our newlywed guests are, you can visit our Instagram account: @happylife.podcast. Please also remember to share our podcast with your family and friends and all the newlyweds that you know. Thank you from all of us here on the Happy Life team. We’re so glad you joined us today and hope we’ve all been reminded about the blessing of marriage. [Show closes]