Couples time: looking in each other’s eyes

Many women around the world are undecidedly childfree. The reasons can be very diverse and for many women and partners the cause never found. It is a very challenging situation on a personal, relationship based, family, societal, and even evolutionary level. It’s against the norms and conventions of society and our evolutionary instincts, dreams, expectations, desires, that are unwanted denied to us. It’s a very different scenario to the one of an individual or couple willing not having children. The pain and the mourning of the child that’s never been born is beyond imagination. Time can heal such a wound in some women, yet others will struggle for a lifetime. Factors contributing to the way individuals deal with a loss vary and can positively or negatively affect the mourning process, as well as the ability to cope and overcome the hardship. A topic that every woman and man can potentially be confronted with and need to address when starting to consider whether or not to have a child. It is however a taboo topic and one that many avoid to consider, especially when postponing their reproductive health plans and family plans to a later stage in life. One way of securing a more flexible family planning, which is however depending on the country a woman lives, more or less controversial or even forbidden, is egg freezing. It can have a positive impact on the reproductive timing, provide more choices in choosing the best time for oneself to potentially become a parent.   @drschwank @unesurcent @optimalperformancezurich

Today’s conversation and second episode of a public health series on perimenopause. Dr. Anna answers questions and shares her expertise on hormonal supplement treatments, lifestyle components, and other ways in treating symptoms of perimenopause. Anna Raggi, MD, gynecologist, reproductive medicine specialist and gynecological endocrinologist. Women's health has always fascinated her, and even as a young doctor she enjoyed listening to her patients, consulting, and advising them. She is very passionate about her work at the Fertisuisse fertility treatment center in Olten and Basel, Switzerland, which she founded with three partners in 2014. She is very grateful that she has became a mother of two children at a relatively young age. www.fertisuisse.ch, www.wirwolltendich.ch @drschwank @unesurcent @optimalperformancezurich

Parents of young children often struggle with finding time for their romantic relationship. It starts with the lack of looking at each other’s eyes. Finding time to look at each other, not after a child running around or being just to exhausted for couple’s time, looking at the phone, watching TV, or simply falling asleep. These moments are super rare and precious to maintain the relationship. We need to be able to be intimate with each other. That’s incredibly important for the connection among the couple. The more we find small moments of affection, the more we stay emotionally happily stay connected. Even in the most challenging years of small children and sleep deprivation. It needs a lot a lot of patience and understanding from both partners to come together and spend time with each other. Seek out support when you struggle. The years are limited, when kids are extra small and depend a lot on their parents. An insight a friend shared with me and I felt being extraordinarily helpful and applicable.   Options for connection: Get babysitters, invest in it now, that “expensive” time will be time limited. Find 10-15min time each day to connect. Do a shared activity a shared cup of coffee, a short yoga session, a short walk, anything you can do easily together. @drschwank @unesurcent @optimalperformancezurich

Traveling, especially solo traveling can expand our horizon. It does do something with us, challenging our inner selves for self reflection. We’re thrown out of our routine everyday life, the ordinary, out of our comfort zones. This place is maybe unsettling, uncomfortable, stressful, yet also very refreshing, and rejuvenating. The disruption traveling can cause to both body and mind have pros and cons, which are why many opt out and decide to stay in their comfort zone of their predictable home country and their own home. Yet, if we do travel, we become because of this disruption of our comfort zone more world open and tolerant for the other, the new, which only benefits the ones we love, the community, our nations, and the world. Bring your children on a trip, yourself, and encourage others to follow your footsteps. Happy weekend energy from New York City, Dr. Simone.   @drschwank @unesurcent @optimalperformancezurich

It’s a very frequently discussed topic and no simple answer can be given. The amount of consumption of stimuli in today’s world is incredibly. Filtering all the input isn’t easy, especially for children, who haven’t yet developed their executive functions. As parents, we feel the urge to organise lots of after school activities, engage, and entertain our children, hardly letting time pass without “productive” content. This constant “ON” switch requires less frustration tolerance and there with less training of such skills.   How do we deal with frustration tolerance? Less is more! Let time in your child’s daily life without any plans. Let your child guide the way! Be curious and follow along your child’s flow. Boredom is healthy! Dare to set boundaries, no isn’t a bad thing! Encourage independent play!   @drschwank @unesurcent @optimalperformancezurich

The importance of autonomy can’t be underestimated in all ages, from birth to old age. The earlier we establish autonomy, the better for our sense of self, self-esteem, self-containment, frustration tolerance, and general independence. We all desire to be independent masters of our own lives, in very young and very mature  age. Giving safe autonomy early in a baby’s, infant, and toddler’s life, requires trust, courage, patience, and respect from the parents. The more parents are aware of their important role, the earlier a child develops autonomy, learns skills, masters them by him/herself, resulting in happiness, pride, and certainty reduces frustration.   Motto for parents: Give your children time! Time to play by themselves, figure out role plays to get in touch with their feelings. Dare to let your child be bored! It fosters creativity and frustration tolerance. It gives the child a sense of control, ownership, pride, and competence. A true self-esteem booster.   @drschwank @unesurcent @optimalperformancezurich

As parents, we positively influence our children’s self-esteem by giving the children autonomy from a very early age on.   We can praise them for their efforts in school, extra curricular activities, sports, music, art, etc. not for their performance, grades, winning, etc. The latter reduces self-esteem,  sets the child under massive performance pressure, as the child is only seen and appreciated for its performance not for oneself.   Warm and loving relationships are the foundation of children’s self-esteem because they make children feel valued and worthwhile. Relationships are built on plenty of responsive, caring interactions with your child. Family rituals are important too, because they build your family relationships and give your child a sense of belonging.   You can build a positive relationship with your child by: being in the moment with your child spending quality time with your child creating a caring environment of trust and respect.   A self-esteem booster list: Help kids find their passion Praise perseverance Foster autonomy Treat your child with respect Avoid being critical Encourage communication Find and focus on their strength Involve your children in household tasks Set goals Focus on your child Be a role model Deal with mistakes constructively Encourage healthy friendships Encourage independence Give your child balanced feedback Independent activity Model confidence yourself Offer unconditional love   References https://raisingchildren.net.au/toddlers/behaviour/understanding-behaviour/about-self-esteem

Today’s children’s schedule is more compact than many adults. It involves a lot of performance driven activities, such as exam preparation, homework, music lessons, competitive sports, potential tutoring, and more. This constant performance and active mode of children limits creative play, boredom, and phantasy. It further requires parent involvement, rather than time with peers or by oneself.   Recommendations: Less is more! Reduce the number of activities. Let your child decide the activities they want to engage in. Skip homework, if possible. Tutoring only if absolutely necessary. Balance expectations with regard to exams. Let your child guide the way and set the pace in academics. Intervene as little as possible: Autonomy is key! Keep empty spaces in the child’s agenda for creative, self-directed play. @drschwank @unesurcent @optimalperformancezurich

Starting a new school year is demanding for everyone within the family. New routines need to be established, stress regulated, adjustment to new academic and social settings digested and contained. This requires a lot of emotional capacity and stress tolerance by the parents. Being aware of this crucial role as parents is very relevant and parents will notice the positive outcome of a more harmonious home, when providing that emotional outlet. For parents of children of all age groups, building buffer zones is crucial, in order to have the mental space to deal with the children’s emotions. Especially, during the first weeks after the long summer break.   A practical family guide: Take turns in attending the children vs. alone and couple’s time. Structure your family’s week to get an overview of peek times. Plan space in your schedule for spontaneous changes. Be attuned to your child’s needs and meet them, yet not without boundary setting and consequences. Dare to say no. We all reach our limits. Give your child the time she/he needs to get ready. Provide room for outmost amount of autonomy to children of any age (reduces frustration in the child and parent). Allow the child’s physical and mental metamorphosis to happen. Include outdoor activities to decompress as a family. Spend time with each family member independently. Share cooking and meals together to create space for communication and quality time. Be a thriving role model for your child. @drschwank @unesurcent @optimalperformancezurich    

Today’s conversation and first episode of a public health series, with Anna Raggi, MD, gynecologist, reproductive medicine specialist and gynecological endocrinologist. Women's health has always fascinated her, and even as a young doctor she enjoyed listening to her patients, consulting, and advising them. She is very passionate about her work at the Fertisuisse fertility treatment center in Olten and Basel, Switzerland, which she founded with three partners in 2014. She is very grateful that she has became a mother of two children at a relatively young age. www.fertisuisse.ch, www.wirwolltendich.ch   @drschwank @unesurcent @optimalperformancezurich