This Song Sucks

Season 3 of This Song Sucks ends on a bittersweet note. The release day of this episode is the one-year anniversary of the passing of our friend Bryce Montgomery. Luckily for you, dear listener, Josh, Hayden, and Gabe Hostetler joined Bryce last year to record this sometimes uncomfortably deep dive into Kid Rock's "Cowboy." The episode is chaotic at times, but the hallmarks of close friendship are apparent: minor insults are hurled, self-deprecating jokes are cracked, and full body laughs take up literal minutes of run time in this super-sized episode. We hope that anyone who listens is reminded to cherish the time they have with their loved ones. We also recommend that you make that time as silly and unserious as possible.

Josh, Hayden, and guest host Sarah Ferguson may have made an idiotic decision with this week's episode. That's right folks, we've decided to risk our own safety by dumping on Taylor Swift's truly irredeemable hit, "ME!" You may never hear from us again after this, so we hope you remember us fondly if the Swifty horde (or her dad Kingsley) takes us out. Sarah is truly baffled that Swift keeps winning awards for her singing, Josh does his best Brendon Urie and Bon Iver impressions, and Hayden begins assembling his dream cast for the inevitable Swift biopic.

Perennial favorite Blaine Duncan and new guest Kevin Halbrook join Josh to help dissect Lee Greenwood and his god-awful hit "God Bless the USA." Misplaced national pride, faux working-class imagery, and a healthy dollop of jingoism: what more could you ask for in the favorite song of the Republican National Convention. Josh can't get over the shitty production quality, Blaine distinctly remembers hating the song as a young child, and Kevin explains why it's the perfect song for right-wing crazies everywhere. 

Guest host Jay Burgess brings in quite a doozy this episode with "Sunglasses at Night" by Corey Hart. That's right folks: we're taking a trip to the '80s! Put on your Member's Only jacket, get yourself a toot of the devil's dandruff, and listen to the fellas take down this garbage song. Jay stands flabbergasted at the incomprehensible lyrics, Josh points out some undeniable similarities to other popular songs of the day, and Hayden goes on the hunt for some bags of milk.

Natalie Morrow is back and this time she's bringing the hate for Matchbox Twenty's "Unwell." Even though she's in total agreement with Hayden and Josh on how much this song sucks, she still finds a way to put them in their place. Natalie focuses her ire at the terribly milquetoast chorus, Josh consider the banjo a total non-sequitur, and Hayden finds a way to be annoyed by Josh even while unconscious.

Lindsay Palinsky joins Hayden and Josh to lend her dance expertise for the trio's takedown of everyone's least favorite group dance songs. What do The Chicken Dance, Cotton Eye Joe, The Macarena, and The Cha Cha Slide have in common? They all suck, of course!  Josh is on his usual BS about "musical" issues, Lindsay has flashbacks to her bat mitzvah, and Hayden finds a way to talk about strudels again.

Hayden and Josh slip the ol' Birkenstocks back on for this episode as they are joined by Elizabeth Hafner to discuss "Come Original" by 311. All three hosts apologize to their middle school selves, but it's hard not to dunk on a band whose music and lyrics are as stale as their bong water. Josh thinks the song is a haphazardly slapped-together collection of unfinished ideas, Hayden agrees that the song sucks but admits to kind of liking it, and Elizabeth can't help but dish out zinger after zinger aimed at what we assume is the saddest fan base in existence.

Folks, we may have jumped the shark with this one. Can we even be considered a music podcast anymore with the amount of restaurant talk in this episode? Probably not, but I don't think you can blame us considering today's subject: "Fancy Like" by Walker Hayes, or, as it's known throughout most of the world, "That Stupid Applebee's Song." Blaine Duncan returns and does not disappoint with his pointed barbs aimed straight at this song's idiotic lyrics, Josh finds a way to make both a racial critique AND a capitalist critique (what else is new), and Hayden ends up with a hankerin' for some tasty apps from one of America's most beloved restaurant chains. Thanks to Sarah Ferguson for the episode art. At this point, she may be the only thing keeping our social media accounts afloat. Check her out on Instagram @pedgiree_chum.

Don't take us to a disco! We don't wanna hear any of that tango nonsense either because this week we're taking on Bob Seger's "Old Time Rock & Roll." Hannah Hayes joins us again to discuss how such a great artist could come up with this bland, loud, and boring turd of a song. More importantly, Hayden and Hannah come up with an idea for a podcast discussing the luxurious locks of our favorite musical artists, which is a probably a better idea for a podcast than this one. Whoops! Thanks again to Sarah Ferguson for the episode art. She sure is pretty damn good at this kind of stuff, so make sure you check her out on the 'Gram @pedgiree_chum.

We're finally back! It only took us a year since the last episode, but This Song Sucks Season 3 starts with a bang. Hayden, Adam, and Josh finally take on one of their personal shibboleths: Eric Clapton and his absolute trashcan of a song Wonderful Tonight. Is it creepy? You bet. Does it suck? Hell yes. Thanks to Sarah Ferguson for the episode art. Make sure to check her work out on Instagram @pedgiree_chum.