270. I have to do something with my life

In last week’s episode, we looked at the tendency to hold things as problems. This week we’re adding to the exploration the tendency to believe “I have to do something with my life” and “There’s a destination I have to get to.” Some key questions in this episode are:Is it true in this moment that there’s a destination to get to? Or that we have to ‘do something’ with our lives or hold things as problems?What kind of experience of life do we give ourselves by believing those thoughts? What might an experience of life look like beyond these beliefs? Happy inquiring!

This week the Love Is The Power inquiry group looks at the habit of holding things (situations, people, the state of the world) as a problem. It’s such an insidious habit, it tends to fly under the radar for most of us until we check in. But when we consciously look at a situation that we’d like to be different, it’s easy to see the belief, “I have to hold this as a problem." We might think that if we hold it as a problem we’ll fix it better or faster, and if we don’t then the situation won’t change at all. But what does this thought actually create in our lives? Does it help us show up the way we’d like to? Or does it give us a harvest of fear?

This week, as Tom puts it, the trigger for self-realization could be a bathroom! In a playfully profound inquiry on money, the group questions the thought, “There is a right and wrong amount of money to have, and a right and wrong way to spend it.” One person’s share acts as a through-thread in the inquiry, pondering whether or not it’s wrong to want and pay for a bathroom renovation. It sure feels wrong when this is the thought running our financial lives. But, as Tom will often ask, is the feeling proof? Is the sense of wrongness surrounding the spending of money really proof that it is inherently wrong somehow? We noticed we don’t know for sure. What we do know is that we’ve seen a lot of people act like it’s true since we arrived on this planet. But what if they all learned to believe this story, just the same as we did? What would that mean about the nature of money? What if it’s nothing like we imagine it is?

Last week’s episode looked at the experience of innocence, and the belief that we, ourselves, are not that pure innocence. In this part two episode, we look at the fear that comes up when we aren’t believing that about ourselves or others. The fear of being a doormat. “Oh, if I just see everyone as innocent, I’ll just let them walk all over me.” Seems accurate enough, right? This position, though, gives us the role of constant self-preservation. When we’re afraid of being steamrolled, we have to approach life in a controlling, angry manner. Or as Tom puts it, we become the Jerk Police. We can’t just ask someone not to do something because that’s what we’d prefer, we have to make them wrong. We have to manipulate our perceived attackers – the jerks – with guilt or shame or anger. But what would life be like if we weren’t constantly giving ourselves this role? Pick a situation in your own life where someone is being a total jerk, and find out for yourself.

Notice a time when you’ve experienced innocence. (Tip: dogs, cats, babies and little kids are a good touchstone for this kind of experience.) What did it bring up within you? In this group inquiry, participants become aware of a sense of openness, levity, and joy, as well as a sense of wanting to protect and care for that innocence. And then Tom asks this question: Is it true that you are not that innocent? Can you absolutely know you are not innocent in that exact way? What is your experience of the world when you believe this of yourself and the rest of humanity? After joining in this inquiry, you might notice the next time you have that experience (whether it’s one of guilt, blame, self-condemnation, or any withholding of love) it’s easier to just say, “Oops, I did it again. I believed I’m not that innocent.”

This week Love Is The Power gives you an incredibly vulnerable, incredibly beautiful inquiry with a brave share. If you’ve ever experienced the frustration of chronic pain or illness of the body, you have probably experienced the devastating sense of hopelessness that can come with it. Holding space for that emotional pain, Tom initiates an exploration of the sensation of physical pain. Byron Katie says that all pain is imagined. That can be a hard one to get our heads around – especially when we’re in the midst of pain. But what if it’s true? What if who we really are is pure awareness that is itself unaffected by pain? What if the awareness that perceives the pain (whether the pain is physical or emotional) is who we really are? And what if that awareness is an experience of pure peace?

This week’s episode begins by asking the question: Can you absolutely know that it’s true that suffering is necessary? It’s an interesting question, because it seems like it must be true. If suffering wasn’t necessary, why would we experience it? It can be easy on the so-called spiritual path to wear suffering like a badge of honour, and it certainly is a powerful teacher. But does that make it necessary to hold onto? And furthermore, does believing that thought actually help us to get free? Or does it send us into an endless loop of discomfort followed by “dealing with it” or “working on ourselves”? Feel free to follow along with your own work as this line of questioning leads into some powerful sub-inquiries and contemplations. (Spoiler: concepts like “I have to deal with this dis-ease” and “I’m not deserving of love.”)

This week’s inquiry begins with a look at a simple thought: “I need money.” Seems pretty straightforward. Pretty accurate. (Unless you’re a Buddhist monk.) But slowly this inquiry becomes a deep dive into the entire concept of need. “I need something that’s not here right now.” Tom takes it to the past, too, by inviting participants to look at a memory where we believe we needed something that wasn’t there. Whether that something was better care, shelter, food, water, painkillers, relief, kindness, or another of the abundant examples that come up in this group meditation, the questions are the same; Can you absolutely know it’s true? Follow along to find out for yourself.

Two weeks ago an episode of Love Is The Power was released where Tom led a group inquiry on the thought, “I need to hold onto the wrongs done to me and the wrongs I’ve done.” In this part II episode, we’re exploring some different concepts, emotions, and conditions we notice the tendency to hold onto. Can you relate to holding onto being different/special/unique/separate? Or is a death grip on the sense of safety (yours or that of a friend/child/parent/partner) familiar? If your answer is yes, we invite you to follow along with the inquiries in this episode. If it’s a ‘no’ then feel free to notice where, within you, you experience a ‘holding on’ of some kind -- and then question it.

This week’s episode begins with a chance to look at one of those moments where we believe, “I shouldn’t have done that.” You know the one. It lies dormant and then pops into your mind as you’re trying to fall asleep and causes The Cringe. It shows up at the most inopportune times, saying, “Remember when you said/did that thing to that person all those years ago? Yeah, you shouldn’t have done that.” And in the questioning of that thought, what arises is a deeper belief in needing to earn love. Is it possible that when we cringe at our past selves (who were doing the best they could with what they had) it’s because we believe that those past actions disqualify us for an experience of love now? And is it really true that we need to earn love at all? Or are we using that story of being undeserving to stay justified in keeping a strong sense of identification and separation?