Sober.Coffee Podcast

#Trending Series: Pt 7: What Is Dry Drunk?Series Note: This episode is the sixth release in a special series of replays from the Sober.Coffee vault, featuring Mike and Glenn while they take a sabbatical.Sober.Coffee Podcast (Episode B32)Hosts: Mike & GlennEpisode OverviewIn part seven of their trending search series, Mike and Glenn sit down in the coffee shop to break down a phrase searched online by hundreds of thousands of people: “What is dry drunk?” Exploring the origin of the term within Alcoholics Anonymous and clinical frameworks, the hosts unpack the painful gap between merely putting down the bottle and achieving genuine sobriety. They discuss why abstinence without internal change leaves someone irritable, miserable, and stuck—and how leaning into community and the Twelve Steps transforms white-knuckle endurance into lasting peace.Defining "Dry Drunk"Unofficially vs. Officially: Unofficially, being a dry drunk means not drinking while keeping the same old behavior. Officially, it describes someone who has stopped consuming alcohol but hasn’t changed their underlying thinking, emotional patterns, or character defects.Drunk vs. Dry vs. Sober: Echoing insights shared with their late friend Dr. John, the hosts emphasize the three states of an alcoholic:Drunk: Actively drinking, caught in destructive consequences and physical dependence.Dry: White-knuckling abstinence alone without tools or personal growth, remaining trapped in misery, resentment, and "head trash".Sober: A state of emotional clarity, peace, and spiritual fitness that can only be built within a community ("a WE program").The "ISM" Remains Active: Quitting the substance removes the anesthesia, but if the inner self hasn't healed, living in one's own skin remains intolerable. You don't have to be actively craving a drink to be a dry drunk; being miserable, highly critical, or resentful toward everyone around you is proof enough.The Science: PAWS & "Learning to Suffer Better"Post-Acute Withdrawal Syndrome (PAWS): Citing data from the Semel Institute for Neuroscience and Human Behavior, Glenn notes that around 75% of recovering individuals experience PAWS within the first four to six months.Giving It Time: Chemical balance (GABA, neurotransmitters) does not bounce back overnight. For many, the "pink cloud" never appears in early sobriety; instead, it takes patience, neurochemical stabilization, and learning to "suffer better" while new recovery tools take hold.The Glimpse of Peace: Glenn recounts that after about two years of working the steps, he experienced his first five continuous minutes of genuine, unshakeable internal peace—an experience that gradually became a regular reality.Practical Action Plan for the Dry DrunkWhen you realize your thinking and body language are reverting to old addictive habits, use these core tools to pivot out of the dry rut:Engage in the 12 Steps: Work the program thoroughly—not picking and choosing—to peel back personal defects and experience the Ninth Step Promises.Move Chaos into Caring: Turn self-centered misery outward by helping another alcoholic or actively serving in your homegroup.Daily Journaling: Move chaotic thoughts out of your head and onto paper so you can digest them clearly.Prioritize Holistic Self-Care: Exercise, eat well, avoid unnecessary triggers, and protect your sleep hygiene by tapering late caffeine and heavy late-night meals.Remember the Ferris Wheel: Feelings are not permanent. If today is a low point or a total mess, use your recovery tools, stay connected to others, and remember that symptoms and hard days eventually pass.Resources & SupportWebsite: sober.coffeeEmail: [email protected]: @sober.coffeepodcastTwitter / X: @staysobertoday & @sobercoffeepodAA Hotline: 1-800-839-1686Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255 (or 988)

Challenges in Sobriety: Emotional Relapse (Restless, Irritable, Discontent) - From the VaultSeries Note: This episode is the fifth release in a special series of replays from the Sober.Coffee vault, featuring Mike and Glenn while they take a sabbatical.Sober.Coffee Podcast (Episode B31)Hosts: Mike & GlennEpisode OverviewMike and Glenn settle into the coffee shop to explore the subtle warning signs that precede a physical slip: emotional relapse. Drawing from recovery literature and personal experience, they unpack the famous phrase from the Doctor's Opinion in the Big Book—describing alcoholics as "restless, irritable, and discontented" until they seek relief. The hosts discuss how to recognize when you are running "off," why internal emotions cannot always be trusted, and how objective tools and accountability keep you grounded before a relapse takes physical form.The 3 Stages of Relapse & The "First Five Minutes"The Progression: Relapse is not an instantaneous event; it develops across three distinct phases: Emotional, Mental, and Physical.The Emotional Trap: Long before someone plans a drink (mental) or takes a sip (physical), they experience emotional dis-ease—feeling disconnected, restless, irritable, or discontent.Chasing Lightning: Glenn shares the realization behind his last relapse nearly eight years prior, where he meticulously planned a slip for weeks to chase the elusive "first five minutes" of ease and comfort. Instead of relief, 15 minutes in he found himself sick over a toilet, reinforcing that the desired feeling of active addiction can never be recaptured.Subjective Feelings vs. Objective TruthYou Can’t Read the Label from Inside the Jar: Mike notes an exercise he tried: looking up antonyms for restlessness (such as calm, quiet, unworried, composed) to gauge his state. Glenn counters that internal emotions are inherently subjective and often distorted in an alcoholic brain.Using Objective Metrics: Just as a diabetic checks blood sugar or a scale measures weight, recovery requires objective anchors. Glenn uses sleep and stress tracking tools, but most importantly, relies on outside perspectives to challenge his distorted feelings.Accountability Partners: Because individuals are blind to their own subtle shifts back into old patterns, trusted advisors are non-negotiable. Glenn shares a recent example where defensive feelings over money spent on his daughters were corrected when his therapist bluntly pointed out he was falling back into old habits—trying to fill an emotional "hole in the soul" with spending.Key Recovery Tools: From "Faking It" to "Acting As If""Act As If": While the phrase "fake it 'til you make it" can clash with the recovery pillar of rigorous honesty, the hosts reframe it as acting as if.Action Precedes the Feeling: Even when you don’t feel like attending a meeting, being patient, or showing up for others, taking the right action anyway allows emotional alignment to follow. Glenn highlights their Monday night men's group: despite never wanting to go at 6:30 PM, acting as if and walking through the door leads to 100% gratitude and fulfillment by 7:05 PM.Early Detection: When restlessness, irritability, or discontent pop up, treat them as vital dashboard warning lights. Reach out to your sponsor, check in with an accountability partner, and take the next right step before the mental obsession takes hold.Resources & ContactBook Mentioned: A Program for You: A Guide to the Big Book's Design for LivingWebsite: sober.coffeeInstagram: @sober.coffeepodcastAA Hotline: 1-800-839-1686Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255You can listen to the full episode discussion on YouTube via Challenges in Sobriety: Emotional Relapse. This recording directly covers Mike and Glenn's conversation on identifying emotional relapse and breaking the cycle of restlessness, irritability, and discontent.

Claudia's Story: (From the Vault) Series Note: This episode is the Third release in a special series of replays from the Sober.Coffee vault, featuring Mike and Glenn while they take a sabbatical.Sober.Coffee Podcast (Episode B30)Hosts: Mike & GlennGuest: ClaudiaEpisode OverviewMike and Glenn pull up a chair for a table of three with fellow AA member Claudia. Celebrating her three-year sobriety anniversary (1,096 days), Claudia shares her experience, strength, and hope. Her central message: you are never too old to get sober and mentally healthy—a journey she began at nearly 50 years old.The Roots & EscalationChildhood Insecurities: Growing up in a comfortable family without alcoholic parents, Claudia was thoughtful, earned good grades, but suffered from extreme, painful shyness and underlying anxiety. She developed a habit of seeking validation in people, places, and things to feel secure.Early Adulthood & Relationships: After marrying young and divorcing at 26, Claudia lacked the emotional sobriety to navigate life independently. She struggled with codependency and carried unaddressed childhood baggage.The Escalation: Claudia remarried and raised two daughters. The real turning point came around 2008 when she lost her downtown job during the financial crisis while serving as the family's primary financial support. Financial stress and fear triggered heavy drinking just to cope with daily tasks like calling bill collectors.The Wake-Up Calls: Claudia received her first DUI in 2011. Although shaken in a victim impact panel, she rationalized it as a bad choice rather than a deeper problem. By 2019, drinking escalated around the clock to manage every emotion, whether happy or sad.The Turning Point: Surrender & HonestyThe Bottom: Claudia's second DUI landed her in jail overnight—a moment where she felt her Higher Power step in and say she had suffered enough. The following morning was the darkest day of her life, realizing the danger she had put others in and the trauma it caused her family.Telling Her Daughters: With her husband's encouragement to get to a meeting, Claudia sat down with her daughters (then roughly 10 and 14). She openly admitted her problem and promised to fight for recovery. Seeing the immediate look of relief and lightness wash over her children became the ultimate motivator to stay sober.Key Recovery Insights & ToolsDeveloping Emotional Sobriety: Quitting alcohol was only step one; Claudia had to learn emotional sobriety through AA, literature, and regular step work. As Glenn and Claudia note, emotional maturity often halts at the age drinking began, requiring intentional internal growth.Remembering the Wreckage: Claudia keeps the memory of that second DUI night close. Remembering the potential wreckage—that her daughters could have lost their mother—serves as a vital tool to prevent picking up a drink during hard times.Fellowship & Sponsorship: Claudia leans heavily on her sponsor and a close-knit group of women connected through Zoom meetings during the COVID-19 pandemic. She now sponsors other women, passing on the lesson to meet people where they are at and take things one day at a time.Living Through Life's Storms: Since getting sober, Claudia has navigated job loss and the death of family members without ever wanting a drink, firmly believing that placing trust in a Higher Power rather than people, places, or things is what sustains true peace.Resources & SupportWebsite: sober.coffeeEmail: [email protected]: @sober.coffeepodcastAA Hotline: 1-800-839-1686Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255

Sober.Coffee Podcast Summary: "Behind the Counter" (From the Vault)Series Note: This episode is the second release in a special series of replays from the Sober.Coffee vault, featuring Mike and Glenn while they take a sabbatical.Episode OverviewIn this foundational episode, Mike and Glenn step "Behind the Counter" to share the origin story, format, and guiding philosophy behind the Sober.Coffee podcast. Moving their regular one-on-one recovery chats from local coffee shops into the digital space, the co-hosts outline why the show exists, what listeners can expect, and clear boundaries around what the podcast is—and is not.Key Discussion Points & InsightsThe Coffee Shop Format & the "18-Minute" Rule:Rather than recording multi-hour discussions, episodes are intentionally framed around roughly 18 minutes—the scientifically observed average time it takes someone to drink a cup of coffee.This concise format aligns perfectly with a typical daily commute, offering a bite-sized serving of recovery insight.The Three-Part Structure: Episodes are structured around three five-minute segments rooted in classic recovery principles:Experience (0–5 min): Reflecting on the past—the realities of addiction and where they started.Strength (5–10 min): The "sober gym"—the daily tools, practical actions, and principles used to maintain sobriety.Hope (10–15+ min): The outcome and promises—what sober life looks like when the tools are applied.Defining the Boundaries (What Sober.Coffee Is NOT):Not Official AA: While 12-step recovery is an integral part of their personal journeys, the show adheres to the tradition of attraction rather than promotion and does not represent Alcoholics Anonymous.Not "Big Book Thumpers" or "Bible Thumpers": The discussion is grounded in real-life application, candid language, and personal experience rather than rigid dogma.Not Experts or Politicians: Neither host claims clinical authority or political alignment; they speak strictly as peers sharing lived recovery journeys.Not a Commercial Venture: The podcast is non-profit driven; community donations go directly toward studio production and running costs rather than personal profit.Your Story as Your Greatest Asset:Glenn shares a perspective gained during an early sunrise coffee chat: while people often view "assets" purely in financial terms, one's greatest personal asset in recovery is their story—specifically the willingness to share past struggles and the tools used to overcome them to help others.Mike illustrates this with the "renovated room" analogy: to truly appreciate the finished basement or remodeled room, you have to show the "before" pictures first.Upcoming Roadmap & Community Engagement:The hosts highlight plans to break down the 12 Steps across their initial run of episodes, followed by thematic discussions drawn from practical meeting takeaways and listener suggestions.Memorable Takeaways"We're just going to be at the intersection of desperation and hope.""Your biggest asset is your story... what you've been through, and the fact that you're willing to open up and share it."Show Resources & Contact InfoWebsite: sober.coffeeListener Feedback & Topic Suggestions: [email protected] Media: Instagram (@sober.coffeepodcast) | Twitter/X (@sobercoffeepod)Support Lines Mentioned:AA Hotline: 800-839-1686Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: 988 (Legacy: 800-273-8255)

Getting Sober: “The First 90 Days”: FROM THE VAULTA Quick Note from the Coffee Shop:If you notice something familiar in your feed over the next several weeks, Glenn and Mikey are on a brief medical sabbatical while Mikey rests and heals up following surgery to repair an abdominal aneurysm. To keep the coffee brewing and ensure our community doesn’t miss a beat, we’ve raided the vault to bring you an encore run of our "Best Of" catalog—handpicked straight from our all-time top download stats. Enjoy revisiting these essential conversations, thank you for keeping Mikey and the show in your prayers, and stay tuned—we will be back live in the coffee shop very soon!Sober.Coffee Podcast Summary (Bonus #28)Hosts: Mike & GlennMike and Glenn open up the coffee shop to break down the reality of the first three months in recovery. Ninety days is the crucial habit driver—the proving ground where new living mechanisms, coping strategies, and daily reflexes are formed. Reflecting on their own early days and the recurring pain, confusion, and high relapse rates that affect newcomers, the hosts lay out a straightforward, honest roadmap of what to actually expect and how to survive the initial quarter.The Brutal Honesty of Early SobrietyThe Golden Rules (1 & 1A): Rule one is simply don't drink. Rule two is to become an absolute sponge—listen, observe, and learn.Head vs. Heart: Mike admits he was the rare newcomer who walked into meetings taking furious notes out of sheer desperation. Glenn points out the trap many fall into: trying to make recovery an intellectual exercise in the head, when lasting change only takes root in the heart.It’s Going to Be Uncomfortable: Significant transformation does not happen in 28 days. Expect emotional turmoil, physical aches, weird sleep, and feeling completely out of your own skin. Just like the first 90 days at the gym, you have to surrender to the awkwardness and embrace the soreness knowing what you are building toward. As their friend Dr. John famously noted: AA is not a feel-good program; it is a get-well program.Essential Survival Tools for the First 90 Days90 Meetings in 90 Days: Immerse yourself fully in the environment. But avoid "sidewinder" attendance—don't just show up to check a box, sit with your camera off, or judge people. Show up early, participate, help with readings, stay after to chat, and actually engage.Find a Guide / Temporary Sponsor: If the formal word "sponsor" spooks you, just find a friend who has walked the path before you and can help you navigate the steps and room culture.Sanitize Your Environment: Get alcohol completely out of your living space. Ditch the drug dealer's number, stay out of bars, and steer clear of the people, places, and things tied to active addiction. If you hang around the barbershop long enough, you eventually get a haircut.Prioritize Rest & Mindfulness: Early sleep cycles are completely disrupted. Prioritize sleep and give your nervous system a chance to reset. Glenn highlights using guided meditations (such as Michelle's Sanctuary on YouTube) to silence late-night head noise.Fill the Time Void: Going from drinking 12 hours a day to nothing leaves massive empty hours. Fill that space intentionally: attend back-to-back meetings, grab pizza between sessions, or join sober sports leagues like AA bowling, pickleball, or golf.Halt Major Life Changes: Do not attempt to fix or rebuild your entire world in the first few weeks. Making major life upheavals early on is building a castle on a foundation of sand.Closing Perspective Celebrate every single milestone—one day, one week, thirty days, and ninety days are massive victories that provide 100% proof that you can get through today. Most importantly, a 90-day reset isn't reserved just for newcomers. Anyone slipping into old complacency or poor routines can commit to a fresh 90-day journey right now to realign their habits, health, and spiritual footing.

 In this can’t-miss episode, Mike and Glenn sit down for an open, personal conversation about stepping away for a sabbatical. They share the reasons behind the pause, what lies ahead, and why they’re planning to make this brief break count. Tune in for an honest look at hitting reset and what listeners can expect next. 

Here Are the Steps We TookSober.Coffee Podcast SummaryBig Bill returns to the Sober.Coffee shop for Part 2 with Mike and Glenn, serving as living proof that the program of Alcoholics Anonymous works. Early on, when fear of dying collided with the misery of living, Mike and Glenn needed to see that proof in someone else before they could believe it was possible for themselves. After swapping stories about past day-drinking chaos and creative rationalizations, Bill breaks down his exact blueprint for guiding another person through the Twelve Steps.The Blueprint for Working with OthersBill shares the sequential method he uses when taking a sponsee through the program:Share the Story: Bill begins by sharing his own story to build trust and identification.Read the Big Book: Sponsees are asked to read the first 164 pages of the Alcoholics Anonymous Big Book. Bill notes it can feel overwhelming at first, but urges newcomers to read it anyway.Step-by-Step Study: Together, they read through the Big Book and the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions (12 & 12), going through the steps in order.Weekly Cadence at the Sponsee's Pace: They meet once a week, intentionally working at the speed of the sponsee.The 3-Step Pause: Bill will guide anyone through the first three steps. At Step 3, he pauses and asks: "Do you want to keep going with me?" It is up to the sponsee to decide if Bill is the right person to take them the rest of the way, honoring the principle of attraction rather than promotion.The Sponsoring Paradox: The miracle of sponsorship is that the sponsor often grows more than the sponsee.Amends: The Cadence of Steps 8 & 9Bill emphasizes the importance of following the cadence of the steps without skipping ahead:Step 8 (The Willingness): Step 8 simply asks us to compile the list—specifically of people harmed, not merely those who were irritated or angered. Bill breaks the list into three categories: Now, Maybe, and Never.Step 9 (The Action): Amends take time and should be executed when the timing is right, with care never to cause additional harm. Bill tackles the hardest amends first. If direct amends are impossible, Bill suggests writing a letter, reviewing it with a sponsor, and letting it go.The Motive: Amends are selfless and humbling, not selfish. The goal is to make the amend regardless of how the other person responds, because unsettled amends leave us blocked from God.Finding What WorksWhen asked what to tell someone who insists AA doesn't work, Bill's answer is simple: AA is not the only path—if it doesn't work for you, find what does, because your life is worth it. If you ever need to return, the doors of AA remain open.Bill leaves listeners with a guiding truth: "I was a hopeless alcoholic. I took a few simple actions. I had a vital spiritual experience. I have not had a drink since. If you want what I have, I will show you what I did."

The MagicSober.coffee Podcast SummaryMike and Glenn welcome a very special guest to the Sober.Coffee shop: Big Bill, a foundational pillar in both of their sobriety journeys whose cornerstone is radical honesty. With 13 years of continuous sobriety, Bill sits down to share his long road to recovery, the wisdom gained along the way, and why true transformation requires real connection.The Long Road to SurrenderFrom 26 to 53: Bill first walked into the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous at age 26, but spent decades trying to do things his own way and chasing the illusion of "normal drinking". It wasn't until age 53 that he finally stayed.No Defense: Multiple stints in rehab proved that without a spiritual defense, he was powerless over the first drink. Through it all, the words of the early old-timers stuck with him: "We will always take you back".Shedding the Past: Growing up in an alcoholic home as the third son, Bill shouldered the burden of being the family peacemaker. AA enabled him to drop those ancient resentments and realize he had a great life growing up.Where the Magic Happens: Sponsorship & The StepsGet a Sponsor Before Leaving: Over 13 years, Bill has worked with one primary sponsor. His core message to newcomers: "Don't leave here without a sponsor".Walking the Path: Real change started when Bill took a full year to thoroughly work the Twelve Steps. A deeply rooted relationship with his sponsor paved the way for a freeing Fifth Step that finally lifted the weight of his secrets. As Bill notes: secrets will kill you until they are shared with God and another human being.The Wisdom of the Rooms: Moving from zero accountability to total accountability was tough, but desperation drove Bill to listen. His practical takeaway on behavior: quit doing things you have to apologize for, and you won’t have to apologize.Steps 6 & 7 and Finding SanityStep 6 is about letting go of our old life; Step 7 is about grabbing hold of the new one.Bill discovered that fixing the outside required healing from the inside out. Surrendering to a Higher Power was an absolute must to restore sanity and clear away the internal blocks.Bill leaves listeners with a vital takeaway: life is a boomerang. If you want to be forgiven, you have to learn how to forgive; if you want to be loved, you have to learn how to love. Throw the boomerang.

SOBER. COFFEE PODCAST | EPISODE SHOW NOTESEPISODE OVERVIEWIn this episode, Mike and Glenn dive into the concept of navigating life's unpredictable "storms" and the profound clarity that sobriety brings to daily life. They share personal reflections on the true rewards of recovery—like simple moments spent with family—which they agree are more rewarding than any million-dollar check. The core of today's conversation revolves around a recent viral social media post from their page about a well-known celebrity named Brad, who publicly decided to step off the sober path after seven years to try moderate drinking. Mike and Glenn break down their vastly different initial reactions to the news, exposing how the recovery brain operates differently for everyone and why you should never let a celebrity's path dictate your own program.KEY TAKEAWAYS & DISCUSSION POINTSNavigating the Storms: Glenn reflects on a metaphor about captaining a ship, noting that anyone can do it when the ship is docked, but the real test comes when the waves roll in. Sobriety allows them to handle life's daily grinds and unexpected waves with clarity.The "Don't Be Brad" Meme: The hosts discuss a viral meme they posted with the tagline: "The most dangerous drink is the one that you can convince yourself you can handle now." * Two Different Reactions to a Relapse:    - Mike's View: Felt deep disappointment and sorrow for Brad, viewing it as throwing away a hard-earned gift of clarity.    - Glenn's View: Admitted his "selfish" brain immediately wondered if Brad had figured out a secret way to drink moderately, proving that even after 11 years, the addiction brain can still play tricks.The Illusion of Moderate Drinking: Both hosts agree that for true alcoholics, "playing the tape" to remember the bad times is essential to counter the brain's tendency to only remember the good times. As Glenn notes, "Once you're a pickle, you can't turn back into a cucumber."* Their Final Advice:     - Work your own program, stick to your sponsor, and utilize your tools.     - Don't let an outside influence or a public figure's choices impact your commitment to recovery.MEMORABLE QUOTES"Agnybody can captain a ship when it's docked... the minute you go out and the minute those waves start to roll, that separates the real folks from the wannabes." – Glenn"I don't need a celebrity to tell me that people drink normally out there... I know how it ends for me. That's the problem." – Mike"Be Glenn. Don't be Brad. Be Mike." – Mike---RESOURCES & SUPPORTIf you or someone you know needs immediate help on the road to recovery, please reach out to the resources below:* Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) Hotline: 808-391-686* National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 802-773-8255 (or dial 988)* Email the Show: [email protected]* Official Website: http://sober.coffeeConnect with us on Social Media:* Instagram: @sober.coffeepodcast* Twitter/X: @sobercoffeepod

Title: Sobriety - Another Non-AA Path Episode OverviewAfter a quick shoutout to a new listener in Bangladesh, Mike and Glenn dive into a candid conversation about the diverse paths to recovery. While AA works miraculously for many, this episode highlights that it isn't the only way to get sober. They sit down with Dean Newcomb, a certified CCR recovery coach celebrating 18 years of sobriety, to discuss his unique, non-AA journey. Facing rural isolation and an unwelcoming initial meeting, Dean built his own customized program rooted in a direct, personal relationship with his higher power—bypassing the "middleman" of rigid religious expectations.  Key Highlights & TakeawaysReligion vs. Spirituality: The discussion breaks down the vital distinction between man-made religious rules (the "purple robe people") and cultivating a genuine relationship with a creator. Dean shares how finding God in nature, rather than a church basement, became the cornerstone of his early recovery.The Shift from Pain to Fulfillment: Early sobriety is often driven by the immediate need to avoid pain and consequences. However, as Glenn, Mike, and Dean all note, long-term recovery is sustained by a desire for more out of life. Sobriety isn't just about stopping the bad; it's about actively filling the void with family, education, and genuine experiences.Advice for the Newcomer: Dean outlines three actionable steps for anyone currently struggling:1.      Get Honest: Completely admit to yourself that you have lost control. 2.      Connect Higher: Begin building a relationship with your higher power.3.      Speak Up: Ask for help. Even if you can't get to a meeting, find just one person willing to listen to your story. Guest InformationDean is a certified CCR recovery coach and life coach specializing in helping people who need flexible recovery programs that fit into demanding lives. Listeners can connect with him and read his story on LinkedIn.  or at his website: