Quicky #40 The Universality of Sexual Anxieties (with Jeff Abraham)

Key Points:Introduction to Brian Sloan and AutoblowBrian Sloan introduces himself as the creator of the Autoblow brand of male pleasure products. He discusses how he got into this industry, starting with selling latex fetishwear and then realizing there was a need for better male toys. He has been working on developing the Autoblow and VacuGlide products for over 16 years.Passion for Male PleasureBrian explains that his initial interest in this industry was more of a business decision, but over time he developed a genuine passion for helping men find pleasure and addressing the imbalance in the pleasure products industry being more focused on women. He believes men have different needs and desires that were not being met.Autoblow and VacuGlide Product DetailsBrian provides an overview of the Autoblow AI Ultra and VacuGlide products, including how they work, their key features, and the different use cases and target customers for each product. He discusses how the VacuGlide in particular caters to men who may have difficulty achieving or maintaining erections.Online Communities and Customer FeedbackBrian discusses the online communities that have formed around the Autoblow products, including an active subreddit where customers provide feedback and suggestions. He explains how this feedback has been valuable in improving the products over time.Concerns About AI-Powered Toys Brian shares his personal concerns about the potential risks of AI-powered toys, particularly the VR integration, and how the immersive experience could become addictive for some users. He believes there needs to be more awareness and education around the potential downsides of this technology.Balancing Risks and Benefits of Tech Cam and Brian have a thoughtful discussion about balancing the potential benefits of tech, like helping disabled users or providing educational/training tools, with the risks of addiction or unhealthy reliance. They explore ideas around data privacy, transparency, and empowering users to make informed choices.Closing Thoughts Brian acknowledges the validity of Cam's concerns about the potential risks of AI-powered toys, and says the industry needs to recognize and address these issues, even if they don't change their core business practices. Cam expresses excitement to see if and how the industry evolves in response to these emerging challenges.Relevant Links:Brian's Website: https://www.vieci.com/

Key Points: Introductions and Zari's backgroundZari introduces himself as an artist, illustrator, and traveler who is currently exploring the topic of authentic connection and pleasure. He shares his passion for travel, authentic connections, and finding new ways to cultivate presence and embodied experiences.Challenges with modern connection and performance Zari discusses the issues he sees with modern connection and intimacy, including the pressure to perform, the influence of social media and media portrayals, and the tendency to get caught up in playing roles rather than being authentic. He emphasizes the importance of slowing down, being curious, and focusing on the embodied experience rather than external expectations.Unpacking body image and performance anxiety Cam shares his observations about the body image and performance anxiety issues he sees in many of the men he works with, including comparing themselves to idealized male physiques on social media and in media, as well as anxiety around size and performance. They discuss how these pressures and scripts can lead men to develop unhealthy habits and get stuck in their heads during intimate experiences.Suggestions for more playful, embodied intimacy Zari and Cam discuss practical ways to create more playful, embodied, and pressure-free intimate experiences, such as sensual touch and exploration games, writing down fantasies, and being creative and spontaneous in the moment when things don't go as planned. They emphasize the importance of communication, vulnerability, and a willingness to experiment and learn together.Zari's upcoming book "Play With Me" Zari shares details about his upcoming book "Play With Me", which will be a visually-rich, illustrated guide to intimate games and practices. He discusses his goal of creating a movement and community around this work, and invites Cam to support the Kickstarter campaign launching next week.Relevant Links: Zari's Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/zari.plays/Zari's Twitter: https://x.com/ZariPlays

Key Points:Defining love and its many facetsTriss and Cam discuss the concept of love, its various meanings and expressions, and how it can be experienced on emotional, physical, and spiritual levels. They explore the limitations of language in capturing the full essence of love, and the importance of acknowledging the diversity of love's manifestations.Navigating masculinity and gender normsCam shares his personal experiences and reflections on the societal narratives and prescriptive ideas around masculinity, and how they can create barriers for men to engage in self-love, intimacy, and vulnerability. They discuss the polarizing rhetoric from some masculinity influencers and the need to move beyond rigid definitions of what it means to be a "real man."Embodying love and connectionTriss explains his approach to facilitating workshops and retreats focused on cultivating self-love, interpersonal connection, and a deeper understanding of one's authentic self, beyond societal labels and expectations. He emphasizes the importance of engaging the whole being - mind, body, emotions, and spirit - in this transformative process.Navigating uncertainty and the liminal spaceCam shares his personal experience of feeling caught in a liminal space, where he doesn't fully identify with traditional labels like "heterosexual" or "queer," and the challenges and fears that can arise from this ambiguity. Triss offers insights on embracing the unknown, integrating shadows, and finding freedom in the space beyond rigid definitions.Closing thoughts and next stepsTriss shares his passion for working with men who are on the cusp of deeper self-discovery and a more expansive understanding of love, connection, and purpose. He invites Cam and the listeners to explore the resources and opportunities available to continue this important exploration and personal growth.Relevant links:Triss' website: https://trisstashi.com/

Key Points:Mish's background and book Mish introduces himself as a 60-something man who has shifted his health work from a focus on cancer to a broader focus on men's health and wellness. He has recently written a book about embracing and finding pleasure in a "soft " rather than fixating on erections.The need for a new perspective on maleMish explains that he was motivated to write the book because he realized there was a lack of resources and information available about enjoying intimacy and pleasure without a hard erection. Most existing resources focus on "fixing" erectile dysfunction rather than exploring alternative paths to fulfillment.The emotional and psychological journey Mish discusses the emotional and psychological challenges men face when their bodies don't perform as expected, including feelings of loss, shame, and withdrawal. He emphasizes the importance of grieving these changes and redefining one's relationship to pleasure and masculinity.Exploring the body and sensationsMish and Cam discuss practical strategies for exploring the body and sensations beyond just the genitals, including mapping pleasure across the body, slowing down, and being present to subtle energetic shifts and reverberations.Redefining intimacy and "completion" Mish shares insights on how he and his partner have redefined the end of intimacy, moving away from a focus on as the "finish line." They emphasize communication, presence, and exploring energetic connections as ways to find fulfillment and closure without relying on a hard erection.Closing thoughts and book availability Mish provides an overview of the book's title and content, and shares information on where readers can purchase the book, both online and through select brick-and-mortar retailers.Relevant Links:Mish’s Twitter: @RecoveringMan1Mish’s website: www.recoveringman.net

Key points:Toby's background and journey to coachingToby shares his background, including being an open intersex person, his diagnosis with Kleinfelter's syndrome, and his transition into the coaching and counseling space. He discusses how his own self-discovery and openness about his identity led him to want to support others in similar ways.Toby's philosophy on self-love and whole-person approachToby explains his holistic, "whole person" approach to coaching, emphasizing the importance of self-love, self-acceptance, and changing one's internal narrative as the foundation for growth and fulfillment. He uses the analogy of a pilot light to describe the importance of cultivating an intrinsic sense of self-love.Societal barriers to self-love and the impact on menToby and Cam discuss how Western capitalist society often encourages external validation and a lack of self-love, and how this can manifest in unhealthy behaviors, particularly for men. They explore the changing cultural narratives around masculinity and the need for men to embrace vulnerability and emotional intelligence.Practical steps for cultivating self-loveToby outlines specific practices he uses with clients to help them become aware of negative thought patterns, decouple their identity from those thoughts, and replace them with positive affirmations. He emphasizes the importance of daily practice and support during this process.The relationship between self-love and the bodyToby and Cam discuss the connection between self-love and body acceptance, noting how the relationship with one's physical self is a reflection of the internal landscape. They explore how self-love practices can help individuals develop a more positive, pleasure-focused relationship with their bodies.Recap and next stepsToby summarizes the key points of their discussion, emphasizing that self-love is the foundation that allows other self-care and self-loving activities to be truly nourishing and impactful. He expresses excitement about continuing his coaching work and supporting more people in reaching their potential.Relevant links: https://whole-person-relationships.com/

Key points:Victoria's background and passionVictoria Cullen runs an online resource called "A Touchy Subject" that helps men who have had prostate cancer treatment to thrive. She is passionate about supporting men's mental health and wellbeing, as the suicide rate for men with prostate cancer is 70% higher than the general male population.Challenges men face after prostate cancer treatmentMen often struggle with the side effects of prostate cancer treatment, such as incontinence, erectile dysfunction, and penile shortening. This can lead to feelings of hopelessness and a sense of their quality of life being permanently diminished, which negatively impacts their mental health.Limitations of a narrow medical approachThe medical approach to treating erectile dysfunction often focuses narrowly on prescribing medications like , without considering the psychological, emotional, and relational aspects of male . This can leave men feeling broken and unsupported.Educating and empowering menVictoria's approach involves a comprehensive rehabilitation program that starts with education, then explores a variety of strategies and tools, such as vacuum devices, pelvic floor exercises, and pleasure-focused techniques. The goal is to help men regain a sense of agency and control over their health.Incorporating partners and eroticizing the processVictoria encourages men to involve their partners in the rehabilitation process, and to find ways to eroticize the use of devices and tools. This helps reduce shame and reframe the experience as an opportunity for playful discovery and intimacy.Recap and resourcesVictoria summarizes the key points of the discussion and encourages listeners to reach out to her if they have any questions or need support. She also mentions some additional resources, such as expert webinars and a private membership community.Relevant links:Victoria's website: https://atouchysubject.com/

Key points:Aasha's background and passionsAasha introduced herself as a certified emotional intelligence expert, shamanic practitioner, hypnotherapist, and CEO of a tech startup. She is passionate about helping people ignite their souls and authenticity, and stop hiding who they are. Aasha shared her personal journey of overcoming health challenges and trauma to find self-acceptance and empowerment.Emotional resilience and leadershipAasha discussed her approach to emotional resilience, emphasizing the importance of feeling emotions deeply without abandoning one's post as a leader. She shared insights from losing her home in the Pacific Palisades fire, and how it taught her the difference between "strong" and "resilient" leadership. Aasha believes resilience involves empathy, self-empathy, and transmuting emotions into personal power.Privilege, shame, and receivingCam and Aasha explored the nuances of emotional resilience and how access to resources and support can impact one's ability to process grief and loss. They discussed the tendency for people, especially those with privilege, to feel guilty or ashamed for struggling emotionally. Aasha and Cam agreed that the ability to receive - whether feedback, love, or pleasure - is a universal challenge that both men and women face.Feminine leadership and embodimentAasha described her experience of embodying a more feminine style of leadership after losing her home a second time. This involved being more authentic, vulnerable, and empathetic in her approach, while still maintaining a strong sense of purpose and authority. Aasha believes this blend of feminine and masculine energy is essential for effective and resilient leadership.Closing thoughts and resourcesAasha shared information about how to connect with her on social media and access her work, which focuses on topics like feminine embodiment, emotional intelligence, and self-worth. She emphasized the importance of embracing one's authentic expression and magnetizing what one desires, while also having fun and not hiding.Relevant links:Aasha's website: https://beyondeqinternational.com/

Key Points:Johnny Cole's background and passion for men's work Johnny Cole shares his personal story and explains how his father's traumatic military experiences and rigid views on masculinity deeply impacted his own upbringing and understanding of manhood. This led him to discover the field of men's work and start his organization Hey Brother Co. to help men and boys unlearn harmful patriarchal messaging and redefine masculinity on their own terms.The power of vulnerability and emotional leadershipCam shares his own experiences with rigid masculinity norms growing up, and how he has seen the transformative impact of adult men modeling vulnerability and emotional openness, especially in working with young people. Johnny emphasizes the importance of men being brave enough to have uncomfortable but necessary conversations to drive positive change.Deconstructing the "man box" and challenging gender norms Johnny and Cam discuss the concept of the "man box" - the rigid societal expectations and pressures around masculinity that stifle boys and men. They share examples of how they've seen young people have powerful realizations about how these norms have impacted them and their relationships.The role of sports and media in shaping masculinity Cam notes how sports have often provided a socially acceptable outlet for young men to express intimacy and emotion. They also discuss how media portrayals of relationships and can give young people skewed and unhealthy messages about masculinity and intimacy.The importance of platonic male intimacy and affection Johnny emphasizes the devastating impact of boys being discouraged from physical affection and emotional vulnerability from a young age. He argues this leads many men to conflate all intimacy with , contributing to issues like erectile dysfunction and unhealthy relationships.Embracing boyhood and avoiding the rush to manhood Johnny passionately argues against the tendency to vilify boyhood and pressure boys to rapidly transition into a rigid, prescriptive version of manhood. He believes this contributes to many social issues, and advocates for allowing boys to simply be boys without shame or judgment.Relevant Links:Johnny Cole's website: https://www.heybrotherco.com/

Key Points:Exploring identity and authenticity Ann and Cam discuss the importance of understanding and embracing one's authentic identity, whether related to gender, , spirituality, or other aspects of the self. They emphasize the need to move beyond prescriptive societal norms and labels, and instead focus on self-discovery and self-acceptance.Unpacking religious trauma and shameAnn explains her work helping clients who have experienced religious trauma, particularly from high-control religious groups. She discusses how this can lead to anxiety, depression, and shame around and relationships. Cam shares his own experiences with Buddhist monasticism and the control and shame he witnessed.Navigating masculinity and gender expression Cam and Ann explore the complexities of masculinity, including societal pressures and expectations. They discuss the importance of allowing men to define masculinity for themselves, rather than prescribing a singular version. They also address the stigma and fear around exploring different aspects of gender and .Challenging assumptions and biases Ann and Cam emphasize the need to examine one's own assumptions and biases, particularly around identity, , and spirituality. They encourage listeners to approach these topics with curiosity, empathy, and a willingness to learn and grow, rather than judgment or defensiveness.Closing and resources Ann provides information about her therapy practice and upcoming book, and invites listeners to reach out if they would like to continue the conversation. Cam and Ann emphasize the importance of seeking support from professionals who specialize in these areas.Relevant links: Ann Russo's website: https://www.amrtherapy.com/about-us/#about-us

Key Points:Introductions and PassionsCam asks Justin to introduce himself, share what he does, and discuss his passions. Justin describes his journey of shedding societal programming to embrace radical authenticity, including his work as a certified nutritional therapist and influencer. He is passionate about human biology, communication, healing trauma through intimacy, and exploring the limits of human potential.Letting Go of Societal Narratives Justin shares how he had to let go of the societal narrative that being an exceptional musician would lead to love and validation. He describes his 15-year music career, which left him feeling empty and disconnected, leading him to seek therapy and unpack his lack of true intimacy.Reclaiming Authentic Self After leaving the music industry, Justin embarked on a journey of self-discovery to figure out who he truly is beyond the performer persona. This involved stripping away external validation and reconnecting with his passions like martial arts and fitness, but without the need to prove himself.Emotional Expression and Vulnerability Justin discusses his current approach to music and martial arts, focusing on doing them for the joy and experience rather than external validation. He emphasizes the importance of being able to express emotions without judgment or the need to perform.Masculine vs. Feminine Energy Cam and Justin explore the concepts of "king" and "prince" energy, with the king being secure in himself and able to vulnerably express emotions, while the prince seeks external validation. They discuss strategies for men to lean into emotional expression and self-care.Navigating Conflict and RelationshipsJustin and Cam discuss how even those in a "king" state can still slip back into "prince" behaviors, especially during times of stress. They emphasize the importance of quick apologies, taking responsibility, and creating safety and unconditional love in relationships.Unconditional Love vs. Commitment Justin emphasizes that unconditional love does not mean unconditional commitment. He advises that people should be willing to walk away from relationships that are not safe or serving them, while still holding love and compassion for those individuals.Relevant Links:IG: https://www.instagram.com/justinnaultofficial