10 Things Men Have To Stop Doing

Talking points: neurology, biology, trauma, mindset This was one of the most informative episodes I've ever recorded. As expected of Mastin Kipp, an old friend and incredible coach. We covered everything nervous system—and how there may be what you might call a "unified theory of trauma". Wildly grateful for this one! Note: we had some audio trouble for the first bit, but it cleans up after minute 12! (00:00:00) - Intro, and the fragmentation problem in therapy and coaching (00:08:47) - Mastin’s take on trauma, and the role of the nervous system (00:29:44) - Do men relate, store, and deal with trauma differently? (00:37:11) - Where do you as a man begin working with trauma—and where you don’t (00:49:13) - What if you’re worried it’ll mess with your productivity/relationship/abilities? (00:56:11) - How to simply improve your baseline wellbeing Mastin Kipp, life coach, entrepreneur, author and self-taught expert on the human mind who bridges the gap between therapy, coaching, and personal development. With over two decades of experience, he combines psychological research, neuroscience, evidence-backed concepts and practical tools to guide individuals in unlocking their full potential to live a life with passion and purpose. Through his international personal development company, Functional Life Coaching, Mastin has impacted over two million people in 100+ countries with his writing, online courses, seminars, and retreats. Connect with Matt -New Book: Reclaim Your Nervous System: https://www.amazon.com/Reclaim-Your-Nervous-System-Post-Traumatic/dp/1401979157 -Website: https://mastinkipp.com/ -Functional Life Coaching: https://mastinkipp.com/what-is-functional-life-coaching/ -Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/mastinkipp/ -Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/mastinkipp/ -YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/mastinkipp *** This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a shot; it could be what changes everything. Visit https://betterhelp.com/mantalks to get 10% off your first month. Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/ Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance.  Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google  Podcasts | Spotify For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Talking points: fatherhood, mindset, perfectionism To many of you, I'm still pretty new to the dad game, but it's honestly boggled my mind how much being one has changed my life and perspective on things. These are just a few of the things I've learned—or you could say my son has taught me. 00:00:00) - Intro, and number one: masculinity is modeled (00:07:51) - “I would die for my kids, but I won’t live my life for them” (00:10:21) - Your anger as a man is necessary. Your aggression is not. (00:13:48) - Structure and limitation actually give you freedom (00:16:27) - The aim is not perfection, the aim is progress *** This episode was brought to you by Mando. Control Body Odor ANYWHERE with @shop.mando and get $5 off your Starter Pack (that’s over 40% off) with promo code MANTALKS. Head to https://shopmando.com #mandopod Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/ Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance.  Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google  Podcasts | Spotify For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Talking points: transitioning, parents, resistance Sometimes in life, we feel stuck, and that can happen even after you've done "the work" and developed a deeper understanding of how your past shaped your present. My anon guest this week (like many of us) has trouble feeling feelings. Together, we dig a little into where that comes from and why. (00:00:00) - Intro and what it was like growing up (00:09:23) - “It’s hard for me to feel the hurt” (00:14:21) - What transitioning was like, and how we can honor both our parents and ourselves (00:23:55) - Connecting with grief (00:32:25) - It’s sometimes more about claiming what it was we wanted *** This episode was brought to you by Cuts Clothing. Embrace the summer state of mind. Head to https://www.cutsclothing.com and use promo code MANTALKS to get 20% off your order. This episode was also brought to you by BetterHelp. If you're thinking of talking to someone, I encourage you to give it a try. Visit https://betterhelp.com/mantalks and you'll get 10% off your first month. Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/ Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance.  Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Talking points: truth, social media, relationships, men, culture Phew! Mark and I covered about a million things this episode, but that's what happens when you've been friends for over a decade. There's an overarching theme though: getting caught up in narratives, and how that actually fractures our ability to stay relational and kind to people. Dig in for this very wide-ranging conversation. Editor's note: while Adderall (dextroamphetamine) has some molecular similarity with methamphetamine, they are not the same. The attached methyl group—the "meth" part—lets the compound cross the blood-brain barrier very easily, last longer, and amps up how addictive it is. The "dextro" means the compound is arranged in a specific way so much lower doses can be used. (00:00:00) - Why men a seen as the problem in our current society, and how social media plays into that narrative (00:14:42) - Balancing our perception of what men and women each bring to the table (00:27:59) - How Mark approaches charged topics and binary thinking (00:43:07) - Dehumanizing is easier thanks to social media, and how to stay relational (00:58:06) - Acknowledging complexity, and intersubjective reality Mark Groves is the founder of Create The Love. His own rock bottom – a relationship ending – sparked his lifelong journey to turn his mess into his message. Today, Mark is a human connection specialist, speaker, writer, motivator, creator, connector and collaborator. All. The. Things. As a bridge between the academic and the human, Mark invites people to explore the good, bad, downright ugly, and beautiful sides of connection. Connect with Mark -New book: Liberated Love: https://markgroves.com/elementor-landing-page-1696/ -Website: https://markgroves.com/ -Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/createthelove/ *** This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Become your own soulmate, whether you’re looking for one or not. Visit BetterHelp.com/ManTalks today to get 10% off your first month. Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/ Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance.  Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Talking points: mindset, social media, sex Out of everything I've done, this is one of the simplest and most effective. To be clear, it's not about going abstinence-only or becoming a prude. It's about freeing mental bandwidth and take, taking ownership of my desires, and creating direction in my life. Dig in. (00:00:00) - Intro, and why this isn’t about being a prude (00:02:14) - The DBC: Digital Brain Cleanse. Step one, content (00:06:17) - Step two: contacts (00:08:06) - Last step: consciousness *** Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/ Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance.  Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Talking points: trauma This was an honor. The word trauma gets thrown around a lot these days, so it's important to get back to basics and really sink into what's going on and why. After all, this is humanity we're talking about, and we're nothing if not complex. Peter is a legend in therapy circles for his groundbreaking work in somatic education and trauma work, so we dug into many of the different (and unusual) things something like trauma brings to the table. Both Peter and I encourage you to listen WITH someone! (00:00:00) - Peter’s definition of trauma and how it affects the body (00:07:27) - Peter demonstrates a somatic exercise to help release trauma (00:13:14) - Do men and women experience and handle trauma differently? (00:21:40) - On how trauma needs witnessing to heal, and Peter’s experience with active imagination  (00:34:14) - Navigating the almost mystical side of healing (00:39:45) - Why the tiger? (00:43:27) - How can men work in a healthy way with anger, and how betrayal can impact how someone expresses themselves (00:49:08) - The main tool to help process trauma Peter A Levine, Ph.D., is the developer of Somatic Experiencing®, a naturalistic and neurobiological approach to healing trauma, which he has developed over the past 50 years. He holds a doctorate in Biophysics from UC Berkeley and a doctorate in Psychology from International University. He is the Founder and President of the Ergos Institute for Somatic Education, dedicated to Community Outreach and Post-Advanced Somatic Experiencing® Training, and the Founder and Advisor for Somatic Experiencing International. He has taught at the University of California, Berkeley; Mills College; Antioch University; the California Institute of Integral Studies; and the Santa Barbara Graduate Institute. His work has been taught to over 30,000 therapists in over 42 countries. Dr. Levine is the author of several best-selling books on trauma, including Waking the Tiger, Healing Trauma (published in over 29 languages); In an Unspoken Voice, How the Body Releases Trauma and Restores Goodness; and Trauma and Memory, Brain and Body in a Search for the Living Past. Connect with Peter -Website: https://www.somaticexperiencing.com/ -New book: An Autobiography of Trauma: https://books.innertraditions.com/autobiography-of-trauma/ -Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drpeteralevine/ -Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/peteralevinephd/ *** This episode is brought to you by Henson Shaving. Genuinely love these guys and their product because they've made my shaving experience actually enjoyable! Go to https://hensonshaving.com/mantalks to get two years worth of free blades with your new razor. Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/ Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance.  Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Talking points: mindset, relationships, sex, culture Mildly spicy title, serious thoughts within. All joking aside, there are a number of things that most of us men do that undercut or diminish our sense of inner leadership, authority, and trust. These are the top 10 that I've seen in my work and in myself. (00:00:00) - Intro (00:02:28) - Stop making excuses for not working out regularly, and stop giving women free attention on social media (00:09:46) - Stop comparing yourself to other men (00:15:41) - Cut back on time wasters, or let go completely (00:19:07) - Learn how to stop pursuing short-term gratification, and kill the lottery mindset (00:24:17) - Stop believing you’re fundamentally broken (00:29:38) - Stop thinking you need to do it alone, and stop thinking that peace comes after some monumental achievement *** This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Become your own soulmate, whether you’re looking for one or not. Visit BetterHelp.com/ManTalks today to get 10% off your first month. Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/ Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance.  Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Talking points: relationships, sex I've worked with a LOT of men and a TON of couples in relationships, situation-ships, and what have you. When it comes to what YOU as a man can do to craft a thriving partnership, there are 3 sort of "rules" that have come up again and again. They're also what changed the game for me and led to the wildly wonderful marriage I have now. Listen in. (00:00:00) - Intro and rule #1: stop worshipping sex (00:05:24) - Develop the self-esteem and willingness to walk away (00:09:08) - Get into the right place in your life, THEN find a woman *** Men, the next Men's Weekend is VERY soon. Join us in California for a transformative journey of reclamation. Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/ Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance.  Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Talking point: relationships, communication, boundaries I am so honored to be talking to Nedra this week, whose work and words have helped untold numbers of people. Her work on boundaries balances firmness with kindness in a way that I find inspiring. If you're wondering how to be more assertive and have deeper communication in all your relationships, this is gonna be your episode. (00:00:00) - Intro and how closeness is measured by depth (00:09:39) - Emotional followthrough is critical (00:14:48) - How to invite others into deeper conversations and how men get trapped in problem-solving mode in relationships (00:27:31) - Do men and women approach boundaries differently? (00:33:41) - Nedra’s take on what men miss with women in communication (00:45:56) - How much does our family system impact our ability to have boundaries? (00:50:11) - Nedra’s thoughts on the future of therapy, and what’s going to be necessary Nedra Glover Tawwab, MSW, LCSW, is the author of bestsellers Drama Free and Set Boundaries, Find Peace, licensed therapist, and sought-after relationship expert. She has practiced relationship therapy for 15 years and is the founder and owner of the group therapy practice, Kaleidoscope Counseling. Every day, she helps people create healthy relationships by teaching them how to implement boundaries. Her philosophy is that a lack of boundaries and assertiveness underlie most relationship issues, and her gift is helping people create healthy relationships with themselves and others.  Nedra earned her undergraduate and graduate degrees from Wayne State University in Detroit, MI. She has additional certifications in working with families and couples and in perinatal mood and anxiety disorders, plus advanced training for counseling adults who've experienced childhood emotional neglect.  Nedra has appeared as an expert on Red Table Talk, The Breakfast Club, Good Morning America, and CBS Morning Show, to name a few. Her work has been highlighted in The New York Times, The Guardian, and Vice, and has appeared on numerous podcasts, including The School of Greatness, We Can Do Hard Things, and Ten Percent Happier. She hosts the podcast You Need to Hear This, and shares practices and reflections for mental health on her popular Instagram account. Nedra currently resides in Charlotte, North Carolina with her family. Connect with Nedra -Website: https://www.nedratawwab.com/ -Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/nedratawwab/ -Podcast: https://www.nedratawwab.com/nedra-podcast *** Men, the next Men's Weekend is VERY soon. Join us in California for a transformative journey of reclamation. Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/ Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance.  Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Talking points: social media, masculinity, culture, the manosphere You know the type. The conflict-focused, disrespectful bastions of non-matured masculinity. All loudly promising—if only you follow their framework—the secret to making millions and having your own harem. I get a lot of asks to weigh on this. Specifically, what makes these guys so popular. Here are my thoughts. (00:00:00) - Intro and what I grew up with (00:03:39) - The feeling of virility and reckless certainty is understandable, but it has a cost. (00:07:49) - If I were 19, I’d get the appeal (00:10:05) - Men with actual status aren’t out there selling you status, and the formula these guys use (00:14:55) - We need to pull back and ask who we’re actually listening to (00:17:54) - It’s hard to find real elders; harder to listen *** Men, the next Men's Weekend is VERY soon. Join us in California for a transformative journey of reclamation. Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/ Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance.  Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices