Fight or Flight

Chances are you've heard someone ask this question or maybe you have asked it yourself.  For some, dating, much less finding the one is a frustrating and ultimately defeating experience leading to a sense of hopelessness. There are many reasons we don't connect.  In this episode Alvean and Doug talk about the ways in which we can get in our own way by setting unrealistic expectations, looking in the wrong places, or failing to invest sufficient effort in learning about a potential mate.  For a full transcript, click here: LL52-Are there any good men or women out there?

No one ever wants to think about it and no matter how gently and thoughtfully it is done, it is almost always very hurtful.  In this episode, Alvean and Doug take up the issue with some helpful thoughts on how best to handle a breakup whether you are initiating or the recipient.  They offer some suggestions on how to help avoid anger and recrimination and equally important, how to help one's soon to be ex to maintain their dignity and emotional health in the face of a painful experience. For a full transcript, click here: LL51-Breaking Up

For most couples the arrival of their first child is both a blessing and long dreamed of moment.  But it can also be challenging for both parents.  Demands on time and patience, fears about preparedness, added financial burdens, and potential disagreements about parenting are just a few of the bumps in the road new parents can encounter.  In this episode, Alvean and Doug talk about the practical and emotional challenges and offer some thoughts on how to navigate baby's arrival. For a full transcript, click here: LL50-And Baby Makes Three

Satisfying relationships can be challenged by many external factors, not least among these family and friends who feel it is appropriate to weigh in on a couple's privacy and insert themselves into the mix--often to the detriment of the relationship.  We call these circumstances toxic --as they can poison an otherwise positive relationship or inflate minor differences to the point they become destructive.  In this episode Alvean and Doug talk about how to identify toxic behavior and what to do when faced with prospective influencers--however well intentioned that might lead to a break up, or divorce. For more and a full transcript, click here: LL49 -Toxic Families

Some may see them as May December romances, others find significant age differences in relationships a bit cringy.  But the real question is does age truly matter?  In this episode Alvean and Doug take on this sometime thorny subject with their usual fresh insights and real world examples.  For a full transcript click here: LL48-Does Age Matter?

Friends and family can be part of a wonderful network of love and support, but there is one thing couples should never do, and that is to involve eaither into their lives as armchair therapists or relationship counselors. Despite what they may say or do, family and friends have conscious and unconscious biases, they are untrained and almost always will make matters worse rather than better.  To find out why, listen to Alvean and Doug discuss the merits.  For a full transcript, click here: LL-46 Friends and Family as Counselors

Love can be conditional or unconditional we are told and of the two most people yearn for unconditional love.  But is that ever truly the case?  Can we ever be loved just the way we are or are we destined to find that our significant other wants to change us--just a little bit? In this episode, Alvean and Doug talk about how couples support each other or fail to meet each other's needs through their interactions.  For a full transcript, click here: LL45-I love you Just the Way You Are

At some point in life most of us ask ourselves the existential question, why are we here--what is our purpose in life?  In this episode, Alvean and Doug talking about the journey --how individuals alone and together can begin to explore answers to that question. Often it can lead to a deepning commitment to one another and to a richer and more fulfilling life.  For a complete transcript, click here: LL44-Finding Purpose

Tyhe first blush of a new relationship can be hot and heavy, full of chemistry and passion.  But as time goes by and things fall into a routine couples might find themselves asking, "is that all there is?'  In this episode, Alvean and Doug discuss how to handle a perceived change in the emotional climate and restore the balance that brought a couple together in the first place.  For a full transcript of the episode, click here: LL43-Is That All There Is?

When troubles arise in a relationship it can sometimes result in the triggering of a fight or flight response.  In this episode, Alvean and Doug talk about those responses and how to avoid them. For a full transcript, click here: LL42-Fight or Flight