Greetings! The Greeting Card Podcast

Squawking and Balking at you good-for-nothings all the way from Beef Tallow (Hallow), Michigan, where Jessica Stimps holds the Tallow Tiara high and the Beef Tallow Tambourines make light the burden of existence! Join Bobby, Dan, and True American Idiot Dusty White as they watch the moon glow and the sun show on such topics as The Balkanization of Western PA, giving credit to borrowed jokes (stealing) and Lea Thompson's somewhat unfortunate 80's roles involving time travelers and also ducks! Later, the lads rate and review a libel-palooza of cards that's more stress inducing than jumping Annulment River Canyon! Listen on that commute you can't stop talking about!  Also, we mentioned Jeff Jakob's newest album "The Milk Barn Sessions", and you'd be a Lord & Taylor of a  fool to not check it out on Spotify, Apple Music, and wherever good streaming music is heard!

Here's an idea: Bobby, Dan, and returning guest/friend of the pod/ co-host of Take Us to the Pilot, JJ Focaraccio, embark to see a recut of the 1979 Tinto Brass erotic historical drama, Caligula, titled Caligula: The Ultimate Cut (2023). Imagine our high hopes and anticipations. Imagine those being dashed, and replaced with all types of bad stuff. Imagine that we couldn't be bothered with the frivolity of cards for one week, and we all had to sit down and talk through the flesh-filled fright of a film that we had all seen, together.   Stop imagining. No seriously, your eyes are not completely closed and they're doing that darting-around thing. Why do you do that? Why are you like this?   Enjoy us trying to cope with having seen this film and also having paid for it! Bonus points if you tell us how many times we said "Lawnmower Wall", cuz it felt like a bunch!

Don't throw the baby out with the yogurt water, because this episode promises a well-maintained culture that you have to digest slowly to believe! Join Bobby, Dan, and everyone down at Uncle Termite's Card Barn as they make do with what they have, which includes Tub Parts, Twister vs. Predator, and sexy negative comments! Later, the lads rate and review a multi-dimensional card that reminds us that UFOs (Unidentified Flower Objects) are out there, and it's mostly our ignorance regarding flowers that make them that. Special shout out to the Jersey City Pelicans With Knives in Their Mouths! Flavor Up, Chumps!

Bobby's got a lot of zingers to go through on both his Cameo and OnlyHate request pile (and most of them involve Napoleon's Continental System), so let's blow through this once-again-long-winded episode description, shall we? Join Bobby, Dan, and Sylvia Plath, Patron Saint of Cleveland, as they wind down the hot summer nights with such topics as Cleveland.com, the death of the JustWink App, and The Wagon Leech! Later, the lads rate and review a bunch of stuff, some digital, some analogue, its very slurpee-focussed and they veer off a bit to disagree about "Unfrosted". And something hilarious happens in the Zoom chat. That's about all the leg work this episode description will do for you, I got kids at the Samantha from Sex and The City Boba Fett Pig Camp to forget to pick up.

There's nothing particularly steamy about this episode, but boy do we not stop alluding to the potential innuendos! Join Bobby, Dan, and special guest Mike Molinari as they hem and haw on throat-singing to newborns, aunt werewolves, and "juicy sentences". Later, the lads rate and review a tactile puppet card that may just be the the literary connection between John Steinbeck and Fern Gully! Does that make any sense? The heck do you care? Since when did you all of a sudden become the "this has gotta make sense" police?? Remember, most stuff is trash!

From your Lips to Rover Cleveland's Mouth! Join resident paleontologist Bobby, resident Ursonologist Dan, and Bobby Anxiety (a third person, promise!) as they tear up the high seas talking about regional pronunciation troubles, bloodletting children at barbershops,  and the Blubbosphere! Later, the lads rate and review the Bobby/Maddie Greeting Card Onion of Chaos! Let's unpack their love story, in cards! Together! But you just listen, okay?!

It's been 10 whole freakin' cards, and while Bobby and Dan are in sunny Maiorca, trying to patch up the ragged quilt that is their professional relationship with bubbly wine and even bubblier fish, the therapist did say that a return to the ole' Greeting Card Bazaar wouldn't hurt! May even help! So invite yourself a daughter-Mamet and join the lads as they discuss the writing closet, Hunk Fortuna, and toilets full of ambrosia! If that doesn't scare you off, then surely you can stick around for them to rank the past 10 cards for an hour! With any luck, we'll have GreetsGiving VII in less than 6 months (no promises)!  

Happy Mother's Day in July! What really ages this episode is us talking about Red Lobster like those are still a thing!  Join Bobby, Dan, and Cheerleader Morgue heartthrob Kelp Cunnigan as they hack away at the humidity with more tree holidays, fast food slogans, and woke pemmican! Later, these lads rate and review a card that does nothing to clarify relationships with parents and what we inherit from them, and instead is fodder for the puns you ding-dongs all know and tolerate!  Try Bobby's Toast: Deep As Night, Crunchy as all Hell.

Cast your Stained Armstrongs to the wind, because we got a medium-height 5-pack of Mica-Lobe Ultras and also probably a card to to beat this early summer heat, whether yourt a country mouse or a suburb gerbil!  Join Bobby, Dan, and the demon Joesixpack as they keep cool with such topis as free stuff on the street, medicine to share, and the concept of owning those items that require spit collectors. Later, the lads rate and review a card that may help with the philosophical quandries relating to time, but it sure wont help with getting to sleep! Your favorite wrestler might be a panda!  

We're whispering our way to victory, and not dying!  Join Bobby, Dan, and secret 3rd mic Dev Brindle (nee Brangle) as we become true heroes in a half shell over topics like: songs that will save us from Last of Us Monsters, PG Live 2024 (and our lack of invitation to it), and a tall glass of whiskey tequila on the rocks. Later, the lads rate and review a card that all at once is balm and irritant to our wounds, maybe the same wound, maybe different. What are we, our wounds' keepers now?  Some Boxes Shouldn't be Opened!