Good Grief

Audrey is a fictional character who resembles her author, Gail Marlene Schwartz. They both suffer from anxiety. They have both lost friends to suicide when they were young. And they are both queer women constructing the families they dream of, with the nuanced questions that implies. In writing the book, what did Gail rely on from her own experience? Did writing it contribute to a better understanding of herself? And what does she hope readers will learn from the story?

When the unimaginable happens, each of us enters our own grief language, unique to our deepest selves. When Mike Bernhardt's wife died in 1991, poetry (both writing and reading it) connected him to his own pain and, over time, healing. As time went forward, he wanted to share the gift of poetry with other grievers and began collecting poems that spoke to him, resulting in a compilation; Voices of the Heart. 30 years later, during COVID, Mike is re-releasing the collection, adding poetry that illuminates his evolution since and also speaks to the tremendous level of grief going on as a result of the pandemic.

Grief touches us at the outer reaches of our experience, challenging us to respond to new and unfamiliar terrain in our own souls. Finding rituals and pathways to carry us through the mysterious territory of loss encourages new ways to look at life and at ourselves. When we encounter a seasoned guide to walk with us through the unfamiliar terrain, grief can become a journey full of meaning. Francis Weller is such a guide, gently encouraging us towards new territory and integrating many Western and Indigenous traditions to help along the way. What supports us as grievers? What matters to us? What are the many ways to walk this road? And what is awaiting us when we have made room for this deepest of human experiences? These questions are the work of a lifetime. Join us to explore, to discover and to ask what we can do to love ourselves through loss.

In this episode we turn the tables to talk about Good Grief host Cheryl Espinosa-Jones and her novel, An Ocean Between Them. The story is about a mother and her lesbian daughter estranged and alienated. It is also a story of deep redemption and transformation, as they work together to repair what has been broken. Dawn Gross, radio host of Dying to Talk and palliative care physician at UCSF, will turn the tables on Cheryl and explore how the book came to be written, what matters most to Cheryl in telling the story and what in Cheryl's life led her to this latest creative work. Because the book also touches on the impact of being an LGBTQ+ person on the experience of illness and end of life, we'll be talking about these too. What is different about facing illness when you are also marginalized? How can the effect of oppression be minimized?

Running from death was a big part of Sue William Silverman's response to early adulthood. Over time, she began to see that running from death was also about running from those things in her life that she didn't know how to cope with; fearful and traumatic events. Over item, Sue would unravel those fears and face up to what she came to realize she could not escape. How did she find her way? And what has resulted from making the trip? Sue has written a compelling book about what scared her, why, and how she began to face up to it all. In a world where we all have reason to fear and cause to run, talking about how to live with these uncertainties is something we all need!

Religions like Jehovah's Witness promise their followers certainty and safety. Leaders demand obedience to proscribed standards of behavior, beliefs and practices. But what happens when a follower begins to doubt? For Amber Scorah, leaving the Witness meant giving up everyone and everything in her life. On top of this severing of every tie, she would have to live with uncertainty in a way she never had before. Growing up in the culture, which she now saw as a cult, brought what she thought of as happiness. Now she would choose becoming who she felt she really was but not know what was true about God. And when the worst loss she could imagine came next, she would have to navigate grief without any certainty at all.

As human beings, we wonder what awaits us after this life is over. When death has come to those near us, the question often becomes compelling! In her quest to understand the many ways people think about what comes next, Claire Bidwell Smith investigated and wrote about various beliefs and practices about the time after death. How do each of us imagine or believe it to be? How does this connect or disconnect us from those we love after their deaths? What can we gain by asking these questions and investigating our ideas about death for ourselves? Coming after Claire's first book, Rules of Inheritance, about the deaths of her parents when she was 18 and 24, After This: When Life is Over Where Do We Go? continues her deep reflection on the meanings we give to life, to grief and to death.

For sixty years, Rachel Naomi Remen has lived with a diagnosis, Crohn's disease, that was considered universally terminal when she was first diagnosed. How did that affect her life? She became a physician who worked with terminal illness, a New York Times bestselling author and a fierce advocate for compassionate medicine. She founded the Institute for the Study of Health and Illness (ISHI) at Commonweal and is also co-founder of the Commonweal Cancer Help Program. She worked with thousands of patients and trained many doctors in healing care. Join us as we talk about her own story and the stories of those she has worked with over many decades. We are all sure to be inspired.

Meghan Riordan Jarvis was a therapist specializing in grief and trauma. So maybe she and her highly trained friends and colleagues recognized just a little sooner that she was in trouble. After the loss of her father then her mother, she developed severe PTSD that required in-patient care. How does a therapist navigate her own extreme trauma? What does the experience teach her about supporting other people in the same situation? And how does it change her life and perspective? Join us as explore the science and human experience of trauma- and the lessons we sometimes find at the end.

Roshni Kavate and Rebecca Servoss noticed in their own grieving the lack of services to support grief, especially for people across all identities. They committed to creating a new paradigm for grief support, built on hope, joy, and the strength of the human spirit. Their organization, Marigolde, they sought to support grieving boldly, loving tenderly, and celebrating the blooming, visceral transformation that unfolds in grieving people. As two nurses trained in offering support and committed to inclusion in all their rituals, practices and writings, they are creating a vision of Revolutionary Grief Wellness!