Dances with Scorpions

This week’s episode is about the things we can protect our children against and the things we cannot. I want to tell you that I cried more in this episode than any other, there was nothing I could do about it, and I think that’s appropriate so I left it in. Our new rescue dog Rufus was in the room with me because he was not okay with any other scenario. You will hear him tearing around in the background for the first two minutes providing a little bit of needed joy and the good kind of mayhem - instead of the kind we’re dealing with every day in this country. He does go to sleep quickly. I talked about him for a few minutes, because this adoption happened suddenly and feels like a little bit of kismet.Texas is on my mind, of course. When you have children, it is not hard to imagine how you would feel if something horrific happened while they were at camp, at school, at a playground…anywhere. It is such a painful, terrible thought, but when there’s a huge story in the news and you understand that families everywhere are suffering the most incomprehensible loss imaginable, all you can do is feel it, and try to find ways to help. Please note, there’s no way to talk about Texas (or North Carolina, or anywhere we are having these weather crises) without talking about child loss. My cousin lost his little boy when he was six years old. I know what it is to go to a funeral with a tiny casket, and I am so sorry if you do, too. I always try to speak about this with all the sensitivity in the world, and I can never talk about it without having my heart break all over again. Letting you know in case you need to skip this episode.When my kids were little, there was a mailbox at the end of our block. It was right at head-height for a toddler/preschooler and for a few years, every time we walked, ran, or roller-skated by this house I’d call out “Watch your head!” to my kids. It’s a phrase you say as they’re learning to crawl and aren’t paying attention to the height of the coffee table, or as they fling themselves back on a bed, but don’t check to see where the wall is behind them. It’s one of many things you say when your kids are tiny and you’re trying to teach them to pay attention to their surroundings. When you’re trying to teach them to be safe in this world.At a certain point, you have to face the awful reality that you cannot protect your children from everything. You have to hope that you’ve taught them well, that the world will be kind, and that other people will be kind when you aren’t there. I have this overriding philosophy that there is no such thing as “other people’s children” and that though my children came through me, they don’t belong to me - they belong to themselves and to this world. If children belong to the world, they belong to all of us. It’s our responsibility (and our honor) to watch out for them, to keep them safe. I’m pretty sure that’s called community, and that a healthy society understands this without being told. Thriving democracies take care of their citizens, especially the most vulnerable members. I talked about a couple of things that have happened with my own kids in the last few weeks. My son ended up in the ER with salmonella in Mexico (he’s okay), and my daughter and I had a very upsetting experience right in our driveway last week, up our path, right up to our front door. Predatory men are emboldened these days, not that they have ever been in short supply. We are also okay. Having said that, it is exhausting and outrageous to be in a world where you have to be vigilant every second you are not in your house. It is enraging and not okay. It isn’t “socialism” to want all children to eat, or to believe everyone should have healthcare, clean water to drink and clean air to breathe, access to a good education, and help when there are disasters. It isn’t “woke liberalism” or “radical left TDS” to think your tax-paying neighbors who’ve never broken a law and have been trying to “do it the right way” deserve due process and should not be terrorized by masked men in unmarked vans. That’s just called decency. Flash floods don’t stop to ask who you voted for, and neither do wildfires or hurricanes. We either decide to have systems in place to try to keep each other safe, or we’re on our own. Right now, we’re on our own, and the safety net is only happening if we create it ourselves. It doesn’t have to be this way. Watch your head xCome As You Are is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit allyhamilton.yogisanonymous.com/subscribe

This week’s essay and this podcast episode are about the Reconciliation Budget Bill that was just signed into law by the president, and all the painful repercussions we’ll be dealing with as a result. Since every single Democrat and Independent fought against this bill, I think it’s important we call it the Trump MAGA Republican Reconciliation Budget Bill. I think they need to own the bill they were thumbs-upping themselves over and praying for and clapping about. They got what they wanted, and I think it’s vital everyone (especially the people supporting this administration) remembers that. When children and all of our most vulnerable people across the country lose their Medicaid benefits (children’s Medicaid benefits are named different things in different states, for example in Idaho it’s called the Idaho Health Plan for Children), I think it’s vital the people who voted for this president take ownership of the repercussions of their votes. All of them.When Trump and DOGE - (oh hey, this is gonna be a long aside, but remember when the president’s supporters loved Elon Musk and thought he was this fantastic philanthropic billionaire donating his time because he’s so nice - and not because he was raking in even more dough hand over fist, winning government contracts left and right, and getting all the rocket launches his heart desired, approved without any of that pesky oversight?) - anyway, when Trump and DOGE made cuts to the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA) months ago, people who work in the agency started voicing their alarm, loudly.They expressed serious concern about our climate crisis and increasing extreme weather events (like our wildfires out here in Los Angeles this fall, and very sadly, like the flooding in Texas right now) and their ability to warn states about impending weather events with such deep funding cuts. Here is a link telegraphing what might happen if DOGE and the president went through with their plans. Here is a link about the further cuts that were included in the Trump MAGA Republican Reconciliation Budget Bill. Here is why they’re so devastating to states like Texas. It is pathetic and exhausting to see the lengths MAGA Republicans will go to try to absolve themselves of responsibility when their policies and priorities lead to tragedy. This was today, folks:No. No one is controlling the weather with space lasers or anything else. We have a climate crisis because we treat the planet like it’s our “personal resource ATM” - we’re addicted to AC, iPhones, and now AI to name a very few. We have extreme weather as a result of our own greed. We have a president who pulled us out of the Paris Accord and thinks “drill baby drill” is a good slogan for these times, because he’ll be dead soon, and really doesn’t care about the rest of us. Musk and crew have their eyes on Mars, don’t get confused and think he’s a friend now. People will die and they already are, and it’s devastating. Is the president in Texas right now, where he should be comforting families? No. He was playing golf yesterday, and having a “victory event” at the White House, celebrating the fact that 17 million Americans will lose their health insurance - but he gets to build more Alligator Alcatrazes. This episode is largely about the pillars required for a democracy to sustain - things like free and fair elections, the rule of law, the separation of powers, an independent judiciary, a free press, due process, and the right to protest. It’s about what happens when those pillars are eroded at warp speed, and 32% of the population still thinks everything is great. And it’s about the need to remain stubbornly hopeful that the 31% of us who did not vote for this, and the 36% of us who did not vote at all, can fight like hell for a much better and kinder future for us all.Sending so much love to Texas. My god my heart breaks for all the families there, and the parents who lost their little girls at Mystic Camp - my heart just hurts for y’all so much. I’m so sorry, there aren’t any words at all. But I am writing through tears.Come As You Are is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit allyhamilton.yogisanonymous.com/subscribe

There are so many unfathomable events happening in the United States every week, no one news story receives the attention it deserves. I genuinely wonder how historians will look back on this time, and what conclusions they’ll draw from a world gone absolutely off its rocker. Catch and Release is about the disease of hatred. The thing that happens when we loathe a certain segment of our neighbors to such a degree, there’s a constant fire burning in our hearts. That fire grows, and it starts to blaze through rational thought. You know it when you see it because people start to say and do incomprehensible things. I saw it during the wildfires in Los Angeles this fall, when friends of mine lost their homes, the children’s artwork, their photo albums, their children’s sense of security and innocence…and people online said things like, Good! You and your celebrity friends can buy new mansions next week. Boo-hoo, get Gavin Newscum to help you! Those were just a couple of actual things actual people said, and they were not the worst.The political assassination of Minnesota state representative Melissa Hortman - who was tragically and horrifically killed alongside her husband Mark and their family dog Gilbert a couple of weeks ago, and the attempted assassination of Senator John Hoffman, his wife Yvette and their grown daughter Hope the same night - are already out of the news cycle. That isn’t normal or okay. What is even less okay is that a few hours after it happened, Utah Senator Mike Lee posted “Nightmare on Walz Street” on X, and the always lovely Marjorie Taylor Greene posted a picture of herself aiming an assault weapon. That is a pathological lack of empathy. A vicious, cruel, wholly un-funny level of cruelty with zero thought about the Hortmans’ children, other family members, friends and colleagues in shock. Mike Lee and MTG simply did not care, because Democrats fall outside their circle of compassion. Screw those people, who cares if they suffer, I’m going to laugh while they try to process what has just happened. That is a disease none of us want, friends, and that’s what Part 2 of this podcast is about.Sadly, the Hortmans and the Hoffmans and the entire story is being overshadowed by the Budget Bill, the horror-show happening in the Everglades right now à la the POTUS, Noem, DeSantis - and some sadistic fantasy they’re playing out using our tax dollars to create Alligator Alcatraz - the ongoing feud with Musk, and the latest grift of a presidential fragrance line. More on all that later this week.Trump’s latest financial disclosure showed he made $57,355,532 last year from his cryptocurrency stake in World Liberty Financial, $2.8 million from his watches, $3 million from his “Save America” coffee table book, and $50 million from Mar-a-Lago and his members-only club. Ummm, what? I wouldn’t be talking about this now, but in light of the Budget Reconciliation Bill being pushed through by Republicans in the Senate (with the tie-breaking vote provided by Vice President JD Vance earlier today) - which would gut Medicaid to fund even more ICE, and make billionaires even wealthier - it seems pretty pertinent, and also disgusting. Aside from the fact that it’s wildly illegal because of the Emoluments Clause. But his supporters do not care. I wonder if they will care when they don’t have health insurance.I suppose it’s understandable that there isn’t time to process, to grieve, or even to integrate all the terrible things that are happening, and yet - we’ve never seen anything like the planned assassinations of 45 lawmakers belonging to one political party (in this case, Democrats) in the history of our country. Never before have we had a person so poisoned by political extremism, he has a list of lawmakers in his car, along with their addresses - guns and ammo at the ready. This is not a thing that happens in a healthy, functioning society, and the Hortmans’ grown children are only just beginning to grieve the loss of their parents. The fact that this man was stopped is not the story. The fact that the current level of vitriol has risen to such a degree that this story does not even make it through one news cycle, is. I know we are all swimming in so much grief and stress. Keep reassuring yourself this is not how things should be, and know that if you’re struggling, it makes sense. It means you’re sane and compassionate. Surround yourself with people who understand that, and keep raising your voice. We aren’t built for this kind of chaos and violence. No good person wants to see someone else suffer. So strange the things you have to assert these days. It matters that we acknowledge when decent, kind, hardworking people are harmed. It makes a difference when a lot of us are saying this is not right. You might not think it matters, but the kids are watching. If someone shot me in my doorway, I’d want my children to see the grownups continue to say that wasn’t okay for more than a week, wouldn’t you? Hang in there, friends. I can’t promise everything is going to be okay, but I can promise you aren’t alone. There are a lot of people who want the world to be a lot kinder than this. I truly think the thing to do is hold the line. Keep saying the true things out loud. Keep showing up with love for the people who need it. For the people who are cruel, who laugh while you cry - my god I would never want to be them. Ever.Here is part two of the podcast I recorded the week of the assassinations, and I dive right in, because I hadn’t intended to break this into two parts. So you’ll notice I’m pretty fired up right out of the gate - because I’m not okay with cruelty, and I know you aren’t, either. Maybe I should mention I am so fired up I drop a few f-bombs, so if you tend to listen with your little ones around, this might not be the episode. I’m sorry. If you’re in a position to donate to the Hortmans’ grown kids, here is the gofundme created by their uncle. Sending you so much love. Come As You Are is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit allyhamilton.yogisanonymous.com/subscribe

I decided to break this podcast into two episodes because I talked about two essays - last week’s, I Know What the Riot Is, and this week’s, Catch and Release. They’re inter-related essays about all the different things we’re going through in the states, so it made sense to talk about them together, but I split the talk into two 45-minute episodes because I thought that would be easier to digest. I think about your digestion, I’m a mom. Sadly, I don’t think these topics are relevant only to those of us living in the U.S.Part 1 is about what it’s like to be in an abusive relationship. Which might sound strange at first, because weren’t we talking about the government and the country? And yes, we were. We are. For many of us, waking up in this country right now is very much like waking up when you’re living inside an abusive relationship and you don’t feel safe. You’re told that what you’re seeing with your own eyes is not true. You push back, and you’re screamed at by people on the internet who don’t live where you live, but still want to tell you how things are. The first 10 minutes is about my definition of healing. The rest is about how we’d really better start to understand what’s happening here. The threat is coming from inside the house. They want us yelling at each other so we don’t pay attention as they dismantle our democracy, sell off our public lands, gut Medicaid, kidnap our neighbors off the street, arrest our lawmakers when they try to intervene, and laugh at a politically-motivated assassination and assassination attempts (we’ll get to that in Part 2). Thanks for your incredible comments under both essays, and under all the essays. You make me think more deeply about all these things. Sometimes you make me laugh out loud. The things you share often bring me to tears, make me know I’m not alone, and shape the podcasts every week. Thank you so much for being here.Come As You Are is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit allyhamilton.yogisanonymous.com/subscribe

Dear Friends,If you’re a new subscriber, welcome! There are a lot of you this week, and I’m so happy you’re here. It truly means the world to me. You might be wondering what this Come As You Are Conversation is all about. Once a month or so I go live with a writer whose writing I love, respect, appreciate, and admire - to talk about - you guessed it, writing. Inevitably, the conversation turns to life, love, grief, inspiration, loneliness, connection - and what it is that draws us back to the page again and again. One thing you can count on with most writers, and certainly the ones I gravitate toward, is that they’re willing to be vulnerable and honest. These conversations are always such a gift, especially during these times which feel so dark and fraught. It’s important life-giving to open yourself up to people who still believe in the power of art, poetry, music, words, kindness, love and laughter. We need these things like we need oxygen these days.So far I have gone “Off the Page” with the wonderful Paul Crenshaw whose phenomenal ‘stacks I cannot recommend enough. He has two - Melt with Me for his fantastic essays, and Establish the Habit, for those of you who want to make writing an important part of your life, and could use a gifted guide. I had one of my favorite conversations ever in life with one of my closest friends, Dani Shapiro. Maybe someday we’ll get her on Substack ;) but not right now because she is writing a new book. You can find these talks in the archive - they make my heart happy, and I hope they’ll do the same for you. Tonight, I spoke with the extraordinary Kate Mapother. Kate is a poet and essayist, and she is currently working on a novel. She’s also one of the best people you could ever have in your corner. We had such a beautiful conversation about grief, longing, writing through these painful times, gender, connection, and whether “letting go” is really even a thing. I know if you listen, you will see why I love Kate so much, and if you go and read her work, you’ll see why I am sobbing into my coffee many mornings a week. Here is the poem I was referencing tonight, but honestly, you don’t want to miss any of them. A big thank you to Paul Crenshaw, Nicole Peattie, Chris Keller, Man In Back, Jennifer Smith, Wendy Wolf who did a phenomenal sketch of us while we talked!! What?! And all of you for tuning into Off the Page with Kate Mapother! I hope you’ll join me for my next Come As You Are Conversation in July.Sending you so much love,Ally HamiltonCome As You Are is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. I appreciate your re-stacks so much, and always love meeting you in the comments! I’m working on this week’s essay for you, too. Love y’all. Stay gold. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit allyhamilton.yogisanonymous.com/subscribe

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit allyhamilton.yogisanonymous.com/subscribe

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit allyhamilton.yogisanonymous.com/subscribe

This week’s episode is about uncertainty, the one thing we can all count on. We never know what will happen next - all of our careful plans can be turned upside down on a regular Tuesday without notice - and we, ourselves, may be unsure of how we feel about what’s happening around us unless we pause, tune in, and give ourselves some space to breathe. We don’t know how long we have, or what happens after this. The ability to sit with our own vulnerability is the key to finding ease in this world. It’s also the source of art, poetry, music, love, longing, connection, and all the genuinely beautiful parts of being human. If we get to the place where we can’t sit with discomfort, where every space is filled with noise, where the moment our fingertips hover over the keyboard a machine asks if we want help or suggestions, and we say yes - we are going to lose the essence of what it means to be human. We’re going to train that right out of ourselves, and at that point, all is lost. I almost called the essay “Rage Against the Machine” but it’s bigger than that. Artificial Intelligence might be useful for generating grocery lists or keeping track of expenses, but it’s soulless. It has no intrinsic light, and we need light in order to live. If you’re going to rage against something - and I hope you do - rage against the dying of the light.Come As You Are is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit allyhamilton.yogisanonymous.com/subscribe

This is a talk about grief in all its forms. It's a talk about losing my mom, and feeling like I failed her in the moments after her death. It's about finding three expensive, very similar black sweaters hanging in her closet, and why that broke my heart. It’s about being at war within yourself, and why it’s so important to try to find some peace and forgiveness - not just for your own wellbeing, but for everyone around you. It’s also about who we say we are versus who we’re being in the world. Sometimes it’s hard to read people, and sometimes they telegraph exactly who they are and what they want. It’s about the innocence of a four-year-old, and why that’s worth fighting for - whether we’re talking about the four-year-olds walking and talking in the world around us, or the ones who still exist inside us.And it’s about hyper-normalization and why it matters that we all fight against it, stay awake, and hold onto hope.Come As You Are is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. Thank you for being here. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit allyhamilton.yogisanonymous.com/subscribe

Thank you Paul Crenshaw, Ellen Sue Stern, and many others for tuning into our live conversation, that was such fun! And a huge thank you to Dani for sharing so generously. You can find Dani’s books, stories, essays, workshops, news, all things Family Secrets, and all of her upcoming events at danishapiro.comI think you should know I did not fix the first few minutes where we are sideways on the screen and then upside down because -1. It is hilarious (thank you for jumping in to get us right-side-up Michael Maren, and please everyone, note that this is my fault because I’ve never gone live with someone I was next to, and did not know we had to be vertical.) * If I fixed the first ten minutes, then we’d be sideways for the rest of it, and also, you wouldn’t get to see how awesome Michael is. * It’s 2025. This is not a problem. It doesn’t even qualify as a blip. Hope you enjoy!Come As You Are is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit allyhamilton.yogisanonymous.com/subscribe