201: No Boy Should “Figure Out” Manhood: The Pathway Every Father Must Build For Their Sons

Rite of Passage: A Clear Path Into Manhood register now: https://www.braveco.org/riteofpassageAs a pastor, counselor, and dad, I’m convinced of this: no young man should stumble his way into manhood. In this episode of the BraveCo Podcast, I sit down with my close friend Cole Zick to talk about what most families feel but don’t know how to fix, the lack of a clear, intentional pathway for boys to become grounded, capable men. We get practical about the pain points fathers feel, the pressure of raising teenage sons, and why “just go to church” isn’t enough to form men who can lead, serve, and endure.We unpack why boys need testing and equipping, and how feedback builds capacity. We talk about the power of coaches, youth pastors, mentors, and a tribe of men, and why “heroes” matter if we want our sons to delay gratification and pursue what’s possible. We also hit real parenting language like trust, freedom, structure, boundaries, and why failure isn’t an indictment, it’s often the training ground when you actually have a plan.If you’re a dad (or a single mom raising sons) and your boys are in that 10–18 window, I want you to hear this: it’s not too late, but it does require intentionality. If you want to take a real step, join us for the BraveCo Ride of Passage with our Spartan partnership: February 28–March 1, 2026 in Jacksonville, Florida (ages 12–19). Register at braveco.org. And if this episode helps you, subscribe, share it with a father who needs a pathway, and let’s rebuild manhood on purpose.Chapters:00:00 — No Young Man Should Stumble Into Manhood01:14 — Cole Zick Returns: The Need for a Real Plan03:39 — “Come Follow Me, I Will Make You”04:16 — The Crisis: Men Aren’t Reproducing Discipleship06:41 — The Weight of Parenting Teenage Sons07:36 — Building a Network of Trusted Men for Your Boys15:11 — Testing, Feedback, and Capacity: How Boys Become Men20:12 — Trust Earns Freedom: Clear Standards at Home28:46 — The 7 Pillars of Initiation + Ride of Passage DetailsCONNECT WITH BRAVECOJoin Our Free Community for Men (ladies, sign up your man): https://www.braveco.orgFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/braveco.menInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/braveco.men/Shop: https://shop.braveco.org/ ABOUT BRAVECO: We live in a time where men are hunting for the truth and looking for the codebook to manhood. At BraveCo, we are on a mission to heal the narrative of masculinity across a generation; fighting the good fight together because every man should feel confident and capable of facing his pain, loving deeply, and leading a life that impacts the world around him.

We just hit 200 episodes, and I wanted to do something different. Instead of one conversation, I’m counting down the 10 moments that have shaped the BraveCo community the most. These are the clips that hit men in the chest, brought real change into marriages, and reminded us what it means to live with a whole heart.In this episode, you’ll hear why vulnerability isn’t weakness, and why hiding doesn’t make us strong. We talk about relationships and dating without all the pressure, what courage really is, and how the presence of God becomes an anchor when you’re wrecked on the inside. We also go straight at the stuff men don’t want to talk about: anxiety, the lies playing on repeat in your head, and how addiction is often a symptom of pain that never got a voice.Here's the links to the TOP 10 from our 200 Episodes: Number 1 - John Eldredge: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tOg88tcR1ggNumber 2 - Carl Lentz: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5e3vtBK3eS4&authuser=0Number 3- Sathiya: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EY02c6mUukg&authuser=0Number 4 - Dr. John Delony: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_aAq04ebRFI&authuser=0Number 5 - Kris Vallotton: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G6_Yl7vW3t8&authuser=0Number 6 - Todd Pierce: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_GLIjbpN9gY&authuser=0Number 7 - Michael Koulianos: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VYpmAYFRYJY&authuser=0Number 8 - Danny Silk: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oMEUtdpTyl0Number 9 - Alley Vallotton: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aicz5scd03w&authuser=0Number 10 - Abi Stumvoll: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DBxCIvnFPGMChapter:00:00 - 200 Episodes: 10 Moments That Shaped BraveCo01:17 - #10 Brian Johnson: Vulnerability Isn’t Weakness 04:03 - #9  AlleyVallotton: Dating Without Pressure (Boundaries & Clarity)06:23 - #8 Danny Silk: Courage, Story, and the Call to Rise 10:22 - #7 Michael Koulianos: Weakness, Pain, and the Nearness of God 12:24 - #6 Todd Pierce: Courage and the Fight Every Man Faces 15:16 - #5 Kris Vallotton: Weaponized Meditation & Spiritual Warfare 17:22 - #4 John Delony: Exposing the Lies Behind Anxiety 19:26 - #3 Sathiya: The Pain Beneath Porn and Addiction 22:14 - #2 Carl Lentz: Truth, Infidelity, and Rebuilding Trust  24:55 - #1 John Eldredge: Strength on Behalf of OthersCONNECT WITH BRAVECOJoin Our Free Community for Men (ladies, sign up your man): https://www.braveco.orgFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/braveco.menInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/braveco.men/Shop: https://shop.braveco.org/ ABOUT BRAVECO: We live in a time where men are hunting for the truth and looking for the codebook to manhood. At BraveCo, we are on a mission to heal the narrative of masculinity across a generation; fighting the good fight together because every man should feel confident and capable of facing his pain, loving deeply, and leading a life that impacts the world around him.

Rite of Passage: A Clear Path Into Manhood register now: https://www.braveco.org/riteofpassageNo young man should stumble his way into manhood. In this episode, I sit down with my dad for a conversation that hit me in the chest: the difference between living like a slave and living like a son. We open John 15 and talk about how obedience is real, but it’s not the finish line. God is inviting us into friendship, into revelation, into the kind of inner transformation where we don’t just “do what we’re told,” we become like Him.Then we go somewhere most people never take the Joseph story. Joseph didn’t just interpret a dream and “save the day.” We unpack how withholding revelation can create slavery, how a short-term solution can build a long-term prison, and why your gifting without a legacy mindset can accidentally harm the very people you’re called to serve. If you’re a man building a business, a family, or a ministry, this will challenge the way you define wisdom and success.We also get practical: pruning, discipline, sonship, and the process God uses to mature a man—called, tested, equipped, commissioned. If you’ve been stuck in survival mode, fear mode, performance mode, or you’ve never known what it feels like to be a beloved son, this conversation will give you language and direction. At the end, I share a simple 5-minute daily exercise that can start rewiring your inner world: asking the Lord what He’s thinking about you.Chapters:00:00 - Rite of Passage: A Clear Path Into Manhood00:50 - Welcome Back + Dad Joins the Conversation03:44 - John 15: From Obedience to Friendship With God07:17 - Joseph’s Dream: Revelation That Changes Everything10:40 - The Twist: Joseph Enslaves Egypt12:26 - Slavery Comes From Withholding Revelation15:06 - Symptomatic Cures Become Tomorrow’s Slavery18:15 - Your Home: Palace or Prison Depends on Revelation30:49 - Initiation: Beloved to Sage (The Manhood Pathway)47:32 - How to Build Sonship: 5 Minutes With God DailyCONNECT WITH BRAVECOJoin Our Free Community for Men (ladies, sign up your man): https://www.braveco.orgFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/braveco.menInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/braveco.men/Shop: https://shop.braveco.org/ ABOUT BRAVECO: We live in a time where men are hunting for the truth and looking for the codebook to manhood. At BraveCo, we are on a mission to heal the narrative of masculinity across a generation; fighting the good fight together because every man should feel confident and capable of facing his pain, loving deeply, and leading a life that impacts the world around him.

Connect with Pedro Adao 👇Website: https://pedroadao.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/pedromadao/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/pedromadaoIn this episode of the BraveCo Podcast, I sit down with my friend Pedro Adao to talk honestly about what it actually takes to become a man. We unpack why every boy needs a defining moment, why every man must face death before rebirth, and why wisdom—not hustle or hype—is the foundation of a life that truly works.Pedro shares his raw story of going from success to total collapse—losing his wealth, reputation, identity, and sense of worth. We talk about depression, shame, father wounds, bankruptcy, and what it feels like to believe you’re finished. But we also explore how God uses crushing seasons to strip away false identities and rebuild men from the inside out. This is not a motivational story. It’s a formation story.We also dive deep into wisdom, kingdom entrepreneurship, and why wisdom is not information but power. Wisdom changes marriages, businesses, families, and futures. If you’re a man who wants to lead well, build legacy, and stop repeating the same cycles, this conversation is for you. And if you’re ready to pursue wisdom intentionally, Pedro shares how you can join the free 31 Day Wisdom Challenge and begin reigning in every area of life.Chapters:00:00 – Why Boys Need a Rite of Passage02:16 – Pedro’s Life Before Faith and Entrepreneurship05:21 – A Funeral That Changed Everything07:27 – Stepping Into Faith and Risk08:38 – From Millionaire to Millions in Debt11:02 – How God Tests and Forms Men13:06 – Depression, Shame, and Losing Identity18:48 – Rebuilding Life Through Wisdom25:31 – Kingdom Entrepreneurship Explained35:53 – Wisdom as the Power to Reign in LifeCONNECT WITH BRAVECOJoin Our Free Community for Men (ladies, sign up your man): https://www.braveco.orgFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/braveco.menInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/braveco.men/Shop: https://shop.braveco.org/ ABOUT BRAVECO: We live in a time where men are hunting for the truth and looking for the codebook to manhood. At BraveCo, we are on a mission to heal the narrative of masculinity across a generation; fighting the good fight together because every man should feel confident and capable of facing his pain, loving deeply, and leading a life that impacts the world around him.

THE BRAVECO RITE OF PASSAGE: https://www.braveco.org/riteofpassageIn this powerful episode of the Brave Co podcast, I dive deep into the importance of fathers guiding their sons through the rite of passage into manhood. Our culture has lost the intentionality and significance of this vital moment in a young man’s life, and I’m here to challenge that. Every boy deserves a clear pathway, a moment where he is called out of boyhood and into the responsibilities of manhood. This isn't just about age—it's about identity, strength, and faith.We'll explore the historical context of rites of passage across cultures—from the Native American vision quests to the bar mitzvah—and how these practices shaped strong men throughout history. I also share my personal experiences and what I’ve learned from my father. This episode is packed with practical insights for fathers who want to equip their sons with the virtues and values they need to step confidently into manhood. If you’ve been looking for a way to build a lasting legacy for your son, this is the episode you don’t want to miss.Stay tuned to hear about the upcoming Brave Co. Ride of Passage, an event that’s designed to break the mold of traditional conferences. This is a 30-hour immersive experience for fathers and sons that will challenge both physically and spiritually, leaving you forever changed. It’s time to stop letting culture dictate what it means to be a man—let’s take back the power of initiation.Chapters:00:00 - Intro - Rite Of Passage09:00 - Our Standard for Manhood18:26 - The Seven Pillars Every Young Man Needs to Go Through18:49 - Pillar 1: The Beloved Son - Knowing He Is Loved No Matter What19:52 - Pillar 2: The Explorer - Taking Risks and Learning Perseverance21:25 - Pillar 3: The Warrior - Fighting for What’s Right with Honor23:36 - Pillar 4: The Brother - Belonging to a Brotherhood25:00 - Pillar 5: The Builder - Taking Responsibility for Strength26:08 - Pillar 6: The King - Living with Purpose and Value28:28 - Pillar 7: The Sage - Passing On Wisdom to the Next Generation30:00 - The Importance of a Clear Plan for Your Son’s ManhoodCONNECT WITH BRAVECOJoin Our Free Community for Men (ladies, sign up your man): https://www.braveco.orgFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/braveco.menInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/braveco.men/Shop: https://shop.braveco.org/ ABOUT BRAVECO: We live in a time where men are hunting for the truth and looking for the codebook to manhood. At BraveCo, we are on a mission to heal the narrative of masculinity across a generation; fighting the good fight together because every man should feel confident and capable of facing his pain, loving deeply, and leading a life that impacts the world around him.

In this episode of the BraveCo Podcast, I’m answering your real, raw questions about dating, marriage, trust, and fatherhood as a man of God. We start with how to actually meet women in person in a world that hides behind screens and dating apps. I share my own story of dating after divorce, how I met my wife Lauren, and why growing your in-person game is one of the most important skills you can build as a single man. If you’ve ever felt stuck, awkward, or intimidated around women, this conversation will give you practical tools to initiate low-pressure, honest, and confident conversations.From there, we dive into one of the hardest topics I hear about as a pastor and counselor: emotional abuse in marriage. Is it ever a good enough reason to leave? What does it look like to set strong, healthy boundaries without instantly jumping to divorce? I’ll walk you through why emotional abuse is not “less serious” than physical abuse, why you need wise outside counsel, and how to discern what’s really happening in your relationship. We also talk about rebuilding trust after pornography or betrayal—why “I’ve changed” isn’t enough, how to validate your wife’s pain, and how trust is rebuilt not by perfection, but by how you clean up the mess you made.Finally, we tackle the question so many men carry quietly: “How do I father my kids when my dad never fathered me?” I share stories from my own family, how my dad invited spiritual fathers into his life, and how you can pursue older men, mentors, and healthy community instead of waiting for someone to chase you down. We talk about joining men’s groups, serving leaders you respect, and becoming “good soil” that fathers want to invest in. If you’re hungry to grow as a man, husband, and father—and you’re willing to grind, show up, and do the work—this episode will give you a clear path forward.Chapters:00:00 - Why Every Boy Needs a Rite of Passage01:44 - How to Meet Women Without Online Dating09:09 - Is Emotional Abuse a Reason to Leave My Wife?13:20 - Rebuilding Trust After Porn and Betrayal19:10 - How to Father Your Kids When You Lacked a Father23:00 - Inviting Spiritual Fathers and Mentors Into Your Life25:02 - Stop Waiting to Be Chosen—Pursue Father Figures26:11 - How to Send Your Questions to BraveCoCONNECT WITH BRAVECOJoin Our Free Community for Men (ladies, sign up your man): https://www.braveco.orgFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/braveco.menInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/braveco.men/Shop: https://shop.braveco.org/ ABOUT BRAVECO: We live in a time where men are hunting for the truth and looking for the codebook to manhood. At BraveCo, we are on a mission to heal the narrative of masculinity across a generation; fighting the good fight together because every man should feel confident and capable of facing his pain, loving deeply, and leading a life that impacts the world around him.

THE BRAVECO RITE OF PASSAGE: https://www.braveco.org/riteofpassageAs a pastor, counselor, and dad, I have watched so many young men stumble their way into manhood without a clear pathway. In this episode of the Brave Co Podcast, I break down the stages our sons move through and what it looks like to call them out of boyhood and into manhood with intention. From the “cop” phase with little kids, to mentoring teens, to coaching young men who are 18, 19, and 20 and still living at home, I share real stories from my own life and conversations I have with fathers all the time.I talk about how to shift from controlling your son’s every move to training him to make wise decisions, carry real responsibility, and discover his God-given purpose. You will hear how my dad prepared me for puberty, identity, and independence, why I had to start fighting my own battles, and how those milestones shaped me. Then I walk you through what to do when your son wants to stay at home as an adult, how to set clear expectations, and how to stop enabling him so he can grow into a man who produces more than he consumes.If you are a dad of a teenage or young adult son, this conversation will give you language, courage, and a practical roadmap. I also share why we created the BraveCo Rite of Passage, a 30-hour weekend where fathers and sons encounter God together, push their limits, and mark the moment a boy is called into manhood. Join us February 28 – March 1, 2026 in Jacksonville, Florida. Get all the details and grab your spot at braveco.org, and do not forget to subscribe, share this episode with another dad, and drop a comment with your biggest takeaway.Chapters:00:00 BraveCo Rite of Passage: Why Every Boy Needs a Moment of Manhood01:14 Why Masculinity and Fatherhood Matter04:12 The “Cop Phase”: Parenting Little Kids With Boundaries and Protection07:17 From Cop to Mentor: Teaching Teens Responsibility and Purpose11:06 Boys vs. Men: Responsibility, Work, and the Parable of the Talents15:47 Milestones With Dad: Puberty, Identity, and Fighting Your Own Battles19:19 When Your Son Is 18–20: Moving From Mentor to Coach23:12 Adult Sons at Home: Contracts, Expectations, and Contribution26:00 When Your Son Moves Out (and Maybe Moves Back In)34:02 Final Encouragement to Fathers and How to Set Your Son Up for SuccessCONNECT WITH BRAVECOJoin Our Free Community for Men (ladies, sign up your man): https://www.braveco.orgFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/braveco.menInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/braveco.men/Shop: https://shop.braveco.org/ ABOUT BRAVECO: We live in a time where men are hunting for the truth and looking for the codebook to manhood. At BraveCo, we are on a mission to heal the narrative of masculinity across a generation; fighting the good fight together because every man should feel confident and capable of facing his pain, loving deeply, and leading a life that impacts the world around him.

We live in a culture that shames masculinity and leaves men confused about who they are and what they’re called to. In this episode of the BraveCo Podcast, I share a message that’s been burning in my heart: the journey from the promise to the promised land—and why the middle ground is where God actually forms us into the men we’re meant to be. I talk about the “compass bearing” God gives us, the mountaintop goals we aim at, and the frustrating, winding road between where we are and where we know we’re called to go.Using the stories of David, Joseph, Adam, and the Israelites, I unpack how God forms, fills, and finishes men in the middle. We look at caves, pits, deserts, and valleys—not as proof that God abandoned us, but as the forge where He shapes our character, teaches us to trust Him, and gets Egypt out of us. I share from my own journey of building BraveCo, walking through divorce, debt, fatherhood, and leadership, and how I’ve had to trade self-help-only solutions for real dependence on God, who promised to make my path straight.If you feel stuck, in-between, or discouraged because your reality doesn’t yet match your promise, this episode is for you. My prayer is that you’ll learn how to lean not on your own understanding, how to choose faith over fear, and how to see your middle ground as holy ground where God is actively forming you into a king. If this speaks to you, make sure you subscribe, share it with another man who needs it, and drop a comment about where God is meeting you in the middle right now.Chapters:00:00 Why Masculinity Is Under Attack (Intro)01:26 Finding Your Compass Bearing (Mount Shasta Story)03:12 The Painful Beauty of the Middle Ground04:25 My Story: Nerdy Kid with a King’s Calling06:18 You Don’t Make You—God Makes You08:35 Formed in the Middle: Adam & Assignment10:01 David’s Cave Season: Learning to Be King12:46 Joseph’s Pit, Prison & Promotion15:18 Finished in the Middle: Valleys, Wilderness & Your Next StepCONNECT WITH BRAVECOJoin Our Free Community for Men (ladies, sign up your man): https://www.braveco.orgFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/braveco.menInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/braveco.men/Shop: https://shop.braveco.org/ ABOUT BRAVECO: We live in a time where men are hunting for the truth and looking for the codebook to manhood. At BraveCo, we are on a mission to heal the narrative of masculinity across a generation; fighting the good fight together because every man should feel confident and capable of facing his pain, loving deeply, and leading a life that impacts the world around him.

In this BraveCo live Q&A, I sit down with a few brave men who are willing to ask the questions most guys keep to themselves. We talk honestly about what it looks like to stop abandoning yourself in marriage, how to confront fear without becoming controlling, and how to show up as a powerful man without losing connection at home.I answer a vulnerable question from a married man who keeps falling back into “doormat” patterns and feels exhausted from replaying old relational trauma in a new relationship. We unpack the difference between serving from love vs. abandoning yourself from fear, what it means to be two powerful people in a marriage, and how to build real skills in conflict, boundaries, and communication. I also share why you cannot heal relational trauma outside of relationship and give practical language you can start using today.Later in the episode, I address how I would counsel a woman in her 20s who struggles with pornography and why investing in expert help for addiction is one of the most important decisions you can make. We talk about porn as a fake solution to real pain, how to rewire your brain, and why good friends aren’t always good guides. We finish by talking with a close friend about time management, discipline, and how to control what you can control without becoming rigid and angry at the world. If you’re a man who wants to grow stronger in marriage, purity, and purpose, this episode is for you.Chapters:00:00 – Introduction00:28 – Live Q&A Kickoff and First Caller Introduction01:01 – “I Keep Becoming a Doormat in My Marriage”03:21 – Two Powerful People: Honesty, Needs & Fear of Disappointment07:00 – Building Communication & Boundary Skills as a Man11:12 – Healing Relational Trauma Inside Relationship14:40 – Counseling a Woman in Her 20s Who Struggles with Porn16:39 – Why You Need Expert Help for Addiction (Not Just Good Friends)19:36 – Time Management, Discipline & Things You Can’t Control23:37 – Flexibility, Purpose & Final Encouragement to Brave MenCONNECT WITH BRAVECOJoin Our Free Community for Men (ladies, sign up your man): https://www.braveco.orgFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/braveco.menInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/braveco.men/Shop: https://shop.braveco.org/ ABOUT BRAVECO: We live in a time where men are hunting for the truth and looking for the codebook to manhood. At BraveCo, we are on a mission to heal the narrative of masculinity across a generation; fighting the good fight together because every man should feel confident and capable of facing his pain, loving deeply, and leading a life that impacts the world around him.

In this BraveCo live Q&A, I sit down with a few brave men who ask the questions most guys keep to themselves. We talk about what it really looks like to lead as a single dad, how to know if you are actually ready to date again after divorce, and how to invite someone into your family without sacrificing your kids in the process. I share my own story of betrayal, navigating divorce and eventually blending a family, and the difference between simply “moving on” and truly “moving forward.”We also dive into one of the most vulnerable questions a husband can ask: “What do I do when I am not as attracted to my wife after kids?” Together we unpack how bodies change, how life stress and kids affect desire, and why emotional and spiritual connection are often the real drivers of attraction in a long term marriage. I give practical ways to pursue your wife’s heart again, rebuild connection, and invite her into a health journey without shaming her or shutting down.Finally, we talk about unity in the Church and how to bring pastors and leaders together across denominations for prayer and real relationship. I share how I think about influence, trust and momentum, and give some simple steps to start gathering leaders in your city without it becoming weird, political or divisive. If you are a man who wants to lead your family well, love your wife deeply and stand for your city with other believers, this conversation will speak directly to you.Chapters:00:00 Welcome to the BraveCo live Q&A for men00:40 Single dad Tommy shares his story of divorce and dating again02:15 Are you actually ready to date again after a painful divorce05:10 Letting your kids set the pace of your new relationship09:10 Who comes first, kids or girlfriend, before and after marriage10:40 Noah opens up about losing attraction to his wife after kids13:40 Rebuilding emotional and spiritual connection when bodies change18:20 Going on a health and fitness journey together as a couple20:40 Jordan asks how to unite pastors and churches in his city24:40 Practical steps for cross denominational unity and BraveCo next stepsCONNECT WITH BRAVECOJoin Our Free Community for Men (ladies, sign up your man): https://www.braveco.orgFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/braveco.menInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/braveco.men/Shop: https://shop.braveco.org/ ABOUT BRAVECO: We live in a time where men are hunting for the truth and looking for the codebook to manhood. At BraveCo, we are on a mission to heal the narrative of masculinity across a generation; fighting the good fight together because every man should feel confident and capable of facing his pain, loving deeply, and leading a life that impacts the world around him.