Attuned with Dr. Angelica & Coach Amanda

ADHD-ish? Anxiety-ish? How these affect your relationships. We're diving into your actual thoughts. Your thinking lives in your top brain — the cortex, the reasoning, the part you can put words to. Your feeling lives in your bottom brain — the limbic area, the survival centers, the part that decides something matters before you've had a chance to think about it.They work in a loop.In this week's lesson, Dr. Angelica and Coach Amanda take on the first of several episodes on your thinking — your assumptions, your interpretations, the running commentary you can actually hear. They explain why the loop spirals: the more you focus on something, the more you feel it, and the more you feel it, the more vigilant you become. Nobody in that loop is choosing to escalate. It escalates on its own.They also introduce the system that decides what's worth reacting to in the first place — the salience system — and why it's the hidden hinge on most relationship arguments. When it's working, it sorts the important from the irrelevant in real time: is this worth raising in the middle of the meeting? When it isn't, everything arrives at full volume, and small things feel like they must be answered right now.Along the way they cover the two very different flavours of a wonky control system — one that runs hot on focus and gets stuck, one that runs hot on feeling and treats every emotion as meaningful and true — why those patterns usually pair up with ADHD-style and anxiety-style symptoms, and why it matters where you intervene, not where you diagnose. Plus the two breadcrumb clues that tell you which one you're looking at: someone who starts from shame and smallness, versus someone who starts from anger and the sense that something is being violated.And the prescription works either way: attunement. Notice and accept the thought or the feeling as it is happening — with the caveat that accepting is not approving, not excusing, and not permanent. It's just enough to clear the shame so you can decide what to do next.Heavy one. Worth it. Next week: we keep going on thinking.

You don't need to share every emotion. You don't need to say an "I feel" statement every time. Sometimes you need to attune to yourself.Here we discuss beliefs you carry that you might not even be aware of, and how they impact your communication habits. #emotions #thinking #beliefs #relationships

Here we discuss how nature and nurture lead to a habit of blaming/controlling, and why it’s important to willingly practice “distress tolerance” and self-attunement instead of “distress deflection” and “other-focus.” We also discuss how highly sensitive and rigid children need safety, attuned support, and opportunities to practice distress-tolerance in early development.Follow along for a free 6-month beginner course on safe and connected relationships.Watch & subscribe to this episode on YouTubeDownload the Attuned - Relationships App on Apple or Android   Schedule coaching with AmandaSUPPORT THE PODCASTRate & share on AppleSend us your questions or comments by emailing  [email protected] Dr. Angelica & Coach Amanda on Instagram and TikTok

Did you know that shame can hijack your stress response and make you “throw it back” at your partner like a fiery hot potato? (Or hold it in until it burns you to your core!?) #shame #relationships #emotions #internalizing #conflict #attachmentFollow along for a free 6-month beginner course on safe and connected relationships.Watch & subscribe to this episode on YouTubeDownload the Attuned - Relationships App on Apple or Android   Schedule coaching with AmandaSUPPORT THE PODCASTRate & share on AppleSend us your questions or comments by emailing  [email protected] Dr. Angelica & Coach Amanda on Instagram and TikTok

What do we do when we don’t like what’s happening? When we don’t like feeling judged or wronged or misunderstood or disappointed? Anything to make the yucky moment better, that’s what. In this episode we talk about pesky habits called “bargaining” techniques, that try to get us out of distress in the moment but ultimately lead to disconnection. #anger #emotions #fear #attuned #shame #blame #denial #deflection #accuse #manage #controlFollow along for a free 6-month beginner course on safe and connected relationships or watch on YouTube.Watch & subscribe to this episode on YouTubeDownload the Attuned - Relationships App on Apple or Android   Schedule coaching with AmandaSUPPORT THE PODCASTRate & share on AppleSend us your questions or comments by emailing  [email protected] Dr. Angelica & Coach Amanda on Instagram and TikTok

Whether you “expose” problems or “hide” from them, your automatic stress responses only feel protective in the moment. In the cycle of your relationship, they only deepen disconnection. #attuned #emotions #fear #anger Follow along for a free 6-month beginner course on safe and connected relationships or watch on YouTube.Watch & subscribe to this episode on YouTubeDownload the Attuned - Relationships App on Apple or Android   Schedule coaching with AmandaSUPPORT THE PODCASTRate & share on AppleSend us your questions or comments by emailing  [email protected] Dr. Angelica & Coach Amanda on Instagram and TikTok

Did you know that your body sensations are a clue to when your nervous system is detecting danger? Noticing the body sensations is step one to attunement to pick up that YOU'RE ABOUT TO HAVE AN EMOTIONAL EXPERIENCE. If you skip this step, you're stripping yourself of sometimes the only power you may have to regulate and your interpretations will go haywire or be unhelpful. Some of us have had very little practice noticing fear or anger sensations because it kept us safe from little "t" trauma, scary experiences. There are four different pairs of sensations - do you notice the extremes of each? #attuned #emotions #fear #angerFollow along for a free 6-month beginner course on safe and connected relationships.Watch & subscribe to this episode on YouTubeDownload the Attuned - Relationships App on Apple or Android   Schedule coaching with AmandaSUPPORT THE PODCASTRate & share on AppleSend us your questions or comments by emailing  [email protected] Dr. Angelica & Coach Amanda on Instagram and TikTok

Are you sensitive to defectiveness, uncertainty, wrongness, or intrusion? In a fear or anger state?  Neither suppress nor automatically act. Instead, take a beat to acknowledge/label what is going on. There are four experiences that register “threat” and activate the sympathetic nervous system. (Defectiveness, uncertainty, wrongness, and intrusion.) The body’s sympathetic reaction, combined with our thinking/interpretation in the moment,  cascades into the broad emotions of fear and/or anger (and there are lots of more specific emotions under the two categories of fear and anger.)#attuned #emotions #fear #angerFollow along for a free 6-month beginner course on safe and connected relationships.Watch & subscribe to this episode on YouTubeDownload the Attuned - Relationships App on Apple or Android   Schedule coaching with AmandaSUPPORT THE PODCASTRate & share on AppleSend us your questions or comments by emailing  [email protected] Dr. Angelica & Coach Amanda on Instagram and TikTok

What are primal FEELINGS, and why are they more helpful to label than EMOTIONS? People who can flex between feeling powerless AND in-control, satisfied  AND dissatisfied, certainty AND uncertainty (instead of just avoiding one and protecting the other) are less likely to go into a stress response (fight flight freeze and fawn) and less likely to encounter shame/blame. Therefore, they experience normal protective emotions such as fear and anger, but don’t become STUCK in them.#attuned #emotions #fear #angerFollow along for a free 6-month beginner course on safe and connected relationships.Watch & subscribe to this episode on YouTubeDownload the Attuned - Relationships App on Apple or Android   Schedule coaching with AmandaSUPPORT THE PODCASTRate & share on AppleSend us your questions or comments by emailing  [email protected] Dr. Angelica & Coach Amanda on Instagram and TikTok

What are emotions? Why do they exist? Why can’t we control them? Here we begin explaining everything you should have learned (but probably didn’t) about emotions. #attuned #emotions #fear #angerFollow along for a free 6-month beginner course on safe and connected relationships. Watch & subscribe to this episode on YouTubeDownload the Attuned - Relationships App on Apple or Android   Schedule coaching with AmandaSUPPORT THE PODCASTRate & share on AppleSend us your questions or comments by emailing  [email protected] Dr. Angelica & Coach Amanda on Instagram and TikTok