You Need a Coach B*tch

We talk about the relationships that keep us small and how people pleasing becomes a way to chase safety at the cost of being known. We walk through family roles, one-sided friendships, and conditioned love, then share practical steps for boundaries, vulnerability, and asking for help. • noticing where we act “nice” out of fear, not choice • why people pleasing with close relationships blocks real intimacy • family roles like peacekeeper or responsible one and how guilt shows up when we change • friendship dynamics that turn us into the therapist friend and drain emotional energy • romantic patterns where love feels conditioned on us being low-need • workplace people pleasing that gets rewarded while exhausting us • how growth tests relationships built on our smallness • practical tools: pausing before answering, sharing more about ourselves, asking for help  Where to find me:  Connect with me on Instagram Check out my website  Sign up for a free consult

Wanting sounds simple until you realize how many of us were trained out of it. If you’ve gotten good at meeting other people’s needs, staying “easy,” and saying “I don’t mind,” this conversation is a gentle challenge and a practical reset. I talk about how reclaiming identity starts with needs and boundaries, but it doesn’t end there. Desire is where your real self lives, and it’s also the part that often gets buried under people pleasing, fear of conflict, and lifelong conditioning.We dig into why wanting can feel dangerous, especially if you grew up monitoring someone else’s happiness to keep yourself safe, or if you learned early that your preferences were “too much” or “wrong.” I share my own experience of growing up queer and losing trust in my desires, plus how shame and social pressure can push us into numbness. Then we get concrete: the difference between what you want and what you think you should want shows up in feelings and body signals, because your nervous system registers a clear yes or no even when your brain tries to negotiate.You’ll hear simple ways to start small without blowing up your life: using free time as a low-stakes lab, bringing back play, following inner child clues, and translating childhood “dream jobs” into the energy you want more of now. We also talk about conflict, how to let other people have their feelings, and how to make choices that are more aligned with your desires over time.If this resonates, subscribe, share it with a friend who’s always “fine,” and leave a rating and review so more people can find the show. What do you want today? Where to find me:  Connect with me on Instagram Check out my website  Sign up for a free consult

Who are you when nobody needs anything from you? That single question can stop a high-functioning people pleaser in their tracks, because so many of us learn to survive by being useful, agreeable, and endlessly flexible. When that becomes your default, it can look like a strength while quietly draining your joy and blurring your identity.We talk through what’s really happening under the habits: how the “constructed self” forms to meet everyone else’s expectations, how the truest parts of you get buried over time, and why the authentic self isn’t something you build from scratch but something you return to. Along the way, we lean on identity coaching questions that cut through performance, including what you loved as a child, what play used to look like, what makes you feel most like you, and what you’ve been waiting for permission to be.Subscribe, share this with a friend who needs it, and please leave a rating and review so more people can find the show. Where to find me:  Connect with me on Instagram Check out my website  Sign up for a free consult

In this episode we are diving deeper into people-pleasing. We talk about why people-pleasing isn’t a personality trait you’re stuck with, but a survival mechanism a nervous system can learn in childhood. If it felt safer to be agreeable, accommodating, and low maintenance, that pattern makes sense. And for queer folks, the wound can run even deeper when your most basic desire to love who you love was treated as wrong. That’s where the “yes” you didn’t mean, the opinion you swallowed, and the life you drifted into can start.We share the ways it shows up day to day: editing yourself before speaking, struggling to ask for help, managing other people’s emotions, and honestly not knowing what you want because you always defer. We also get practical with tools as a way to retrain the belief that discomfort equals danger. If you’re ready to take up a little more space, start here.If this hits home, subscribe, share the episode with someone who needs it, and leave a review so more recovering people-pleasers can find us. Where to find me:  Connect with me on Instagram Check out my website  Sign up for a free consult

People pleasing can make you look “low maintenance” while you quietly abandon yourself. Today I’m continuing the permission conversation by getting painfully practical about what it takes to step into your own authority, especially when honesty feels risky and saying no makes your stomach drop.I unpack why we avoid telling ourselves the truth about what we want: conflict avoidance, fear of disappointing people, fear of being judged, and the brutal self-judgment that shows up when your life looks good on paper but doesn’t feel good inside. I also share a key reframe I live by: you’re allowed to do whatever you want, I just want you to like your reason. That shift moves you from autopilot to choice, which is where self-trust starts.If this resonates, subscribe, share with a fellow people pleaser, and leave a review so more listeners can find this work. Where to find me:  Connect with me on Instagram Check out my website  Sign up for a free consult

As a recovering people-pleaser one of the most important things I have done for myself is to give myself permission to live the life want instead of the one everyone else wanted. In this episode I talk about: • the “permission” question and how it unlocks change • how people pleasing forms for queer and marginalized folks • perfectionism as a strategy for approval and safety • growing up with an identity built around one praised talent • why we cannot control others’ happiness or opinions • boundaries as the antidote to being endlessly “likable” • practicing wants in small ways to rebuild self-trust • saying no and learning to tolerate guilt • permission to feel negative emotions without panic • permission to be bad at something and stay a beginner • permission to take up space instead of shrinking And if you're ready to be the permission you were always looking for, but don't know where to start, book a consultation call with me. We'll explore where you're stuck and how you can move forward on your journey to freedom from people pleasing.  Where to find me:  Connect with me on Instagram Check out my website  Sign up for a free consult

Grief doesn’t care about your timeline and it definitely doesn’t care about what other people think you “should” be sad about. I’m sharing the truth of grieving my dog Benjamin, including how the pain knocked me into a depression, how shame kept me quiet, and why losing a pet can feel like the biggest loss of your life.We get into the messy reality of anticipatory grief too: the slow decline, the constant vet visits, the bargaining that sounds like “if I do everything right, this won’t happen,” and the way perfectionism turns tragedy into self-blame. I also talk about one of my biggest roadblocks, intellectualizing. When you’re highly analytical or have interoceptive difficulties, it’s easy to understand grief without actually feeling it, and that gap can keep you stuck for years.From there, we zoom out to the cultural problem. Western grief support often looks like discomfort, time limits, and toxic positivity. Phrases like “they’re in a better place,” “you can get another one,” or “everything happens for a reason” might be meant as comfort, but they can steal someone’s pain. What helps more is holding space, letting sadness exist, and allowing mourning to be real.I share practical tools that helped me start integrating grief: treating grieving like a practice, learning how to “anger” safely (scream into a pillow, write the letter you never send), making room for crying and sadness even when an SSRI blunts tears, and acknowledging small everyday losses so you’re not blindsided by the big ones. If this connects with you, subscribe, share it with a friend who needs permission to feel, and leave a review so more people can find it. Where to find me:  Connect with me on Instagram Check out my website  Sign up for a free consult

Goal setting can work effectively when you focus on the right things. I share insights from my recent dance boot camp where students were reluctant to set goals due to past failures.• Three types of goals: outcome goals (end results), performance goals (standards within your control), and process goals (daily behaviors)• Outcome goals like gaining confidence can be achieved by focusing on performance and process goals• Connect with your "why" to stay motivated throughout your goal journey• Build performance goals like improving technique, increasing risk tolerance, and enhancing storytelling• Create actionable process steps for each performance goal• Be realistic about your capacity when scheduling actions• Building trust in yourself comes from making and keeping promises to yourself• Check emotions that block progress (fear, doubt, confusion, overwhelm)• Remember that becoming the person who pursues goals is as important as achieving them• Goals can shift and evolve as you grow through the process Where to find me:  Connect with me on Instagram Check out my website  Sign up for a free consult

After months of struggling with depression and grief, KC Davis' book "How to Keep House While Drowning" became my lifeline by offering compassionate, practical advice for managing daily tasks when overwhelmed.Some takeaways: • Care tasks like cleaning and laundry are morally neutral – not good or bad• Shame-based motivation leads to shame-based rest, creating a harmful cycle• "Laziness" doesn't exist – executive function challenges explain task difficulties • Being kind to your future self by preparing things ahead of time• Functional systems matter more than aesthetically pleasing ones• You can't save the world when you're struggling to save yourselfIf you're struggling or know someone who is, I highly recommend picking up "How to Keep House While Drowning" – it offers practical approaches to care tasks that are functional, kind, and accessible.More from KC: Instagram  Where to find me:  Connect with me on Instagram Check out my website  Sign up for a free consult

Let’s dig into why New Year's resolutions often crash and burn, shall we? Spoiler alert: it’s that toxic cocktail of all-or-nothing thinking and perfectionism that trips us up every time. In this episode, we’ll call out those self-sabotaging habits and serve up a fresh perspective: compassionate goal-setting. Because guess what? Beating yourself up won’t get you anywhere. Instead, we’ll focus on finding that deep, juicy, intrinsic motivation to create changes that actually stick.What we explore:• Understanding National Quitters Day and its implications for resolutions • Exploring the "fresh start effect" and its motivational power • The dangers of all-or-nothing thinking when setting goals • Shifting from rigid goal-setting to practical, achievable steps • Embracing failure as an opportunity for growth and learning • Challenges of habit formation for neurodivergent individuals • Finding motivation beyond novelty through intrinsic values • Strategies for maintaining engagement and consistency over timeEpisode 87:Are your resolutions just self-criticism disguised as self-improvement?  https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/you-need-a-coach-b-tch/id1623805363?i=1000641297688 Where to find me:  Connect with me on Instagram Check out my website  Sign up for a free consult