WATCHING THIS

Once upon a time in Austin, Texas... Robert Rodriguez did something extraordinary. He gave a few scrappy young upstart filmmakers the chance to do what he did years ago... $7,000. No crew. Make a movie...  Punchline, ya boy crushed that sh*t like a BAWSE! (wunh!) Today we tell that story. Don't worry, like every great MONDAY, it's mercifully short. @noiamhalsey @kenneth.l.mcglothin_ @alejandromontoyamarin @lenwords

Another superhero movie for all you people who just can't get enough of this shit. Speaking for myself, they could have kept this one. So we got into more important conversations on this episode. Including Vin Deisel's origin story, ranking Outkast albums and another round of "How many handsome white actors can Leonard name"? Survey says? Not many. @ilmperez @alejandromontoyamarin @lenwords

"Just shake that aaaaassss, bitch, and let me see what you got." - Splack Pack "To the windooowwww... to the wall. Till the sweat drops down my balls." - Ying Yang Twins "And I need to be redeemed by the one I've sinned against, because he's all I ever knew of love..." Wait, is that... Fiona Apple?? What the hell kinda strip club is this? "Welcome to Laredo." - Alejandro Montoya Marin @ilmperez @alejandromontoyamarin @lenwords

Okay, a couple caveats... We aren't mothers. Sadly, we weren't blessed to be born with vaginas.  There may be some nuance to this film that we're missing. That said... these are some bad mother-- (Shut yo mouth!) I'm talking about class. And these characters have NONE.  Can you dig it? @ilmperez @alejandromontoyamarin @lenwords

Mister Police: You could have saved your money. I gave you all the clues... Mister Snowman: We know the RT score was bad but-- Michael Fassbender, bro!  He can't make a bad movie! Or at least... he couldn't. dun-Dun-DUNNNN!!!! @ilmperez @alejandromontoyamarin @lenwords

So, apparently, this isn't starring an actual monkey... it's a female gymnast. Winston from the Ghostbusters is here, even if his accent comes and goes. Maybe that's why we imagine monkeys with lazers.  It's really hard to survive in the CONGO. @ilmperez @mateo_pagina @alejandromontoyamarin @lenwords

Alligator or crocodile?  When you buying shoes in Detroit, you need to know. When you're trapped under a house during a tropical storm? Reeeaally doesn't make a difference.  @alejandromontoyamarin @rocketvondoom @ilmperez @lenwords

This year you spent days (maybe even a week, total) eating better after you saw that Netflix documentary. Now you're looking for some vegan-friendly-yet-hot-buttered-comfort-sides for this Thanksgiving. The recipe is simple: 40% Vampires. 40% Kate Mara. 20% How long have we been watching this? Sure, that's only three ingredients. But we call this dish... the FANTASTIC FOUR. @ilmperez @mateo_pagina @alejandromontoyamarin @lenwords

A forgotten gem of New Mexican film cannon, this piece is exceptional for--  Juuuust kidding.  This ain't art. Well, maybe some ass can be art. And if you agree, you're in for a treat! This is sex, violence, a little more sex, and Daniel Baldwin in his signature role as a human torch. But not like the one from Fantastic Four... waaaay better.  Danny was on his m.e.t.h.o.d. man, I could feel that shit. @ilmperez @mateo_pagina @alejandromontoyamarin @lenwords

CRAZY is keeping a flame for your ex who cheated on you. C'mon fam. STUPID is letting your babysitter's crush on you ferment. Really dude? LOVE is not what kept Marissa Tomei working your junk for 45 minutes. Sorry, it's not. Truthfully, we don't know what it was. All we know, it ends in anger and boiling hatred. Ah, l'amour! C'est tragique, n'est pas?