EP 228: How to Enter Your DARK FEMININE ERA

In this episode of Unfck Your Relationships*, we're stepping into the most misunderstood and most misused part of feminine energy: the dark feminine. Not the TikTok version. Not the "manipulate him back" bullshit. The real dark feminine. The part of you that is bold, grounded, self-protective, deeply self-respecting, and absolutely unwilling to keep abandoning herself for crumbs.   Most women are living 90% in their light feminine… the sweet, nurturing, soft version of themselves and then wonder why they feel drained, overlooked, over-giving, mothering grown men, and acting like the emotional support animal of their friendships. The truth?   Your light feminine didn't fail you. You were simply never taught how to access the other half of your power.   In this episode, I break down how to awaken the dark feminine in a way that is empowering, not chaotic… liberating, not manipulative… and how she becomes the version of you that will literally save your fucking life.   Here's what I dive into:   Light vs Dark Feminine Dark Feminine ≠ Manipulation Being Willing to Be the Villain Raising Your Standards Feminine Assertiveness Mystery + Moving in Silence Self-Devotion — Your Level-Up Era Integration — How to Activate This Today   This episode is your permission slip to enter the era where you don't just hope for better — you enforce it. Your dark feminine isn't dangerous. She's divine. And she's been waiting for you.   WORK WITH MICHELLE: Join THE CONNECTED WOMAN, a course for the woman who wants to go from anxious & self-abandoning in relationships to secure, confident and unf*ckwithable: https://michellepanning.com/the-connected-woman   Sign up for THE EXPERIENCE, an exclusive 12-month mentorship experience where you go all in on YOU (aka, you get direct access to me as a mentor, access to every offer I run over your year, and MORE): https://michellepanning.com/the-experience   Sign up for THE AWAKENING RETREATS now before they sell out. These aren't just retreats. These are where we turn your inner chaos into GOLD: https://michellepanning.com/awakening   CONNECT WITH MICHELLE: Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/michellepanning Website: http://www.michellepanning.com

EP 227: How to Level Up So Fast It Feels Illegal In this episode of Unfck Your Relationships, we're diving into the identity level shifts required to level up so quickly it almost feels wrong. The truth? You're not stuck because of timing, luck, or the men you date. You're stuck because your nervous system is still wired for chaos, crumbs, and chasing and you keep choosing what's familiar over what's actually good for you. I break down the real reasons you keep looping in the same patterns and how to step into the version of you who doesn't tolerate inconsistency, confusion, or emotional breadcrumbs. This is where your "Secure Her" identity gets built not from goals, but from standards, self-respect, and micro-moments of alignment. Here's what I unpack in this episode: Why You're Stuck It's not the universe or bad luck. It's the identity you're operating from and the parts of you (anxious girl, avoidant girl, cool girl, little girl) running the show. Defining Your Next-Level Self Who is "Secure Her"? What does she tolerate? What becomes a hard no? And if the world was watching you 24/7… would you be proud? Meeting the Version of You Who Already Lives There The you with standards, follow-through, nourishment, rest, boundaries, and self-respect. What does she do that you're not doing? What has she stopped tolerating? The Brutal Gap Check Where your life doesn't match your mouth: who you text, who you sleep with, your friendships, your food, your sleep, and how you talk to yourself. Your results = your standards in action. Closing the Gap With Micro-Standards One small high-standard action per day. Don't text him back. Go to bed earlier. Speak up. Walk away from what isn't a match. Let your nervous system learn that it's safe to be the new you. Expecting Backlash + Resistance Old friends will notice. Men who benefitted from your low standards will push back. Your inner child will panic because familiar feels safe. This is GOOD. Reframing the Discomfort "I'm not losing people I'm losing patterns." "I'm not being dramatic I'm raising my standards." "It's not scary it's new." At the core, leveling up this fast isn't about becoming someone new. It's about returning to the version of you who was always there the one with discernment, self-trust, and standards that feel like a full-body yes. WORK WITH MICHELLE: Join THE CONNECTED WOMAN, a course for the woman who wants to go from anxious & self-abandoning in relationships to secure, confident and unf*ckwithable: https://michellepanning.com/the-connected-woman Sign up for THE EXPERIENCE, an exclusive 12-month mentorship experience where you go all in on YOU (aka, you get direct access to me as a mentor, access to every offer I run over your year, and MORE): https://michellepanning.com/the-experience Sign up for THE AWAKENING RETREATS now before they sell out. These aren't just retreats. These are where we turn your inner chaos into GOLD: https://michellepanning.com/awakening CONNECT WITH MICHELLE: Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/michellepanning Website: http://www.michellepanning.com

In this episode of Unfck Your Relationships*, we're going deep into the truth about female friendships, support, and the energetics behind the women you keep around you. Because here's the reality: You cannot build a powerful life while surrounding yourself with women who are secretly competing with you, resenting you, or only "supportive" when you're not doing better than them. And yet so many women tolerate friendships that drain them, make them shrink, or leave them feeling like they have to downplay their wins so someone else doesn't get jealous. That's not friendship. That's scarcity disguised as connection. This episode is your reminder that you deserve women who CELEBRATE you, not tolerate you. Women who want to see you shine. Women who support your growth instead of being threatened by it. Because aligned friendships don't cost you energy—they give you energy. Here's what I unpack in this episode: Jealous Friends Come From Scarcity Why some women get triggered by your success, your confidence, or your joy—and why their reaction is actually about their own lack, not your shine. The Desire to Be Supported How wanting support is not "needy," and how to consciously choose women who can hold you, cheer for you, and love you without competition. Friendships That Feel Like Celebration What it looks like to have women who genuinely want to see you win, and why being surrounded by expanders completely shifts your self-worth and standards. Energy Vampires & Dread Friendships The red flags of friendships you've outgrown, especially when you find yourself dreading seeing them, managing their emotions, or leaving the interaction drained. Why Upgrading Your Friend Circle Is Inevitable When You Grow The uncomfortable truth that not everyone gets to come with you when you rise… and how to release friendships with grace instead of guilt. At the core, this episode is about elevating your standards for the women you allow into your world. Because high-value women don't keep people around who pull them back into smallness. They choose connection that feels grounding, reciprocal, celebratory, and safe. You deserve friendships that expand you—not friendships you need to recover from. WORK WITH MICHELLE: Join THE CONNECTED WOMAN, a course for the woman who wants to go from anxious & self-abandoning in relationships to secure, confident and unf*ckwithable: https://michellepanning.com/the-connected-woman Sign up for THE EXPERIENCE, an exclusive 12-month mentorship experience where you go all in on YOU (aka, you get direct access to me as a mentor, access to every offer I run over your year, and MORE): https://michellepanning.com/the-experience Sign up for THE AWAKENING RETREATS now before they sell out. These aren't just retreats. These are where we turn your inner chaos into GOLD: https://michellepanning.com/awakening CONNECT WITH MICHELLE: Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/michellepanning Website: http://www.michellepanning.com

WORK WITH MICHELLE: Join THE CONNECTED WOMAN, a course for the woman who wants to go from anxious & self-abandoning in relationships to secure, confident and unf*ckwithable: https://michellepanning.com/the-connected-woman Sign up for THE EXPERIENCE, an exclusive 12-month mentorship experience where you go all in on YOU (aka, you get direct access to me as a mentor, access to every offer I run over your year, and MORE): https://michellepanning.com/the-experience Sign up for THE AWAKENING RETREATS now before they sell out. These aren't just retreats. These are where we turn your inner chaos into GOLD: https://michellepanning.com/awakening CONNECT WITH MICHELLE: Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/michellepanning Website: http://www.michellepanning.com (http://www.michellepanning.com/)

Okay, babe… let's talk about people pleasing, because this episode is me calling myself (and you) all the way out. For years, I thought being the "chill, supportive, easygoing" partner made me good. But in reality? I was just betraying myself over and over. I wasn't setting boundaries, I was building walls and then wondering why everything exploded when I finally snapped. I share the story of how I went from spending every damn Saturday house-hunting for someone else's dream home (that I wasn't even living in!) to realising I was overextending myself because I was scared to look "selfish." In this episode, I break down: The difference between having boundaries and just having preferences. Why your energy is sacred (and not everyone deserves access). How to stop rescuing grown-ass adults and hand their emotional baggage right back to them. What "proof over promises" really looks like in love and life. And why the only people pissed about your boundaries are the ones who benefited when you didn't have any. This is your permission slip to stop apologizing for protecting your peace. You can be kind and firm. You can be soft andstrong. You can be compassionate and say "no." Stop gaslighting your feelings just to make other people comfortable. If that makes you "too much," so be it. WORK WITH MICHELLE: Join THE CONNECTED WOMAN, a course for the woman who wants to go from anxious & self-abandoning in relationships to secure, confident and unf*ckwithable: https://michellepanning.com/the-connected-woman Sign up for THE EXPERIENCE, an exclusive 12-month mentorship experience where you go all in on YOU (aka, you get direct access to me as a mentor, access to every offer I run over your year, and MORE): https://michellepanning.com/the-experience Sign up for THE AWAKENING RETREATS now before they sell out. These aren't just retreats. These are where we turn your inner chaos into GOLD: https://michellepanning.com/awakening CONNECT WITH MICHELLE: Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/michellepanning Website: http://www.michellepanning.com

In this episode of Unf*ck Your Relationships, I'm calling BS on the fluffy, feel-good version of "self-love." Because let's be real… bubble baths and affirmations don't fix years of self-abandonment. I get raw about my own story of being the "ultimate caretaker", the one holding everything together, doing the emotional labor, and calling it love. Spoiler alert: it wasn't love, it was survival. And it left me exhausted, resentful, and disconnected as hell. I break down what it really looks like to stop people-pleasing and start standing the f*ck up for yourself…even when it makes others uncomfortable. Here's what we get into: Why "acting single" in a relationship might be the healthiest move you ever make How to spot the sneaky ways you keep abandoning yourself What self-respect and emotional discipline actually look like (hint: it's not being the chill girl) The power of saying "no," sending the meal back, and owning your standards Why advocating for your needs is a flex…not a flaw How to rebuild self-trust and stop outsourcing your worth By the end, I'll remind you of one thing every woman needs to hear: No one's coming to save you, babe…you're the damn hero of your own story. It's time to stop settling, stop shrinking, and start showing up like the woman who knows exactly who she is. WORK WITH MICHELLE: Join THE CONNECTED WOMAN, a course for the woman who wants to go from anxious & self-abandoning in relationships to secure, confident and unf*ckwithable: https://michellepanning.com/the-connected-woman Sign up for THE EXPERIENCE, an exclusive 12-month mentorship experience where you go all in on YOU (aka, you get direct access to me as a mentor, access to every offer I run over your year, and MORE): https://michellepanning.com/the-experience Sign up for THE AWAKENING RETREATS now before they sell out. These aren't just retreats. These are where we turn your inner chaos into GOLD: https://michellepanning.com/awakening CONNECT WITH MICHELLE: Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/michellepanning Website: http://www.michellepanning.com

In this episode of Unfck Your Relationships, I dive into the fearful avoidant attachment style sometimes called anxious avoidant and the blind spots that come with it. This was once my dominant attachment style, and even now I can see how it still pops up in relationships. Unlike anxious or dismissive avoidants, the fearful avoidant flips between hyper-activation (all emotion, seeking closeness, reassurance, and validation) and deactivation (withdrawal, coldness, the "ick," detachment). This creates emotional whiplash for partners, leaving them unsure which version of you they're going to get. Here's what I unpack in this episode: Logic vs. Emotion – How fearful avoidants have access to both, but rarely integrate them at the same time. The Pendulum Swing – Why you may go from desperate for closeness one week to completely withdrawn the next. The "Lost Myself" Myth – Why feeling like you "lost yourself" in a relationship often just means hidden parts of you have been triggered. The Mask Crumbling – How the persona you've built (cool girl, caregiver, rescuer, strong independent woman) eventually cracks under stress, leaving you scattered and disconnected. The Integration Work – Using both emotion and logic as data, building authenticity, and leaning into micro-moments of vulnerability instead of extreme swings. Practical Tips – For anxious-leaning FAs: keep a scorecard of consistency and non-negotiables so you don't abandon yourself. For avoidant-leaning FAs: practice small disclosures and direct asks to build capacity for intimacy without shutting down. At the core, being a fearful avoidant isn't about shame, it's about learning integration, self-compassion, and balance. When you use both emotion and logic together, you can move toward secure love without the constant pendulum swings. WORK WITH MICHELLE: Join THE CONNECTED WOMAN, a course for the woman who wants to go from anxious & self-abandoning in relationships to secure, confident and unf*ckwithable: https://michellepanning.com/the-connected-woman Sign up for THE EXPERIENCE, an exclusive 12-month mentorship experience where you go all in on YOU (aka, you get direct access to me as a mentor, access to every offer I run over your year, and MORE): https://michellepanning.com/the-experience Sign up for THE AWAKENING RETREATS now before they sell out. These aren't just retreats. These are where we turn your inner chaos into GOLD: https://michellepanning.com/awakening CONNECT WITH MICHELLE: Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/michellepanning Website: http://www.michellepanning.com

In this episode of Unfck Your Relationships, I'm breaking down the blind spots of the dismissive avoidant attachment style. If you've ever felt confused about why you (or your partner) shut down, withdraw, or over-rely on logic in relationships, this episode will give you clarity and a new way forward. Here's what I dive into: Logic vs. Love – Why relying on logic and analysis won't create real intimacy. Where It Starts – How childhood environments that dismissed emotions shaped these defense patterns. The Hidden Cycle – How conflicts get rationalized away, leading to the same fights and disconnection repeating. Cut Off From Pain – Why avoiding your emotions also cuts you off from your body's wisdom and intuition. The Path Forward – Learning to balance logic with emotion, validate your own needs, and stay in connection even when it feels uncomfortable. This episode is for both dismissive avoidants who want to understand themselves better, and anxious partners who are trying to make sense of their avoidant loved ones. My goal is to bring empathy, clarity, and practical tools to both sides so you can create more safety and connection. WORK WITH MICHELLE: Join THE CONNECTED WOMAN, a course for the woman who wants to go from anxious & self-abandoning in relationships to secure, confident and unf*ckwithable: https://michellepanning.com/the-connected-woman Sign up for THE EXPERIENCE, an exclusive 12-month mentorship experience where you go all in on YOU (aka, you get direct access to me as a mentor, access to every offer I run over your year, and MORE): https://michellepanning.com/the-experience Sign up for THE AWAKENING RETREATS now before they sell out. These aren't just retreats. These are where we turn your inner chaos into GOLD: https://michellepanning.com/awakening CONNECT WITH MICHELLE: Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/michellepanning Website: http://www.michellepanning.com

In this episode of Unf*ck Your Relationship, I dig into the blind spots of anxious attachment, the hidden patterns that keep you stuck in the same cycles, even when you think you've "done the work." I explain why reflection alone isn't enough, because you can only reflect on what you're consciously aware of. Blind spots live in the shadows the parts of yourself you deny, repress, or don't even know exist. And until you shine light on those, you'll keep repeating the same patterns in love, friendships, and even business. Here's what I explore in this episode: Your strength as someone with anxious attachment The shadow side of that strength How failing to hold boundaries often leads to resentment, misplaced blame, and feeling abandoned. Why sourcing safety from within not from your partner is the foundation of secure love. How building a full life outside of relationships makes you more attractive, grounded, and secure. Why pacing yourself in love is crucial to avoiding cycles of clinginess, panic, and destabilisation. I also share a personal story about noticing when I wanted my partner to uphold a boundary that was actually mine to hold a powerful reminder that no one else can honour your limits for you. At the heart of this episode, I want you to know: your open heart is a gift. But your lesson is learning to protect it, pace it, and recognise your value, so you don't hand it over to just anyone without discernment. WORK WITH MICHELLE: Join THE CONNECTED WOMAN, a course for the woman who wants to go from anxious & self-abandoning in relationships to secure, confident and unf*ckwithable: https://michellepanning.com/the-connected-woman Sign up for THE EXPERIENCE, an exclusive 12-month mentorship experience where you go all in on YOU (aka, you get direct access to me as a mentor, access to every offer I run over your year, and MORE): https://michellepanning.com/the-experience Sign up for THE AWAKENING RETREATS now before they sell out. These aren't just retreats. These are where we turn your inner chaos into GOLD: https://michellepanning.com/awakening CONNECT WITH MICHELLE: Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/michellepanning Website: http://www.michellepanning.com

In this episode of Unf*ck Your Relationship, I dive into one of the most common yet challenging dynamics I see: the anxious–avoidant relationship. Instead of just giving surface-level advice like "communicate better" or "give each other more space," I explore how shadow work is the real key to creating lasting change. I share some of my own experiences with anxiety, avoidance, and love and why I realised that traditional approaches often just reinforce the old wounds. For me, shadow work has been the tool that allowed me to see the parts of myself I had disowned and projected onto partners, which kept me locked in unhealthy cycles. Here's what I cover: Why anxious and avoidant partners are so magnetised to each other. How your partner often mirrors the parts of yourself you've hidden or rejected. Why symptom management (like "better communication") doesn't actually heal the root cause. The difference between chemistry and true compatibility. How I personally decide when a relationship is worth working on vs. when it's time to leave. The questions I ask myself when I feel stuck in old patterns. This work has taught me that true growth in relationships comes from embodiment, not just intellectual understanding. That's exactly why I created The Connected Woman to help women integrate shadow work with practices that shift attachment patterns, so we can all show up more secure, more authentic, and more fully ourselves in love.   WORK WITH MICHELLE: Join THE CONNECTED WOMAN, a course for the woman who wants to go from anxious & self-abandoning in relationships to secure, confident and unf*ckwithable: https://michellepanning.com/the-connected-woman Sign up for THE EXPERIENCE, an exclusive 12-month mentorship experience where you go all in on YOU (aka, you get direct access to me as a mentor, access to every offer I run over your year, and MORE): https://michellepanning.com/the-experience Sign up for THE AWAKENING RETREATS now before they sell out. These aren't just retreats. These are where we turn your inner chaos into GOLD: https://michellepanning.com/awakening CONNECT WITH MICHELLE: Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/michellepanning Website: http://www.michellepanning.com