215. The Plantagenets | John Lackland and Isabella of Gloucester

England's King John is truly one of a kind. He was a king so bad at the job that there's never been another British ruler willing to adopt the moniker. In the Robin Hood lore, Prince John is often depicted as a usurper while the rightful king, John's brother Richard, was away on crusade. Indeed, that John became king at all is an accident of history. His father, King Henry II, had four sons with Queen Eleanor of Aquitaine, and John was the baby. As a young man, he was known as John Lackland, because he lacked land. But his oldest brother died, then the brother closest in age to him. What was left was King Richard the Lionheart - away at Crusade - and a scheming John playing all the angles. Sponsors Upgrade your every day! Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers, or go to Quince.com/TRASHYROYALS. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada and UK, too! Listen ad-free at patreon.com/trashyroyalspodcast. To advertise on this podcast, reach out to [email protected]. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Eleanor’s life was no less interesting following the death of Henry II. Rather than fade into the background, her son, King Richard I, instead made her his most powerful deputy in England while he went to the Holy Land on Crusade. In fact, Richard I was an extremely disinterested monarch and spent very little of his decade-long reign in the country. His brother, the future King John, at one point tried to raise and army and take the crown by force, but his mother put an end to that. Then there was the ransom of Richard the Lionheart, by Austrian Duke Leopold V. Eleanor personally traveled to negotiate with, and pay ransom to, Holy Roman emperor Henry VI. Eleanor’s final years were spent in the reign of her youngest son, King John, during which she traveled among her children in Europe, arranging marriages for her granddaughters. By the time she died in 1204, at the age perhaps of 82, she had seeded her offspring among the royal houses of the continent, where they and their offspring would be players for generations to come. Sponsors Upgrade your every day! Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers, or go to Quince.com/TRASHYROYALS. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada and UK, too! Listen ad-free at ⁠⁠⁠⁠patreon.com/trashyroyalspodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠. To advertise on this podcast, reach out to ⁠⁠⁠⁠[email protected]⁠⁠⁠⁠. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

After Eleanor finally succeeded in ending her marriage to Louis VII of France, she had a brief turn of wedded bliss to the future Henry II of England. It’s not that the marriage was short, just her happiness. Henry II, it turns out, was a king of questionable judgment, as Archbishop of Canterbury Thomas Becket would find out. He was also loathe to cede power to their children, and little was helped when Henry’s head was turned by a young noblewoman named Rosamund Clifford – an affair that contributed to Eleanor urging her sons to rise up against their father in England. For her treachery, Eleanor would spend more than a decade and a half confined; their sons were welcomed back into the fold in a “boys will be boys” way. But this was not the end for Eleanor. Upon the death of Henry II in 1189, she was the extremely involved Dowager Queen of England while her sons, Richard the Lionheart and King John, would take their turns on the throne. Sponsors Upgrade your every day! Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers, or go to Quince.com/TRASHYROYALS. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada and UK, too! Listen ad-free at ⁠⁠⁠⁠patreon.com/trashyroyalspodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠. To advertise on this podcast, reach out to ⁠⁠⁠⁠[email protected]⁠⁠⁠⁠. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

There are no Plantagenet kings after Henry II without Eleanor of Aquitaine. History is not without examples of powerful women, to be sure, but even in that pantheon, Eleanor of Aquitaine is a special case. In this first part of her story, Alicia takes us through her early life in the French province of Aquitaine, where her father was the ruling Duke, and her first, disastrous marriage to the future (it turns out by a matter of days) Louis VII of France. A marriage that would, after many unhappy years, be annulled, allowing Eleanor to create one of history’s most audacious political romances: she married the future Henry II of England, son of Empress Matilda, paving the way for Eleanor to have been both Queen of France and Queen of England through separate marriages! Sponsors Upgrade your every day! Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers, or go to Quince.com/TRASHYROYALS. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada and UK, too! Listen ad-free at ⁠⁠⁠⁠patreon.com/trashyroyalspodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠. To advertise on this podcast, reach out to ⁠⁠⁠⁠[email protected]⁠⁠⁠⁠. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

It's a sad week, friends, and we are distracted by the losses of Dolly Parton and Tim Curry. Today, we do a little Royals Round Up with chatter about Harry and Meghan, Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor, Sarah Ferguson, and their daughter. Then, we share some listener emails and answer their questions to the best of our distracted abilities. Sponsors Upgrade your every day! Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers, or go to Quince.com/TRASHYROYALS. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada and UK, too! Vinted. See what’s hiding in your closet – you might be surprised how much you can earn with Vinted! Download the Vinted app for free to start listing with no seller fees, and for a limited time, enjoy free shipping in the US. Listen ad-free at patreon.com/trashyroyalspodcast. To advertise on this podcast, reach out to [email protected]. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

After the unfortunate incident with the boating accident that killed Heir Presumptive William in 1120, King Henry I had a choice to make when it came to succession planning. While he had nephews through his sister and illegitimate children (galore), it was his daughter Matilda, Holy Roman Empress since her arranged marriage at the age of eight, that he tapped to take the throne when he shuffled off his mortal coil. There was a big gathering of nobles to mark the occasion, and in the presence of Henry and Matilda, they all swore fealty to their future lady king, presumably with their fingers crossed behind their backs. Life went on for everyone for a few years yet. Matilda was re-married to Geoffrey Plantagenet, Count of Anjou, and had a couple of babies, and it was in Anjou that she learned in December of 1135 that her father the king was dead. Long live the lady king! But not really. Matilda’s cousin Stephen acted with swiftness on the news of his uncle’s death and, despite having sworn fealty to Matilda in the presence of said uncle back in 1127, got himself crowned King of England, with the support of all those nobles who had also sworn fealty to Matilda back in 1127! And this is how the First Cousins’ War – better known as the Anarchy – began! As you may know, there is no Queen Matilda in England’s royal history, but after a protracted and draining conflict, Stephen agreed to pass the crown to Matilda’s eldest son, Henry Plantagenet, launching a dynasty that would hold the English throne for centuries. Sponsors Upgrade your every day! Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers, or go to Quince.com/TRASHYROYALS. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada and UK, too! Vinted. See what’s hiding in your closet – you might be surprised how much you can earn with Vinted! Download the Vinted app for free to start listing with no seller fees, and for a limited time, enjoy free shipping in the US. Listen ad-free at ⁠⁠⁠⁠patreon.com/trashyroyalspodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠. To advertise on this podcast, reach out to ⁠⁠⁠⁠[email protected]⁠⁠⁠⁠. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today we travel back nearly a millennia to investigate the House of Normandy, the beginning of the line of non-English Kings. William the Conqueror was the first Norman (French) king of England defeating King Harold at the Battle of Hastings in 1066. What follows is the wild ride of William, his wife Matilda of Flanders and their three sons, Robert, William Rufus and Henry. This is a true battle of brothers, with twists no one saw coming that will have repercussions for the rest of time. Also playing an enormous role in this saga, the wife and queen of Henry I, Matilda of Scotland. Sponsors Upgrade your every day! Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers, or go to Quince.com/TRASHYROYALS. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada and UK, too! Vinted. See what’s hiding in your closet – you might be surprised how much you can earn with Vinted! Download the Vinted app for free to start listing with no seller fees, and for a limited time, enjoy free shipping in the US. Listen ad-free at ⁠⁠⁠⁠patreon.com/trashyroyalspodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠. To advertise on this podcast, reach out to ⁠⁠⁠⁠[email protected]⁠⁠⁠⁠. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

A few weeks ago, we ranked the royals in the UK system. Today, Alicia takes us into the peerage to talk their top of the heap, Dukes and Duchesses. Sponsors Upgrade your every day! Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers, or go to Quince.com/TRASHYROYALS. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada and UK, too! Vinted. See what’s hiding in your closet – you might be surprised how much you can earn with Vinted! Download the Vinted app for free to start listing with no seller fees, and for a limited time, enjoy free shipping in the US. Listen ad-free at patreon.com/trashyroyalspodcast. To advertise on this podcast, reach out to [email protected]. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

When Queen Elizabeth II was born in 1926, there were years of her childhood that were, compared to other future monarchs, quite normal. After all, she was never supposed to be the Queen. Her father was a second son; her Uncle David would succeed her grandfather, and certainly other male children would come along. And then, in 1930, Elizabeth’s parents waited with anticipation to find out the gender of Elizabeth’s impending sibling. A boy would be in the line of succession. But the child who arrived was Princess Margaret, who was never supposed to be the daughter and sister of Queens herself, but for the fateful choice her Uncle David would make when Margaret was just six, when everything changed. This episode follows Margaret through a tumultuous childhood, an early doomed romance, and her long, if ill-fated marriage to Antony Armstrong-Jones, eventually the Earl of Snowden. We visit Mustique, the Caribbean island where Margaret’s only personal land holdings resided, and meet some of the guests she entertained there. Plus, an assortment of stories about the social life of a notoriously difficult Princess – and why hanging with Margaret wasn’t everything it was cracked up to be. Sponsors Upgrade your every day! Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers, or go to Quince.com/TRASHYROYALS. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada and UK, too! Vinted. See what's hiding in your closet - you might be surprised how much you can earn with Vinted! Download the Vinted app for free to start listing with no seller fees, and for a limited time, enjoy free shipping in the US! Listen ad-free at patreon.com/trashyroyalspodcast. To advertise on this podcast, reach out to [email protected]. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

As she was idly scrolling Bluesky a few days ago, Alicia (@alicianwonderland.bsky.social) came across the ultimate Mad-Lib of a skeet: "roald dahl's grandson is a former london-based journalist who once freelanced for the daily dot and then married princess raiyah of jordan during covid but then got divorced and moved to the US where he became a cop in south carolina and just married an american tiktoker."  Ask and ye shall receive, as they say, and listeners, believe it or not, it kind of all makes sense. Sponsors Upgrade your every day! Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers, or go to Quince.com/TRASHYROYALS. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada and UK, too! Vinted. See what's hiding in your closet - you might be surprised how much you can earn with Vinted! Download the Vinted app for free to start listing with no seller fees, and for a limited time, enjoy free shipping in the US. Listen ad-free at patreon.com/trashyroyalspodcast. To advertise on this podcast, reach out to [email protected]. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices