The Struggle

Can self-improvement make you unhappy? If you’re reading the books, listening to the podcasts and chasing your goals—but still never feeling good enough—this episode is for you. I’ve realised I might have turned my entire life into a self-improvement project. Somewhere between trying to become more productive, successful and healthy, I started losing sight of the life I actually wanted to enjoy. In Episode 83 of The Struggle, I explore the self-improvement trap: how constantly trying to become better can leave us feeling that who we are now isn’t enough. Drawing on research into fulfilment and Alan Watts’ “backwards law”, I discuss achievement, materialism, social comparison and the importance of making room for rest, relationships and play. I also share practical approaches I’m trying myself to pursue meaningful goals without putting happiness permanently on hold. How do we keep growing while recognising that our lives already have value? What do you do purely for enjoyment, without needing to achieve anything? Let me know in the comments—I’d love some ideas. Subscribe to The Struggle for honest conversations about life’s challenges, meaningful ambition and finding more room to enjoy being human. #SelfImprovement #Productivity #TheStruggle📺 Watch The StruggleYouTube - https://youtube.com/@GregorSThomson?si=wTfFwPVYKhJxKAsD📱 Get In TouchInstagram - https://www.instagram.com/gregorsthomson/Tiktok -https://www.tiktok.com/@gregor.s.thomson?_t=8ioMNLUnA25&_r=1Email - [email protected] & Source Credits Stock footage: All stock videos used in this episode were sourced from Pexels. https://www.pexels.com Pexels License: https://www.pexels.com/license/ YouTube video excerpts: FC Concepts — “FC27 Gameplay Is WORSE Than I Expected…” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i65nBAzI4MM Benjamin_Winters — “This is what 1000 hours in Cyberpunk 2077 looks like…” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dc6cmHE__Q8 Rockstar Games — “Grand Theft Auto VI: An Extended Look” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tJbzMqJGH4k UnitedG — “Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 4 Multiplayer Gameplay [4K]” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B9ki4KoPiXg Screen recordings: Screen recordings of browsing YouTube and Instagram were captured by Gregor Thomson. Instagram quote/post: @wethinkdeeply] — https://www.instagram.com/p/DdRNM1XDRvg/?psln=cml0ZTVvemczYWdu Research & Philosophical Background Fulfilment and a life well lived: Baumann, D., & Ruch, W. (2022). What constitutes a fulfilled life? A mixed methods study on lay perspectives across the lifespan. Frontiers in Psychology, 13, 982782. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2022.982782 The potential drawbacks of pursuing happiness: Mauss, I. B., Tamir, M., Anderson, C. L., & Savino, N. S. (2011). Can seeking happiness make people unhappy? Paradoxical effects of valuing happiness. Emotion, 11(4), 807–815. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0022010 Materialism and well-being: Dittmar, H., Bond, R., Hurst, M., & Kasser, T. (2014). The relationship between materialism and personal well-being: A meta-analysis. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 107(5), 879–924. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0037409 Social comparison on social media: Meier, A., & Johnson, B. K. (2022). Social comparison and envy on social media: A critical review. Current Opinion in Psychology, 45, 101302. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.copsyc.2022.101302 Adult playfulness and well-being: Proyer, R. T., Gander, F., Brauer, K., & Chick, G. (2021). Can playfulness be stimulated? A randomised placebo-controlled online playfulness intervention study on effects on trait playfulness, well-being, and depression. Applied Psychology: Health and Well-Being, 13(1), 129–151. https://doi.org/10.1111/aphw.12220 Rest and mentally disconnecting from work: Wendsche, J., & Lohmann-Haislah, A. (2017). A meta-analysis on antecedents and outcomes of detachment from work. Frontiers in Psychology, 7, 2072. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2016.02072 Gratitude and well-being: Emmons, R. A., & McCullough, M. E. (2003). Counting blessings versus burdens: An experimental investigation of gratitude and subjective well-being in daily life. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 84(2), 377–389. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.84.2.377 Philosophical background to the “backwards law”: Watts, A. (1951). The Wisdom of Insecurity: A Message for an Age of Anxiety. Related contemporary discussion: Manson, M. The Backwards Law—Why the Best Things in Life Must Be Let Go. https://markmanson.net/the-backwards-law These references provide research and philosophical context for the episode. Personal experiences, interpretations and practical suggestions are distinguished from established research findings; the studies do not establish that all self-improvement, ambition or social media use is harmful.

I spent years trying to optimize my productivity, routines and future until I realized I was becoming incapable of actually enjoying the present.In Episode 82 of The Struggle, I explore what my obsession with productivity taught me about time, presence and the strange difference between experiencing your life and remembering it. After living in Edinburgh for 30 years, I recently moved home, country and job. Having my routines completely disrupted forced me to notice just how much of my life had become dictated by to-do lists, optimization and some future version of myself. I talk about an afternoon with a friend that I barely appreciated while it was happening, only to desperately want to return to it the following day and what Daniel Kahneman and Jason Riis’s distinction between the experiencing self and remembering self might tell us about why this happens. How much of our present are we willing to trade for future success? And do we need a huge life event — moving, a breakup, illness or loss — before we’re willing to seriously reevaluate the lives we’re living? If you enjoy conversations about psychology, philosophy, self-development and the struggles that shape our lives, subscribe to The Struggle. What would make you seriously reevaluate your life without waiting for something to force you to? Let me know below. References Kahneman, Daniel & Jason Riis (2005) — Living, and Thinking About It: Two Perspectives on Life, in The Science of Well-Being. Experiencing self vs remembering self Experienced vs evaluated well-being How memory can differ from moment-to-moment experience Thomas Sowell — “There are no solutions, only trade-offs.” Used in relation to the trade-offs we make between present experience and future achievement. Chris Williamson — End of Year Review Personal reflection exercise for evaluating the previous year and considering changes for the future. Tim Ferriss — Fear-Setting Reflection exercise for identifying fears, considering their consequences and evaluating the cost of inaction. 👂 Listen To The StruggleApple Podcasts - https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/the-struggle/id1724163527 Spotify - https://open.spotify.com/show/3eMb4txFAAyrPqr1pbxOUE?si=Ctq42-clRVCGWZIK5UhGZA 📱 Get In Touch Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/gregorsthomson/ Tiktok -https://www.tiktok.com/@gregor.s.thomson?_t=8ioMNLUnA25&_r=1 Email - [email protected] #productivity #SelfImprovement #TheStruggle

What if everything you've been told about success, productivity and self-improvement is making you less happy?In Episode 81 of The Struggle, I sit down with bestselling author, speaker and former teacher Gavin Oattes for one of the most honest conversations I've ever recorded. We discuss:• Why the self-improvement industry may be making people more anxious • Gavin's devastating nervous breakdown and the lessons that followed • ADHD, anxiety and why so many adults feel overwhelmed • The hidden cost of chasing success • Why children seem happier than adults • Social media, comparison and the pressure to optimise everything • How "glimmers" can transform your mental wellbeing • Why the smallest moments often matter most • Learning to have a good day instead of chasing a perfect lifeIf you've ever felt burnt out, stuck, anxious or like you're constantly chasing the next achievement, this conversation is for you.If you enjoy conversations about psychology, philosophy, wellbeing and personal growth, subscribe for a new episode of The Struggle every week.💬 Let me know in the comments:What's one small thing that genuinely brings you joy?━━━━━━━━━━━━━━Follow Gavin OattesWebsite: https://gavinoattes.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/gavoattes LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/gavinoattes/Find Gavin’s books including his latest Confidently Lost here: https://uk.bookshop.org/beta-search?keywords=Gavin+oattes━━━━━━━━━━━━━━📺 Watch The StruggleYouTube - https://youtube.com/@GregorSThomson?si=wTfFwPVYKhJxKAsD📱 Get In TouchInstagram - https://www.instagram.com/gregorsthomson/Tiktok -https://www.tiktok.com/@gregor.s.thomson?_t=8ioMNLUnA25&_r=1Email - [email protected]━━━━━━━━━━━━━━References Burkeman, O. Four Thousand Weeks: Time Management for MortalsCope, A. The Art of Being BrilliantOattes, G. Confidently LostOattes, G. Life Will See You NowPorges, S. W. The Polyvagal Theory: Neurophysiological Foundations of Emotions, Attachment, Communication, and Self-RegulationSeligman, M. E. P. Helplessness: On Depression, Development, and DeathSeligman, M. E. P. Flourish: A Visionary New Understanding of Happiness and Well-beingWare, B. The Top Five Regrets of the Dying: A Life Transformed by the Dearly Departing#podcast #mentalhealth #selfimprovement #psychology #adhd #anxiety #happiness

Why do we keep repeating behaviours we know are bad for us? In this episode of The Struggle, I’m joined by Dr Sarah Caddy to explore The Chimp Model, developed by Professor Steve Peters, and how it explains self-sabotage, emotional reactions, bad habits, social media scrolling, motivation, discipline, anxiety, and why we so often feel at war with ourselves. We discuss the three “teams” in the mind — the Chimp, Human and Computer — and how understanding them can help us manage emotions, change habits, stop relying on willpower, and become more compassionate toward ourselves. This conversation covers: Why your emotional brain reacts faster than your rational brain How habits form in the “computer” Why motivation is unreliable How to manage social media scrolling and instant gratification Why self-sabotage is normal but unhelpful The importance of naming emotions How to build a “human-led, chimp-friendly” plan Why looking after yourself is not selfish How to stop beating yourself up and start changing properly If you’ve ever thought, “Why do I keep doing this when I know better?” — this episode is for you. Find Out More About The Chimp Model Here - https://chimpmanagement.com Books mentioned: The Chimp Paradox — Prof Steve Peters A Path Through the Jungle — Prof Steve Peters 📱 Get In Touch Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/gregorsthomson/ Tiktok -https://www.tiktok.com/@gregor.s.thomson?_t=8ioMNLUnA25&_r=1 Email - [email protected] 📺 Watch The StruggleYouTube - https://youtube.com/@GregorSThomson?si=wTfFwPVYKhJxKAsDSubscribe for more conversations on psychology, philosophy, self-development and what it means to struggle well.

A former NASA astronomer explains what time REALLY is and why everything you believe about it might be wrong.From relativity to free will, this conversation will change how you see reality forever.In Episode 79 of The Struggle, I sit down with former NASA astronomer Sten Odenwald to explore one of the most mind-bending questions in existence:What is time?We break down:- Why there is no universal “now”- The difference between subjective time and physical time- How relativity proves time isn’t what we think- Whether time travel is actually possible - The relationship between time and free will- Why the future may not be predetermined- What happens to time at the Big Bang - Why time might not even exist inside atomsThis is one of the most fascinating conversations I’ve ever had — and one that will genuinely change how you think about your life.The Essential Book Of Time by Sten Odenwald Is Now Available In Most Book Shops 📱 Get In TouchInstagram - https://www.instagram.com/gregorsthomson/Tiktok -https://www.tiktok.com/@gregor.s.thomson?_t=8ioMNLUnA25&_r=1Email - [email protected]📺 Watch The StruggleYouTube - https://youtube.com/@GregorSThomson?si=wTfFwPVYKhJxKAsD—If you enjoyed this, subscribe for more conversations on psychology, philosophy, and breaking free from limitation. #time #nasa #physics #philosophy #freewill #relativity #podcast

What makes someone truly disciplined? In this episode of The Struggle, I sit down with Diren Kartal to talk about productivity, resilience, fatherhood, coaching, discipline, handling failure, building a business, and why success means more than money.Diren shares how growing up in East London shaped his mindset, why hearing “no” made him mentally bulletproof, what young men need to hear more of, how to deal with negativity online, and why family, purpose, health, and self-awareness matter more than clout.We also talk about:how struggle can build resiliencewhy progress isn’t loud when you’re living itsocial media, influence, and bringing real valuethe “freedom fallacy” and chasing peace in the futuremorning routines, fatherhood, and enjoying the simple thingswhat it really takes to build something meaningful over yearsIf you’re trying to build a better life, become more disciplined, get fitter, think more clearly, or create something meaningful, this conversation is for you.Follow Diren Kartal on Instagram📺 Watch The StruggleYouTube - https://youtube.com/@GregorSThomson?si=wTfFwPVYKhJxKAsD📱 Get In TouchInstagram - https://www.instagram.com/gregorsthomson/Tiktok -https://www.tiktok.com/@gregor.s.thomson?_t=8ioMNLUnA25&_r=1Email - [email protected] for more conversations on discipline, meaning, ambition, self-development, psychology, and modern life.#DirenKartal #Discipline #SelfImprovement #Productivity #Fatherhood #Masculinity #Mindset #Success #Resilience #TheStrugglePodcast

Louis Theroux’s new documentary Inside the Manosphere has sparked huge debate — but I think it reveals something much bigger about masculinity, social media, and the crisis facing young men. In this episode of The Struggle, I give my honest reaction to the Netflix documentary, discussing figures like Myron Gaines, the rise of manosphere influencers, and the deeper cultural forces behind the phenomenon. While the rhetoric in the documentary is often disturbing and misogynistic, the wider issue is far more complex. Why are young men drawn to this content? What role do social media algorithms play? And why does the conversation around men’s issues so often become polarised? This episode explores: • Louis Theroux’s Inside the Manosphere • The rise of manosphere influencers • Myron Gaines and Fresh & Fit • Why young men are drawn to this content • The impact on relationships and society • Why the conversation around masculinity has become so polarised This is an unscripted reaction episode discussing statements made in the documentary and exploring the wider cultural conversation around masculinity, social media, and identity. 🎙 Subscribe for weekly conversations on psychology, philosophy, and the struggle to live a meaningful life. Thumbnail image: promotional image from Inside the Manosphere (Netflix).— #manosphere #louisstheroux #masculinity #podcast #psychology 📱 Get In Touch Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/gregorsthomson/ Tiktok -https://www.tiktok.com/@gregor.s.thomson?_t=8ioMNLUnA25&_r=1 Email - [email protected]

John McClarey joins me on Episode 77 of The Struggle to talk about building Business Fives from scratch, what it really takes to grow a business over years, and what happened behind the scenes before stepping into Dragon’s Den.We talk about:how he started the business in 2016taking action before things feel perfectproductivity, prioritisation, and focus timethe 1-2-3 / 1-3-5 frameworkGetting Things Done and the 2-minute rulethe full Dragon’s Den application and pitch processpublic speaking, preparation, and pressuremotivation vs dedicationmeditation, journaling, breathwork, and morning routines and entrepreneurship is actually like behind the scenes.If you’re interested in entrepreneurship, self-development, productivity, mindset, Dragon’s Den, or building something meaningful, this episode is for you.Guest: John McClareyPodcast: The Struggle with Gregor ThomsonSubscribe for more conversations on psychology, philosophy, ambition, discipline, freedom, and building a meaningful life.#DragonsDen #Entrepreneurship #Productivity #BusinessPodcast #SelfDevelopmentReferences mentioned in this episodeThe Lean Startup — Eric RiesEssentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less — Greg McKeownGetting Things Done / GTD — David AllenThe Miracle Morning — Hal ElrodMiracle Morning Millionaires — Hal Elrod, David Osborn, Honoree CorderTools of Titans — Tim FerrissInsight Timer — meditation app mentioned by John McClareyDragon’s Den — BBC television seriesBusiness Fives — John McClarey’s business📺 Watch The StruggleYouTube - https://youtube.com/@GregorSThomson?si=wTfFwPVYKhJxKAsD📱 Get In TouchInstagram - https://www.instagram.com/gregorsthomson/Tiktok -https://www.tiktok.com/@gregor.s.thomson?_t=8ioMNLUnA25&_r=1Email - [email protected]

Is the wellness industry replacing religion? And is our obsession with self-improvement actually making us more anxious? In Episode 75 of The Struggle Podcast, author and journalist Brigid Delaney joins Gregor Thomson to explore Stoicism, ambition, journaling, alcohol, modern anxiety, and what she calls the “freedom fallacy” — the belief that peace and happiness only arrive once we succeed. We discuss: • Why Stoicism is misunderstood as emotionless or masculine • How the wellness industry became a new form of spirituality • The danger of ambition and hustle culture • Why moderation beats extreme self-discipline • Alcohol, connection, and social health • Journaling as a Stoic practice • Why freedom and success never feel as good as we expect • How ancient philosophy applies to modern burnout Brigid explains how Stoicism helped reshape her life after exploring the trillion-dollar wellness industry — and why philosophy should be a “street practice” for everyone, not just academics. This episode is for anyone struggling with: • Anxiety and overthinking • Burnout and ambition • Self-help overload • Feeling stuck in the future instead of living now 🎧 Listen if you’re interested in Stoicism, philosophy, psychology, wellness culture, journaling, or living a meaningful life. ⸻ About The Struggle Podcast: The Struggle explores psychology, philosophy, and modern life — honest conversations about ambition, suffering, freedom, and what it really means to live well. 👍 Like 💬 Comment 🔔 Subscribe for weekly episodes 📺 Watch The StruggleYouTube - https://youtube.com/@GregorSThomson?si=wTfFwPVYKhJxKAsD📱 Get In TouchInstagram - https://www.instagram.com/gregorsthomson/Tiktok -https://www.tiktok.com/@gregor.s.thomson?_t=8ioMNLUnA25&_r=1Email - [email protected] Books & Thinkers Mentioned Marcus Aurelius – Meditations Seneca – Letters from a Stoic Epictetus – Enchiridion Brigid Delaney – Reasons Not to Worry, Wellmania, The Seeker and the Sage Donna Zuckerberg – Not All Dead White Men David Foster Wallace – This Is Water Oliver Burkeman – Four Thousand Weeks

Most of us feel trapped between two voices:One telling us to work harder, achieve more, and sacrifice now…And another telling us to slow down and enjoy life before it’s too late.In this episode of The Struggle podcast, I explore what I call The Freedom Fallacy — the belief that freedom only exists in the future once success is achieved.This episode breaks down:• What the Freedom Fallacy really is• Why it appears in the “messy middle” of any ambitious project• The psychological cost of postponing life• How to struggle toward freedom without burning out• Why presence, joy, and rest are not distractions but part of the journeyThis is not a productivity hack.It’s a lens for living.If you’re working hard for a better future but feel like you’re missing your life right now, this episode is for you.⸻🎧 Topics covered:Freedom vs struggleBurnout and regretDelayed gratificationMeaning and purposeAmbition and presencePsychology of motivationIf this resonated with you, subscribe for weekly episodes exploring psychology, philosophy, and the struggle for a meaningful life.“The answer lies in the struggle.”Conceptual influences (not quoted):• Viktor Frankl – Man’s Search for Meaning (meaning through struggle)• Friedrich Nietzsche – “He who has a why…”• Carl Jung – individuation and psychological tension• Cal Newport – Deep Work / burnout & meaningful effort• Oliver Burkeman – Four Thousand Weeks (time and life balance)• Zach Talender – “Space Cadet” metaphor (credit clearly as inspiration)• Self-determination theory (Deci & Ryan) –autonomy, competence, relatedness📺 Watch The StruggleYouTube - https://youtube.com/@GregorSThomson?si=wTfFwPVYKhJxKAsD📱 Get In TouchInstagram - https://www.instagram.com/gregorsthomson/Tiktok -https://www.tiktok.com/@gregor.s.thomson?_t=8ioMNLUnA25&_r=1Email - [email protected]