The Offcuts Drawer - Successful Writers Share Their Best Worst Ideas

Advertising copywriter and novelist Paul shares rejected scripts that include a screenplay about a cab-driving priest, a dog that could still become a household name and a romantic reunion for the radio. Cast: Chris Pavlo, David Lane Pusey, Helen Goldwyn, Christopher Kent, Marcus Hutton Warning: This episode contains strong language Paul Burke is a multi‑award‑winning advertising copywriter and producer, widely recognised as one of the UK’s foremost radio creatives. His work has earned him over 30 industry honours, including Cannes Lions and D&AD pencils. He has crafted memorable campaigns for major brands such as Barclaycard, VW, PG Tips, British Gas, and Budweiser, and has frequent experience directing radio commercials. As a novelist, Paul has published four books: Father Frank, Untorn Tickets, The Man Who Fell in Love with His Wife, and Kiss Like You Mean It. Alongside his fiction, he contributes regularly to publications like The Spectator, The Critic, Campaign and The Daily Mail and also appears frequently as a commentator on advertising, media, and culture for outlets including BBC Radio 4, BBC Five Live, and BBC London. Alongside his studio work, journalism, and novel-writing, Paul serves as a judge for creative and literary awards, helping to shape the next generation of storytelling talent. For more details about the writer, the offcuts and the actors performing them see the episode show notes: offcutsdrawer.com/paul-burke/

Writer and storyteller Lynn Ferguson shares a mixed bag of offcuts that include a London love story, a nightmare foxhunt, a ghostly family reunion and a family saga of oil-magnate ducks. CAST:  David Monteath, Nigel Pilkington, Gayanne Potter, Christopher Kent, Beth Chalmers Warning: This episode contains strong language Lynn Ferguson is a writer and story coach whose work spans radio, television, theatre, film and live storytelling. She began her career writing for BBC Scotland’s Megamag, and went on to create the Radio 4 sitcom Millport. Her radio work includes dramas, fairy tales and comedy monologues, while for TV she wrote for The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson and developed pilots for BBC Two and Channel 4. She was also a script consultant on Pixar’s movie Brave. She played a main character in Aardman Animations' hit film Chicken Run and its sequel Chicken Run: Dawn of the Nugget, which she was a writer on too. Her stage plays have been a regular presence at the Edinburgh Fringe, where she’s had eight works produced, including Heart and Sole, Careful, and The Weir Sisters. She won a Fringe First Award and the Stage Award for Acting Excellence. Now based in Los Angeles, Ferguson also writes short films and non-fiction, with bylines in The Scotsman, The Stage, and Time Out. For more details about the writer, the offcuts and the actors performing them see the episode show notes: offcutsdrawer.com/lynn-ferguson/ .  

"Swearing consultant", screenwriter and producer Ian Martin shares a combination of film scripts and short stories that include tales of gory ghosts, a mosquito-ridden dystopia, and body-swapping in the Bible. Cast: Beth Chalmers, Keith Wickham, Kenny Blyth, Christopher Kent, Emma Clarke and Nigel Pilkington This episode contains very STRONG LANGUAGE Ian Martin is a BAFTA- and EMMY-winning comedy writer best known for his scathing political satire on The Thick of It, where he served as the show’s “swearing consultant” and for his work on HBO’s Veep. A longtime collaborator with Armando Iannucci, his credits also include Time Trumpet, The Death of Stalin, and many articles and books, including his parody of Boris Johnson's memoir Unleashed called Unhinged. Martin is celebrated for his razor-sharp dialogue and darkly comic take on modern politics. For more details about the writer, the offcuts and the actors performing them see the episode show notes: https://offcutsdrawer.com/ian-martin/

Best-selling thriller writer Lisa ("Then She Was Gone", "The Family Upstairs", "Watching You") shares clips that didn't make it into her books, and talks in fascinating detail about her unusually practical and no-nonsense writing technique. Clips performed by: Beth Chalmers, Christopher Kent and Rachel Atkins. Lisa Jewell is the Number 1 New York Times bestselling author of nineteen novels (shortly to be 20), including The Girls and The House We Grew Up In, as well as Invisible Girl and I Found You.  Her first novel Ralph's Party, a book whose genre she describes as "flatmates and curry" was the highest selling debut novel of the year. She has written various other genres of fiction, and most recently she's topped the best-selling charts with her psychological thrillers. So far her novels have sold over 5 million copies internationally, and her work has been translated into twenty-nine languages.  Episode show notes and more details:  offcutsdrawer.com/lisa-jewell

"Dublin Trilogy" novelist and former comedian Caimh (CK) McDonnell shares his sitcom set aboard a ferry, a pre-Fleabag Fleabag and a comedy about what happens when multiple timelines meet. Offcuts performed by: Jake Yapp, Darrell Maclaine, Kenny Blyth, Lizzie Roper, David Monteith and Rachel Atkins. This episode contains strong language. Caimh McDonnell is the internationally bestselling author of the Dublin Trilogy which is set in his hometown. His debut novel 'A Man with One of Those Faces' – a darkly comedic crime thriller – was published in 2016 and nominated for best novel at the 2017 CAP awards. It went on to spawn the increasingly uncountable Dublin Trilogy (five books and counting) and the McGarry Stateside series, which have been translated into several different languages and optioned for television. He also writes ‘The Stranger Times’ series of books under the name of C.K. McDonnell which has been described as "a celebration of how truth really can be stranger than fiction" The former professional stand-up comedian and TV writer has performed all around the world, had several well-received Edinburgh shows and supported acts such as Sarah Millican and Gary Delaney on tour before hanging up his clowning shoes to concentrate on writing. His TV writing work has seen him work on some of the biggest topical comedy shows on British TV and has earned him a BAFTA nomination. Episode show notes:  https://offcutsdrawer.com/caimh-mcdonnell  

A rap musical set in a US prison based on a Noel Coward play, a sitcom about IVF and a story about JFK faking moon landings - just 3 of the offcuts from comedy writer and US showrunner Georgia. Clips performed by: Desiree Burch, Beth Chalmers, Keith Wickham, Lizzie Roper and Jake Yapp. With additional music by Jake Yapp. Warning: This episode contains strong language. Georgia is a multi-award-winning comedy and drama writer, who has five Emmys, five Writers Guild awards, a Golden Globe, a BAFTA and a Producer’s Guild award. She is currently a writer and co-executive producer on HBO's critically acclaimed show, Succession, now in its third season. Georgia was the co-executive producer and writer on the HBO multi-Emmy winning show Veep, which ran for seven series.  Georgia is show-running The Shrink Next Door: an adaptation of the hit podcast, starring Will Ferrell, Paul Rudd and Kathryn Hahn, for Apple TV. She wrote three episodes of HBO's Avenue Five, Armando Iannucci’s space comedy starring Hugh Laurie. Georgia has written extensively for Miranda Hart and Tracy Ullman and the shows Have I Got News for You, Smack the Pony, Not Going Out and The Thick of It. She created, wrote and show-ran 2DTV for ITV as well as Quick Cuts starring Doon Makichan, Feel The Force and three series of Life of Riley - starring Caroline Quentin for the BBC. Georgia’s memoir My Mess is a Bit of a Life has just been published.  Episode show notes:  https://offcutsdrawer.com/georgia-pritchett

Raconteuse Miranda shares the bits of writing that didn't quite make it, along with tales of her former life as a sex worker, in a show that's definitely NSFW. Clips performed by Chris Pavlo, Bhavnisha Parmar and Emma Clarke.  Warning: This episode contains strong language and explicit material. Miranda Kane is a comedian, writer, and performer who garners inspiration from her previous career as a sex-worker and her more recent work in organising body positive events. She writes and stars in the Audible sitcom SLAVING AWAY, based upon her ‘utterly mundane life as a dominatrix’, which reached number one in the Audible charts and has had its third season recently released. She has also written sex blogs and co-hosts the ‘Good Sex/Bad Sex’ podcast for Metro. She is a sex-worker rights activist, raising money for charities which support sex-workers. She takes part in debates and public speaking events to promote the decriminalisation of sex-work, and in 2017 she was a TedX speaker where her ‘idea worth spreading’ was that comedy and storytelling can help change the public’s opinion of sex-workers to allow them to work in safety and without fear of persecution or prosecution. She currently runs Club Indulge – a range of Body Positive events aimed at providing a safe space for plus size people to enjoy being party animals. Episode show notes:  https://offcutsdrawer.com/miranda-kane

This is not a normal episode of The Offcuts Drawer but a taster of the excellent podcast In Writing With Hattie Crisell. Journalist Hattie visits the studies of writers of all kinds – novelists, screenwriters, poets, journalists and more – to find out how they write, why they write, and what they can teach us about doing it better and the special guest in this episode is Graham Norton. The Offcuts Drawer will be back with a brand new episode later this week but in the meantime you can find more details about Hattie's podcast here: https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/in-writing-with-hattie-crisell/id1490412801

An investigation into the Mole-man of Hackney, standup material about pond-dipping and a bit of angst-filled teenage poetry are just some of the offcuts shared by Isy. Clips performed by: Lynsey Murrell, Beth Chalmers, Darrell Maclaine, Shash Hira, Toby Longworth and Emma Clarke Isy Suttie is a comedian, actress and writer who started performing stand up in 2002. She trained as an actress and has written for the GUARDIAN, the OBSERVER, RED and GLAMOUR, and is a regular writer and performer on BBC Radio 4, where her show PEARL AND DAVE won a Gold Sony Award in 2013. This led to two series of her musical story show set in Matlock, ISY SUTTIE’S LOVE LETTERS. Her TV acting credits include Dobby in PEEP SHOW and Esther in SHAMELESS, Ally in MAN DOWN and Nat in DAMNED, and she has been nominated for three British Comedy Awards. She’s written 2 books – THE ACTUAL ONE, a comedy memoir which came out in 2016 and her first novel JANE IS TRYING has just been published in 2021. Episode show notes with offcuts track listing and more details about Isy and the actors:  https://offcutsdrawer.com/isy-suttie

Scotland's "Queen of Crime" shares some stonking bits of early writing, including her attempt at a bonkbuster and the short story that prefigured her move into thrillers. Clips performed by: Christopher Kent, Beth Chalmers, Leah Marks, Kenny Blyth, Emma Clarke and Rachel Atkins. Val McDermid has sold over 17 million books to date across the globe and is translated into over 40 languages. She is perhaps best-known for her Wire in the Blood series, featuring clinical psychologist Dr Tony Hill and DCI Carol Jordan, which was adapted for television starring Robson Green and Hermione Norris. She has written three other series: private detective Kate Brannigan, journalist Lindsay Gordon and, most recently, cold case detective Karen Pirie. She has also published in several award-winning standalone novels, books of non-fiction, short story collections and a children’s picture book, My Granny is a Pirate. As well as books she has also written for stage, radio and screen. In early 2017 Val’s latest BBC Radio 4 drama series, Resistance, aired to great acclaim. And in the last couple of years, she has returned to writing for the theatre with Margaret Saves Scotland as well as the primetime TV series Traces based on her original idea. ITV have subsequently announced the commissioning of a new drama Karen Pirie based on Val’s eponymous series character. Episode show notes and more details:  offcutsdrawer.com/val-mcdermid/