The Silence After IVF: What Happens When It Doesn’t Work

Australian activist Michael Barnett joins us to talk about identity, queer visibility, childlessness not by choice, and what it means to advocate fiercely for others while holding private grief. A moving conversation about purpose, belonging, and the quiet ways we create legacy. **** Visit our website to join our supportive and friendly Full Stop Community for childless not by choice people, download the transcript of this episode and find out more about being our guest. Donate to our work with a virtual coffee. If you like what you've heard, please do leave us a review, thank you.

In this heartfelt episode of The Full Stop, counsellor and author Meriel Whale joins the team to discuss how childlessness reshapes love, identity, and connection within relationships. Together with Berenice, Sarah, and Michael, she explores what happens when partners experience grief at different paces, how intimacy and communication evolve after loss, and why understanding each other’s emotional landscape matters more than ever. This conversation dives deep into the unspoken spaces — loneliness within couples, the struggle to ask for help, and the challenge of rebuilding closeness after childlessness. Insightful, compassionate, and full of warmth, it’s an invitation to slow down, listen differently, and find courage in the spaces between.

Reframing ‘Otherness’: A Conversation with Lana Manikowski In our latest episode, we talk with author and coach Lana Manikowski about the experience of being “othered” as a woman without children. Lana describes how years of infertility led her to a new purpose: helping others define their lives beyond parenthood. She speaks openly about shame, resilience, and the importance of investing in yourself — whether that means therapy, journaling, or creating community. Lana also shares the story of founding Others Day Brunch, an annual event that offers connection and celebration for those who feel isolated around Mother’s Day. Lana Manikowski is an author, certified life coach, and infertility advocate dedicated to helping women thrive after infertility. She is the founder of The Other’s Day Brunch and host of The ‘So Now What?’ Podcast, creating spaces where childless women feel seen, understood, and empowered. After a seven-year journey through fertility treatments that ended without a child, Lana experienced the isolation, self-judgment, and grief of navigating a future she never planned for. When she couldn’t find the support she needed, she built it herself. Now, through her coaching, advocacy efforts, and community outreach, she helps women rediscover their relevance, connection, and purpose beyond motherhood. With an advanced coaching certification in grief and post-traumatic growth, Lana helps women process the loss of the dream of motherhood and move forward with intention. Her coaching program, Thrive After Infertility, guides women in rebuilding relationships and creating meaningful milestones that bring fulfillment in the decades ahead. Her book So Now What?, a #1 New Release on Amazon, offers a transformative roadmap for embracing life beyond infertility, helping women reclaim joy, meaning, and a sense of belonging without the children longed for. A sought-after speaker and media contributor, Lana is known for her powerful message: your story isn’t over, it’s just beginning. She lives in downtown Chicago with her husband and their furbaby, Coco. Download The Top 27 Things People Say When You Are Childless (...and how to respond). It ties perfectly into our conversation about othering because people with kids often love to offer suggestions for what we should be doing to achieve parenthood instead of acknowledging that we have already done what we are capable of. We know our bodies, our journeys, and our limits when it comes to what we choose to do or not do. I am also teaching a free masterclass on this in September. You can get the free guide here:  So Now What?, my first book, came out in April. Berenice wrote one of the endorsements and Jody Day wrote the foreword. So Now What? is about creating a life you love without the children you always dreamed of. It is the guide I wish my fertility clinic had offered me when my seven years of IVF ended without a baby. There’s a free giveaway with a download of Jody’s foreword and Chapter 1, which shares the story of the day I got the call from my doctor telling me my last and only frozen embryo was chromosomally abnormal. Download your copy from my website.

In this conversation, we’re joined by Anne Barratt from Empowering Health who discusses her holistic approach to health, focusing on kinesiology and its role in understanding individual experiences of menopause and childlessness. Anne encourages listeners to embrace their femininity and creativity, highlighting that ageing is not an end but a new beginning. After two decades in corporate marketing—and many hope-filled years of trying to become a mother—Anne’s dream of having children came to an abrupt and heartbreaking end. From that deep void of grief, she chose to rise. Determined to understand the “why” behind her journey, she immersed herself in personal healing and became qualified in a range of disciplines, including holistic health and counselling. Anne turned her own life around and went on to “birth” her business—a way to support others through emotional healing, life transitions, and creating lasting wellbeing. Her work is rooted in personal transformation, resilience, and a deep desire to help others break free from emotional pain, disconnection, and burnout. Inspired by her fertility journey and the grief of childlessness, Anne redefined what legacy means. Today, she channels that energy into helping women reconnect to their intuition, body wisdom, and soul truth—so they can rediscover joy, clarity, and a renewed sense of purpose. While she doesn’t specialise in deep trauma recovery, Anne gently guides her clients toward powerful “aha” moments, emotional breakthroughs, and energetic alignment to help them move forward. Instagram: @empowering_health / @empoweringhealthau Website: empoweringhealth.clinic Read the Full Stop newsletter  Join our online community and connect on social media 

In Episode 76, Berenice, Michael, and Sarah have the conversation they’ve avoided for six years: what happens after failed IVF. With raw honesty and compassion, we explore the emotional aftermath of a process that’s gruelling, often isolating, and rarely discussed when it doesn't lead to parenthood. We reflect on grief, lost identities, anger at misleading success rates, the mental and financial toll, and the uncomfortable silence surrounding childlessness after IVF. This episode holds space for everyone who has ever felt abandoned by the system, and those seeking to understand.

We welcome Professor Gayle Letherby, a pioneering sociologist whose deeply personal and academic work has transformed how we think about childlessness, grief, identity, and storytelling. Gayle reflects on her journey, beginning with a miscarriage in the 1980s that altered her life trajectory and became the foundation of a groundbreaking academic career. Her research into involuntary childlessness, pregnancy loss, and the status of parenthood spans decades and she’s still going strong About Professor Gayle Letherby Having worked as a nursery nurse prior to the miscarriage (in the early 1980s) of my, to my knowledge, one and only pregnancy, one and only baby, I gave up my job and listlessly, sometimes desperately, wandered through my own life feeling that I had no purpose and no future. Finding Sociology saved me with an A Level at a local FE college being followed by an undergraduate degree, a PhD and 30+ years of teaching, researching, writing and mentoring. The significance of mother or not has always been part of my academic labour and I have undertaken research and written much on the experience of those who do and those who do not mother (and father) and the implications and impact of this. My PhD was specifically concerned with the identity and experience of ‘infertility’ and ‘involuntary childlessness’ (which I write in quotation marks to highlight problems with definition). I interviewed and corresponded with more than 80 individuals, mostly women but some men too, and when writing up my thesis included some of my own experience in the text. Alongside other academic work I have also conducted a number of auto/biographical research projects on reproductive loss and on pregnancy and early motherhood (parenthood). Fifteen years ago I began to also write fiction and memoir, for both academic and lay audiences. My personal experience and my research interests are often the stimulus for the fiction I write and my significant others regularly appear in my memoir pieces. This includes my baby, the child who died months before her or his expected birth date, and also my mother, Dorothy, and father, Ron, and my husband John (all deceased). I find this writing both cathartic and energising. My own, and others’, experience of Covid-19 and of ‘growing older’ has led me to reflect on, not least, the differences between solitude and loneliness and the experience of growing older as a childless not by choice individual. In addition to my academic writings I publish some of my work on the open site ABCtales.com writing as gletherby.

Welcome to this episode of the Full Stop podcast, where we’re joined by our guests John and Ben to explore the joys and complexities of being a childless aunt, uncle, or godparent. Together, we reflect on how these roles offer meaningful ways to nurture, support, and build a legacy when one is childless not by choice. Listen for advice on boundaries, freedom, and the unique impact of chosen relationships across generations. Please note that we do cover what it’s like not to be an aunt, uncle or godparent, as one of our presenters does not have this caring role. This might be a challenging listen for some of our audience. (Members of our online community can carry on the discussion in our safe space.) Download the transcript

In this episode of the Full Stop podcast, hosts Berenice, Michael, and Sarah are joined by returning guest Robert Nurden to discuss the complex and often underexplored topic of how childlessness impacts friendships. We get curious about personal experiences, societal reactions, and the emotional complexities surrounding friendship dynamics in the context of childlessness. How to contact Robert Robert can be found via his website and Instagram, and you can buyI Always Wanted To Be A Dad:Men Without Children on Amazon. Watch Robert performing Empty at The Old Red Lion theatre on Instagram.

We welcome Anne Altamore, founder and owner of Life After IVF Counselling, Psychotherapy and Coaching. Anne shares her insights on the importance of visibility, the emotional toll of exclusion, and how social media can be used to broaden conversations about childlessness. We tackle International Women’s Day, discussing the need for allyship, the gendered expectations placed on women, and how we can all work towards a more inclusive and equal society that is inclusive to childless women. We’re talking about … The emotional impact of childlessness in professional and personal spaces The importance of acknowledging childlessness in the International Women’s Day narrative Breaking stereotypes and gender roles in society How men can be allies and support gender equality The historical and modern-day challenges we face in being heard and valued Follow our guests Connect with Anne Altamore on LinkedIn for helpful posts on childlessness and workplace inclusivity, You can follow her on Instagram and Facebook too. Anne is a postgraduate degree qualified counsellor holding a Masters in Counselling and Psychotherapy and experienced in supporting grief of involuntary childlessness with many communities - CALD, heterosexual men and women as well as in the LGBTQIA+ community.  More to explore Join in the conversation in our Full Stop online community for childless people from £5 a month with a free month on us Buy a Virtual Coffee to keep our podcast free to air and accessible to everyone. Download Finding Connections, a booklet by Sarah and Berenice with links to groups, books, events and other resources for childless people. We hope you find it helpful. Join our newsletter for behind the scenes info, wellbeing tips and news from the wider community and alerts to our podcast as it publishes direct to your inbox. Access the Transcript

  In this deeply moving episode, Sarah and Michael open up an honest and heartfelt conversation about miscarriage, pregnancy loss, and the isolation that follows. Joined by special guests Lori and Sandra McNicol, we share personal journeys of loss, infertility, and coming to terms with a life without children. From the emotional highs of pregnancy to the devastating impact of loss, they explore the grief, silence, and stigmas surrounding miscarriage, as well as the challenges of finding support in a society that often struggles to acknowledge this type of grief. Topics covered: The emotional rollercoaster of pregnancy loss The societal silence and stigma around miscarriage and childlessness The hierarchies of grief and the challenge of feeling seen and supported How miscarriage impacts both men and women differently Finding community, support, and healing after loss This episode is a raw, open, and necessary conversation that provides a safe space for those who have experienced loss and a learning opportunity for those who want to support them. Trigger warning: This episode discusses miscarriage, pregnancy loss, and infertility. If these topics are difficult for you, please listen with care. Follow our guests Sandra is the founder of Childless.Life is a life coach, grief therapist and this year’s World Childless Week People Champion.  Contact her via email at [email protected] Childless.life zoom groups are open for new members in March 2025: Healing Horseshoes now in its 5th year is a 5 month grief circle with live zoom community calls and workshops for permanently childless-not-by-choice women Embracing Us is a community for women permanently childless not by choice, seeking purpose beyond motherhood join for 5 months and stay for as long as you need. Follow Lori on her blog Join in the conversation in our Full Stop online community for childless people from £5 a month with a free month on us Buy a Virtual Coffee to keep our podcast ad free and accessible to everyone. Download Finding Connections, a booklet by Sarah and Berenice with links to groups, books, events and other resources for childless people. We hope you find it helpful. Join our newsletter for behind the scenes info, wellbeing tips and news from the wider community and alerts to our podcast as it publishes direct to your inbox. Access the Transcript Disclaimer The Full Stop Podcast and content posted by the Full Stop is presented solely for general informational, and educational purposes. The guests views may not represent those of the Full Stop or the co-directors of the Full Stop CIC. The use of information on this podcast or materials linked from this podcast or website is at the user’s own risk. It is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional, diagnosis, or treatment. Users should not disregard or delay in obtaining medical advice for any medical or mental health condition they may have and should seek the assistance of their healthcare professionals for any such conditions.