When Praying Feels Like A Demand As A Christian Neurodivergent
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Intro
Hello, it's Denea your host of the NeuroDivergent Bible Teaching Podcast. This podcast is dedicated to helping you understand how to study the Bible. I'm Dené, I'm neurodivergent, I'm autistic, I have ADHD and OCD, and I know what it's like to struggle to understand how to study the Bible, let alone also honoring my brain while doing it. I've learned a few things through seminary, um, through life, and I want to share those things with you.
0:38 - 1:10
In this podcast, you will hear all about, um, studying techniques, some Bible studies so you can understand how to apply those techniques, some neurodivergent encouragement, and just some ways that I'm learning to honor the way that God has created my brain. I'm so happy that you're here.
End of Intro
Let's get started. Hello, hello. It's your host Denea of the NeuroDivergent Bible Teaching Podcast.
1:10 - 1:51
I hope that wherever you are, you are giving yourself permission to allow yourself to live at whatever pace, uh, serves you and supports you right now. For the majority of the month of September, at the time of this recording, it's September, I have been in ADHD burnout. And I try not to sometimes... I don't know if, if you can relate to this or not, but I, I try not to, like, trace it back to a cause because I, I find that sometimes that, that it- that's a trigger for me to get very judgmental on myself.
1:52 - 2:25
But I did it this time. But I did it this time, and I think that some of the things that kind of, um, made my nervous system, my brain kind of protect itself with ADHD burnout, the fact that, you know, I had, I had surgery. I, I've said this before, uh, endometriosis surgery at the end of July. And pretty much for the month of August, I was just kind of, you know, around the house, healing, taking it easy, that sort of thing.
2:25 - 3:02
And then September hit, and it was back to school. And, you know, for us, back to school means, you know, meetings, um, all these back to school events, answering emails. Uh, it's also the start of soccer season, so there's that. And, and all of this is in addition to, like, being a human, right? Like me being my own, uh, being my own being, being, being someone who I need to take care of, who has chronic conditions, um, who works and who does this and who writes and...
3:03 - 3:35
And I think it... My brain was just like, "Woo, no." "This is, this is too much." And I have been in ADHD burnout, and I'll be honest with you, I really felt sad about that because September is my birthday month. Usually, I, I think I've given up on being excited about my birthday, and I'm just like, "I'll just do s- one thing. I'll just do one thing," and breakfast, and that'll, that'll be it. Um, but this year I was like, "You know what?
3:35 - 4:09
I'm gonna get back to being excited, and I'm gonna get back to doing little things for myself, big things, little things, throughout the week, uh, throughout the whole month, each week for myself." And then, you know, I found myself in ADHD burnout, and I knew I needed to take that off the table. And I think I've just kind of been accepting that. You know, ADHD burnout for me means that I need to find ways to make, uh, to decrease my decision-making, um, to automate a lot of stuff.
4:10 - 4:41
I usually give my... Like, when I'm trying to figure out what I'm wearing or something, or I don't know, um, trying to figure out something, I'll give myself like a, a three-minute timer to make that decision. Like, I can't spend a lot of executive function, that energy on that because that capacity is just not there. Um, and so this month was, was kind of a hard one for me, but I knew that towards the end of the month, I just needed to kind of, uh, work at accepting that this is the pace that I, that I'm at right now, and that needs to be honored.
4:42 - 5:14
And so for you, whatever pace you're... honors your capacity right now, I hope that you give yourself the permission, um, to work at that acceptance, to be in that pace and not judge yourself, um, and to do it compassionately. That doesn't mean that, like, you won't be sad. You... It doesn't mean you won't, um, feel angry. You know, all of, all of those feelings, whatever you feel, grief, sadness, anger, um, when you're moving and when you're doing life at a different pace, all of those feelings are valid.
5:14 - 5:46
Acknowledge them. It- they deserve to be honored. But at the end of the day, I hope that you just allow yourself to, to be, to work in that pace, to live in that pace compassionately. Um, today's episode, I'm really excited. I know I say that every, um, every, uh, I think just about every episode, but I've been thinking about this episode and planning it for a while, and it... I'm just ha- I'm just so overjoyed that I have the capacity to do it today.
5:46 - 6:33
So, um, today's episode is all about prayer and how to approach prayer when prayer feels like a demand. And I definitely think as Christians who are neurodivergent- Um, there are certain things that we know we're supposed to do, like, you know, pray, read the Bible, spend time with God. But I think because of our nervous systems are almost so tapped out by demands, um, especially if you have the PDA behavioral profile, um, receiving any type of demand, whether you want to do it or not, can, can, can be scary, right?
6:33 - 7:04
It can be... You can feel and face a lot of resistance, and I feel especially as a Christian neurodivergent, you might start to have thoughts like, "Ugh, what is wrong with me? I'm supposed to want to do this. I'm supposed to be able to do this." And that's why I wanna talk about it, because I feel like it's not talked about enough. Number one, if you have felt like that, um, you know you're supposed to pray, but you're just like, "I don't want to.
7:04 - 7:38
It's another, it's another demand. It's something else that I have to do," I want you to know that it is okay to feel that way. And if anybody else has ever made you feel differently, then I'm really sorry. It is okay to have a nervous system response, especially, especially as a Christian neurodivergent, um, to prayer. When it feels like a demand, like, it is, it is totally okay. There is nothing, quote unquote, "wrong with you." There is nothing, um...
7:38 - 8:09
You don't need to try harder. You, you know, like, God's not looking at you and be like, "Oh, if they only just tried harder to pray, you know, I would be happy with them." No, no, no, no. God is not looking at you, um, and having, having those thoughts towards you. Regardless of whatever our experience is, as His children, God sees us as beloved. Right? Like, even, even when we have those thoughts like, "Ugh, I don't want to pray right now. It's just something else," God is like, "Well, you know what?
8:09 - 8:41
You're still my beloved." "I, I am still so, so happy that Jesus died for you. I am so, so happy that you and I will never be separated." You know, God is still having those loving thoughts towards you and about you. So for context, um, I want to start at, uh, First Thessalonians chapter five 17. This is Paul. He's writing to, uh, Thessalonica, the believers in Thessalonica.
8:41 - 9:12
And in this part of his letter, he's kind of, he's talking about, right before this he talks about the resurrec- uh, the resurrection, and then also he talks about when Jesus is gonna come back and what that's gonna look like. And then he starts to give instructions on, um, what we can do as we're waiting. And he says this in verse 17, "Pray without ceasing." So the first thing to know is that this is not a literal command.
9:13 - 9:46
Um, pray without ceasing, it emphasizes the fact that we are supposed to have an ongoing conversation with God. And it's another way to say that prayer is a way to process life with God throughout our day. And I don't, I don't even wanna say throughout our day. Throughout our lives, uh, prayer is processing life with God. So practical application, what does that look like for us?
9:47 - 10:18
Something that has really, really helped me, um... Uh, I mean, I'm gonna give you a few things, but the first thing, I guess, is to, uh, talk to God like He is my best friend. I really try not to censor myself in prayer. Um, I tell God when I'm feeling angry at Him. I tell God when I'm feeling sad that something happened and wondering, "Where, where were you, God, when this happened?" I tell God everything, and I talk to Him like I am a friend.
10:18 - 11:00
I think it's important for us to do that because that helps us drop performance. You know, sometimes, especially as Christians, you might feel like you have to, um, say certain words or you have to, um, you know, speak with a certain cadence or at a s- a certain volume. And I wanna say that, like, prayer, prayer is supposed to be personal. So however you would talk to a friend, you can talk to God that way. Just, and like I said, I think this has just really helped me drop the performance, and when we do that, we're kind of nurturing our personal relationship with God.
11:02 - 11:36
Our relationship with God, it doesn't need to be imitated. You know, like what, what we think it's supposed to be or, like, what we've seen someone else do or say or communicate with Him. It's our relationship with Him. It's personal. God is a personal God. He... You know, we can drop the performance. Hallelujah. So talk to God like He is a friend. The second thing, um, that's really helped me, because I forget a lot of things, um, is I, um, I set reminders to pray, to pray sometimes.
11:36 - 12:09
Actually, every... It goes off every day. Um, and it's a reoccurring reminder. Um, in the morning it goes off and it reminds me to pray, because I will absolutely forget, and God's not upset if we forget to pray. But it goes off every day and it reminds me to pray. Um, something else, um, some other rhythms. Um, that's another thing. Like, I've tried to kind of look at praying as a rhythm, right? How can I get into the rhythm of processing my life with God?
12:09 - 12:41
The reminders definitely help. Um, journaling, writing down my prayers. I've said this before, um, on episodes, and this, this also helped me drop performance too, journaling my prayers and just, I, I write to God as if I'm, like, writing to, like, a pen pal, like I'm writing to a friend. Um, and sometimes it's, it's, it's rambling. It's... I ramble a lot in prayer, um, whether I'm journaling or whether I am saying it or thinking it.
12:42 - 13:21
Um, but getting into the rhythm of processing has definitely, journaling has definitely helped me kind of get into that rhythm, um, of sitting down, putting it on my calendar, blocking out, I don't know, five or 10 minutes, uh, to just journal, to write, to write to God. Um, setting reminders. Also, going on prayer walks. Um, I learned about this, like, a few years ago, and I thought it was just the coolest, the coolest thing. So people do this differently, and this is another way that you can make it personal, um, that you don't need to necessarily, you know, do what somebody else is doing.
13:21 - 14:05
But somebody, um, she told me that she, when she goes on a walk, she prays, I think it's, um, uh, Rachel, Rachel Anne. She was on a, um, I think a year ago on that episode, but she was talking about how she goes on prayer walks, and she'll pray for, like, the businesses that she walks past, or she'll pray for the people she's walking past, and I just thought that was such a, I don't know, a beautiful, everyday way to, to integrate, um, not just prayer, but also praying for others and, and praying for certain things around us.
14:05 - 14:41
And so, like I said, maybe for you that you can do that or, I don't know, maybe you're gonna... You can do it on the train or, um, just where- whatever you do in your daily life, um, when you're on your way to a destination, if you're able to, to pray for someone that you see, or you're able to pray for the car that's in front of you, um, are you able to pray for the restaurants that you're, that you're driving past. Um, I just absolutely loved that, that practical application.
14:42 - 15:14
And remember, it is okay if you start, if you start praying for someone, and then all of a sudden you're like, "Mm, I totally forgot I need to add trash bags to my grocery list." Like, God is not like, "Wait a minute. Whoa. What just happened? Like, I thought we were praying, and now we're ta-" God is not thrown off. He can absolutely follow our train of thought. He doesn't, He doesn't need any help keeping up. That's the beauty of us praying to our creator, right?
15:14 - 15:49
He knows us. He knows how our brains work. He knows us. He, God has known us. When we pray, we are praying to God, who has known us longer than anyone else, and He knows us better than anyone else. I heard that in a song. Have I talked about that song on this podcast before? I'm gonna link it. I'm writing myself a note, so I, I don't forget. Um, but it's this beautiful song by Jonathan, um, Ogden.
15:49 - 16:23
I think that's how you say his, his last name, and that's, that's one of the, the lines. He's talking to God, and he's like, "You've known me longer than anyone else, and you know me better than anyone else." And I just think that is such a beautiful way to remember our relationship with God. He knows us. So when we ramble, when, when we jump from subject to subject, right, when we go from praying to trying to figure out what we're gonna make for dinner, God is, He's, He's able to keep up without, like, He's, without skipping a beat.
16:23 - 16:57
He knows us. And then the third point that's really helped me, um, is understanding that processing life with God does not mean trying to decrease my neurodivergence, right? It doesn't be, doesn't mean becoming less neurodivergent in His presence or trying my best to be less neurodivergent in His presence. It doesn't. And again, that's because when you and I pray, we are talking to our creator, who knows us.
16:58 - 17:34
He formed us, so we don't need to become less of ourselves. We don't need to try to diminish or mask as we are praying to our creator. He, He knows us, and He's not put off or offended that we are neurodivergent. We can stim as we pray. Um, we can use a fidget item. We can, we can do all of that in His presence in general, but we can also especially do it during prayer.
17:37 - 18:14
I w- So over, um, last spring, I lost one of my favorite fidgets, and let me just say that all fidgets are not created equally. Like, I tried to replace it. I tried to use, um... And I, I purchased another fidget. Um, and I, I tried to replace it, but, like, it squeaked, and it made noise, and I was like, "Ugh, this is the worst." It was stiff and, like, it just, it just was not, it didn't, it didn't...
18:14 - 18:51
What is that expression? Hold a candle? No, hold a flame. Light a flame. It didn't- It didn't compare. It didn't compare to the fidget that I lost, and I was just like, "I don't know what I'm gonna do." Like, I don't, I don't know if, and if you're like this, but sometimes when something like that happens, I'm like, "Okay, great. What else is gonna, what else is gonna happen?" And so a few mo- fast-forward a few months, y'all, the fidget just randomly appeared in one of, in our, in our house.
18:52 - 19:30
Like, it just randomly, it just randomly appeared, and I was like, " God, look, it's here. Oh, my goodness. Thank you, God. I'm so excited. I can't believe..." I was so overjoyed, and I was just talking to God. I mean, I went on and on. I don't know how long, I don't know how long, just talking to God and being so excited, y'all. I still, when I think about it, when I hold that fidget sometimes, I'm just like, "Oh, God, do you remember that time when I felt so sad because I lost it?" And, like, I still go on and on to God about this fidget.
19:31 - 20:07
But that's, again, that's the beauty of our, of praying to our creator. We don't need to become less of ourselves when we pray to him. We can talk about our struggles with trying to find a fidget item. We can talk to him about trying to find a new coping skill for us or for our children or for somebody that we know. We can talk to him if we are in neurodivergent burnout. We can talk to him if we know that we have to engage in small talk that's coming up and we're starting to feel a little bit anxious about that.
20:07 - 20:43
We can talk to him whenever we are, uh, trying to make a decision, right, about which noise-canceling headphones to get. We can talk to him in sensory meltdowns, sensory overwhelm. We don't have to become less of our neurodivergent selves to talk to God. In summary, pray without ceasing. It is not a literal command. It's an invitation to us to have this ongoing conversation throughout our life that allows us to process life with our creator.
20:45 - 21:33
To do this practically, we can talk to God like he's our best friend, because he is. I'm gonna link that song. He's known us better and longer than anyone else. He is our best friend. We can talk to him, and we can tell him the stuff we would tell nobody else and know that we are still his beloved and we are still chosen, that he chose us. If you have a tendency to forget things, like me, out of sight, out of mind, like me, feel free to set a reminder on your phone, um, where maybe you're gonna block out time, a reoccurring reminder to journal, or maybe you're gonna try a prayer walk just on, as you're going about your day.
21:33 - 22:07
Maybe you're gonna give that a try. And lastly, we're gonna remember that processing life with God does not require, hallelujah, it doesn't require us to become less of our neurodivergent selves. We are his beloved. We have always been his beloved. As his neurodivergent children, we have always been chosen by him. I hope that this episode blesses you and encourages you.
22:08 - 22:39
Um, feel free to message me on Instagram. I will put my handle in the show notes, @deneamarable. Um, and let me know if you're, what, how are you gonna get into the rhythm of processing life with God? What, what might that look for you? And if it's still, if you, if you've listened to this episode and you're like, "All of this still feels like a demand," you know what the best thing you can do is? Talk to God about it. Talk to God about it.
22:39 - 23:15
Let him know, "God, you know what? I'm aware that I need to pray, but to be honest with you, it just feels like a demand and I, I, I need your wisdom. I need you to help, to guide me through this," and he will. That's the beauty of us praying to our creator. I will link the John, Jonathan Ogden song. I will also put, um, the link to the Bible course, the introduction, the foundational, um, biblical interpretation and hermeneutics course.
23:15 - 23:47
It's a course that I created that is neurodivergent-friendly. Um, this part's gonna be in two parts. Part one is up and live, and it just gives you foundational steps, uh, to biblical interpretation. Um, oh, I will also put the link to the book that I'm writing, This Mind of Mine. Y'all, we just finalized the cover. I cannot wait to share it with you. Oh, my goodness, I'm so excited.
23:47 - 24:03
Um, I cannot wait to share it with you. I love you. Talk to yourself compassionately. Treat yourself with care. Talk to God about any and everything, and I will talk to you next time.
Foundational Biblical Interpretation Course: https://www.deneamarable.com/foundational-biblical-interpretation-and-hermeneutics-course
Sign Up to Get This Mind of Mine Updates: https://deneamarablebooksignup.subscribepage.io
Jonathan Ogden Song: https://open.spotify.com/track/6X4ucKj9wwoXPOrAKLt8k9?si=tP_QurUzQ0K4bUvfDMrThg&utm_source=copy-link&context=spotify%3Aplaylist%3A37i9dQZF1EIWtcmWYu0KRC&rowId=33643337333862623665336335386535
