Hour 1: The NBA Name Hall of Fame

You might think that calling a game is easy. That Tom Brady can do this in his sleep. Jon "Boog" Sciambi, announcer for the Chicago Cubs and "MLB: The Show," teaches Pablo why the human voice is an instrument that requires restraint and distinction to record the first draft of sports history, then pass it down like an heirloom. Come for the PTFO dictionary's debut in the broadcast booth; stay for Nic Cage murdering Elon Musk and Mark Zuckerberg with a Toyota Outback at Wrigley Field. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Dan answers Greg's Gregg Doyel hypothetical AND discusses Harrison Butker's anti-LGBTQ and anti-women's rights comments, but he probably should have been in a costume to do so. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Greg Cote believes the U-Turn is a selfish act, but once he gets done explaining why, Dan sets him up for failure by revealing a pre-show campaign to #FreeGreggDoyel. Greg does his best to explain why he's on THIS particular mission on Day 1 of the WNBA season... Then, has there been a plotting of retirement? Is Dan apologizing to Roger Goodell? And should NBA coaches get back to wearing suits? Plus, as Dan brings things back to the Doyel conversation, Greg Cote gets incensed over the way Dan has characterized his position. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Can you solve a problem with a headbutt? Does the woodpecker peck wood? Are you familiar with the woodpecker community? What would you do if you had a hammer? Do Eastern Europeans headbutt more than average? ALL of these questions and more are answered in the first segment of Hour 1 led by Greg Cote. Then, Dan doesn't understand the enthusiasm around the NFL schedule release, but Stugotz and the Shipping Container are all the way in. They discuss what Joe Burrow and Trevor Lawrence have to show them this year, Aaron Rodgers opening the season in San Francisco, and whether or not Tom Brady will be any good at broadcasting. Plus, do actors take roles solely so the studio will pay them to get in good shape? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Professional Speaker Charlotte Wilder joins the show at the peak of her form to discuss the lack of joy in Celtics wins, Boston breaking its stars, dreaming of a clutch situation, and LeBron James sneaking a bottle of wine into the arena. Then, how does the crew register the dominance of both Aleksander Barkov and Sergei Bobrovsky for the Florida Panthers over the Boston Bruins after the way they felt about those players two years ago? Plus, Valeri Nichushkin's suspension, giving Andrew Brunette his flowers after Dan's abusive behavior toward him, and Billy closes the loop. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today's cast: Dan, Stugotz, Greg Cote, Chris, Billy, Mike, and Roy. LeBron James decided to spend his night taking in some Cleveland Cavaliers basketball. [Brian Windhorst voice] "Now...why...is...that?" The crew discusses LeBron's potential scheme, Bronny James and his draft combine measurements, and the merits of Zydrunas Ilgauskas having his number retired. Then, why doesn't mainstream sports media know how to talk about the stars actually on the court right now? And, speaking of, is Stephen A. in cahoots with Kevin Durant? Plus, the Udonis Haslem vs. Tony Allen debate, the face of nepotism, and what you can learn about someone from the mere fact that they've head-butted another person. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

JuJu Gotti is here to discuss today's show including the technical difficulties, where we missed out on sports content, Mike Breen snitching, Roy losing his objectivity, Stugotz claiming his own shitty take, complaining about the WNBA broadcast accessibility, and Derrick Lewis. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Roy Wood Jr. has arrived wearing a very nice Expos jacket to discuss the Netflix is a Joke Festival and how Netflix is encouraging people to see live comedy, polling around Donald Trump, the courtroom artist as a job, and how the history of interracial rap battles informs his "semi-sure bet of the week." Plus, Tony Kornheiser is late to being mad at the WNBA, and did Stugotz steal a take from Jay Williams or did Jay Williams steal the take from Stu? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Artur Szpilka had one the most unhinged MMA entrances we've ever seen, another MMA fighter took off his pants, and our favorite Cuban fighter was knocked out by a guy named Waldo. Then, complaints about Mother's Day, getting flicked in the helmet vs. getting punched, and Billy's gripe with the Mascot Hall of Fame ahead of this year's public vote. Plus, Stugotz delivers his Weekend Observations by calling out a series of athletes and sports media personalities. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Mike Breen joins the show, and we greet him with a term that disturbs him to his core: "guttural bangs." Breen explains how he's able to remain objective during a Knicks series and why Walt Frazier eats his french fries in such a strange way. We also see if he can guess his own "BANG!" calls without context and make him listen to Stugotz's Top 5 Trademark Calls Throughout Broadcasting. Then, Katie Nolan arrives as we've officially reached the chirping stage of the Panthers-Bruins series. Katie reluctantly shares her hate for the Panthers as Roy belligerently takes over the segment from Dan. Did the Bruins get hosed? Should Sam Bennett have even been playing? Did the Boston hockey team Bruin Mother's Day for the Nolan family? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices