The Breakup Debrief Podcast

This episode is entirely Ian's fault 😂A few days ago, Ian turned to Kelly on the couch and asked if she'd heard of What Brandon Thinks: an AI that reads an exported WhatsApp chat and gives you a deep-dive appraisal of the relationship. Ian bit the bullet and put in his chat with his ex. Kelly said no. Then Kelly said yes (for research purposes, obviously) and handed over her ex-husband's chat.This week, Kelly and Ian read their reports out loud, with a bit of censorship for privacy reasons. Some of it was painfully accurate. Some of it was wildly over-romanticised. And a lot of it was very, very funny.You'll hear:✨ What What Brandon Thinks is, how it works and what it costs (Ian spent €40 across two reports)✨ Why Kelly's chat is missing four years of messages, and how the AI tried to fill the gap anyway✨ Why Kelly was named the "chief operating officer" of her ex-husband's adult life, and how it links back to the codependency conversation with her counsellor✨ Ian's fake corporate breakup text, sent days after he started talking to his ex 😂✨ Where the AI over-romanticised things, and where it read way too far into a text message✨ Why "hurry up" and a bottle of 7Up Free turned into the argument at the heart of a relationship✨ Love as a direct debit: loving as a living, breathing verb versus something you set up once and assume will run forever✨ "Mother and guilty son": the line that made them both say "repeat that"✨ The moment Kelly said she wasn't going to be the one to fix what she hadn't broken✨ Brandon's bet on what happened in Kelly's four missing years, and how close it landed✨ "Your competence is a gift, but over-functioning for a partner is a trap"✨ Ian's verdict (two out of ten for breakup empowerment, ten out of ten for the craic) and why they wouldn't recommend it straight after a breakup✨ The privacy question: names, addresses and bank details in the chats you upload✨ A teaser for a full episode on how people are using AI in relationships and breakups, and whether you want Ian back for itCurious about the Breakup Empowerment Programme? Apply for 1:1 coaching through the link in Kelly's bio 💚Links & Resources📧 Share your story for the "Where Is She Now?" segment: [email protected]📲 Follow Kelly on Instagram & TikTok: @kellyskoaching🔗 Explore all links & resources: Linktree

Divorce rates are skyrocketing. Women are walking out on their husbands on a whim. Nobody tries to fix anything anymore. And "my grandparents were married for 60 years and never got divorced."If you've seen those clips online, this one is for you 💚This week Kelly pulls on every hat she owns (wedding celebrant, breakup coach, divorced woman & very-much-in-love woman who'd like to get married again) to ask the question the "back in my day" crowd never does: did those marriages actually work out or did people just not have a way out?She's brought the statistics, the Irish history & a few facts that will make you properly annoyed. (Her words: "Prepare to be pissed off")You'll hear:✨ What the Irish figures actually say about divorce: the share of people who are separated or divorced was 6% in both 2016 & 2022✨ Why the number of divorced people went from 1% to 3% between 2002 and 2022✨ How the 1995 referendum scraped through at 50.3% & the four-year wait that came with divorce at first✨ Why applications jumped in 2020 & 2021 when the waiting period was cut from four years to two & why they've eased since✨ How Ireland's divorce rate compares with the rest of Europe✨ The marriage bar: the day a woman got married she could be forced to give up her job & it wasn't lifted in the civil service until 1973✨ Why women who wanted out couldn't leave: no income, no legal right to the family home before 1976, no domestic violence protection until barring orders in 1976 & no divorce until 1996✨ Why "people worked it out in my day" proves very little, because you're only seeing the people who stayed✨ What a US study found about who wants out: women led the way in marriages that ended, while unmarried couples were about even✨ Why married women reported lower relationship quality in that study & why Kelly thinks the real question is "why isn't marriage working for women?"✨ Why women can leave now✨ Why leaving is still really hard, even with more options✨ Kelly's own experience of being a proudly divorced woman (spoiler: nobody cares)Your great granny wasn't better at marriage than you. She just had a very different kind of marriage & a hell of a lot fewer options. Women aren't getting worse at marriage. They're using the access & opportunity they didn't have before. Divorced women, unite! ❤️‍🔥Keep an eye out for Kelly's upcoming conversation with an Irish solicitor about separation, divorce & the family home.Links & Resources📧 Share your story for the "Where Is She Now?" segment: [email protected]📲 Follow Kelly on Instagram & TikTok: @kellyskoaching🔗 Explore all links & resources: Linktree

"Sorry babe for the late reply, I've just had a mad busy few weeks" -👻If that message made your stomach drop, you're in the right place!For Halloween this year, Kelly has come dressed as the thing that scares you most: your ex! Beard drawn on, Alan's jumper, the lot. (If you can, watch the video version. It's worth it for the beard alone 😂)This week she's talking about ghosting. The haunters, the zombies and the slow fade. The stories she found online of people ghosted by long-term partners. Why it hurts so much & what to do when you never got an ending.You'll hear:✨ The ghostly line-up: the ghost, the haunter, the zombie & the slow fader✨ When ghosting is fine (a bit of chat online, even a first date) & when it really isn't✨ Why a partner who shuts down in conflict but comes back isn't ghosting & why a partner who vanishes for days every time you argue is a pattern worth noticing✨ The stories Kelly found online: the boyfriend who never showed up at the airport, the six-year engagement that ended with a vanishing act & the partner who'd been seeing someone else for months✨ Why Kelly's first thought isn't "I've been ghosted", it's "are they alive?" 😂✨ Why ghosting can feel even worse than being cheated on & why your brain keeps filling the gaps with "what did I do?"✨ Why people ghost✨ The kind message Kelly sent to the guys she'd been chatting to when she started seeing Alan & why one honest line is worth sending✨ Why it's their issue with conflict & has nothing to do with your worth✨ A cameo from Ian, who lends his voice to the world's most reluctant ex while Kelly mimes 😂✨ What to do when you never got closure: why you'll probably never know why, why the fact that he did it is the story & the deadline you can give a partner who keeps going MIA✨ What to do when the zombie rises from the dead with "hey, sorry, life's been busy"✨ Why therapy or coaching can be worth it after being ghosted by someone long-termIf you've got your own ghosting story, send it in. Kelly would love to do a follow-up episode (anonymous, of course)If a man is showing you who he is, listen to him. You are now free & happy Halloween 🎃Links & Resources📧 Share your story for the "Where Is She Now?" segment: [email protected]📲 Follow Kelly on Instagram & TikTok: @kellyskoaching🔗 Explore all links & resources: Linktree

⚠️ Trigger warning: this episode discusses compulsive sexual behaviour, cheating, betrayal trauma & pornography. Please take care of yourself & if anything comes up, reach out for support.This week Kelly is joined by one of the UK's leading psychosexual & relationship psychotherapists- Silva Neves. Silva has been working in this field for 15 years, is an award-winning author & specialises in compulsive sexual behaviour, trauma & relationships.And he is going to say some things that might genuinely surprise you!Starting with: sex addiction isn't actually a clinical diagnosisYou'll hear:✨ Why "sex addiction" is not a clinically recognised diagnosis & what the research actually says✨ The difference between sex addiction & compulsive sexual behaviour disorder and why it matters enormously for the person who was betrayed✨ Why sexuality is classified as a primary drive (like hunger) & why that changes everything✨ How compulsive sexual behaviour actually shows up and why it's about the relationship between urge & behaviour, not just frequency✨ Why the "sex addiction" label is sometimes used to avoid accountability & Silva's take on the celebrities who have done exactly this✨ What it actually means when a cheating partner says "it's not you, it's me & I don't know why" and when that answer is actually the truth✨ The difference between a discovery that can be repaired & one that can't✨ Why going to your friends for advice when you've been cheated on might not be serving you✨ The porn conversation; values, secrecy & why the research on watching porn together vs. alone will surprise you✨ What Silva means by "the relationship is ending" when betrayal happens & why that doesn't mean it's over✨ Why the person who was cheated on owes their partner nothing in the repair process✨ Wandering eyes- Silva the sexologist's take 👀✨ The one thing that actually determines whether a relationship can survive betrayalWhether you've been cheated on, are questioning a relationship or are just genuinely curious about this topic- this conversation will give you a lot to think about 💚Find Silva:🌐 silvaneves.co.uk📚 Author of Compulsive Sexual Behaviours: A Psycho-Sexual Treatment Guide for CliniciansLinks & Resources📧 Share your story for the "Where Is She Now?" segment: [email protected]📲 Follow Kelly on Instagram & TikTok: @kellyskoaching🔗 Explore all links & resources: Linktree

⚠️ Quick note: due to a technical hiccup (no Wi-Fi 😂) the video is only available for the first few minutes of this episode. The audio is perfect throughout so you're not missing a thing- just Kelly & her thoughts, no visuals required. Sorry about that!A listener reached out after the microcheating episode asking about something that had been missing from the conversation: wandering eyes, social media likes & who your partner follows online.You ask, Kelly delivers!This week she's getting into all of it: where the line actually is, when it's a character issue versus a boundary conversation & what to do if it's making you uncomfortable.You'll hear:✨ Why noticing someone is attractive is completely normal & the big difference between that and openly leering or staring✨ Yes, Theo James is objectively attractive & no, that doesn't make Kelly any less committed to her boyfriend 😂✨ Why wandering eyes that make you feel invisible say more about someone's character than their boundaries✨ The social media conversation and why there is a big difference between liking a September dump & liking a lingerie pic✨ Why you can see both sides without having to pick one; it comes down to your standards & what you're comfortable with✨ Why checking his follows obsessively is usually a symptom of something bigger going on in the relationship✨ How to actually have the conversation; timing, language, being specific & not over-explaining yourself✨ Why you don't need him to agree that it's wrong- you just need him to hear that it makes you uncomfortable✨ Why you cannot force someone to respect a boundary- you can only decide what happens if they don't✨ If someone is consistently making you feel invisible or like you're competing with other women- that's not something you have to put up withYou deserve to feel seen. You deserve to feel chosen. You deserve to feel like you are their person 💚Links & Resources📧 Share your story for the "Where Is She Now?" segment: [email protected]📲 Follow Kelly on Instagram & TikTok: @kellyskoaching🔗 Explore all links & resources: Linktree

A short one this week. A snappy one. A tough love bestie one.Kelly was chatting to a client recently who is dating someone she describes as amazing. Incredible, actually. Smart, kind, successful, the works. & instead of being excited about it, she was terrified. Because she was convinced he was out of her league.So Kelly has some things to say about that.You'll hear:✨ Why meeting someone amazing should feel exciting,not like a threat✨ The difference between putting someone on a pedestal & genuinely feeling like you can't measure up✨ Why that feeling of inadequacy almost always comes back to the same thing- self-worth✨ The counterproductive cycle of people-pleasing & shrinking yourself from the very beginning & why it sets you up for exactly what you're trying to avoid✨ Why only egotistical arseholes & narcissists actually want a partner who worships them 😂✨ The sheet of paper exercise & why you'd call the person on it amazing until someone tells you it's you✨ The most important question in dating & it's not "does he like me?"✨ Why you can feel lucky & know you deserve it at the same time, both can coexist✨ "If he's with you, he's choosing to be with you, so why do you think he's amazing but he can't make his own decisions?"✨ Absa-f**king-lutely. Do I love myself? Yes. Do I think my partner is lucky to have me? Yes. Do I know I'm lucky to have him? Also yes. That's the goal 💚He's amazing. And so are you. Get a grip ❤️‍🔥Links & Resources📧 Share your story for the "Where Is She Now?" segment: [email protected]📲 Follow Kelly on Instagram & TikTok: @kellyskoaching🔗 Explore all links & resources: Linktree

This week Kelly is joined by a very special guest- Thilinie, a past client of the Breakup Empowerment Programme, who has very generously agreed to come on & share her story.Six months ago, Thilinie was navigating one of the hardest periods of her life. She had lost her dad in January. Her "situationship" of almost two years ended over the phone on St. Patrick's Day with no explanation. She moved into a brand new house alone, an hour away from everyone she knew, in an area she had never lived in before, knowing nobody except her ex. And she was meant to be exchanging on that house the very next day.Today? She calls it her Barbie dream house ❤️‍🔥You'll hear:✨ Thilinie's full story; loss, a situationship ending, moving alone & starting completely from scratch✨ What she was hoping coaching would give her & what it actually gave her that she didn't expect✨ The limiting belief she had carried since childhood that she didn't even know was a limiting belief until they worked on it together✨ How she went from T, the version of herself that threw everything into relationships & lost who she was- to Thilinie ❤️‍🔥✨ The anxious preoccupied attachment style she thought she already understood & what actually helped her change it✨ Why knowing your attachment style isn't enough & what the missing piece actually is✨ What her non-negotiables list looked like when she started & how Kelly very kindly told her that most of them were actually just bare minimum 😂✨ How dating feels completely different now & the very telling detail that she no longer scrolls back through old messages looking for validation✨ Four coats of paint, a wardrobe room & a painter she is dating who was absolutely not allowed to touch a single wall 😂✨ Why time does not heal & what actually does✨ Her advice for anyone who is thinking about getting support but is not sure if it is for themThis one is for the girl who is in the thick of it & cannot see the other side yet. Thilinie can see it & she is sending you love from her Barbie dream house 🩷Links and Resources📧 Share your story for the Where Is She Now segment: [email protected]📲 Follow Kelly on Instagram and TikTok: @kellyskoaching🔗 Explore all links and resources: Linktree

Yes, Kelly is a Breakup Empowerment Coach & no, she is not automatically against you getting back with your ex. This week she's saying what she actually thinks & it might surprise you.Two clients recently told her they'd gotten back with their ex. She was happy for both of them. Here's why- & here's what needs to be true for it to be a good decision.You'll hear:✨ Why Kelly is not against getting back with your ex & what actually determines whether it's the right call✨ The two clients who got back with their exes & why Kelly responded the way she did✨ Why hoping you'll reconcile is a completely normal part of a breakup & when that hope eventually goes away✨ The wrong reasons to go back: loneliness, fear, scarcity, ego, obligation. None of these are reasons✨ The right reasons to go back & what making that decision from a place of security actually looks like✨ Why you need to be okay on your own before you can go back & how you know you're there✨ What needs to be different this time- the non-negotiables, the changes, the work✨ Why the people in your life who are against it deserve to be heard- when to listen to them & when to make your own decision✨ The "keep going back until you hate him" trend & why Kelly can't get behind it✨ Disney is Disney. Real life is real life... &they are not the same thing 😂Whatever you decide, Kelly is rooting for your happy ever after. Whether that's with him, with someone new or just with yourself💚Links & Resources📧 Share your story for the "Where Is She Now?" segment: [email protected]📲 Follow Kelly on Instagram & TikTok: @kellyskoaching🔗 Explore all links & resources: Linktree

This week Kelly is getting personal- & practical!No frameworks, no science, no guest. Just Kelly, her matcha & an honest run through of the actual things that helped her get over her breakups & her exes. The real ones. The ones she still swears by.Some of them are basic. Most of them are basic. And that's kind of the point because the basics work! And when you're in the middle of heartbreak, sometimes you just need someone to remind you of that.You'll hear:✨ Why no contact is still the single most important thing you can do & how Kelly implemented it even when it was killing her not to reach out✨ The dinner photo she almost sent him & why you will always find the most ridiculous excuses to reach out✨ Muting all his friends on Instagram & the one she didn't mute, which later came back to bite her in a very spectacular fashion✨ Why a daily walk was her non-negotiable & how it helped her in ways she didn't even realise at the time✨ The therapy she was already in & why going to therapy before a crisis hits is one of the smartest things you can do✨ Leaning on her people; who she called, who she spent time with & why good company is genuinely one of the best medicines✨ Getting out of the house & not sitting with it alone all day✨ Why she didn't go on the apps straight away & what the apps actually give you vs. what they don't✨ Making a new vision board & why shifting your focus back to yourself is everything✨ Not going through old photos and messages; why it's a form of self-torture & what to do instead✨ Journaling & why having a safe space for your thoughts matters more than you think✨ Finding & spending time in her happy place and a challenge for you to find yours✨ Testing out the Breakup Empowerment Program on herself during her second breakup & the tweaks she made as a resultSome of these will resonate. Some won't. Take what works, leave what doesn't and if you have something that helped you that's not on this list, Kelly wants to know. Drop it in the comments or send a DM. We're not gatekeeping healing tips in here 💚Links & Resources📧 Share your story for the "Where Is She Now?" segment: [email protected]📲 Follow Kelly on Instagram & TikTok: @kellyskoaching🔗 Explore all links & resources: Linktree

She thought she was the strong one. The one holding the relationship together. The one who had it all under control.And then a relationship counsellor looked her in the eye & said- you're the codependent one 🤯This week Kelly is getting personal again. She shares the moment she was introduced to the word codependency & the journey from confusion and offence to complete understanding of how it had quietly shaped her entire marriage.You'll hear:✨ The relationship counsellor session that changed everything & Kelly's very relatable reaction to being told she was the codependent one✨ What codependency actually is & why it can be so easy to mistake it for love, devotion or just being a good partner✨ The difference between anxious attachment & codependency and why one is usually the root of the other✨ Why doing everything, managing everything & holding everything together is not strength, it's a sign✨ What it actually feels like to be the one always giving & never having your own needs fully met✨ The practical steps to start breaking codependent patterns, even if right now you can only notice them & not change them yet✨ How Kelly knows she did the work & what her life looks like now compared to a few years ago (Grey's Anatomy, pyjamas, face mask, no men changing the channel to golf 😂)✨ Why the relationship she has now is so much better because both people have their own identityWhether you're in a relationship, coming out of one, or just trying to understand your own patterns a little better, this episode is for you 💚Links & Resources📧 Share your story for the "Where Is She Now?" segment: [email protected]📲 Follow Kelly on Instagram & TikTok: @kellyskoaching🔗 Explore all links & resources: Linktree