How I Went From Avoidant To Secure (You Can Too)

Talking points: relationshipsWe all know how a couple handles conflict can be the difference between love that’s thriving and resilient and something that is…well, the exact opposite: leading through conflict. Listen in for five aspects of the that don’t get talked about often enough, in my opinion.(00:00:00) - Intro, and a practical definition of conflict(00:03:14) - Address your conflict kryptonite(00:05:59) - Ownership over blame(00:07:57) - Stop seeing conflict as a path to disconnection, and have conflict “agreements” (00:10:44) - Breathe, ground, assess(00:13:30) - The best question to ask***Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/Heard about attachment but don’t know where to start? Try the FREE Ultimate Guide To AttachmentCheck out some other free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your RelationshipBuild brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance. Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | SpotifyFor more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter

Talking points: mindset, purpose, military, masculinityA sincere honor to chat with J.R., and I’m blown away by his perspective and honesty on the hardship he’s faced—and overcome. We cover a lot of ground: the importance of male friendship, the struggles veterans can go through, the importance of vulnerability AND accountability. Throughout it all, J.R.’s outlook shines through. Listen in, team.(00:00:00) - JR’s defining moment(00:11:45) - What happened to JR during his deployment(00:23:58) - How men and veterans get stripped of purpose and identity, what contributes to that, and how we can do better (00:38:04) - What JR would say to men who see the state of things and retreat into isolation, and the importance of building emotional for yourself(00:55:50) - What JR would teach the next generation of menJ.R. Martinez’s life story is one of resilience and transformation. A Louisiana-born Army veteran and Iraq War survivor, Martinez faced tragedy early in his military service when a roadside bomb explosion left him with severe burns covering over a third of his body. His recovery included 34 months of treatment and 33 surgeries, a challenging journey that revealed his strength and inspired a new purpose.Martinez began sharing his story, quickly becoming a sought-after speaker, captivating audiences at military bases and for major organizations like Delta and Wells Fargo. His personal mantra, “Adapt &amp; Overcome,” resonated deeply, embodying his commitment to resilience and gratitude. He’s also become an advocate for organizations like the Phoenix Society for Burn Survivors and Glasswing International, earning awards like the Ivy Award and the National Red Cross Spirit Award.In 2008, Martinez ventured into acting with a role on All My Children, which opened doors in entertainment. He won the 2011 season of Dancing with the Stars, capturing audiences nationwide. His memoir, Full of Heart, became a New York Times bestseller, and he later pursued higher education, a milestone for his family. Today, Martinez continues to inspire through speaking engagements, acting, and advocacy, sharing his journey of strength and hope with audiences worldwide while balancing family life with his wife, Diana, and their children.Connect with JR-Website: https://jrmartinez.com/-Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/iamjrmartinez-Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/iamjrmartinez-LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jradapt/***Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your RelationshipBuild brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance. Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on<a...

Talking points: attachment, psychology, relationshipsMen tend to underestimate how important the feeling of safety is for their partners. Not a dig, just something I’ve seen time and time again. And if you’re partner has an avoidant or anxious attachment style, your part in creating a sense of safety in the relationship can be complicated. Listen in for some straightforward tips.(00:00:00) - Intro, and why women sometimes “test” you(00:03:45) - Here’s what changes when she has an avoidant or anxious attachment style(00:06:39) - And here’s what to do if she’s anxious(00:10:14) - Tactics if she’s avoidant***Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your RelationshipBuild brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance. Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | SpotifyFor more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Talking points: mindset, psychology, meditation, spiritualityMeditation and mindfulness get a lot of air time these days, especially on the more “crunchy” side of wellness spectrum. But is it all it’s cracked up to be? I sat down with Shai to really dig into this, from the wildly esoteric and spiritual side of the question to the more practical, tactical side. Because what’s the point of enlightenment if it doesn’t make things, well, a little lighter?(00:00:00) - Shai’s feeling of being “outside” the usual human experience, the difference between detachment and dissociation, and using things like meditation to avoid life(00:09:52) - What IS consciousness, and the West’s obsession with enlightenment(00:25:45) - Why are humans even capable of self-reference? What’s the point? (00:34:16) - Do these complex, philosophical ideas help with our day-to-day lives?(00:43:20) - How can men develop greater mental flexibility and combat closed-mindedness?(00:56:55) - What to do to get your calm back in a conflict(01:02:07) - The ultimate test of mental flexibility: putting yourself in a loved one’s shoes(01:09:41) - On reigniting imagination and using it for goodShai Tubali is a Postdoctoral Research Fellow at the University of Leeds, UK. He has a doctorate in philosophy of religion from the School of Philosophy, Religion, and History of Science at the University of Leeds. He’s the author of the monograph Cosmos and Camus: Science Fiction Film and the Absurd (Peter Lang) and a contributor to the Routledge Companion to Absurdist Literature, as well as a prolific published author, having written over twenty books, including award-winning and bestselling titles. Among his diverse publications, one can find prose, poetry, practical books on meditation and self-development, and philosophical treatises on South-Asian philosophy and classical Greek philosophy. Connect with Shai-Website: https://shaitubali.com/-Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/shaitubali/-Flexible Mind: https://yourflexiblemind.com/-YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCQwf6sSC-F2sH4uDOmJkKsw***Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your RelationshipBuild brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance. Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | SpotifyFor more episodes, visit us at <a...

Talking points: mindset, psychologyAristotle said, “I count him braver who overcomes his desires than him who conquers his enemies; for the hardest victory is the victory over self.” Speaking from my own experience, he’s definitely wasn’t wrong. Here’s what nearly every man on the planet has to battle—and how to reclaim your power.(00:00:00) - Intro and why this is an important topic(00:03:37) - What causes a lack of impulse control? Two massive reasons(00:10:40) - How to actually develop a deep, quality capacity for impulse control***Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your RelationshipBuild brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance. Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | SpotifyFor more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Talking points: culture, geopoliticsThis interview is probably among the most unique I’ve had on the show. I don’t usually cover straight-up politics, but Andrew’s work has fascinated me for a while. And as the world seems to getting more up in arms (literally and figuratively), I find myself wanting to learn more about where all of this started and how we as men can respond.(00:00:00) - Common misconceptions about the CIA(00:11:47) - Why foreign secrets are such a big deal(00:24:51) - Andrew’s perspective on current global unrest, Iran, and just how complex it is(00:38:31) - What’s difficult to understand about geopolitics, and why there seems to be so much conflict(00:48:19) - Is there any form of governance that truly permits any freedom, and where the balance could lie(00:57:47) - The perspective shift that changed Andrew’s life(01:08:51) - Andrew’s take on what’s going to happen next with Ukraine, Russian, and Iran(01:16:33) - Is US global supremacy in jeopardy? If it is, what does that mean for the average citizen?Andrew Bustamante is a former covert CIA intelligence officer, decorated military combat veteran, successful Fortune 10 corporate advisor, proud husband and father.After 20 years running human and technical intelligence operations for private and government clients worldwide, Andrew founded EverydaySpy.com -- the first-ever digital spy training platform. Headlining both US and International media, Andrew’s training events have been praised for their innovative, authentic, and life-changing impact.When he isn’t giving interviews, running spy exercises, or supporting private intelligence contracts, Andrew lives with his wife (also an ex-CIA Officer) and two children in Colorado.Connect with Andrew-Website: https://everydayspy.com/-YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/everydayspy-Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/everydayspy/***Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your RelationshipBuild brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance. Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | SpotifyFor more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | <a...

Talking points: intimacy, relationshipsGame changers aren’t usually simple, especially when it comes to intimate relationships. But this is a surprisingly easy, straightforward step that I’ve seen work time and time again. So listen in and let some wonderful things happen.(00:00:00) - Expectationless desire and why it’s important(00:05:37) - What to do, and what it looks like(00:08:36) - Final thoughts***Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your RelationshipBuild brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance. Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | SpotifyFor more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Talking points: culture, parentingOne of the most informative fifty minutes I’ve ever recorded; and now that I’m a father of two, it’s pretty well timed! Grateful for Lisa’s insight, her years of experience, and her great sense of humor. This is the episode to listen to if you (like pretty much every parent) are looking for sound advice that you can act on literally right now.(00:00:00) - Intro, and what are parents being taught that isn’t actually beneficial? (00:06:40) - How do we raise kids who like themselves? (00:11:22) - Timers: a great parenting “hack”(00:16:25) - Ways of developing a more robust connection with your child, and the shift between raising a child, a preteen, and a teenager(00:23:37) - How can parents help their kids build skills and develop competency?(00:29:02) - The cost of perfectionist parenting, and what to do during tantrums(00:44:35) - Do’s and don’t when dealing with teenagers Lisa Bunnage is a Parenting Coach with BratBusters Parenting Services. She has been working with children for 40+ years in schools, hospitals and youth detention facilities. She uses a mix of down-to-earth common sense and humor to teach parents how to get respect from their children. Connect with Lisa-Website: https://bratbusters.com-Podcast: https://bratbusters.com/podcast/-Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bratbustersparenting/***This episode is also brought to you by BetterHelp. Easily match with a therapist who can help you through the tough times and empower your relationships with everyone—including yourself. Visit BetterHelp.com/mantalks today to get 10% off your first month.Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your RelationshipBuild brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance. Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | SpotifyFor more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Talking points: culture, masculinity, social issuesInspired by a recent article in the WSJ. Young men are facing some serious difficulties right now. We need to not just be aware of what’s going on, but follow that up with coherent, intelligent action. I’m not some genius who can declare national-level policy changes, but I KNOW what works on an individual level. If you’re a man who’s struggling in the face of increasing isolation and an uncertain future, here are five things you can work on right now.(00:00:00) - Intro (00:03:32) - The data presented (00:09:44) - Young men now have to struggle against modern culture more than ever(00:14:05) - Why can men do on an individual level in the face of all this? Number one: stop blaming women. (00:18:06) - Number two: set right your relationship to risk (00:20:30) - Number three and four: engage in healthy confrontation, and make friends with people you respect(00:24:53) - Number five: you’ve got to set in shape. Prioritize actually living IN your body***Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your RelationshipBuild brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance. Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | SpotifyFor more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Talking points: culture, masculinity, relationshipsWarren’s been a consistent and committed voice for men for decades now, an it’s been far too long since we’ve talked, so when I wanted to get some insight on how things have changed—or not—he was the obvious choice! We cover the complexity of what “makes” a man, get into politics, and some solid practical advice for couples. Enjoy and dig in.(00:00:00) - What’s happening to young men in today’s culture(00:09:47) - Warren’s take on why there seems to be negation or dismantling of biological underpinnings of maleness (00:17:53) - Is there really a difference between men and women, and Warren on listening first, solving second(00:26:08) - Why do we see a gender divide in politics?(00:36:06) - What Warren would say to men in their 20s and 30s(00:41:54) - On Warren’s book Role Mate To Soul Mate, and what makes falling in love easy but sustaining love difficult(00:52:27) - Advice if you feel like you’re always walking on eggshells with your partnerWarren Farrell, PhD, has been chosen by the Financial Times of London as one of the world’s top 100 thought leaders. His books are published in 19 languages. They include The New York Times bestseller Why Men Are the Way They Are, and the international bestseller The Myth of Male Power. Dr. Farrell presented the findings of The Boy Crisis (2018) worldwide, from the White House to the Norwegian Parliament. It was a catalyst for bipartisan legislation for father involvement in Florida.Dr. Farrell’s most recent book, Role Mate to Soul Mate: The Seven Secrets to Lifelong Love (2024), is based on his teaching couples’ communication for the past 30 years to more than a thousand couples and psychologists. Warren has been a pioneer in both the women’s movement (elected three times to the Board of the National Organization for Women in NYC) and the men’s movement (called by GQ “The Martin Luther King of the men’s movement”). He advocates for a “Gender Liberation Movement, freeing both sexes from the rigid roles of the past.” His life journey is the subject of a forthcoming documentary.***Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your RelationshipBuild brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance. Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | SpotifyFor more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | <a...