Landline

This is the final episode of Landline.Not because the questions ran out.Not because the conversations stopped mattering.But because this particular season of listening is complete.When I started this project, I didn’t know what would happen if I picked up the phone and let strangers speak into the dark. I only knew that silence had stopped being helpful, and that something honest might live on the other side of a dial tone.Over the past year, Landline became a place for confessions, jokes, grief, boredom, hope, relapse, restraint, longing, and the occasional absolutely unhinged voicemail. It became proof that people are still willing to say real things if you give them a little space and a little time.Some of you called.Some of you listened quietly.Some of you never touched the phone but stayed anyway.All of that counted.This final episode is not a “best of” in the polished sense. It’s more like the feeling at the end of a long conversation when no one wants to hang up, but you know it’s time. We talk about the holidays, about favorite moments, about what stays and what doesn’t. We let the room settle.After December 31, Landline will be archived. The episodes will remain, but the line itself will stop ringing. There will be no new calls, no new recordings, no next episode waiting around the corner.And that’s okay.Not everything meaningful is meant to run forever. Some things exist to prove something to you, then gently step aside.Thank you for trusting this strange little experiment. Thank you for your voices, your patience, your curiosity, and your willingness to sit with uncomfortable pauses. Thank you for letting this be what it was, not what it was supposed to be.For now, the receiver goes back on the hook.With gratitude,Inga Get full access to Landline: The Essays at thelandlineshow.substack.com/subscribe

Featuring Claire, a rogue estrogen patch, and one absolutely enormous turkey cutoutWe tried a new set up this week. Of course we did. We try a new set up every week, which is probably why the algorithm looks at Landline and thinks, “I’m sorry, who are these people and why are they in a different hostage situation every episode.”In case anyone was worried, the Band-Aid on my arm is covering my estrogen patch. Is it working. Mostly. Did it fall off again. Yes. Did I tape it down with a child’s waterproof bandage because I’m an adult woman hanging on by a thread. Also yes.This week’s episode covers:* Thanksgiving chaos* Whether little kids dressing up as pilgrims and Indians is sweet or deeply offensive* Childhood crafts that should have been red flags* What prayer actually is* Why gratitude is harder than it sounds* The spiritual equivalent of glue-bean candle holders* Plus, a brief detour into whether Christopher Columbus was at Thanksgiving (he was not)But the heart of the episode is this: What does it mean to pray, and why does it feel complicated.I asked listeners what prayer means to them. Some people said they love it. Some said they hate it because of what it “used to mean.” Some were raised on fear-based prayer. Some had no idea where to start. Claire and I talk through our own practices, missteps, and the surprising simplicity of gratitude when life is at its weirdest.And in the spirit of Thanksgiving, we talk about what it means to give thanks as adults who have been through a pile of life already. Bodies falling apart. Recoveries. Careers that swing between “thriving” and “hair on a biscuit.” Holidays that feel tender, funny, or just plain confusing.Landline is almost at the finish lineWe have one episode left this year. Depending how life shakes out, this may be the end of Landline for now. A beautiful, unhinged, heart-forward little season that went from a real studio to my living room floor with a tripod that hates me.If you want Season 2, here is the deal:We need to hit:• 10K YouTube subscribers• 500 Substack followersIf you have ever enjoyed this show, this is the moment to help keep it alive.👉 Tap “follow” here on SubstackIt takes two seconds and it legitimately matters.Thank you for listening, calling, writing, praying, disagreeing, and showing up for this show.We love you. See you for the Christmas finale.And someone please remind me to fix my lighting situation. Twice. Maybe three times.Inga Get full access to Landline: The Essays at thelandlineshow.substack.com/subscribe

A week late, full of glitches, and somehow… perfect.We thought no one called for the Halloween episode.Turns out, everyone just called later.Because we respect your chaos as much as we love your loyalty, we rolled the calls anyway. It’s a week late, full of glitches, and somehow… perfect.This one’s a gem: we cover everything from The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown to stolen porch pumpkins, golf-cart concussions, and one listener’s emotional support costume. There’s mild existentialism, unexpected tenderness, and a brief debate about the morality of stealing decorative gourds.Somehow, amid all the noise, we landed on something true: Halloween used to be about imagination. Now it’s mostly about managing expectations—and that might be okay.🚨 Season 2 depends on you.🎥 Need: 10K YouTube subscribers🗞 Need: 500 Substack followersFollow, subscribe, share. Every click keeps Landline alive.💬 Next episode: Thanksgiving Traditions + When Was the Last Time You Prayed?☎️ Leave a voicemail → (615) 212-5437🎧 Watch or listen on YouTube. Get full access to Landline: The Essays at thelandlineshow.substack.com/subscribe

When did Halloween stop being fun?In this week’s episode of Landline, Claire and I trade childhood Halloween stories, bad costume choices, and our first real brushes with fear. Both cinematic and emotional. From It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown to The Shining, we try to figure out when the most magical night of the year turned into Trunk-or-Treat in a church parking lot.In This Episode:* Why It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown is the perfect film * The trauma of scary movies (Scream vs The Shining) * The infamous “REDRUM” tattoo that ruined Thanksgiving * DIY costume disasters (Rock, Paper, Scissors edition) * How our generation accidentally killed Halloween Featuring: Madge the dog, a lot of chaos, and two women who still believe the sky in Charlie Brown is what fall should look like.Listen or Watch the Full Episode* 👉 Watch on YouTube* 👉 Subscribe on YouTube* 👉 Subscribe to Landline on SubstackCall In for Next Month’s Show:* Next episode: Thanksgiving Traditions That Should (or Should Not) Be Retired* Call (615) 212-5437 and leave a message or post a comment below Get full access to Landline: The Essays at thelandlineshow.substack.com/subscribe

This week’s episode is about the dumbest thing you ever believed… until it wasn’t. From jeggings to ghost-breathing past cemeteries, we get into it. Claire’s back from Africa. I’m down to 40mg of Prozac. We both saw wild animals. It’s summer, we’re sweaty, and for some reason we decided this was the right time to talk about depression, despair, and cigarettes.At first, it’s fun and light:* I thought my dad played drums for Bruce Springsteen.* Claire believed her dog wouldn’t get fleas.* We both inhaled ghosts.Then we spiral into deeper territory (as one does) about what it means to stay alive when your brain tells you not to. We talk about old saints, addiction, hopelessness, and the difference between clinical depression and the dark night of the soul. It's heavy. But also funny? You'll see.If you’ve ever believed something dumb (e.g. like Sex and the City was a documentary, or that quitting smoking would be easy) this one’s for you.And if you’re feeling stuck or sad, know this: You’re not alone. But you do have to breathe. Even past a cemetery.xo,IngaP.S. No episode this week. Public Access has kicked us out (for now). No episode next week because I’m getting married. See you all August 13th.P.P.S. Call in next show! We love hearing your voice. Leave a message anytime at (615) 212-5437. Get full access to Landline: The Essays at thelandlineshow.substack.com/subscribe

This week’s Landline is brought to you by:* A single unmoving camera angle of my unflattering upper arm* Overhead fluorescent lighting* A possibly sedated cohost (Kyle, bless him)* And the realization that our loyal tech director can’t do the show anymoreIt’s a lo-fi episode in the truest sense. The first 20 minutes are just a static shot of me, slowly becoming aware of how bad overhead lighting is for women over 40. Then Kyle sort of wakes up, and we close with an emotionally stirring 12-second sign-off.Production at public access is now officially… a mystery. Our beloved technical director won’t be working on Landline anymore. Why? Because another show has seniority and films live at the same time: Heartland Liberty, a right-wing variety hour hosted by a dude who makes Alex Jones seem chill. That’s why we’ve been stuck in Studio B for months, making the best of it with limited crew and gear.So we may be moving to a new location. Or a new format. Or possibly filming the next episode on my phone duct-taped to a ring light.What do we think about moving?We’re figuring it out. But I love this show and I want to keep it going. Thinking of starting a GoFundMe so we can rebuild a scrappy little setup that actually works. If that’s something you’d support, hit reply and let me know. Your encouragement genuinely helps.For now: here’s the latest episode, in all its unfiltered glory.👉 Watch episodes here👉 Call in or leave a voicemail👉 Light the torch and ask Public Access to put Landline in Studio ALove y’all,Inga Get full access to Landline: The Essays at thelandlineshow.substack.com/subscribe

This week’s Landline Lecture is a 30-minute download of eternity—for the spiritually curious, the deeply skeptical, and anyone who scrolls while driving. Inga and Claire attempt to summarize A Course in Miracles, a 1,300-page spiritual textbook scribed by a Columbia University medical psychologist, dictated by Jesus, and beloved by Sober Bob, Oprah, and maybe your mom.If you’ve ever struggled with the word “miracle,” the idea of God, or your own projections—this one’s for you. No pomp. No moralizing. Just jokes, truth bombs, and very real reflections on perception, forgiveness, and why being friends with someone who disagrees with you might actually be a miracle.CALL IN: (615) 212-5437📺 Watch new episodes every Wednesday @ 7 PM CT📝 Submit your story: typeform💻 Browse past episodes + merch: www.thelandlineshow.com Get full access to Landline: The Essays at thelandlineshow.substack.com/subscribe

This week on Landline, we spiral. Gently. Dramatically. In a bowling alley.I talk about the kind of identity crisis that only comes from getting married and going viral for an animation where you shoot Mr. Rogers. You know, classic bride stuff.If you’ve ever posted something online and immediately felt like you broke the internet in the bad way, or if someone’s told you “That doesn’t seem like you,” and you suddenly doubted your entire existence—this one’s for you.Highlights:* Why I don’t know my brand and maybe never will* How my “support group” is weirdly the best wedding planning committee I’ve got* What the Muppets boarding house has to do with Landline* And why it’s totally fine (good even!) to want your wedding celebration to smell like rental shoes and nacho cheeseYou’ll also hear about our pilot experiment leaving a real landline phone at the Dive Motel bar in Nashville. We got one voicemail. It just said “I hope” over and over again. Honestly? Same.🎧 Listen to the episode above or wherever you get your podcasts.📞 Want to call in? You can still leave a message anytime at (615) 212-5437. Or catch me live next Wednesday at 7 PM Central.🎈 Episode 20 drops next week and I’ll be joined by my chaotic genius cohost Claire. If you know, you know.Thanks for listening. Thanks for letting me be a little bit Gonzo, a little bit Piggy, a little bit human.—Inga Get full access to Landline: The Essays at thelandlineshow.substack.com/subscribe

SummaryThis episode of Landline, we flipped the script with a slightly chaotic, barely organized game show: Ring Ring Revolution. Hosted by myself (Inga Headland) and two pint-sized cohosts (ages 5 and 8), this episode dove into the hilarious chaos of kid logic, impromptu history lessons, and the art of getting every trivia question wrong.We called up brave volunteers for a high-stakes game where wrong answers mean instant deportation to Canada – or at least a lot of playful ribbing. Expect debates about whale eggs, the smell of America, and why Trump just needs some friends.Highlights* Vera's art project reveal (pineapples and barns, naturally)* 5-year-old Rosa’s hot takes on Trump, friendship, and America’s smell (spoiler: farts)* The surprisingly hard game of U.S. state trivia – including why it’s illegal to get a fish drunk in Ohio* The chaos of live kid cohosts and a poolside swing night announcement at Dive MotelJoin the ShowShare your stories, questions, or advice.* Call in live every Wednesday at 7 PM CT* Or leave a voicemail anytime at (615) 212-5437* Too shy to call in? Submit your story online. Get full access to Landline: The Essays at thelandlineshow.substack.com/subscribe

I didn’t edit this episode. For the first time ever, what you hear is what happened. Full awkward pauses. Long tangents. Technical glitches. Vulnerable confessions. I’m trying to trust that honesty > polish—and if nothing else, I have a day job, y’all, so this one got uploaded late because life is real (but not “real”—more on that below).Also? Our beloved tech director put the wrong phone number on the screen three separate times. So if you watched live and accidentally called a Domino’s in Ohio: our bad. We’re killing it.The Episode’s Topic: You Can’t Fake ItInspired by two separate conversations—one with my cohost Claire and one with my fiancé—this episode dives into that sixth sense we all have for spotting what’s fake. We explore the difference between being real and being honest, why people who “seem real” often aren’t, and how our language is struggling to catch up with what we actually crave: humility and truth, not vibes and filters.We also accidentally renamed the show in real time:Landline: The Last Honest Call-In Show(because if ChatGPT calls you “real,” it’s probably time for a rebrand.)🎙️ Highlights from the Episode🔥 Trending Themes & SEO Bait (you're welcome):* AI vs. authenticity: We joked about how ChatGPT always says “you have a real vibe” (is that your emotional support adjective, babe?), but that spun out into something realer—how artificial intelligence is making “being human” a moving target.* The performance of identity: From pretending to be a ballerina to trying to impress a partner by listing our “many suitors,” we unpack what it means to posture—and what it costs.* Sex, self-esteem, and Craigslist Viagra: One listener called in with an unforgettable story involving body image, a sketchy Craigslist doctor, and a cautionary tale about taking a full pill on an empty stomach. It’s raw, hilarious, and kind of perfect.* The fallacy of “faking it till you make it”: Callers weighed in with takes on whether it’s useful, toxic, or just semantics. One even had a boss who banned the phrase in the office. (HR meeting incoming.)* Codependency, control, and Ted Lasso: Claire broke down a powerful moment from Ted Lasso that sparked a bigger convo on how we try to manage how others see us—and why that’s not only impossible, but exhausting.* Pop psych meets pop culture: We touched on Capgras Syndrome, Duchenne smiles, Sherlock Holmes, V for Vendetta, and Grey Gardens. As usual, the references were all over the place—and somehow all made sense.💬 Voicemails Worth a Listen* A guy fainted after stealing lunch money and lying about it. (Fifth grade villain origin story.)* A listener’s Viagra misadventure ends with him crawling across the floor like Samara from The Ring.* A woman gets banned from saying “fake it till you make it” at work.* Someone pretends to be a ballerina... for 12 years.* And another caller’s childhood confusion about birth control turns into the weirdest (and cutest?) explanation for his own conception.💡 Big TakeawayThe difference between being real and being honest matters. One is a brand. The other is a virtue. And in a world full of synthetic everything, maybe the rarest thing you can do is show up without a filter—on your face, your personality, or your story.☎️ Next on LandlineRing Ring Revolution: A Live American Trivia Game ShowAfter some back-and-forth at the end of this week’s episode (and a little behind-the-scenes chaos with ChatGPT), we’re launching a brand-new Landline-exclusive game:🎲 Ring Ring RevolutionThe game where Americans find out just how American they actually are—live, on the phone, and slightly unprepared.Think of it as part trivia, part culture test, part unhinged phone call from a talk show you didn’t know you were on. It’s live, unscripted, and deeply patriotic—in the weirdest way possible.We're looking for brave, curious, and slightly confused participants to play live on air this Wednesday at 7 PM CST. If you’ve got a phone and even one opinion about ice cream flavors or state mottos, you qualify.🔗 Sign Up to Play:Sign up here!!(Let us call you live on the show. No prep. No pressure. Just vibes and very questionable facts.)Join the Ring Ring Revolution—only on Landline, the last honest call-in show on the internet. Get full access to Landline: The Essays at thelandlineshow.substack.com/subscribe