Kids First Co-Parenting with Dr. Royster

Summary: Child psychologist Dr. Karalynn Royster talks about the part of high conflict coparenting that almost never gets addressed: the isolation. Not the schedule, not the court, not what to say at the exchange. What happens when the people around you get tired of hearing about it, when some of them stop believing you, and when you quietly start editing yourself into a version your friends can tolerate. This episode is about why that happens, what it does to you, and why the conclusion you've drawn about yourself is wrong.Key topicsWhy support fades over timeHow women start giving the short version, and what that costs themWhat it means to be disbelieved because your ex presents well in publicWhy being alone in it eventually makes you doubt your own perceptionThe two things women most often ask for, and what they revealWhy being tired is not a character flawThe regret one woman named after seventeen yearsChapters00:00 The sentence that started this episode02:00 Why nobody talks about this part03:30 How the isolation starts07:30 The editing: giving everyone the short version10:00 What women have told me13:00 The layer that's worse than loneliness15:30 When people disbelieve you18:00 The two things you're actually asking for21:00 What I want you to hearKids First, my membership community for mothers navigating high conflict divorce and parallel parenting. Weekly group coaching, a private community, monthly workshops, and a room full of women who understand without you having to explain.https://www.learnwithlittlehouse.com/kids-first-membershipKeywords: high conflict coparenting, parallel parenting, loneliness after divorce, isolation in divorce, coercive control, post separation abuse, being disbelieved, coparenting with a difficult ex, support for divorced moms, narcissistic abuse recoveryDisclosureDr. Royster is a licensed clinical psychologist, but not yours, and not an attorney. This podcast is education and support, not therapy or legal advice, and listening does not create a professional relationship. For your own situation, please consult your provider or attorney.Client quotes are shared with permission or altered to protect privacy. National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233, or text START to 88788. Free and confidential, 24 hours a day.

SummaryChild psychologist and host Dr. Karalynn Royster talks with Heather DeAngelis, LCSW, an ADHD specialist and co-parent who brings both clinical expertise and lived experience to the conversation. They explore how ADHD affects children moving between two homes and adults navigating divorce, with practical guidance on focusing on what you can control, managing overwhelm, and finding support.Key Topics: Heather describes her work at ADHD Aligned, including assessment, psychotherapy, executive-function training, and parent and clinician education.ADHD support often needs both emotional therapy and practical behavioral or executive-function strategies to help people move from insight to action.Heather shares how her own ADHD and a high-conflict childhood custody battle inform her work and her perspective as a divorced parent.Predictability can help children with ADHD, but separated parents may need to aim for a workable sense of safety and flexibility rather than identical rules in both homes.Heather encourages parents to focus on their own household and avoid taking over the other parent's responsibilities or trying to enforce their preferred systems.Before sending co-parenting advice, examine the motive and delivery: sharing what helped a child differs from communicating out of anger, resentment, or a wish to control.Children can be heard without being made responsible for driving adult decisions; parents remain responsible for structure and stability.About Heather:Heather DeAngelis, LCSW-R, LCSW, ADHD-CCSP, CEAP, is a psychotherapist, ADHD specialist, speaker, and founder of adhdALIGNED, specializing in ADHD and AuDHD psychotherapy, ADHD and parent coaching, and professional education and training.With more than 25 years in mental and behavioral health, Heather works with high-achieving adults, families, and organizations. Her clinical work focuses particularly on adults, especially women, whose ADHD or AuDHD has gone unrecognized, been misunderstood, or misdiagnosed, often for decades.Drawing from both her clinical expertise and her own experience with ADHD, Heather knows that looking successful and functioning well are not the same thing. When neurodivergence goes unrecognized, it doesn’t just affect the individual. It can change how couples communicate, how parents respond to their children, and how families interpret each other’s behavior. And understanding what’s happening doesn’t automatically mean someone can change it. That’s where Heather brings together evidence-based psychotherapy and practical executive functioning strategies to help close the gap between knowing and doing. Heather serves on the Board of Directors of CHADD of California and Single Mothers Outreach. Heather advises getting through the divorce process, seeking help that understands ADHD and divorce, and recognizing that ADHD offers context without removing responsibility.Late or missed ADHD diagnoses can be complicated by divorce-related stress and trauma; Heather recommends seeking a specialist when explanations do not fit.Find her at: https://heatherdeangelis.comhttps://adhdaligned.comTikTok: @heatherdeangelisadhdInstagram: @heatherdeangelisadhdLinkedIn:https://www.linkedin.com/in/heatherdeangelisFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61587567700656Keywords: ADHD and divorce, co-parenting ADHD, parallel parenting, ADHD in children, executive function, divorce support, co-parenting across two homesDr. Royster is a licensed clinical psychologist, but not yours, and not an attorney. This podcast is education and support, not therapy or legal advice. For your own situation, please consult your provider or attorney. National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233, or text START to 88788.

Dr. Royster discusses the concept of DARVO, an acronym for Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender, which describes a common pattern in high conflict co-parenting situations. The discussion explores how this pattern manifests in communication, the psychological implications, and strategies for recognizing and responding to it effectively.Key takeaways:Understanding DARVO is crucialRecognizing patterns improves communicationChapters00:00 Introduction to DARVO02:55 Understanding the DARVO Response05:59 The Dynamics of Deny and Attack08:53 Reverse Victim and Offender Explained11:55 The Impact of DARVO on Communication14:48 Recognizing and Responding to DARVO18:08 Strategies for Effective Co-ParentingOriginal research on DARVO is attributed to J. Freyd. Visit her webpage for extensive research, citations, and information on the topic: https://www.jjfreyd.com/darvo

In this episode, Dr. Royster talks with Dillan Koch, a Michigan-based mental health professional in private practice, about supporting teenagers and their families. They explore why teen behavior is often part of a larger family dynamic—and how that becomes especially important during divorce, family conflict, and major life transitions.Together, they discuss teen privacy in therapy, parental involvement, independence, and how to distinguish healthy challenges from genuine safety concerns. Dillan shares a family systems perspective on helping teens and parents build communication and resilience, with the goal of supporting families—not keeping clients in therapy indefinitely.Key topicsDillan’s work with teenagers and families in her Michigan private practiceHow parent-only intake sessions can help therapists understand family concernsSetting clear confidentiality boundaries and maintaining trust with teensWhy a teenager’s struggles may reflect pressures across the whole family systemHow adolescence can bring change and stress for parents as well as teensThe balance between emotional safety, appropriate challenges, and building resilienceHow overparenting can unintentionally make it harder for kids to develop independenceApproaching phone use, school responsibilities, and alcohol through early, ongoing conversationsParentification and the risk of teens becoming a parent’s confidant during divorceKeeping children out of adult relationship conflicts and co-parenting disputesResponding to school or visitation resistance with curiosity rather than assumptionsSupporting teens through separation, grief, and changing family relationships00:00 — Introducing Dillan Koch and the Midwest connection01:17 — Dillan’s private practice and family systems approach02:17 — Working with teens and their families05:04 — Setting confidentiality expectations with parents06:17 — Protecting trust when parents want information08:40 — Why teens can’t be treated as the only source of family problems10:48 — Teen development, family stress, and changing roles14:53 — Are teens changing, or are parenting dynamics changing?16:17 — Overparenting, helplessness, and resilience17:13 — The balance between safety and friction18:38 — Grades, assignments, and helping teens build responsibility23:23 — Phones, alcohol, and setting boundaries before a crisis27:45 — Divorce, parentification, and teens becoming confidants31:43 — Why adult relationship conflict is hard for teens to understand33:30 — Family roles, perfectionism, and the quieter child36:32 — Validating teens’ experiences during divorce or separation38:54 — Understanding teen autonomy and resistance41:27 — When teens recognize unhealthy or unsafe family dynamics43:36 — Staying grounded amid co-parenting conflict45:20 — Communicating with a child’s future perspective in mind48:04 — Grief through divorce, adolescence, and young adulthood49:07 — Dillan’s podcast, Instagram, and community workConnect with Dillan for therapeutic & coaching services here.Follow Dillan on Instagram Listen to The Check in with DillanI am a psychologist, but I am not your psychologist. This is education and support, not therapy or legal advice. For anything about your actual family, talk with your own provider.

The podcast episode explores the experience of high-achieving women in coercive control relationships, debunking the myth that only certain types of people experience abuse. It delves into the impact of status inconsistency, psychological manipulation, and financial control on these women, highlighting the challenges they face in seeking help and the implications for their professional lives and co-parenting dynamics.TakeawaysMyth of Abuse: Debunks the myth that only certain types of people experience abuse.Impact of Coercive Control: Explores the impact of status inconsistency, psychological manipulation, and financial control on high-achieving women.Chapters00:00 Debunking the Myth of Abuse07:40 Impact of Status Inconsistency16:01 Psychological Manipulation and Financial Control21:02 Challenges in Seeking Help and Professional Implications23:53 Co-Parenting Dynamics and Protective FactorsKids First is the membership community for moms navigating high conflict and parallel parenting, led by a doctoral level clinician. Weekly Group Coaching, Monthly live workshops, a library of real strategy, and a group of women who understand what you are carrying without you having to explain it. Plus direct access to me. Join now. Resources Mentioned in this Episode: The Financial Feminist PodcastBeyond the Statistic (Formerly 1 in 3) PodcastNational Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 (1-800-799-SAFE) or Text START to 88788Disclosure I am a psychologist, but I am not your psychologist, and I am definitely not your attorney. This is education, not therapy or legal advice.

Welcome back to Season2!!Dr. Royster opens season two of Kids First Co-Parenting with a foundational lesson on coercive control, explaining why it’s often missed in the moment and why it matters so much during separation and co-parenting. She breaks down the patterns behind coercive control, how gaslighting causes people to doubt themselves, and the ways it can continue after divorce through parenting, finances, and access to kids. In this episode, Dr. Royster offers a clear, practical framework for recognizing coercive control in everyday life—especially for people who find themselves thinking, “Nothing that bad ever happened.” She also emphasizes that when a situation is unsafe or abusive, support and safety planning must come first.Key topicsCoercive control is a pattern, not a single incident. It involves ongoing efforts to dominate someone and strip away their independence, confidence, and trust in their own reality.Why coercive control may not become clear until separation, divorce, or co-parenting begins.How gaslighting causes people to question their own memories, instincts, and perceptions.Financial control, including restricted access to money, constant scrutiny of spending, and using finances as punishment.Monitoring and surveillance through location tracking, phone checks, text-message scrutiny, and demands for explanations.Isolation and the gradual erosion of relationships with family, friends, and coworkers.Rewriting reality, shifting blame, and portraying the targeted person as unreasonable.Micro-rules and unpredictability that create the feeling of constantly walking on eggshells.Using children as messengers, spies, leverage, or an audience.How coercive control can continue after divorce through communication, schedules, expenses, and the children.Why naming coercive control is an important part of healing and protecting children.Where to seek help when coercive control overlaps with domestic violence or an unsafe situation.Kids First is my membership community for moms navigating high conflict coparenting. Monthly workshops, real strategy, and a group of women who genuinely get it, because they're living it too. It's where you stop doing the hardest job of your life alone. Join us. One thing before we get into it. I'm a psychologist, but I'm not your psychologist, and I'm definitely not your attorney. This show is education and support, not therapy or legal advice. So please take what's useful, and for anything about your actual case, talk to your own team.AND If you are experiencing domestic violence or feel unsafe, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 or text START to 88788 (Support is free and confidential.)

Twenty-six episodes. Thousands of listeners. Moms sharing this podcast with their sisters, their friends, the woman down the street who just got served papers. Season 1 of this podcast has been one of the most meaningful things I have built and I built it for YOU. For the mom who is exhausted and scared and doing this mostly alone. For the mom who just needed someone to tell her she was not crazy.Thank you for being here. Thank you for listening. Thank you for sharing it with the people who needed it.We are taking a summer break and when we come back in the fall we are coming back with something more. New episodes, new topics, and a whole new level of co-parenting. Kids First Membership is open year round. If you are navigating high conflict coparenting and need expert guidance, community, and support while the podcast is on break this is where you want to be. Join here: https://www.learnwithlittlehouse.com/kids-first-membershipCustody (PRE/CFI) Intensives (launching this summer, limited availability) available here: https://learnwithlittlehouse.myflodesk.com/skuza6g56aKeywords: high conflict divorce, coparenting, custody evaluation, parallel parenting, divorce coach, coparenting coach, family law, high conflict coparenting, divorced mom, protect your kids, kids first, custody battle, PRE, CFI, season finale, podcast break.Disclaimer: This podcast is for educational and informational purposes only. The content shared by Dr. Karalynn Royster is not intended to be and should not be construed as mental health treatment, psychological services, or legal advice. Listening to this podcast does not create a therapist-client or attorney-client relationship. If you are in need of mental health support or legal guidance, please consult a licensed mental health professional or qualified attorney in your area.

If you have a custody evaluation coming up or you've just been told one has been ordered this episode is a must listen.Custody evaluations are one of the most high stakes (and stressful) moments in any family law case, and most moms walk in under-prepared and over stressed.In this solo episode, licensed clinical psychologist, Dr. Karalynn Royster, breaks down what happens inside a custody evaluation, what evaluators are trained to assess, and where moms can go wrong.You'll learn:What a PRE and CFI actually do and why they are not your advocateKey things every evaluator is watching for in every parent they meetWhy emotional regulation and child focused communication matter more than you thinkHow your documentation, emails, and texts are being evaluated before you even walk in the roomWhether you are in the middle of a high conflict divorce, navigating co-parenting with a narcissistic ex, preparing for a custody evaluation, or working with families in the family court system, this episode will change how you think about preparation.Ready to stop leaving your custody evaluation to chance?This summer Dr. Royster is opening the Custody Eval Intensive a 90 day, high touch program for moms who are done walking into the most important evaluation of their custody case unprepared. Only 3 spots. Beta pricing available. Interest form closes June 15th.👉 JOIN THE WAITLIST: https://learnwithlittlehouse.myflodesk.com/skuza6g56aNot facing an evaluation but need ongoing support?The Kids First Membership is a monthly coaching community for moms navigating high conflict coparenting led by a licensed clinical psychologist who has spent her career doing exactly this work. For $97/month you get expert guidance, live workshops, and a community of women who actually get it.👉 JOIN KIDS FIRST MEMBERSHIP: https://www.learnwithlittlehouse.com/kids-first-membershipKeywords: custody evaluation, parenting responsibility evaluator, child and family investigator, PRE, CFI, high conflict divorce, co-parenting, narcissistic ex, family court, custody battle, child custody, divorce attorney, GAL, guardian ad litem, co-parenting coach, custody preparation, family law, emotional regulation, high conflict coparentingDisclaimer: This podcast is for educational and informational purposes only. The content shared by Dr. Karalynn Royster is not intended to be and should not be construed as mental health treatment, psychological services, or legal advice. Listening to this podcast does not create a therapist-client or attorney-client relationship. If you are in need of mental health support or legal guidance, please consult a licensed mental health professional or qualified attorney in your area.

Money is one of the most powerful tools used in high conflict divorce and coparenting dynamics. For many women: the narrative that they are "bad with money" is not a personal failure: it is a story they have been told to keep them feeling small or stuck. In this episode: I am joined by Leah Hadley (a financial expert OG). We are dismantling the shame around finances and giving you the clinical and practical tools to reclaim your financial sovereignty. We dive deep into:Financial Mindset tools, including values & clarity around what you really want.The importance of sisterhood and support as you build intentional wealth.How to pick a good financial planning pro and what to watch out for.About Leah Hadley: Leah Hadley is a financial planner, Accredited Financial Counselor, Certified Divorce Financial Analyst, and the founder of Intentional Wealth Partners and Intentional Divorce Solutions. She is the author of Intentional Money: The Modern Woman's Guide to Building Wealth, Purpose and Peace, and the creator of The Empowered Sisterhood, a community built to help women achieve lasting financial confidence. Leah's work is rooted in the belief that when women are financially empowered, everything changes.Leah's Links:Substack article on fees in financial planning.Watch her Thrive and Intentional Divorce Solutions on InstagramLeah Hadley on LinkedInIntentional Money: Modern Women's Guide to Wealth, Purpose & PeaceDr. Royster's Links:Join the Kids First Membership for only $97/monthFollow us on InstagramImportant DisclosureThe information provided here is for educational and informational purposes only. It does not constitute professional mental health: clinical: or legal advice.No Professional Relationship: Accessing this content does not create a therapist: patient or attorney: client relationship.Seek Professional Help: If you are in a crisis or require specific advice for your unique situation: please reach out to a licensed mental health provider or a qualified legal professional in your area immediately.Safety First: Your safety and well being are the highest priority. If you are in immediate danger: please contact local emergency services or a crisis hotline.

In this insightful interview, child psychologist & co-parenting coach, Dr. Karalynn Royster, and Licensed Clinical Social worker, Alexandra Harrison LCSW, explore the complexities of stepfamily dynamics, blending families, and effective coaching strategies. Discover practical tips, research-backed insights, and compassionate approaches to navigate the challenges of blended families and co-parenting.Keywords: stepfamilies, blending families, co-parenting, step-parent coaching, family dynamics, divorce, remarriage, parenting strategies, high conflict families, family therapyKey Topics:The timeline of blending families and the typical 2-7 year processLoyalty binds and how they affect children and parentsThe importance of balancing warmth and boundaries in stepfamily relationshipsThe role of coaching versus therapy in supporting stepfamiliesManaging relationships with high conflict ex-partners Chapters00:00 Introduction and Professional Background04:25 Navigating Step Family Dynamics07:13 The Challenges of Repartnering09:50 Understanding Step-Parenting12:30 The Impact of Neurodiversity on Family Dynamics15:13 Step-Parent Coaching: A New Approach18:21 Core Challenges in Step Families20:59 Loyalty Binds and Parenting Dynamics23:56 Creating a Unified Parenting Approach26:32 Values-Based Parenting in Step Families30:11 Navigating Stepfamily Dynamics32:59 The Balancing Act of Parenting and Partnership37:13 Building Secure Connections in Stepfamilies40:56 The Complexity of Ex-Spouse Relationships43:27 Managing Co-Parenting Challenges50:01 Finding Support and Resources for Stepfamilies57:12 Introduction to Kids First Co-Parenting57:40 Support and Resources for Co-Parents57:54 DisclaimerResourcesStep Family Reset Website: https://stepfamilyreset.comAlex Harrison's YouTube Channel