Before My Next Baby: Everything I'd Do Differently in Pregnancy & Postpartum
About a month ago, I asked you all on Instagram what you wanted to hear next on the pod and far and away the winner was: things I’d do differently in pregnancy and postpartum… and boy do I HAVE SOME THOUGHTS. Before we get into it, a small disclaimer about the title. Things I’d do differently is a little misleading because it doesn’t account for the sheer magnitude of what becoming a mother entails. It’s so indescribable, so earth shattering, so unlike anything else I’ve ever done, that it’s almost laughable to be like… ok, here’s the list, here’s what I’d change. As the iconic midwife (and one of the wisest women I’ve met) Pam England said to me during our Birth Story Listening session: you went through a massive initiation - and the thing about an initiation is you can only get the wisdom by going through the experience. So in the spirit of no longer being a person who regularly criticizes and beats myself up for being a human - this isn’t a regret list... or a, here’s what I did wrong. It’s more of a reflection - an honest accounting of what I’ve gleaned by the actual living through it, and a few things I’d hold lightly the next time around.And there will be a next time…. and soon! Brian and I are planning to start trying to conceive again at the end of this summer, so that’s the lens I made this episode through. I’m in this rare window where it’s all close enough to feel and far enough to see, and I’m gathering up all of my insights and preparations before I walk through that doorway again. Some of what I share is hyper-specific and practical (the lab work, the supplements, the things I genuinely wish I had done that could have eased my experience in some way). Some is more philosophical (the illusion of control I gripped so tightly, the information traps I fell into, the surrendering I had to do). All of it is, as always, only my experience - and I can only speak for myself, duh :) If I could wave a magic wand and give one gift to my pregnant self, or to a first-time mom, it would be grace. The most amount of grace that a heart could possibly give to another. Because we always think of the newborn as the precious, brand new being who needs all the protection - but in many ways, I believe a first-time mom is equally that, too. She is so worthy of gentleness, support, and the unjudged space to be a beginner at the most life-altering thing she will ever do.So please, as always, take what resonates and leave the rest.In this episode, we get into:* Preconception: the baseline lab work I wish I’d run, the supplements I’d start months ahead, and why all of this is “do what you can and hold it lightly”* The miscarriage that humbled me, and the hypervigilance that came after* The information addiction of our modern times- falling down the algorithmic rabbit hole and how it cost me my own intuition* What I missed in pregnancy - undiagnosed gestational diabetes and severe iron deficiency (cool, fun, etc) and how I’d go about preventing that next time* The mental health challenges I didn’t get help for, and really wish I had* The home birth that failed and traumatized me, the C-section I never expected to have, and what I’d actually think about going into a first birth if I could do it all over* The hospital experience - what to advocate for (and what to politely decline)* Postpartum support, or how Brian and I tried to do way too much alone* Why The First 40 Days template didn’t quite work for me - and what I’d eat and do instead* The truth about exclusive breastfeeding that nobody really tells you* The digital monitoring & surveillance trap, and what it did to my OCD* Letting go of who I thought I was supposed to be as a mother - and meeting the actual child, the actual partner, the actual self I had becomeIf I haven’t said it enough times in the episode itself, I’ll say it once more here - none of this is a mistake, all of it was the path. The whole point of an initiation is that it changes you, and to say I’m changed is an understatement.Resources are at the bottom, organized by season - preconception through postpartum. As always, I’m not your doctor, this is just what I would do (and am doing). Please work with a practitioner you trust to figure out what’s right for your body.If it’s something you’re interested in, I’m thinking maybe I’ll do a follow-up to this one… “Things I’m grateful I did do…” because there were so many things I got right too, and they deserve their own episode.As always, thank you so much for listening. Hope it helps you on your path, whatever it looks like. xo, KacieRESOURCESAt the bottom of every episode I share the resources I trust most for the topic at hand. This list is by no means exhaustive - there’s a whole world of pregnancy and postpartum support out there - but these are the ones I personally use, have used, or wish I had only used. I’ll add to this over time, so save the link.Books I’d Actually RecommendI read way too many books in my pregnancy and ended up more anxious, not less. If I could go back, I’d just study these three.Birthing From Within by Pam England: This book - and Pam herself - changed my life. It’s not really a birth book in the traditional sense. It’s a deeply spiritual, deeply human exploration of what it means to give birth and become a mother, drawing on rites of passage and indigenous wisdom. If you read one book during pregnancy, make it this one.Transformed by Birth by Britta Bushnell: Britta speaks to the truth that birth is not something you can plan or control, and that the most important preparation is preparing yourself to meet whatever shows up. I would love to have her on the podcast someday. Pair this with Pam and Erica’s books and you genuinely don’t need anything else.Nurture by Erica Chidi: My dear friend Erica’s book is a beautiful, practical guide to pregnancy, birth, and the early postpartum days. Warm, knowledgeable, accessible, and not extreme. The third book on the shelf.Honorable Mention for Fertility - It Starts With the Egg by Rebecca Fett: If you’re in a preconception window and have the luxury of time, this is the book on improving egg (and sperm!) quality. Especially helpful if you’re trying after 35, working through unexplained infertility, or recovering from a miscarriage.Preconception Lab Work & TestingFunction Health: My number one recommendation for any woman thinking about getting pregnant. Function tests over 160 biomarkers - vitamin D, full thyroid panel including antibodies, iron and ferritin, ANA for autoimmunity, the works. Way more comprehensive than what most doctors will run at your annual physical, and the dashboard makes it actually useful. Use code KACIE when you sign up and you’ll get $25 off— it’s $365 for the year, which is nothing compared to running this kind of work with a functional medicine doctor. I’ll be a member for life. Whether you spring for a Function membership or not, I recommend asking your doctor for baseline testing for the following: * HbA1C (3 month average of your blood sugar, ideally your number is under 5.3)* Fasting insulin (ideally between 2-5)* Fasting glucose (ideally below 90, 80-85 optimal)* Vitamin D (between 60-90)* Full Iron Panel including Ferritin (Ferritin are your iron stores, and you want them above 70!)* Full Thyroid Panel including Antibodies (you’ll want to get medicated if you have hashimotos)Hormone Panel (FSH, AMH, Estrogen, Progesterone): Worth getting hormone work done with a doctor who knows how to interpret it, especially if you’re over 35, have a history of irregular cycles, or have miscarried. Progesterone is particularly important - we need a big surge of it to establish and maintain implantation in the first trimester. A lot of women with recurrent miscarriages benefit from progesterone supplementation in the first trimester/during implantation. This is best tracked by the Inito (below) or a DUTCH test.Inito Monitor: An at-hom… Get full access to I Can Only Speak for Myself at kaciecarterchamberlayne.substack.com/subscribe
