Emotional Physics

Oh, y'all.  This is our last episode until we don't know when, so that Tink can go have her baby and meet whatever new parts of herself arise in the process!  It has been so meaningful to Tink and Gilly to get to work together to make this podcast for you, and that so many of you listened time after time.  We realize now that we needed to make this podcast to clarify for ourselves and each other that tools really do exist to build a romantic love that is devoted and connected, yet won't cause anyone to become ill, or to transform into a husk of themselves over time.  In this episode we circle back to the main highlights of those tools,  celebrate the ways we ourselves have both grown a lot in our capacity for healthy love as a result of having these conversations, and get into it about how to have a transparent and healthy break whether in a romantic relationship or in a parasocial podcasting relationship.  We love you very much.Send your questions to us at: https://ouremotionalphysics.com/contact Find us on instagram at https://www.instagram.com/emotionalphysicspodcast

Today is the second to last episode of this iteration of the Emotional Physics podcast before we go on a hiatus to welcome Tink's baby!  Omgeeeee!Speaking of parenting and families, we answer a poignant listener question about how and if it is possible to go on to have securely attached adult relationships when our parents did not themselves have a healthy relationship.  How can we go forth not feeling doomed by our parents' mistakes?  Well, listeners, it turns out that secure attachment is a lot more than what we were shown by our parents.  We take into account how not only our parents but other important adults related directly to us regardless of how they treated each other, the impact of other healthy adults (Tink gets a little fixated on aunt and uncles for a minute there) on the types of love and attachment we grow up to expect and gravitate toward, as well as the power of adult relationships including and especially friendships to help move the needle of our attachment styles in the direction of health, regardless of what happened in our childhoods. Send your questions to us at: https://ouremotionalphysics.com/contact Find us on instagram at https://www.instagram.com/emotionalphysicspodcast

Hello listeners!  This is our second to last episode of the current season, before we go on baby hiatus!  Hiaby? Biatus?  Anyway.  We answer a listener question on how to handle it when kink preferences don't seem to match up in relationships.  Tink offers some very practical ideas related to cock rings and skillful and safer strangulation:https://blog.kinkly.com/what-is-erotic-asphyxiation/Gillian brings her more vanilla energy to the table to help us all remember to consider the unmet need, or maybe even the core wound driving a desire to heal and explore through kink, and how to sit with curiosity and creativity to solve those problems together.  Send your questions to us at: https://ouremotionalphysics.com/contact Find us on instagram at https://www.instagram.com/emotionalphysicspodcast

This week we share a MASSIVE LIFE UPDATE for the Emotional Physics family!  We also answer a listener question about tolerating alone-ness after a breakup long enough to feel its benefits, rather than leaping into whatever new connection is most accessible to us right after relationship loss.  We get extra shrinky today and bring in an old psychoanalytic text on what gives humans the "capacity to be alone" (cited below).  It turns out that humans are wired for connection and no one is so good at being fully, perceptually, symbolically, and internally and externally alone.  That would be dangerous for our nervous systems and loneliness is a helpful survival signal to move us into connection, as our dear friend James Ellis, The Loneliness Doctor, recently taught us (info below).  Instead, the capacity to be alone seems to come from the development of strong internal representations of and connections to our important people and ourselves, as well as the types of rich, non-romantic relationships that allow us to feel witnessed in our aloneness, and able to access support if we need it.The Maturational Processes and the Facilitating Environment:Studies in the Theory of Emotional Development. D. W. Winnicott,F.R.C.P.p. 28The Capacity to be Alone(1958) https://www.york.ac.uk/media/english/documents/The%20Capacity%20to%20be%20Alone.pdfNeuronal Pruninghttps://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC6865685/Loneliness Doctorhttps://www.instagram.com/reel/DPT6XFlES1s/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link&igsh=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==Send your questions to us at: https://ouremotionalphysics.com/contact Find us on instagram at https://www.instagram.com/emotionalphysicspodcast

In this week's episode, we answer a question on the "weak hinge" in polyamory relationships. We found ourselves passionately discussing a research study on interpersonal synchrony which drove us into the exploration of the "good boy syndrome" and all ways in which so many folks are deeply afraid of discomfort and hurting feelings. Not to spoil it all, but the conclusion is that if you are gonna be in any kind of relationship you are gonna need to learn how to disappoint and get uncomfortable.  Send your questions to us at: https://ouremotionalphysics.com/contactFind us on instagram at: https://www.instagram.com/emotionalphysicspodcast/Send your questions to us at: https://ouremotionalphysics.com/contact Find us on instagram at https://www.instagram.com/emotionalphysicspodcast

Hi friends, today is just a quick note to announce that we are moving to an every other week release schedule, so that we can keep bringing you the high quality content you deserve while also keeping up with life as it careens about for us both.  We will see you next Thursday with a new episode!Send your questions to us at: https://ouremotionalphysics.com/contact Find us on instagram at https://www.instagram.com/emotionalphysicspodcast

In this week's episode, we answer a two-part listener question - for one, is sex always at the heart of things people are working through in couples therapy, and for two, if sex is so important why is there data that less of us are having it?  We found our way into a discussion on the level of fear surrounding sex in a person's upbringing having a surprising impact on the amount of sex they have, thrilling data that Gen X women are actually one of the only demographics having more and better sex these days (and why that might be!) as well as the impact of expectation, future orientation, and obligation on the amount and quality of sex in a person's life stage.Send your questions to us at: https://ouremotionalphysics.com/contact Find us on instagram at https://www.instagram.com/emotionalphysicspodcast

Well we found ourselves pretty fired up in this week's episode!  Here we respond to a listener question on the type of partner change it's appropriate or helpful to ask for.  We end up grappling pretty deeply with the conflict between the truth that romantic relationships are often the most profound cauldrons of change and growth in a human lifetime, and the equally visceral truth that TRYING to change a partner can very quickly tip into "uh-oh" territory of control and manipulation.  We do our best to own the lived experience we both have that has given us (and this podcast) a strong tendency to steer away from controlling dynamics whenever possible, and we learn quite a bit about ourselves, and different flavors of changing-in and changing-for a relationship in the process.Ross Greene Plan B protocol mentioned on the pod:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QTG6kQot3f8Send your questions to us at: https://ouremotionalphysics.com/contact Find us on instagram at https://www.instagram.com/emotionalphysicspodcast

In today's episode, Gillian and Rebekah respond to a listener question from someone feeling alarmed that they have been asked to go to couples therapy by a partner, worrying that this might be a punishment or a sign that the relationship is doomed, and wondering what to expect if they do choose to go.  We share on some of our experiences in the couples therapy room both as client and as therapist over the years, and hopefully make the whole experience feel less weird, doomsday, or scary.  On the other hand, we note the ways that couples therapy can be some of the most confronting (nowhere to hide when your partner is there with you ready to share their perspective on you with a therapist!) but also often most powerful and potent therapeutic work there is. We also share a bit about some of our favorite tools and tactics in the couples therapy space and offer encouragement to be a direct communicator with any couples therapist you may have, remembering that they are not the expert on your relationship - you are!Send your questions to us at: https://ouremotionalphysics.com/contact Find us on instagram at https://www.instagram.com/emotionalphysicspodcast

This week Gillian and Tink answer a listener question from someone looking for a way to end a relationship skillfully and kindly, especially after the vibe may have communicated long-term intent.  We engage in some healthy debate about starting breakup conversations over text, and whether we have a responsibility to inform the person we are planning to break up of our general intent before inviting them on a hang to discuss same.  We discuss the absolute pressure cooker of dating in the 30s for folks interested in carrying children, and turn to some vintage Flight of the Conchords for wisdom on right-sizing what we feel we owe to a romantic interest.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9iSlPoQm2XY  Send your questions to us at: https://ouremotionalphysics.com/contact Find us on instagram at https://www.instagram.com/emotionalphysicspodcast