271: Having Unforgettable Presence, with Lorraine K. Lee

Picture a successful business leader, and experience says you’re most likely to be picturing a white male right now.  Similarly, the realm of business books has been dominated by white males for so, so long - which is why we find it incredibly refreshing to talk with someone who does NOT fit that mold and has an unforgettable presence all the same.   What to listen for:  What made Lorraine K Lee write the book Unforgettable Presence? The many layers of creating a strong presence, including cultural upbringing, introversion vs extraversion, and more  The top three tips on where to start creating your authentic presence Advice to the Asian woman middle manager during AANHPI month - find a sponsor! About our guest:  Lorraine K. Lee is a keynote speaker, best-selling author of Unforgettable Presence: Get Seen, Gain Influence, and Catapult Your Career, and instructor with LinkedIn Learning and Stanford. She is recognized as a LinkedIn Top Voice with hundreds of thousands of followers and has a decade of experience leading editorial teams at top tech firms. Her insights have appeared in outlets such as CNBC, Bloomberg, and Fast Company.  

By the time a human is six years old, they’re usually in formal schooling with wide-open minds, ready to learn.  You’re learning that you can’t bring peanut butter in because some classmates might be allergic to peanuts (which shows you how to be a considerate citizen); you’re learning that you can’t call Suzie an idiot (because words have power); that baking soda and vinegar can propel that paper mache volcano (as in, science is real); and that when adults say “maybe” as in “maybe we’ll go to get ice cream for lunch” they’re not always telling the truth (developing our critical thinking).   Why all this talk about six-year-olds? Well, as you might have guessed, here at Dear White Women, we’re wrapping up year SIX of this podcast, which makes us, as a platform, similar in many ways to that small human that we were just talking about. A lot of this has been a journey in those skills for us, and, hopefully, you, too, have learned a little bit along this journey of 270 episodes and counting.   Here is to where we’ve been, and where we’re going as we move into our SEVENTH year of podcasting. And to everyone asking, “So, you done now?” Given everything that’s going on in the world (and specifically in the United States since January 20, 2025), we’ve got a never-ending supply of topics. Suffice it to say, we’ve still got a lot more to talk about, with each other, and with you - and we’ll soon be sharing with you how we’re changing this platform to give us the ability to say even more. Thanks, as always, for listening.   What to listen for: How and why we started this podcast Our personal whys - and what keeps us going, especially over this last year Favorite episodes from this last year How you can bring us in to speak with your organizations about how to have difficult conversations, and/or why belonging still matters - we each individually, and together, do lots of speaking engagements Subscribe to the show to keep updated on the changes coming to our platform!  Follow Dear White Women on your favorite podcast platform, so you don’t miss these conversations! Catch up on more commentary between episodes by following us on Instagram and get more by joining our email list. Subscribe to the Podcast Listening on iTunes?  Click here to subscribe!  Listening on Android? Click here to subscribe! Follow us on social media to continue the conversation!

Even if you’re not a lawyer, the challenge that this administration is mounting to the rule of law affects you, too. When the president challenges the judiciary, when we as a country go after lawyers simply for doing their actual jobs, it hurts all of us.  What’s happening now is weakening our judicial branch and centering power in the executive branch. Maybe you’ve heard the term “unitary executive”? This basically means that the jobs of the other two branches, or the other two branches of government themselves, can be told what to do by the President, as the power becomes consolidated solely in that branch. As we are recording this, Cory Booker is almost 20 hours into the third-longest speech on the Senate floor, and THAT is the fire that we need from Congress and the legislative branch, which has been largely lacking until now in this triangle of power. But we need also accountability in order for democracy to work: Due process keeps us from disappearing people in the night, the right to representation keeps the President from telling law firms and prosecutors who they can represent, and our current system, if we let it, is heading towards that unitary executive, which is basically a dictatorship. So it was wonderful to speak with Debbie Hines, a former prosecutor, assistant state attorney general, and trial attorney, on her take on what’s not only happening in our current administration, but how we can conceptualize the role of our legal system in our world, and how we can fight for a better, more expansive role for the judiciary and the justice system rather than playing small and bending the knee to those who would destroy it.   What to listen for: A clear explanation for the different layers of lawyers who work to keep our communities abiding by the rule of law - from trial attorneys to prosecutors to attorneys general Reflections and contextualizing what is happening with our current administration What’s broken about our current legal system How each of us can take action towards changing it Recommendations:  Visit local courts to see how prosecutors work Meeting with people who have encountered the prosecutorial system and/or are incarcerated → listen to Marcus Bullock episodes  Educate family, friends, coworkers based on info in this book – support diversion, restorative justice, and community-based programs, as many have better recidivism rates  Decline to prosecute 13 million misdemeanor cases annually (80% of criminal cases prosecuted in state courts); instead, support the idea of punching up and go after economic fraud, things that hurt more people About Debbie: Former Baltimore prosecutor, Assistant Attorney General for the State of Maryland, and trial attorney Debbie Hines is an advocate for racial equity in the criminal justice system. She maintains a private law practice focused on civil and criminal litigation in Washington, DC. A leading voice in the discourse of criminal justice and race, Hines is often called on by media networks for legal commentary.   Other resources: Episodes #83 + 84 with Marcus Bullock Episode #37: 99 Problems and the Criminal Justice System  Episode #41 with Ji Seon Song 

Between the time when we recorded this episode and this introduction, so many of our learning institutions, including the Department of Education and the Institute of Museum and Library Services, are being systematically or haphazardly dismantled at the whim of our current President(s). This may send us into a spiral of despair - or, may even freeze us in place and render us unable to act.   But … what if these challenges brought us into the fight, instead?   Our two guests on this episode co-founded organizations designed to do just that - fight back. They are just like you and me, except they saw what was wrong in their communities and decided to do something about it. We hope that you listen to Gaby and Lissette’s stories in this episode and share them far and wide. We are not powerless. We, the people, can do so much. And now is the time: find what you love, and fight for it in your communities. All of us, or none of us. And we need books, and the truth, now more than ever.   What to listen for: Which (now banned) books shaped early life in important ways for Gaby and Lisette  How each of them started their respective organizations and the “why” behind doing so What to do to support their work, as well as get involved/start your own fight   About Lissette: Lissette Fernandez, of Miami, Florida, is the co-founder of Moms for Libros, a nonprofit, nonpartisan public education advocacy (because a good quality education should be a nonpartisan issue). As a mother of two, she is dedicated to ensuring that all children have access to a high-quality, equitable education.    About Gaby: Gaby Diaz-Vendrell is a senior at Barnard College, double majoring in psychology and human rights with a minor in education. She began organizing at 14 in response to the 2018 Parkland shooting and has since worked with Women’s March, Florida Action Network, Florida N.O.W., and other public interest organizations. In 2024, Diaz-Vendrell founded Our Florida, a coalition of parents, students, and educators working on The Protect Florida Classrooms Act, a bill designed to challenge Florida's arbitrary book bans through civil rights law. At her core, she is dedicated to building a world where the dignity of every human is respected, justice prevails, and systems uplift rather than oppress.  

Gaslighting.  Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse that involves manipulating someone into questioning their sanity, memories, or perception of reality.  Sounds horrible right?  An example of this: a person or institution may say that an activist campaigning for change is irrational or “crazy,” or they may deny biases if someone confronts them about microaggressions. Nobody wants to be gaslit – it makes you feel confused, anxious, and isolated, and we know from research that feeling like that can have a real impact on your mental AND physical health.   But here we are, being gaslit by the leaders of our very own United States government. And when we say things like this, I keep coming back to George Orwell’s quote from 1984 - or was it 2025? - which says: “The Party told you to reject the evidence of your eyes and ears. It was their final, most essential command.” This is exactly what’s happening now. So - how do we keep ourselves from being fooled? How do we make sure that our collective mental and physical health as a nation doesn’t go down the toilet? We need to gather evidence to counteract the denial, the trivializing, the stereotyping that’s happening. So, in this episode, that’s what we’re going to do. Gather evidence to make sure you have all the info you need to stand up and push back against people who say what’s happening is normal. Educate yourselves and then each other because mainstream media is covering the chaos. We (the collective we, I mean)  have to cover the truth. To be clear: nothing that’s happening now is normal. And we cannot be gaslit into thinking it is.   What to listen for: Why the government is not actually bloated, and the mass firings are illegal How tariffs are taxes, which will be increasing prices for YOU at the register - for eggs, houses, appliances, and more Safety and security are at risk - both domestically with air traffic concerns, all the way to the shift in our international world order - and with the reduction in healthcare and schooling, among other things sure to come  What you can do, both locally and through calling your representatives. Use 5calls.org. Follow the Project 2025 Tracker: https://www.project2025.observer/ Further resources, from the Grassroots Connector substack: Investigative Journalism with Traditional Roots AP News: Globally trusted source of fast, accurate, and unbiased news. Operates as a nonprofit cooperative owned by major U.S. daily newspapers, radio, and TV stations, which share its news stories. Articles are written by staff in 100 countries and all 50 states, most of whom are members of the Newspaper Guild Union, part of the AFL-CIO—committed to nonpartisan, fact-based reporting, upholding the highest transparency, accuracy, and integrity standards while championing press freedom and journalist safety worldwide. The Courier: A pro-democracy news network aiming to counter misinformation, hold leaders accountable, and build a more informed and engaged electorate, covering policies affecting communities, focusing on democracy, economic justice, healthcare, climate, and inequality. Owned by Good Information Inc., COURIER, a public benefit corporation, is funded by reader contributions, sponsors, and philanthropic support while maintaining editorial independence. The Guardian: Global news organization delivering independent, progressive investigative journalism that holds power to account and amplifies unheard voices. The primary shareholder is the Scott Trust, which reinvests all profits to support public-interest journalism free from political or corporate influence (more on Scott Trust here). Over half of its funding is from readers worldwide. Mother Jones: A nonprofit, reader-supported investigative newsroom founded in 1976. America’s oldest investigative news outlet focusing on democracy, voting rights, racial justice, and reproductive rights. Based in San Francisco (with bureaus in Washington, DC, and NYC) MJ is a progressive, independent news source. NPR: An independent, nonprofit media organization known for in-depth, fact-based journalism. Supported by a diverse pool of revenue, including corporate sponsorships, member station fees, and philanthropic contributions. NPR is committed to transparency and journalistic integrity. MeidasTouch Network (MTN): founded by brothers Ben, Brett, and Jordy Meiselas, is a pro-democracy, independently owned news network. The network's news division, MeidasNews.com, is led by former prosecutor Ron Filipkowski. The network features contributions from prominent legal analysts, journalists, and political experts, including Karen Friedman Agnifilo, Michael Popok, Harry Litman, and Brian Karem. ProPublica: An independent, nonprofit newsroom dedicated to exposing abuses of power and betrayals of public trust through investigative journalism. With a team of over 150 journalists, ProPublica tackles critical issues like government, business, health care, and the environment, aiming to spur real-world reform and accountability. Founded in 2007, ProPublica is funded primarily by donations. See financials here. Reuters: 170-year-old global news agency, guided by its Trust Principles to ensure integrity, independence, and unbiased reporting. Its fact-checking unit focuses on verifying claims and visual material from social media, with findings published on Reuters.com. Adheres to its Code of Principles as a signatory of the International Fact-Checking Network (IFCN). Rolling Stone: Over the last several years, RP has earned a reputation as a trusted progressive voice by holding the powerful accountable and shining a light on injustice. Progressive and disruptive (in the best sense of the word). The 19th: A nonprofit newsroom founded in 2020 to empower women and LGBTQ+ people, emphasizing  underrepresented communities, with free, independent journalism focused on gender, politics, and policy. Named for the 19th Amendment, its mission highlights the ongoing struggle for equity and inclusion in democracy. Funded by memberships, philanthropy, and corporate support. (Donors are listed by name for the sake of transparency). Teen Vogue: A strong voice in politics, takes a progressive stance, and amplifies perspectives of young people on issues like democracy, identity, and social justice. Editor-in-Chief Versha Sharma describes it as “a guide and resource for young people who want to change the world for the better, all the while, reminding them to have fun and find joy doing it.” ​​

In the United States, there are an estimated 1.6 million people who identify as transgender, which is about 0.6% of the population ages 13 and older.  It’s about the equivalent of the population of Phoenix, Arizona; it’s just about how many people said on the US Census in 2021 that they are Japanese.  Of course this population matters – AND, it’s not a large percentage of our American population.  Yet the inordinate number of laws that have already been passed or changed since #47 was re-inaugurated, ones that harm the transgender community and the individuals and families in it, is astounding. In other words, although this group doesn’t comprise a large percentage of our American population, it is being disproportionately targeted by this administration.  The cruelty is the point, sure. But what can we do about it? How can we be an ally? Let’s start with organizations to support. If you have the ability to donate or volunteer, here are a few that we like: the Transgender Law Center, Advocates for Trans Equality, The Trevor Project, The Trans Lifeline, and GLAAD. Also, you’ll want to make sure to check what organizations are available locally as well, as it will be your local communities where you can have the most impact. Next, listen to this episode - or re-listen, if you heard it come out before. Buy Schuyler’s book. Tell all your friends. We have to talk about what it means to be transgender, and how the transgender lived experience differs from ours, if we want to truly be allies and not just performatively say we are. This is where we say, and mean it: all of us, or none of us. We hope you listen, and take action. What to listen for:  Intersectionality, and Schuyler’s own experience growing up biracial   The importance of exploring why you are who you are, for ALL of us, when it comes to gender  The quick take-down of the arguments from people working to push trans women out of women’s sports A bullet pointed list of what NOT to say to transgender folks [TIMESTAMP PLEASE] How to remind yourself of joy and a sense of thriving in the world, when it gets rough What Schuyler wants cisgender, heterosexual women to do differently, once you listen to the episode  About Schuyler:  Schuyler Bailar (he/him) is an educator, advocate, and bestselling author who made history as the first transgender athlete to compete in any sport on an NCAA Division 1 men’s team. Originally recruited to swim for the Harvard women’s team, Schuyler made the difficult choice to transition while potentially giving up the prospect of being a women’s NCAA Champion. His story has appeared everywhere from 60 Minutes to The Washington Post and the Ellen Show. Schuyler’s tireless advocacy has earned him numerous honors, including Forbes 30 Under 30 and the Out 100. In 2023, Schuyler’s critically acclaimed nonfiction bestseller became the preeminent resource on trans inclusion, He/She/They: How We Talk About Gender and Why It Matters. Schuyler’s works include his middle-grade novel Obie Is Man Enough, his online gender literacy training LaneChanger.com, and his hit podcast Dear Schuyler, including exclusive interviews with trans icons and allies like Lia Thomos, Dylan Mulvaney, Rafael de la Fuente, and many more. Resources Follow Schuyler on Instagram @pinkmantaray  Consider donating to Schuyler’s non-profit, which is underwriting a retreat for transgender athletes in May 2025 (and if you want more information, send us an email): https://www.paypal.com/donate?campaign_id=SKPQ7DUZXATAL How else can you support transgender lives? https://www.them.us/story/orgs-fighting-back-anti-trans-legislation 

We need to be honest about our nation’s history - that we’ve always been a divided nation - if we’re going to be able to strengthen and maximize the full power and potential of our nation. What’s that nation we want to move towards? One dedicated to the proposition of equality. That’s the clear, fresh vision that our guest today, Steve Phillips, writes about in his recent article in The Nation - an article that put in writing what we’d been thinking about - which is to say this: We’re pretty tired of the barrage of viewpoints standing AGAINST what the Trump administration is doing to our country - the authoritarianism, the oppression, the broligarchy.  We believe it is much more powerful to round out those views to include not just what we don’t want, but importantly, what we are fighting for, and what we are aspiring to be. The proposition of equality.  Of well-being for all.   What to listen for:  Recognizing the different nations within our country (i.e. facing our history) so we can articulate what we stand for and fight for what we want to see  The fully thought-out case for why the Civil War never really ended - with excellent examples from history That we need to focus on the long game - by investing in level 5 leaders, building strong civic engagement organizations, developing detailed data-driven plans, and playing the long game   About Steve: Steve Phillips is a national political leader, bestselling author, and columnist. He is the author of The New York Times bestseller Brown Is the New White: How the Demographic Revolution Has Created a New American Majority and the national bestselling book How We Win the Civil War: Securing a Multiracial Democracy and Ending White Supremacy for Good.   He is a columnist for The Guardian and The Nation. He is also the host of “Democracy in Color with Steve Phillips,” a color-conscious podcast on politics. He is the founder of Democracy in Color, a political media organization dedicated to race, politics and the multicultural progressive New American Majority.      

Since every day since Trump’s second inauguration has likely brought a fresh onslaught of possibilities that range from the incomprehensibly absurd to those that actively promote authoritarianism and slash away at our fundamental rights, it’s also important to cut through the noise and figure out: what does this mean for us?   Today, we’re touching on some areas that we think WILL be affected, especially impacting women, parents, and all of us. You may not leave this episode more uplifted, but you will leave it with a sense of agency and focus as you think about how we can each stand and fight, in our own communities, and for each other.   What to listen for: The SCOTUS challenges that are coming up - ones that may impact your access to Medicaid, contraception, cancer screenings, preventive medications for chronic conditions such as cardiovascular disease, counseling on health behaviors related to nutrition and weight management, alcohol and drug use, tobacco cessation services, screening for depression, and prenatal services. How we’re heading headlong into a new set of mommy wars - pitting moms who see motherhood as a martyr-like sacrifice against those who think we should have a choice about how we wish to live our lives. The hollowing out of education in our country, with more taxpayer money going to private schools and away from public schools, and teaching this next generation a skewed version of reality when it comes to our nation’s history. What you can do - getting involved in local efforts, holding the line as we talk to real people in our communities, being intentional with our information sources and applying critical thinking before we react, and voting withour wallet. Listen for more!  

We’ve arrived in 2025, and assuming President-Elect Trump is inaugurated, this means he will be the first president to take office convicted of felony crimes.  And since we know that an organization’s tone is often set by its leadership, we can’t help wondering: how will we see Trump’s leadership impact the culture of the United States, and how will this play out in our collective futures?   Let’s be real about where we are in this moment in history, courtesy of the Atlantic: “According to a report last year by the Varieties of Democracy Institute at the University of Gothenburg, in Sweden, when it comes to global freedom, we have returned to a level last seen in 1986. About 5.7 billion people—72 percent of the world’s population—now live under authoritarian rule. Even the United States, vaunted beacon of democracy, is about to inaugurate a president who openly boasts of wanting to be a “dictator on day one,” who regularly threatens to jail his opponents and sic the military on the “enemy within,” and who jokes about his election being the country’s last…..Many Americans understand today what political exhaustion and complacency look and feel like. But the dissident is the one who hopes against hope.”    We can’t imagine it’ll be particularly easy, but we do believe we have reason to hope. Hope is the consequence of action, and is often self-fulfilling (we act, we hope, we act some more). This is why today, we’re asking you this: How are YOU Trump-proofing your life?   What to listen for:  Putting self care first - like, REAL self care - and the story about Sara’s thunderclap headaches How to stay informed while keeping your sanity   Necessary mindsets, including trusting yourself, grieving, choosing your lane / letting go of the rest, getting real about power - and asking ourselves what we’re willing to sacrifice (comfort, convenience, or more) to stand up for what’s right Simple example: Do you believe fact-checking and real people are important parts of social media platforms? If so, will you get yourself off Meta’s platforms?  A reminder not to reinvent the wheel, but find and support organizations doing the work with your time, money, and energy.  Here’s a list to start with - let us know what organizations you support and we’ll add them to our list! Connect with Us! A reminder not to reinvent the wheel, but to find and support organizations doing the work with your time, money, and energy.  Here’s a list to start with - let us know what organizations you support and we’ll add them to our list! To give us input on what you want from our newsletter, and/or share your Asian immigration stories, reach us via email at [email protected]. Follow Dear White Women so you don’t miss these conversations! Like what you hear?  Don’t miss another episode and subscribe! Catch up on more commentary between episodes by following us on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter – and even more opinions and resources if you join our email list.  

Tomorrow, we’ll be wishing our loved ones “akemashite omedetou gozaimasu” - or, Happy New Year, in Japanese.  If you’re a long-time listener, you know that DEI work (or whatever we’ll be calling it going forward) is personal to us.  We’re both the daughters of a Japanese immigrant parent and a white American parent each; the ideas of multiculturalism and difference are embedded in our DNA, and we were raised to have respect not only for our own diverse histories, but those of all others in the world - after all, we’re each only one of 8 billion people in the world, and you bet that everyone has their own story, their own way of living, thinking, and being in our society. On top of that, let’s be clear about our chosen families.  Misasha is married to a Black man and has two very multiethnic sons who are Black Japanese, and white.  We’ve spent years laying the groundwork to help you understand anti-Black racism, deconstruct the model minority myth, and more. Let us be clear - we do this work because if even one person reading, has an a-ha moment and changes their actions, or talks to someone about something they learned here which changes *their* actions - so Misasha’s boys can come home safe at night, or so you make decisions that might potentially improve or even save the lives of children who look like them - then we will have been successful. Sara is married to a white Canadian man and has two teenage girls the world presumes to be white. Doing the work to challenge our own assumptions about other people matters to us because not everybody is what they seem.  Standing against anti-immigration sentiment matters to us; understanding the link between systems of oppression that hurt not only Black people, but neurodivergent people, females, and so many others is critically important to us as well. So far, we have hosted 262 episodes of the Dear White Women podcast because helping people listen, learn, and act differently to help uproot systemic racism is what we need to make the world truly equitable for ALL of us - this is the foundation, the work starts here.  And we cannot do it without your help. In 2025, we’ll be speaking to organizations - schools, companies, ERGs, and more - about two topics we think are critically important at this point in history:  Why equity and inclusion matters now more than ever - the psychology of belonging How to have difficult conversations. If you have groups you think would benefit, or know people who could hire us in their organizations, please connect us.  You can reach us at [email protected] anytime.  What else to listen for:  Reflecting on the most surprising and memorable parts of 2024 Our thoughts on the kakistocracy - the Economist’s word of the year meaning, the rule of the worst. And where we go from here in 2025…