Ep. 27: The Passing of Time
Intro note from Tara: We recorded this in early December 2025, and I only got around to finishing editing it today, in April. How fitting that this episode is about the passing of time! I have 3 other episodes in the editing queue, and Danny’s eager to record more, so we’ll have a more steady steam of episodes coming up!D: Hi all and welcome to All Our Brave Parts! It is the last weeks of 2025. So I want to wish you all a lovely close to the year. I’m pretty tired because I’m dealing with dysregulation and it is draining.T: Yeah. In the moment now, though, Danny, you had a big smile and a sudden little pulse of happy energy, so that’s nice to see.D: It is good indeed.T: I’m sorry you’ve been having such a tough several weeks, Danny. It must be exhausting. I know it’s exhausting for those of us trying to support you, and we also always have to remember that you’re the one it’s the toughest for.D: “But someone has to do it!”T: Our dad used to have this saying, “it’s a tough life, but someone has to do it.” So it’s one of your loops, huh?D: Totally.T: I hope you find a little more ease before the year ends, Danny.D: Me too! Fly, go away!T: Yeah we got some flies in here… it’s a little annoying, but we’ll be okay. So lead the way boss!D: Tara, you askT: All right, so the question we ask each episode: Danny, what’s something brave you’ve done recently? What’s a way you’ve been brave in your heart?D: I’m going to say that exploring my trauma and anger and dysregulation is the brave thing.T: Yeah, that’s a big thing, Danny. That’s super brave. I know you’ve been working on it throughout the last year, but I think you’ve been focusing more specifically on it in recent therapy sessions. It’s so interesting to see how your body responds. Is it okay for me to share this?D: Yes.T: Okay. Sometimes when he’s about to approach a topic with his therapist, or even in your poetry, you just suddenly get up and drift away and then do a new little routine. Like lifting the dog’s leashes up out of the basket where they’re kept and throwing them down and lifting them up and throwing them down or… interesting things like that. Your body is avoiding facing it. It’s really fascinating and instructive to see, and so I’m just impressed with you digging deeper. I think it’s been helpful and I think it will continue to be helpful, even though it’s very difficult.D: Totally. It is so important.T: Can you, if you don’t mind, can you describe a little bit how it feels or like provide a metaphor or analogy? It’s okay if it’s too intense. We can just skip it.D: That is interesting to think aboutT: (I love your smile!)D: I think it is like facing a precipice.T: Hmm, yeah. Well, that explains the discomfort. Again, so… “impressed” is kind of a weird word to use, I think, but just very in awe of you going through this process. And it’s instructive for me, too.D: Red letterboard! It is so fascinating. How about you?T: That’s a good one, Danny. I always am at a loss. Not always. I’m often at a loss when you ask me. I will admit that I’ve been experiencing brain fog recently... I think I’m at that age where that starts happening to women. Or, as you very charitably said the other day: it has been a tough year and we’re at the end of it.D: “But someone has to do it!”T: I guess a brave thing… the main thing that comes to mind is that I have been exploring the idea that the standards I have for myself, in every aspect of my life (like I need my apartment to be neater and cleaner, I need my car to be cleaner, I need my life to feel more organized, I need to achieve this or that or this and that) – and it’s not for any external validation, it’s just me wanting my life to look a certain way – and I’ve been wondering lately if I can let go of some of that. It’s like: maybe it’s okay that my car is perpetually disorganized, it’s okay that there are boxes of things that are just miscellaneous and I don’t know what to do with in my apartment as long as I put them out of the way, it’s okay to just let things be and not feel this pressure for it to be different.Now, the caveat there is there’s a part of me that’s that loves being lazy. When people are like, “oh, like my dad or mom retired and they didn’t know what to do with themselves,” I’m like, no, I would not have that problem. So there’s a part of me that can get very complacent. And so there’s this line I have to travel between acceptance of like, “my life is busy, and not everything’s going to be done the way I idealize it,” versus, “come on, Tara, you really got to pick yourself up and do your dishes.”So that’s the line I’m straddling. Yeah, that’s the main thing that comes to mind is considering the possibility that maybe a lot of my life is okay as it is. I trust you to call me out if you see me sliding into... What’s the word? Sliding into a slovenly lifestyle.D: I love that so much, Tara!T: Oh thanks, Dandan.D: I think it will be good for youT: Nice job [speaking], dude! I think so, too. Like I said, I gotta monitor it, but yeah!D: I think you are too hard on yourselfT: Yeah, that’s possible…D: Remotely possibleT: I do want to say one area in which I do need to be, maybe not hard on myself, but better, is: I haven’t been as nearly as patient as I need to be or should be with your dysregulation lately. And it’s made our spelling tougher, which is, as anyone who’s a CRP to a family member: that’s can be a moment of panic. And so I apologize for that Danny… I need to make more energy or devote more energy to thatD: Thank you. I think it has been tough.T: I’m so sorry dudeD: But I think it will pass and I will find good days again.T: I know it will passD: So today’s topic.T: Yeah, what is it, dude?D: I want to reflect on the passing of timeT: You want to reflect on the passing of time? That’s just a quick and easy little topic, huh? All right, I’m always up for considering the passing of time. I wonder about often.D: I am in awe of how fast this year has beenT: You know, for me, Danny, I feel like this year hasn’t been that fast, which is, I think, unusual. So, yeah. I’m interested to hear more about how it’s been.D: I want to go to text to speech.T: Text to speech? All right, all right, we’ll do that. Press stop.D: The passing of time is so fascinating to think about. For my pre-spelling life, I felt time was so slow. My life was so bleak and I had little to look forward to. It was like being in the doldrums, a dragging and featureless timescape. It has moments of joy, but the primary feeling was hopelessness. So time always felt sluggish.T: Oh, Danny, I understand. I’m really sad that that was your reality for so many years, for decades. I’m sorry, sweetheart. It’s always hard to learn about these things and to know I was there with you and that I didn’t know how to help you more.And just to contrast, you know, while you were going through that, I was going through, for a lot of it, standard schooling. So a lot of my existence with time was framed by elementary school, middle school, high school, college, graduate school, a couple years before graduate school, and then my postdoc and then my job. And then so now, this is the first time in my life I haven’t had my sense of time or the space in my life defined by something that has a set timeline. It’s a little odd to switch to that.I’m curious how those kind of standard timelines of, like, years through high school and years in those community programs: did you have any sense of what it meant, or did it mean anything that you were approaching, let’s say, your senior year of high school, for example? Or if you don’t want to talk about it.D: It was more sense of dread, because I didn’t know what would come next.T: Yeah. I’m sorry.D: But now time is so full. I am so full of things I want to do and things I can do, for the first time in my life. It is fantastic! My life feels so rich. So time passes far more rapidly. T… This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit allourbravehearts.substack.com
