What You Missed While You Were Closeted

Our gay-as-a-tennis-player florists, Sarah and Izzy ignore a fireworks display, kick gross Cooper in the nads and writhe around together on a very expensive pile of flowers. Gather your many Irishes, don your best nightie and entire tracksuit combo and lets go on a cute, gay romp around the borough of Camden! Feel free to tell us your thoughts on Twitter/Instagram @closetedpodcast or drop us an email to [email protected] Our stunning covert art was designed by the incredibly handsome and talented Sam Mickan (Instagram: @sammickns). Royalty-free theme song from bensound.com

Our perfect scores Sarah and Izzy pass the secret SAT, receive their tiny skirts in the mail and head off to be extremely impractically dressed doing spying and shit. Pack your not-Amy-machine, get in your vintage blue car and come on a very fun, very gay spying adventure in our first almost-perfect (why do early 2000s films always have to have the r-slur in them) film! Feel free to tell us your thoughts on Twitter/Instagram @closetedpodcast or drop us an email to [email protected] Our stunning covert art was designed by the incredibly handsome and talented Sam Mickan (Instagram: @sammickns). Royalty-free theme song from bensound.com

Our festive "friends" Sarah and Izzy head off to a small republican town to visit Kristen Stewart, Aubrey Plaza, Dan Levy and more surprisingly famous actors. Gather your bitchy and/or goofy sisters, pick up a white elephant gift and drag your girlfriend along for the worst 5 days of her entire life - it's time to indulge in a lovely feel-bad Christmas romcom! Feel free to tell us your thoughts on Twitter/Instagram @closetedpodcast or drop us an email to [email protected] Our stunning covert art was designed by the incredibly handsome and talented Sam Mickan (Instagram: @sammickns). Royalty-free theme song from bensound.com

Our Frenglish fiancés and their fit friend (@sammickns of designing our logo fame) gather to discuss the longest sex scene in the history of sex scenes, bad dye jobs and how hot Adele is in the extremely long artsy French flick, Blue Is The Warmest Colour. Put your ex's entire fist in your mouth and get ready for an emotional, deep, very horny and extremely long episode of Closeted. Feel free to tell us your thoughts on Twitter/Instagram @closetedpodcast or drop us an email to [email protected] Our stunning covert art was designed by the incredibly handsome and talented Sam Mickan (Instagram: @sammickns). Royalty-free theme song from bensound.com

This spooky month, our horrifying hosts hop into a pit in the ground, eat a little bit of an old dudes heart and sink our teeth into the newish, coolish, spookyish lesbian vampire flick, Bit. Join us as we talk vampires, the rules of vampirism and that one time we saw Twilight because everyone kind of had to. Feel free to tell us your thoughts on Twitter/Instagram @closetedpodcast or drop us an email to [email protected] Our stunning covert art was designed by the incredibly handsome and talented Sam Mickan (Instagram: @sammickns). Royalty-free theme song from bensound.com

Our vintage tops, Izzy and Sarah, hop in an old-timey car to talk about the 1950's, Cate Blanchett's queer energy, and have their first disagreement about whether a film is good or not. So pack your piece, strap your listening equipment to the wall and get ready for a very artsy ride set to piano music! Feel free to tell us your thoughts on Twitter/Instagram @closetedpodcast or drop us an email to [email protected] Our stunning covert art was designed by the incredibly handsome and talented Sam Mickan (Instagram: @sammickns). Royalty-free theme song from bensound.com

Our broody roofers Izzy and Sarah settle down to discuss the excruciatingly horny Below Her Mouth.  Dust off your straps and prepare your taps for a wild ride. Feel free to tell us your thoughts on Twitter/Instagram @closetedpodcast or drop us an email to [email protected] Our stunning covert art was designed by the incredibly handsome and talented Sam Mickan (Instagram: @sammickns). Royalty-free theme song from bensound.com

Our sapphic sheroes, Izzy and Sarah, finally take off their ex's Buddhist prayer beads and sit down to talk about the creepiest film in every lesbian's arsenal, Loving Annabelle. Light the candles on the shrine to your dead ex, run yourself a hot bath and get ready to drown some photos with us. Our stunning cover art was designed by the incredibly handsome and talented Sam Mickan (Instagram: @sammickns) Royalty-free theme song from bensound.com