Thot Topics is a podcast with the bravery to stare into the void and ask God’s question: ”Do I look fat in these jeans?” Every week, Nick Malone and Cris Lopez slow-motion dive into music, culture, and politics, then emerge soaking wet with 100% certified accurate takes for your listening pleasure. If you’ve ever felt gaslit by gay Twitter, or by a sizing chart while online shopping, this will be the sisterhood of a lifetime.
Megan's Law and Order!
1:37:29In the criminal justice system, sexually based offenses are considered especially slaynous. In Boystown Chicago, the medicated detectives who investigate these vicious felonies are members of an elite squad known as Thot Topics. These are their stories. We're back in business-- silly us, we were standing on it the whole time! We use our journalistic skills to unpack the Nicki Minaj vs Megan Thee Stallion situation. Using the latest technological advancements in forensic science, we get to the bottom of the truth honey. Not only that, but we're here to discuss the Ice Spice Conundrum, tax season, gay jealousy, and many more crowd pleasers. Love you! 🧠 GET 75% OFF A MAGIC MIND SUBSCRIPTION WITH OUR XXXCLUSIVE CODE! Head to magicmind.com/JanThotTopics and use the code TTOPICS20. Open that mind wide baby! 🧠 ⭐️💋 GET 20% OFF OF YOUR FIRST PURCHASE WITH JOYMODE SEXUAL PERFORMANCE BOOSTERS! HIT usejoymode.com/thottopics and use code THOT20. ⭐️💋 Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and bail us out on Patreon.
Anatomy of a Doll! (Exxxtended Preview)
36:45**FULL EPISODE FOR PATRONS ONLY** PATREON.COM/THOTTOPICS Polizia! Help! I've been Margot ROBBED! We'd like to thank God, the Academy, and most importantly Dr. Pepper for their unwavering support in the making of this podcast. We simply couldn't have done it without you. We know we're supposed to wrap it up, but we also need to express our gratitude to this week's topics: BLUE LIVES, AAVE, BARBIE, FEMINISM, THE POD, THE BUGS, DOORDASH, THE 96TH ACADEMY AWARDS AND ITS DECORATED NOMINEES, THE TIKTOK TOP 50, and more that we're forgetting to mention but believe us when we say our journey would not be the same without you. You know who you are. Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Insta @th0tstarsxo. Give us a standing ovaysh on Patreon.
Thot 'N' Cold! (Preview)
7:46**PATRONS ONLY** BRRR! It's cold in here! Must! be! Thot Topics in the ATmosphere! I SAID BRRRRR!!! Welcome one and all to the Thot Topics Plus-Sized Situation Room where several key talking points simply MUST be discussed for the good of our great nation. First, we circle back on corporate speak in the workplace: can we jump on a call and get crunktina? THEN, it's a rapidfire round. HAIR: Who's got it? Who wants it? Who's losing it? Who's growing it? All is revealed. (Especially our hairlines.) PRONOUNS: What's ze freakin' zeal?? OZEMPIC: Did it give, or did it not? Let it be muthafuckin' hot. We also chat about Ariana Grande's new single-- and brand new BMI! Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC. Warm our winter bosoms on Patreon.
The Top in the Striped Pajamas!
1:23:51LADIES AND GENTLEMEEENNN WELCOME TO GYPSY ROSE NIGHT AT TAO SPONSORED BY CASAMIGOS TEQUILAAAAAAAAA!!!! EVERYBODY THROW SOME MONEY RIGHT NOW EVERYBODY THROW SOME MONEY RIGHT NOW It's time to be a WHORE in twenty twenty FOUR! In our first episode of the new year, we get straight to business. That's right: we're talking about CONDOMS. Is there such a thing as "safe sex"? How much is too much when it comes to CUM, HUH? Also: we celebrate the return of Gypsy Rose Blanchard to polite society and discuss the psychological impact of True Crime on the female brain. We also make some predictions for the new year, and make our stance on the word 'handsome' as clear as crystal. Not THAT kind of crystal, Miss Tina... Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Instagram @th0tstarsxo. We're still gonna need a TOP on Patreon.
1:39:29Non-paying girls... we're taking a Christmas sabbatical to truly give our hearts to the Reason For The Season, but in the meantime, PLEASE enjoy this episode from beyond the paywall... talk to you soon girly! Hey girl, can we circle back? To CRACK!? Calling all micromanagers, office drones, and watercooler sisters-- we are taking it out of the workplace and into your face this week as we recap Nick's week from hell. The girls wallow in some warm and wet misery, but fear not-- we wore tankinis! But it's not all doomington and gloomington sweetheart. It's Spotify Wrapped Day, so we do each of our Top 10 countdowns to share the biggest hits in our apartments this year. Kiss you miss you! Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Insta @th0tcels. Put the in TOP in unemployment on Patreon.
Pink Friday Gworls! (feat. Zach Langley Chi Chi) [Preview]
8:56**PATRONS ONLY** FULL AXXXESS AT PATREON.COM/THOTTOPICS These bitches fuck E V E R Y B O D Y We're truly tickled to welcome back the talents of the one and only Zach Langley Chi Chi to the Thot Topics Plus Size Creators Regional Headquarters! We've called an emergency conference to discuss what is perhaps the year's most critical event: the release of Nicki Minaj's PINK FRIDAY 2. This is the most in-depth coverage on the subject you're going to find anywhere, lovingly crafted by the industry's leading sexperts. Stick with your sisters, cuz in the end, it's JUST the memories... Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC on Twitter. Spend another bag on our BODY on Patreon. Follow Zach on Twitter @asukahomo and subscribe to I'M SO POPULAR on Patreon.
Thotline 6: She.T. Phone Home!
1:28:06It's 10 P.M... do you know where your sistas are? Right here silly! Welcome back to the hotline wing of the Thot Topics Megaplex, where we're convening to settle the nation's most pressing questions. We take voicemails from our beloved listeners-- women and gay guys and all in between-- and do our best to set them on the path to suckcess. And we've got some VERY interesting dilemmas this time around: What's the easiest sport to learn about so you can be relatable to straight men? How do you control your anger when everyone is a goddamn faggot? Should situationships be avoided across the board? What's the best way to cope with the morning after being the drunkest person at the function? We wouldn't steer you wrong... would we?? TRY MAGIC MIND PRODUCTIVITY SHOTS WITH THE EXXXCLUSIVE THOT TOPICS CODE "TT20" AT MAGICMIND.COM/NICKANDCRIS FOR 20% OFF ANY PURCHASE OR 56% OFF ANY SUBSCRIPTION. Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Insta @th0tstarsxo. Join our party line on Patreon.
8:16**PATRONS ONLY** THROW AN UNEMPLOYED HO A BONE AT PATREON.COM/THOTTOPICS Hey girl, can we circle back? To CRACK!? Calling all micromanagers, office drones, and watercooler sisters-- we are taking it out of the workplace and into your face this week as we recap Nick's week from hell. The girls wallow in some warm and wet misery, but fear not-- we wore tankinis! But it's not all doomington and gloomington sweetheart. It's Spotify Wrapped Day, so we do each of our Top 10 countdowns to share the biggest hits in our apartments this year. Kiss you miss you! Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Insta @th0tcels. Put the in TOP in unemployment on Patreon. LAST CALL FOR THOTLINE VOICEMAILS AND TEXTS! (312) 772-2592.
Osama Been Laden!
1:31:55More like Tate McGay... more like... Bate... McSlay... Uhhh We're BACK! And we came on this bitch mad as hell... things are changing in the Thot Topics Universe and it's NOT LOOKING GOOD, BITCH! After a little bit of career ranting and general sisterly catch-up, we segue into the hawtest topics of the week. First, we diagnose the Tate McRae situation: is she the real megadiva servalicious giver? Or is it nothing more than a hair show?! Plus, how do you really *tell* if a pop star is a STAR or just some girl in a little outfit? Tinashe is discussed, buyer beware. Secondly, we talk about Billie Eilish's claim that women don't care about guys' physical appearance and "accept them for who they are inside." As gay guys regularly invited into girls talks, we report from INSIDE THE HOUSE. Last, we talk about TikTok zoomers discovering Osama Bin Laden's open letter to America and talk about whether we even *like* America-- and why... I know we said we wouldn't get political again but I felt called... LADIES! CALL THE THOTLINE BEFORE DEC. 1ST WITH YOUR MOST PRESSING PERSONAL ISSUES, HOT TAKES, AND MORE! LEAVE US A VOICEMAIL OR TEXT US IF YOU MUST-- BUT WE'D LOVE TO HEAR YOUR VOICE! (312) 772-2592. SUBSCRIBE TO THE $10 PATREON TIER OR ABOVE BEFORE DEC. 1 TO RECEIVE GLITTER STICKERS IN THE MAIL! MAKE SURE YOUR MAILING ADDRESS IS ON YOUR ACCOUNT AND TOGGLED TO SHARE WITH US. SHOT GLASSES & PINT GLASSES ARE NOW AVAILABLE IN THE MERCH STORE! Buy yourself some Magic Mind with the exclusive sisterly discount! Go to magicmind.com/nickandcris and use the code TT20 for 20% off any single purchase or 56% off any subscription!
Splendor in the Ass! (feat. Morgan) [Preview]
11:42**PATRONS ONLY** JOIN THE CLURB AT PATREON.COM/THOTTOPICS. Pass the cranberry sauce and open wide cuz this ain't your mother's Thanksgiving hoe! We hope you left room for dessert! Oooooooh! We're joined in the house of merry-making by returning guest and sista of the pod Morgan to discuss all things turkeylicious and festive. We recognize it's a little early but we were really in the Giving mood, okayyy?? We discuss our holiday wishlists, Dula Peep's new single, "Taylor's Version," the psychology of straight men wanting a finger in the ass, and sooo much more. Apologies for the weird audio quality on this one y'all, it'll be fixed next week! Terminally yours, Thot Topics FOLLOW THE GIRLS ON TWITTER @VLRTUALBOY AND @YOURE2BASIC, and the official POD INSTA @TH0TSTARSXO. Get us a Christmas gift on Patreon. (Why the elephant gotta be WHITE?!)