Xtinction Agenda

The father fears the gun metal grey of evil that his arm has become. This planet, so small and soft yet mighty, spins through the darkness, a ripe fruit for foul devils who reach from the stars. In these times, we remember family and loss. And in these times, remembering these things, we fight for our survival. "Dad? Dad, wake up!"

This podcast should be EXHAUSTED. It hasn't slept in DAYS. But it CAN'T GET TIRED. No matter how hard it TRIES. Not on a night like THIS. Not with the PULSE pounding in its EARS and dear GOTHAM calling to it like a sultry SIREN. This is the GOD DAMNED X-Tinction Agenda, scum. You'll remember it for the REST of what passes for your MISERABLE lives. "Oh, I find that power plenty speakable, Hal."

Inverted twin catastrophes, machine and flesh, spawn crawling apocalypses, waiting. The simian turns feline. Marriage is cold. Frost touches and torques. Platinum cards pay for drinks after crashing dust up. And from the iron prison of the foreign empire, the star child is released. His wings are his alone. "Doesn't everything seem mildly traumatized to you, Scott?"

Imperative verb meaning 'to be free', calling out commands. Singular pronomial object, speaking directly to you alone. And emphasized in the weirdest way possible. We can only conclude that the speaker is attempting to confuse you. Or using words to drill down. Which is fitting, you see, because they want you to free yourself from below.  "Where we're going, we won't need eyes to see."

We can assume that Xavier lived a regular human lifespan. Same with Magneto, cloning aside. Sinister, he might have stuck around, but probably not for that long. So why oh why did it take Apocalypse two entire millennia to rise to power? That's one thing I'll never understand. The other is Cable. Who is this mysterious failed father from the future who also has a twin that sometimes inhabits his body? Your guess is as good as mine. "I have intermerged my substance with Nathan's, my friends..."

In the dark realms of irrationality, mysticism, and lust, red demons snake and throb through the blue haze. They hunger for the old man lounging in the backseat as we speed through the wicked city. Unknown to us, elsewhere and in another time, his spirit is poisoning a pure soul, moving it across the board towards checkmate. He says we must fight poison with poison and cure poison with love. He smiles to himself and says that we must send them back to their golden hell. "A Tokugawa government spy wants to hire me?!"

Roll up! Roll up! Jim Lee presents all your favourite beats! THIS WEEK: ultra cover band Jim Lee LIVE! It would be a good life to die this way, in Jim Lee's arms. Bring in the hot babes. Selina... I wish that I'd called her sooner. "We've got seconds before he realizes we're not going to stand and fight."

America is crumbling. Its businesses, its gangs, its drugs all worthless, all left behind. The nation is ripe for corporate takeover. Enter the Yakuza, twisted perversions of Japanese honour and American style. They'll leave you with one hand to wipe your ass. That is, unless an unplaceably accented, full bred American warrior has something to say about it. Trained in the arts of bushido, he will return America to its regular gangsters and take for himself the Asian wife he'd always dreamed of. "Yeah, I saw you strip down for that hot tub. I'd be frightened, too..."

Lesson One. April Fool's Day is not a holiday. Understand what a holiday is. Then, Lesson Two: understand what a mystery is. If you cannot understand such things as holidays and mysteries, then skip to Lesson Three: find an artist who can make an audience forget that stories should make sense. Another way of saying this? Find someone who puts the reader into a warm bath. Someone clean. Find yourself a Tim Sale. "I've just come from Arkham."

Here, the dead have no shape of their own. Nor does the hero of our story. Not at first anyway. For him, life is first lived as the form of life and then as content. Watch the eyes bulge and fall to the ground. Watch the limbs grow back. Watch sword fall from shoulder joint onto the earth. This is life returning to itself whole. Here devil gods are vanquished and order restored. "I'm still missing thirty body parts."