The UNcivilized Podcast with Traver Boehm

What happens when surviving cancer is only the beginning of the story?Five years after her cancer diagnosis, Melannie Bachman has a less than one percent chance of recurrence. But the years since treatment have brought a different kind of reckoning. The deaths of people she loves, the end of a long-term relationship, and the experience of walking alongside friends with cancer have changed how she understands death, grief, and what it means to be alive.In the first episode of Deep Waters, Traver Boehm reconnects with Melannie for an honest conversation about what happens after the crisis ends. They explore how cancer changes your relationship with your body, how a relationship can survive an illness and still come to an end, and how grief can force you to question everything you thought you knew.Melannie also shares how losing her grandmother and younger sister changed her relationship with death, why she continues to feel connected to those she's lost, and how the ocean became an anchor when the rest of her life felt uprooted.This isn't a conversation about finding a silver lining in every tragedy. It's about learning to live with what you cannot control, letting yourself be changed by what happens, and finding the places that bring you back to yourself.Because life doesn't stop throwing shit at you. The question is what you do when it comes.Connect with Melannie BachmanWebsite: https://melanniebachman.comPrevious Episode: https://www.manuncivilized.com/blog/free-diving-into-darkness-and-dancing-with-cancer-with-melanie-bachmanChapters:00:00 – Welcome to Deep Waters03:51 – Melannie Bachman Returns05:00 – Five Years After Cancer05:59 – Loss, Grief, and a New Chapter06:55 – Why Deep Waters Begins With Death08:09 – Facing Loss at 3510:03 – How Cancer Changes Your Relationship With Death11:54 – When Loss Comes All at Once12:58 – When a Relationship Changes After Cancer16:08 – Love, Gratitude, and Letting Go18:38 – Losing Her Younger Sister20:48 – Finding Connection After Death22:56 – Living With Grief Every Day23:47 – How Cancer Changes Your Relationship With Your Body25:09 – The Fear of Cancer Returning27:25 – Learning to Live With Uncertainty29:14 – When Life Keeps Throwing Shit at You31:21 – OLSLAI: One Life. Soul Led. All In.32:45 – Walking Alongside Friends With Cancer38:05 – Making Space Beyond the Cancer Identity40:51 – Learning to Let Go of Control42:06 – Finding Home in the Water45:57 – When Grief Uproots You47:06 – How Nature Quietens the Noise49:37 – Finding a New Direction50:36 – What's Coming Next51:21 – Where to Find Melannie51:56 – A Final Reflection on Their First Conversation53:14 – Closing

What does it mean to live a life that's actually yours?After almost eight years and hundreds of conversations, Traver Boehm is closing one chapter. This is the final episode of The UNcivilized Podcast.But he's not done podcasting.Next week, Traver launches the Deep Waters Podcast. The shift comes from a message he received during his 49-day darkness retreat: It's time to go deeper.In this episode, Traver looks back at how the podcast began, what interviewing has meant to him, and why he's choosing to follow a different path. He also shares the philosophy at the heart of UNcivilized.The message is simple, but not always easy to live: stop following the path culture has laid out for you. Stop waiting until you're ready. Stop letting fear decide what kind of life you're allowed to have.Traver reflects on grief, loss, the people who have shaped him, and the reminder that we don't have as much time as we think. He speaks about getting still, listening to your soul, finding your people, and having the courage to do the thing you're here to do.The UNcivilized Podcast may be ending, but the UNcivilized philosophy and community aren't going anywhere.This is a final thank you, a look back, and an invitation to keep going.Men, come train with us in The UNcivilized Nation:https://www.manuncivilized.com/thenationChapters00:00 - The Final Episode of The UNcivilized Podcast02:05 - How the Podcast Began04:35 - Why It's Time to Go Deeper06:25 - The UNcivilized Message: Follow Your Own Path09:10 - What It Means to Be UNcivilized12:10 - Grief, Loss, and the Time We Have14:50 - Living the Life Your Soul Wants17:10 - Finding Your People19:05 - Do the Thing You're Here to Do21:00 - Thank You for Eight Years

Years ago, a man told me his wife had stabbed him. He'd gone to the hospital, and when I asked if he understood that he'd been abused, he insisted it wasn't possible.She was smaller than him.That conversation has stayed with me for years, and it's one of the reasons I wanted to sit down with Dr. Benjamin Bailey for episode 445, the final guest interview of The UNcivilized Podcast.Dr. Bailey is a clinical social worker, researcher, and author of Living with an Abusive Woman: The Other Side of Domestic Violence. He's spent nearly three decades studying family violence, masculinity, and the challenges men face when they're the ones experiencing abuse.We get into why men struggle to recognize abusive relationships, the cultural expectations that keep them silent, and what happens when they finally ask for help.I also share my own experience in an abusive relationship, including the moment a roommate helped me realize that the way I was being treated wasn't normal.This is exactly the kind of conversation I started The UNcivilized Podcast to have. The ones people are uncomfortable having, even when they're necessary.And while this is my final guest interview on the show, UNcivilized isn't going anywhere. I'll be sharing more about the podcast's transition in a solo episode.Men, come train with us in The UNcivilized Nation.https://www.manuncivilized.com/thenationConnect with Dr. Benjamin BaileyWebsite: https://healthymasculinitycenter.comMaleBeing AI: https://malebeing.aiBook: Living with an Abusive Woman: The Other Side of Domestic Violencehttps://www.amazon.com/author/drbenjaminbailey CHAPTERS00:00 Traver's Announcement About the Podcast03:04 Meet Dr. Benjamin Bailey07:55 Why Abuse Against Men Is Often Ignored12:04 Why Mothers Are Worried About Their Sons18:20 Living with an Abusive Woman21:40 What Male Victims Experience27:22 Traver Shares His Own Experience with Abuse32:23 Why Men Struggle to Recognize Abuse40:35 When Traver's Therapist Challenged His Thinking48:24 A Father's Story of Abuse and Lost Time53:34 What Men Should Know About Abuse58:19 Where to Find Dr. Bailey

What if the reason so many of us feel disconnected, exhausted, or unfulfilled has less to do with our individual lives and more to do with the culture we're living in?My guest today is Luke McLaughlin, founder of Holistic Survival School, where he teaches ancestral earth skills as a way to help people reconnect with themselves, each other, and the natural world.Luke left a promising career in education to follow a calling into the wilderness. What began as teaching survival skills eventually became something much bigger: helping people remember what it means to be human.We get into the grief of things we never received, why our old ways of coping can eventually hold us back, and how rituals, community, and time in nature can help us rebuild what's missing.We also explore what it means to follow your soul, why feeling alive isn't always about feeling good, and Luke's fascinating 400-year plan to build a culture that will outlive him.This conversation goes well beyond surviving in the woods. It's about what we're actually trying to survive in modern life.Men, come train with us in The UNcivilized Nation:https://www.manuncivilized.com/thenationConnect with Luke McLaughlin:https://holisticsurvivalschool.comChapters00:00 — Meet Luke McLaughlin and Holistic Survival School02:38 — Why Luke Left His Old Life Behind06:46 — Following the Call to Adventure10:46 — Turning Grief Into Something Meaningful12:34 — The Grief We Carry Without Knowing It19:25 — What Is Cultural Repair?24:04 — Creating Rituals and Ceremonies27:44 — How Trauma Becomes an Adaptation31:08 — What Happens When We Lose Our Culture?37:14 — Finding Balance With Technology39:12 — What Does It Mean to Follow Your Soul?42:12 — Understanding Aliveness46:41 — How Do We Bring Soul Back Into Culture?53:09 — Luke's 400-Year Plan54:58 — Connect With Luke McLaughlin

Most men are taught to look outside themselves for purpose: a bigger paycheck, a better title, more status, more proof.Amir Khalighi sees it differently. The signal gets clearer when you stop looking out and start paying attention to what keeps calling you inward.Amir is the founder of Embodied Masculine and has worked with men for more than three decades. In this conversation, we get into what it means to know your post, why purpose has more to do with responsibility than personal success, and what happens when the life you built no longer matches the life you feel called to live.Amir also shares the experience in his late forties that changed the direction of his life. We talk about initiation, strength, the King archetype, brotherhood, the cost of secrecy and isolation, and why every man needs people he can tell the truth to.And yes, I tell the ridiculous story of how one cop, McDonald’s burritos, and a men’s group in Brooklyn somehow helped create Man UNcivilized.Men, come train with us in The UNcivilized Nation:https://www.manuncivilized.com/thenationConnect with Amir:Website: https://embodiedmasculine.com/Transpersonal Facilitation Method: https://transpersonalfacilitation.com/Instagram: @khalighiChapters00:00 Meet Amir Khalighi01:09 Before the Turning Point03:09 Self-Initiation and Learning to Be a Man04:06 Following the Tug of the Heart07:28 How Man UNcivilized Was Born11:52 The Wound Beneath the Gift14:00 Purpose Means Knowing Your Post16:01 Stop Looking Outside Yourself19:25 Strength, Power, and the King Archetype23:31 Getting Out of Your Head27:43 Going Inward Instead of Up and Out31:18 What Purpose Looks Like in Daily Life36:26 Men Need Men They Can Call at 3 A.M.39:35 Why Men Lose Access to Expression42:16 The Experience That Changed Amir’s Life50:02 Where to Find Amir

Every man has parts of himself he may not particularly like admitting are there.Aggression. Dominance. The desire to hunt, take, compete, capture, or exert power.Recently, someone asked me how I deal with what I’d call my own inner predator or dark masculine.My answer starts here:I acknowledge that it exists.Because pretending those parts aren’t there doesn’t make them disappear. What we suppress has a way of coming out sideways.In this solo episode, I talk about what it means to actually be in relationship with those darker parts of myself and give them healthy, skillful, consensual ways to breathe.For me, that looks like jiu-jitsu. Hunting. Writing. Building a business. Getting onstage. Shibari. Kink.The specific activity isn’t really the point.The point is knowing what lives inside you and finding ways for it to exist without destroying your life or hurting the people around you.Full expression doesn’t mean acting on every impulse.It means taking responsibility for all of who you are.Men, come train with us in The UNcivilized Nation:https://www.manuncivilized.com/thenationJoin me for the Embodied Dominant Workshop on October 11:https://www.manuncivilized.com/dominanceCHAPTERS00:00 How I Deal With My Inner Predator00:40 Every Man Has Two Predators02:26 Step One: Acknowledge It04:33 Step Two: Be in Relationship With It06:58 Healthy Ways to Express Your Dark Parts09:24 Freedom Through Full Expression10:13 When Power Comes Out Sideways10:47 Three Questions to Ask Yourself

How do you practice dominance when you’re single and don’t have a partner to practice with?The answer has a lot less to do with flirting than you might think.In this short Q&A, Coral Osborne and I break down why dominance starts with everyday interactions: creating connection, taking initiative, paying attention to how people respond, and learning how to lead without needing anything in return.You can get reps talking to the cashier at the supermarket. Meeting someone new. Starting a conversation. Holding a door. Asking one more question instead of staring at your wallet.And underneath all of that is the bigger practice:Do you lead yourself?Do you go to the gym when you say you will? Do you keep the commitments you make to yourself? Do your actions match the man you say you are?Because dominance isn’t something you suddenly switch on in the bedroom.It starts with how you carry yourself everywhere else.Want to train this with Coral and me?36th Chamber Intensives:https://traverboehm.com/36-intensive36th Chamber Year-Long Program:https://traverboehm.com/36Chapter00:00 How to Practice Dominance While Single01:00 Practice Connection Everywhere02:18 Get Your Reps Before the Date03:10 Dominance Starts at Home04:02 Start With Low-Stakes Risks04:37 Dominance Is Also in Service05:23 Practice Taking Initiative

Jeremy Goldberg is back on the podcast with a book he spent five years trying not to write.A Giraffe Named Feelings is a memoir about the parts of his life he spent years avoiding, numbing, or simply not knowing how to talk about.We get into his parents’ divorce, his mom’s alcoholism, his own relationship with alcohol and drugs, getting cheated on, sobriety, and what happened when he finally let his parents read the stories he had written about them.We also talk about writing from the wound versus writing from the scar, why abstinence became easier than moderation, and what betrayal actually takes from you beyond the relationship itself.And we end with one of my favorite stories in the book: Jeremy returning to his childhood home decades later and finding his six-year-old handprint still pressed into the concrete.Men, come train with us in The UNcivilized Nation:https://www.manuncivilized.com/thenationGet A Giraffe Named Feelings:https://substack.com/home/post/p-192337555CHAPTERS:00:00 Jeremy Goldberg Returns02:45 A Giraffe Named Feelings08:38 The Book He Tried Not to Write11:56 The Story Behind A Giraffe Named Feelings16:39 What His Parents’ Divorce Meant at Six22:14 Letting His Parents Read the Book27:14 Do You Have the Right to Tell Your Story?30:05 Why He Couldn’t Ignore the Book37:54 Writing From the Wound vs. the Scar42:37 Confronting His Own Substance Use47:29 When Drinking Is Just What Everyone Does48:14 Awareness, Acceptance, and Action53:34 Traver on Quitting Alcohol58:31 What Being Cheated On Does to a Man01:02:51 What He Wishes Someone Had Told Him01:06:07 Heartbreak as an Opportunity01:08:54 The Grief of Losing a Future Together01:10:28 Returning to His Childhood Home

A woman can feel when your words and your motive don’t match.And according to sexologist Coral Osborne, that disconnect matters far more than whether you know the right positions, techniques, or lines to say.Coral joins me for a conversation about sexual honesty, desire, boundaries, aftercare, and one of the most important skills I didn’t learn until much later in life: attunement.We talk about what Coral calls the “clean taker,” why hiding your sexual desire can actually make you feel less safe to a woman, and why great sex has far more to do with presence, communication, curiosity, and being able to handle the answer “no” than most men have been taught.We also break down the RBDSMA framework, what aftercare actually looks like, why men need sexual boundaries too, and the difference between being sexually aggressive and being a grounded man who knows what he wants.Better sex is part of the conversation.But this is really about becoming a man who can tell the truth, pay attention, own his desires, respect someone else’s, and stay grounded regardless of the answer.Want to train this with Coral and me?36th Chamber Intensives:https://traverboehm.com/36-intensive36th Chamber Year-Long Program:https://traverboehm.com/36Chapters00:00 Meet Coral Osborne02:55 Why Traver Came Back to Sexuality06:08 The Freedom on the Other Side of Shame09:44 Sex Is More Than Sex13:34 What Women Say They’re Missing18:32 Being Safe AND Wild23:20 When Your Words Don’t Match Your Motive26:54 What Is a “Clean Taker”?31:31 The RBDSMA Framework35:37 Why Aftercare Matters45:06 What Attunement Actually Means49:54 What Great Sex Is Really Made Of53:38 Men Need Boundaries Too

About a year ago, I typed “Shibari” into Spotify because I needed something better to tie people to than my liked songs — which are basically 80s music, Metallica, and the Little Drummer Boy.A playlist called Chiara Shibari popped up. I used it for the next year with absolutely no idea Chiara was an actual human being.Then I found Julieta Chiara on Substack and had the very mature realization: Oh shit. It’s her.Julieta is a submissive mentor and Shibari master who’s been in the kink lifestyle for ten years. We get into what kink changed for her outside the bedroom, why being sexually met is very different from simply having good sex, and why dominance can be an incredibly vulnerable thing for men to explore.We also talk about shame, submission, consent, power, rope, what it means to feel fully accepted by another person, and why Julieta sees kink less as something broken people do and more as a way to play with parts of ourselves we don’t usually get to explore.Then we get into containment — what it actually means to be with someone who can handle all of you — and why Julieta’s experiences in kink have become one of the closest things she has to spirituality.And then, naturally, we end up talking about God.If you’ve ever had a desire you couldn’t explain, judged yourself for wanting, or tried to make smaller so somebody else would be more comfortable — this one’s for you.——👉 Men, come train with us in The UNcivilized Nation:https://www.manuncivilized.com/thenation——Connect with Julieta:Website: https://www.julietachiara.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/julietachiara/Substack: https://substack.com/@julietachiaraConnect with Traver:Website: https://www.manuncivilized.comSubstack: https://traverboehm.substack.comInstagram: @traverboehmGet my books: https://www.manuncivilized.com/booksCHAPTERS:00:00 How Traver Found Julieta Through a Shibari Playlist02:34 Meet Julieta: The Sub Who Ties05:25 How Julieta Found Kink10:58 “My Soul Is Kinky”: What Changes Outside the Bedroom17:31 Kink Is Play22:07 The Sub Who Tops28:06 Intimacy Without Sex32:18 What It Means to Be Sexually Met36:54 The Grief of Finally Getting What You Want43:22 Why Dominance Can Be Vulnerable for Men46:55 Consent, Collaboration, and Learning to Lead51:24 What Containment Actually Means56:35 Sex, Power, and Spirituality