The Secret Formula to Happy Relationships

Did you know there's a secret formula for making your relationships happier and stronger? Yes, it’s true! There is a secret formula to happy relationships.

Today, I’m going to teach you how to apply this magic ratio in your life with your kids, your husband, your friends, and even at work. 

Dr. John Gottman, the foremost relationship expert, discovered in his research, that in the happiest, healthiest relationships there are five positive interactions for every one interaction. Dr. Gottman’s research shows that couples that maintain this positive ratio are much more likely to stay together and be happy. 

Conflict is not in and of itself a bad thing. It just means you’re living in the world. But when negativity or conflict arises you want to pile on the positives. 

In my book Remaining You While Raising Them I talk about the magic ratio and piling on the positives, big and little. In the book I also talk about friendships. Friendships thrive on positivity. When they need you, be there for them, make some fun plans to hang out with them. These interactions will strengthen your bond.

For our kids it’s as simple as playing their game, reading a bedtime story, or watching a movie with them. Whether they’re five or twenty-five, pile on the positives so that when negativity comes, it balances out.

Our husbands and boyfriends need the positives too. It can be something as easy as sending a really fun text in the middle of the day, planning a surprise date, or getting his favorite candy. Make a point to do something nice for him which is investing in your marriage account.

At work, continually recognizing small achievements of team members as often as possible. Not only will this boost morale but it also increases productivity. When you have to have a tough conversation, you’ve invested in that person, so you’re balancing out the five to one ratio.

Balancing out with the five to one ratio helps keep relationships healthier and helps them thrive.

00:53 - “Dr. John Gottman, the foremost relationship expert, discovered through his research that in the healthiest, happiest relationships, there are five positive interactions for every one negative interaction. This doesn’t mean we ignore the negative, but we balance it with more good moments.”

6:52  - “Focusing on creating more positive interactions, we keep our relationships healthier and help them thrive.”

7:11 - “Giving ourselves grace is so important here. Remember, we don’t have to be perfect. We just need to be present and willing to create those positive moments.”

11:02  - “Another great way to foster positive interactions is to celebrate successes, big and small. Whether it’s completing a project on time or someone going above and beyond, acknowledging these moments will boost morale and encourage a positive environment.”

11:46 - “Learning the five to one ratio and piling on the positives will help you continue to build your optimism, your joy and your peace everyday. Piling on the positives helps you cultivate kindness in all your interactions. You do more stuff for others that genuinely makes a difference in their lives.”

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xo,

Alli