An undraped fire, flashes its fire within

Will there be a time when we, in Northern Ireland, see our seemingly parallel divergent histories cross? Our opposing narratives blend with commonality. As a society still raw from sectarian and political conflict many are trying to step away from hate, but there are still those who fear any admission of culpability will render them vulnerable.In this episode I'll be talking about such and more. If there's a way, or even the beginnings of an answer, that will lead us towards healing and away from hate.Work cited:Biggar, N. (2008) Divided Past: Shared Future: Essays on Churches addressing the legacy of the Troubles, Belfast: Centre for Contemporary Christianity in Ireland.         Click here if you’d like to send me a comment or question. Thank you.

Just a bolt-on tale I omitted to include in the previous episode: 'Rattlebag'.Click here if you’d like to send me a comment or question. Thank you.

This episode is, in itself, an interlude before I continue my theme of reconciliation and recrimination. I just needed a breather of sorts and to realign my thoughts, which had been threatening to scatter.Just some (brief) ruminations herein on a few innocuous memories from my time in both the Royal Ulster Constabulary and PSNI. Many thanks to those who've sent me some questions, clarifications as well as very kind feedback. A lot of interest in my Blue Lights themed episodes, plus some requests for the same on Season Two.     Click here if you’d like to send me a comment or question. Thank you.

In this episode I'll be continuing to look at the aspect of Forgiveness and Recrimination which I began in the episode, 'I Bear No Grudge'. Given the amount of material I've gathered to date, I sense that the topic will continue on for several more episodes.In this episode I employ two poems by John Hewitt: 'The Iron Circle' and 'The Bloody Brae' in the hope that they may assist in illuminating the complex nature of  forgiveness in the context of sectarianism,  attendant savagery and subsequent trauma.Hewitt wrote 'The Bloody Brae' in 1936. It 'lay around until 1953, when [Hewitt] suddenly came on it [...]'. Both 'The Iron Circle' and 'The Bloody Brae' are taken from:The Collected Poems of John Hewitt, edited by Frank Ormsby, The Blackstaff Press, Belfast, 1991.A partial glossary for The Bloody Brae:'boording'     entering into conversation'guddling'      catching [fish] by hand'brae'               rising ground 'sheugh'         ditch'yowe'             ewe        The following link may be of cursory interest:‘What about Islandmagee?’ Another version of the 1641 rebellion.https://www.historyireland.com/what-about-islandmagee-another-version-of-the-1641-rebellion/  Click here if you’d like to send me a comment or question. Thank you.

I'd just recorded Part II of my consideration of Forgiveness and Recrimination in a post-conflict Northern Ireland when my SSD gave up the ghost. On retrospect it may have been a blessing in disguise as I wasn't completely happy with the experimental format of the episode, besides I'd only noticed several dropouts in the recording just as I was completing it which would've meant rerecording it!So, I'm going to revise the format and presentation of Part II. It'll also give me a chance to do a bit more research too. Therefore, Part II will follow this episode.In terms of this  episode, well it sort of ran away with itself, or my mind unspooled slightly (probably both are apt!). I was just reminded - by what or who I don't recall, it may even have been one of my many so called 'hallucinations' (I go along with my psychiatrist on that terminology, but my 'hallucinations' have substance. Still, agreeing with the professionals sometimes makes for an easier road. Anyway, this episode is a bit scattergun. I wanted to consider my juxtaposition  - as a RUC officer - to that of a member of PIRA whom I had stopped sometime after PIRA's second ceasefire, and possibly closer to the Good Friday Agreement. It's a quite mundane tale, but again, I feel.  highlights the multiplicity demanded by the (RUC) job.I promise 'normal service' will be resumed next episode as my new laptop is all whistles and bells, plus I flew through this recording in a fraction of the time it used to take me on my now defunct one - I don't have to watch the recording software hang for ages and then crash either!Once again, many thanks for sticking with me through these podcasts, or even just listening in once or twice before deciding it's not for you.  Click here if you’d like to send me a comment or question. Thank you.

This episode is Part One of Two in which I look at two atrocities, one in 1972 and one in 1987, through the words of two fathers who both experienced the murder of one of their children. Ultimately, this episode will, I hope, help me explore the aspect of 'forgiveness' in the context of conflict, specifically the Troubles. In Part Two (the concluding episode) I would hope to be freer to voice my thoughts - not only on the aspect of 'forgiveness', but also on that of the seeking of an apology, of sorts, as well as repentance from the Provisional IRA. In Part One I have used extracts from the following books:On The Waterfront, Parker, Joseph D., The Pentland Press, 2000Lost Lives. McKittrick, David, et al, Mainstream Publishing 2004     Click here if you’d like to send me a comment or question. Thank you.

In this episode I am focusing on two Troubles' murders, those of RUC Sgt Hugh Brendan McCormac and Pat Finucane. Both men were slaughtered in front of their wives and young children. While this episode concludes the theme of 'Doorstep Murders' I felt that these two cases - from the thousands murdered during the Troubles - demonstrated how the killers thought nothing of murdering their victims in very close proximity to the respective families.I do go digress here and there, but I sincerely hope I am able to adequately convey my thoughts without exhausting your patience. I was also minded of, but didn't have time to include in the episode, the following poem by Michael Longley...The Civil ServantHe was preparing an Ulster fry for breakfastWhen someone walked into the kitchen and shot him:A bullet entered his mouth and pierced his skull,The books he had read, the music he could play.Hlay in his dressing gown and pyjamasWhile they dusted the dresser for fingerprintsAnd then shuffled backwards across the gardenWith notebooks, cameras and measuring tapes.They rolled him up like a red carpet and leftOnly a bullet hole in the cutlery drawerLater his widow took a hammer and chiselAnd removed the black keys from his piano.       Click here if you’d like to send me a comment or question. Thank you.

In this episode I return to narrative form through which to recount an actual doorstep shooting that occurred in Belfast 1979. As always, names have been changed as well as the Provisional IRA gunman's ground support being slightly altered.After the main body of the occurrence there follows an account of the victim's recollections and thoughts (this may be similar to the Victim Impact Statements of today).This is then immediately followed by segments from a (wider) interview of the gunman post-Good Friday Agreement and in the USA.     Click here if you’d like to send me a comment or question. Thank you.

This is just a very succinct update on upcoming episodes and the future of the podcast. Many thanks. I owe a massive debt of gratitude to all who have - and continued to - listen to my thoughts, experiences and reflections on my time as an officer in the Royal Ulster Constabulary during the Northern Ireland Troubles.   Click here if you’d like to send me a comment or question. Thank you.

In this episode I briefly recount some of my experiences as an RUC baton gunner. Obviously this is a very contentious subject and I am very cognizant of this. Seventeen civilians were killed by rubber or plastic bullets during the Troubles, eight of the dead were children, all of the dead were catholic. Many others have been gravely injured by the weapon. There remain arguments for its use, as well as arguments against. As I say these are wholly my own thoughts and experiences surrounding my role as an RUC baton gunner. I hope you find something of interest in this episode and, as always, I appreciate your time in listening to such.         Click here if you’d like to send me a comment or question. Thank you.