121 - Beyond Attachment Theory: Why Men Need to Pull Away

Is there a formula for getting your way (with people or circumstances)?In my experience, there are certain qualities that make someone particularly magnetic in this sense.I draw an actionable metaphor from the physics formula for literal magnetism,Get the text version with breakdown and summary at ruwando.substack.comAnabolic Psyche 2.0: go.anabolicpsyche.com + Get my Arousal Control program for free (if you complete Anabolic Psyche.) Get full access to Ruwando Substack at ruwando.substack.com/subscribe

Patrick was in a dark place when met—ultra Nice Guy submissive tendencies, deep feelings of undeservingness, enmeshing Mother Complex, and acting out with p*rn and prostitutes.Six months later, his life reflected massive transformation—epic dating life, greater respect at work, and feelings of deservedness.We recorded this about a year after when he chose to settle down with his now wife. (I had also just had my first child.) We discuss male transformation and stepping into the “King” archetype.He also shares about what led to his rapid transformation:“Sometimes you need to be punched so hard in the face that you wake up”Here’s another favorite from some years ago. New stuff coming in 2026, including the new improved Anabolic Psyche course 2.0. (If you already purchased it, you’ve automatically got the upgrades + a secret bonus.)10:00 How to choose to settle down in the most empowering way.13:50 Effort vs. Flow in masculinity16:21 False persona vs. real Self30:05 We’re drawn to people who have what (think) we lack.40:00 Rising into the King archetypePatrick started his journey with the Masculine Archetype Challenge. Still comes with a complementary 1:1 coaching session with me, though I will discontinuing that soon because…This January, I’m opening a group coaching container for men get in touch with their instincts to get massive results with women and purpose.It will also be much more affordable than my 1:1 coaching.But for now it will ONLY be available to guys who’ve already taken Anabolic Psyche (pre-req).So join the new improved Anabolic Psyche to be notified: go.anabolicpsyche.com Get full access to Ruwando Substack at ruwando.substack.com/subscribe

Dropping an old favorite in honor of my anniversary today.How to Help Her Into Her Feminine covers what a man can do to help a woman move from her competitive (“masculine”) self to her interdependent (“feminine”) self.It draws on some fringe lessons from BDSM, evolutionary biology, and case studies from many guys I’ve helped.I recorded it shortly after our daughter was born. I wonder if you can hear the drop in testosterone in my voice.(00:00:00): Irony of Attraction Shifts(00:04:53): If Mama Ain’t Happy…(00:10:54): Asymmetry + Connection Yin-Yang(00:18:03): Concentric Circles Hierarchy(00:27:47): Women’s Dual Stress(00:39:03): Demonstrate, Don’t Demand(00:43:40): Vision as LeaderLots of new stuff coming in 2026! Subscribe to catch it free at: Ruwando.substack.comHack your brain chemistry: go.anabolicpsyche.comArchetype Challenge: ruwando.com/archetype Get full access to Ruwando Substack at ruwando.substack.com/subscribe

The literal need to "protect and provide" is mostly obsolete in modern day. But women still desire to be contained when it comes to emotions, and to large degree, perceptions.One of the huge differences between committed and not-so-committed relationships is the man's role in directing reality. Only then can a woman really feel her feelings, be present, be in her feminine.It’s about a man’s role in containing a woman’s reality—All the heady, but sometimes necessary, parts of life that prevent her from being in the now, feeling her feelings, femininity…I call this the Spiritual Perimeter. (As opposed the the basic Material Perimeter.)Women want a man who is sure of what he’s doing more than whether or not he’s actually right... A woman will forgive you if you’re wrong.* 00:00: Intro to truth in relationships* 01:33: Symmetrical vs. asymmetrical dynamics* 05:16: Defining the spiritual perimeter* 12:58: Unifying reality through respect* 26:40: Passing shit and comfort tests* 35:31: Vision to prevent stagnation* 46:42: Leading as one unitGet the next post in your inbox. Free chapters of my next book ANIMA for subs only. Get full access to Ruwando Substack at ruwando.substack.com/subscribe

When I was 23, I fell in love with a drug addict. She was sexy and interesting. But more than that, she was WILD. If my life was a movie, she was cast as the Manic Pixie Dream Girl—the adolescent male fantasy of an the open-hearted nymph who saves the non-hero from mediocrity.The MPDG highlights  a common male psychological wound. She also shows us how such a man can heal this wound, if he can avoid the emotional trap she represents.An abbreviated text version of this episode can be found at ruwando.substack.comIt includes an excerpt of my book, ORGSM, A Memoir.Get my book + redeem bonuses at https://orgsmbook.com/If you’re struggling with this kind of pattern, shoot me a message or fill out the form below. I’d love to help. Everything 100% confidential.https://ruwando.com/coaching00:00 The Manic Pixie Dream Girl trope explained01:50 How this relates to real life03:24 New book: Taming the Anima04:25 The history of Manic Pixie Dream Girl11:50 The psychological lens of Manic Pixie Dream Girl13:30 Manic Pixie in my life19:45 The Savior Complex20:39 Translating the trope into real life22:54 The dark side of Manic Pixie Dream Girl23:29 The health of relationship dynamic26:25 How to stop dating Manic Pixie Dream Girls29:39 Who is controlling the reality of your relationship?34:15 John Wayne doesn’t need a Manic Pixie Dream Girl36:00 Many guys work on themselves to get women37:43 What type of guys avoid MPDG?40:20 How did Odysseus avoid the sirens?41:22 How to test a girl to see if she’s Manic Pixie?43:02 What do secure women actually want?44:11 The summary of Manic Pixie Dream Girl trope Get full access to Ruwando Substack at ruwando.substack.com/subscribe

Disney princesses are different today. So is our culture's Feminine Ideal.Mrs. Meepagala and I debate on how these different female role models are imprinting the next generation of women, including our daughter.Tomorrow I'm posting a concise article on the 3 different types female role models and their message to women on substack.Subscribe to get it delivered to your inbox: ruwando.substack.comIf you're a woman looking to find the one in 2026, check out my wife's new book: idaretolove.com#psychology #relationships #marriage #femininity #women #feminism Get full access to Ruwando Substack at ruwando.substack.com/subscribe

What makes one psychologically ready for a committed relationship?Jung’s essay, “The Love Problem of a Student”, discusses the early stages social dynamics that have become common to us 100 years later— “free love” vs monogamy, infidelity, a woman’s dilemma of career vs. family.00:37 The Love Problem of a Student03:41 Love and Instincts 06:23 Homosexuality and Human Nature 29:24 Psychological Maturity and Relationships 33:00 Psychological Impact of Early Sexual Experiences 44:50 Older Women and Younger Men Dynamics56:05 The Concept of Free Love Get the next post delivered to your inbox: Get full access to Ruwando Substack at ruwando.substack.com/subscribe

A recent epiphany has made me decide to move off visual media consolidate my podcast with substack.It shouldn't change anything for you, though there's a *possibility* you won't see my new episodes pop up. (If there's an RSS feed issue.)You can prevent this by subscribing at ruwando.substack.comThere you can stay updated on future podcast episodes, accompanying writing, livestreams, and book excerpts. (You can customize notifications to receive only one or the other.)Get my book + bonuses: ORGSMbook.com Get full access to Ruwando Substack at ruwando.substack.com/subscribe

Here I read an essay by Carl Jung, "Woman As Soul", + give my commentary on what it means and how we can use it.This is part of the source material for my next book, ANIMA: The Five Aspects of the Feminine-- A Guide For Men on Female Psychology.Get free excerpts by subcribing at ruwando.substack.comOr get an advance copy of ANIMA by purchasing my other book, ORGSM, A Memoir at orgsmbook.com Get full access to Ruwando Substack at ruwando.substack.com/subscribe

Reality is a set of agreements.This is a reading + commentary on a new post on substack on the nature of subjective reality: The process of brainwashing used by ideologies as seen in politics, communities, and of course, cults. It includes from excerpts from my book, ORGSM, A Memoir.I'll be posting more analyses + excerpts from my next book, ANIMA: The 5 Aspects of the Feminine Unconscious on substack:Ruwando.substack.comGet my new book + $100 of bonuses at orgsmbook.com Get full access to Ruwando Substack at ruwando.substack.com/subscribe