Play Therapy Parenting: Real Parenting Questions Answered by a Child Therapist

This week I'm answering a question from Doby, a mom of four boys, as a follow-up to our recent episode on tattling. She wants to know how to handle tattling when her kids are different ages: should consequences be the same or tailored to each child, and should both kids be held responsible when only one tattles? I walk through both approaches, including how to scale a consequence by age and how to use each child's "currency" so it actually lands. Doby also tells me about her 7-year-old, who is sensitive, rigid, and anxious and who constantly finds fault with his easygoing 4-year-old brother, tattles, and provokes him into breaking rules. We talk about what birth order may be adding to the picture: an oldest child who has been "dethroned" three times, the pressure that falls on oldest kids, and the natural rivalry between same-sex siblings close in age. Then I give her a practical plan for helping him feel more secure, including why encouragement works better than praise and the exact kinds of "you" statements to use that build a stronger sense of self. Episode Reference: Richardson, R. W., & Richardson, L. A. (2000). Birth order & you: Discover how your sex and position in the family affects your personality, career, relationships, and parenting. Self-Counsel Press. Ask Me Questions: Call (813) 812-5525, or email: [email protected] My New Book! Parent Companion for Play Therapy: Want to go deeper into the concepts discussed in this series? Check out Parent Companion for Play Therapy, created to help parents better understand their child, the play therapy process, and how lasting emotional growth takes place. https://www.amazon.com/Parent-Companion-Play-Therapy-Understanding/dp/B0H2D98F18/ My First Book: Device Detox: A Parent's Guide To Reducing Usage, Preventing Tantrums, And Raising Happier Kids https://a.co/d/bThnKH9 Podcast HQ: https://www.playtherapyparenting.com/ My Newsletter Signup: https://www.playtherapyparenting.com/newsletter/ My Podcast Partner, Gabb Wireless: https://www.playtherapyparenting.com/gabb/ Common References: Landreth, G.L. (2023). Play Therapy: The Art of the Relationship (4th ed.). Routledge. Landreth, G.L., & Bratton, S.C. (2019). Child-Parent Relationship Therapy (CPRT): An Evidence-Based 10-Session Filial Therapy Model (2nd ed.). Routledge.

In this episode, I share an experience from a recent flight that reminded me how easy it is for parents to focus on a child's behavior while missing what the child is actually trying to communicate. I watched a young child become increasingly upset as his attempts to communicate were repeatedly ignored until his behavior escalated. It was a powerful reminder that whining, crying, and tantrums are often not the real problem—they can be the result of a child feeling unheard, misunderstood, or powerless. I talk about how simple child-centered parenting skills like acknowledging what a child is saying, reflecting their feelings, setting a calm limit, and offering an appropriate choice can completely change these interactions. We can't always give our children what they want, but we can make sure they know their thoughts, feelings, and experiences matter. Sometimes the moments when we are most frustrated with our children are exactly the moments when they most need us to come down to their level and meet them where they are. Ask Me Questions: Call (813) 812-5525, or email: [email protected] My New Book! Parent Companion for Play Therapy: Want to go deeper into the concepts discussed in this series? Check out Parent Companion for Play Therapy, created to help parents better understand their child, the play therapy process, and how lasting emotional growth takes place. https://www.amazon.com/Parent-Companion-Play-Therapy-Understanding/dp/B0H2D98F18/ My First Book: Device Detox: A Parent's Guide To Reducing Usage, Preventing Tantrums, And Raising Happier Kids https://a.co/d/bThnKH9 Podcast HQ: https://www.playtherapyparenting.com/ My Newsletter Signup: https://www.playtherapyparenting.com/newsletter/ My Podcast Partner, Gabb Wireless: https://www.playtherapyparenting.com/gabb/ Common References: Landreth, G.L. (2023). Play Therapy: The Art of the Relationship (4th ed.). Routledge. Landreth, G.L., & Bratton, S.C. (2019). Child-Parent Relationship Therapy (CPRT): An Evidence-Based 10-Session Filial Therapy Model (2nd ed.). Routledge.

In this episode, I answer a question from a mom whose six-year-old can be cooperative one minute and completely defiant the next. I explain why behavior like refusing to get in the car, undoing something positive after being praised, or digging in when asked to do something is often less about "bad behavior" and more about a child's need for power and control. When we understand what is driving the behavior, we can respond differently instead of getting pulled into the power struggle. I also share how intentional choice giving can help children feel more empowered throughout the day, even when the actual expectation is not negotiable. I walk through what that can look like in a real-life situation like getting into the car, why staying calm and neutral matters, and why encouragement is more helpful than praise when we want children to develop confidence, responsibility, and internal motivation. Ask Me Questions: Call (813) 812-5525, or email: [email protected] My New Book! Parent Companion for Play Therapy: Want to go deeper into the concepts discussed in this series? Check out Parent Companion for Play Therapy, created to help parents better understand their child, the play therapy process, and how lasting emotional growth takes place. https://www.amazon.com/Parent-Companion-Play-Therapy-Understanding/dp/B0H2D98F18/ My First Book: Device Detox: A Parent's Guide To Reducing Usage, Preventing Tantrums, And Raising Happier Kids https://a.co/d/bThnKH9 Podcast HQ: https://www.playtherapyparenting.com/ My Newsletter Signup: https://www.playtherapyparenting.com/newsletter/ My Podcast Partner, Gabb Wireless: https://www.playtherapyparenting.com/gabb/ Common References: Landreth, G.L. (2023). Play Therapy: The Art of the Relationship (4th ed.). Routledge. Landreth, G.L., & Bratton, S.C. (2019). Child-Parent Relationship Therapy (CPRT): An Evidence-Based 10-Session Filial Therapy Model (2nd ed.). Routledge.

In this episode, I answer a question from a mom whose 3- and 5-year-old children are constantly tattling on each other over every little thing. I explain why telling young children to "work it out" usually doesn't work—they simply don't have the developmental capacity yet to reason through sibling conflict on their own. Instead, I share how parents can use clear, consistent choices to help children begin developing self-control and responsibility without turning Mom or Dad into the household referee. I also talk about the importance of keeping consequences immediate and age-appropriate, especially with very young children, and why the parent's tone matters just as much as the limit itself. The goal is not to punish children for tattling, but to help them learn that their choices have outcomes and that they can begin taking more responsibility for how they handle minor sibling conflicts. Ask Me Questions: Call (813) 812-5525, or email: [email protected] My New Book! Parent Companion for Play Therapy: Want to go deeper into the concepts discussed in this series? Check out Parent Companion for Play Therapy, created to help parents better understand their child, the play therapy process, and how lasting emotional growth takes place. https://www.amazon.com/Parent-Companion-Play-Therapy-Understanding/dp/B0H2D98F18/ My First Book: Device Detox: A Parent's Guide To Reducing Usage, Preventing Tantrums, And Raising Happier Kids https://a.co/d/bThnKH9 Podcast HQ: https://www.playtherapyparenting.com/ My Newsletter Signup: https://www.playtherapyparenting.com/newsletter/ My Podcast Partner, Gabb Wireless: https://www.playtherapyparenting.com/gabb/ Common References: Landreth, G.L. (2023). Play Therapy: The Art of the Relationship (4th ed.). Routledge. Landreth, G.L., & Bratton, S.C. (2019). Child-Parent Relationship Therapy (CPRT): An Evidence-Based 10-Session Filial Therapy Model (2nd ed.). Routledge.

In this episode, I answer a question from a mom whose 7- and 9-year-old daughters are experiencing significant anxiety around going to school. We talk about the difference between choosing homeschooling because it genuinely fits a child better versus using homeschooling to avoid an anxiety-producing situation, and why that distinction matters. I also explain how anxiety can show up physically through things like stomachaches or behaviorally through crying, clinging, and refusing to enter school, and how those patterns can grow over time if the underlying fear isn't addressed. I also talk about the importance of involving anxious children in major decisions that affect them. Kids with anxiety tend to do better with predictability, clear expectations, and some sense of control, so whether a family chooses traditional school, homeschooling, or a hybrid option, communication and buy-in matter. The goal is not simply to eliminate discomfort, but to make a thoughtful decision about what environment will help the child thrive while also addressing the anxiety itself. Ask Me Questions: Call (813) 812-5525, or email: [email protected] My New Book! Parent Companion for Play Therapy: Want to go deeper into the concepts discussed in this series? Check out Parent Companion for Play Therapy, created to help parents better understand their child, the play therapy process, and how lasting emotional growth takes place. https://www.amazon.com/Parent-Companion-Play-Therapy-Understanding/dp/B0H2D98F18/ My First Book: Device Detox: A Parent's Guide To Reducing Usage, Preventing Tantrums, And Raising Happier Kids https://a.co/d/bThnKH9 Podcast HQ: https://www.playtherapyparenting.com/ My Newsletter Signup: https://www.playtherapyparenting.com/newsletter/ My Podcast Partner, Gabb Wireless: https://www.playtherapyparenting.com/gabb/ Common References: Landreth, G.L. (2023). Play Therapy: The Art of the Relationship (4th ed.). Routledge. Landreth, G.L., & Bratton, S.C. (2019). Child-Parent Relationship Therapy (CPRT): An Evidence-Based 10-Session Filial Therapy Model (2nd ed.). Routledge.

In this episode, I answer a follow-up question from a mom who recently reduced screen time for her 8- and 10-year-old children and is now seeing an unexpected result: her son wants to spend much more time outside with friends. That is a huge win, but it has created a new parenting challenge—how much freedom and independence should a 10-year-old actually have? I talk through ways to gradually increase independence without ignoring legitimate safety concerns, including starting with one approved activity, setting clear expectations, and allowing children to earn greater freedom by demonstrating responsibility. I also discuss why there is no single age when every child is suddenly ready to roam independently. The neighborhood, the friends involved, the child's maturity, the ability to communicate with you, and your own comfort level all matter. The goal is not to eliminate every possible risk or give children unlimited freedom, but to find a balance where they can practice independence while knowing that increased freedom comes with increased responsibility. Ask Me Questions: Call (813) 812-5525, or email: [email protected] My New Book! Parent Companion for Play Therapy: Want to go deeper into the concepts discussed in this series? Check out Parent Companion for Play Therapy, created to help parents better understand their child, the play therapy process, and how lasting emotional growth takes place. https://www.amazon.com/Parent-Companion-Play-Therapy-Understanding/dp/B0H2D98F18/ My First Book: Device Detox: A Parent's Guide To Reducing Usage, Preventing Tantrums, And Raising Happier Kids https://a.co/d/bThnKH9 Podcast HQ: https://www.playtherapyparenting.com/ My Newsletter Signup: https://www.playtherapyparenting.com/newsletter/ My Podcast Partner, Gabb Wireless: https://www.playtherapyparenting.com/gabb/ Common References: Landreth, G.L. (2023). Play Therapy: The Art of the Relationship (4th ed.). Routledge. Landreth, G.L., & Bratton, S.C. (2019). Child-Parent Relationship Therapy (CPRT): An Evidence-Based 10-Session Filial Therapy Model (2nd ed.). Routledge.

In this episode, I answer a question from a mom whose seven-year-old has become frustrated with her play therapist and says the therapist treats her "like a baby." I explain why seven is still right in the sweet spot for child-centered play therapy, and why complaints about therapy are often less about the therapist or the approach and more about the child's resistance to doing difficult emotional work. Children don't always have the words to explain what they are feeling, so we have to listen beyond the complaint and consider what it may actually be communicating. I also talk about why resistance can look very different from one child to another—avoiding eye contact, refusing to enter the playroom, calling therapy boring, or saying the therapist is annoying—and why that doesn't necessarily mean therapy is a bad fit. Sometimes resistance is simply a sign that something important is being stirred up. Rather than rushing to change approaches, I encourage parents to trust the process, give their child time, and remember that meaningful therapeutic work often requires courage before a child is ready to fully engage. Ask Me Questions: Call (813) 812-5525, or email: [email protected] My New Book! Parent Companion for Play Therapy: Want to go deeper into the concepts discussed in this series? Check out Parent Companion for Play Therapy, created to help parents better understand their child, the play therapy process, and how lasting emotional growth takes place. https://www.amazon.com/Parent-Companion-Play-Therapy-Understanding/dp/B0H2D98F18/ My First Book: Device Detox: A Parent's Guide To Reducing Usage, Preventing Tantrums, And Raising Happier Kids https://a.co/d/bThnKH9 Podcast HQ: https://www.playtherapyparenting.com/ My Newsletter Signup: https://www.playtherapyparenting.com/newsletter/ Common References: Landreth, G.L. (2023). Play Therapy: The Art of the Relationship (4th ed.). Routledge. Landreth, G.L., & Bratton, S.C. (2019). Child-Parent Relationship Therapy (CPRT): An Evidence-Based 10-Session Filial Therapy Model (2nd ed.). Routledge.

In this episode, I answer a collection of parent questions around one central concern: what do we do when a child seems to be struggling with who they are? I talk about signs that can point to a shaky sense of identity, including anxiety, negative self-talk, constantly changing how they present socially, and difficulty believing in their own competence. I introduce the concept of the "looking glass self" and explain how children gradually form beliefs about themselves based on what is reflected back to them by the people around them. I also explain why both criticism and excessive praise can interfere with healthy self-concept development, and why encouragement is so powerful. When parents consistently communicate messages like "I trust you," "I believe in you," and "you can figure this out," children begin to internalize those beliefs for themselves. What we reflect back to our children matters, and over time, those reflections help shape who they believe they are becoming. Ask Me Questions: Call (813) 812-5525, or email: [email protected] My New Book! Parent Companion for Play Therapy: Want to go deeper into the concepts discussed in this series? Check out Parent Companion for Play Therapy, created to help parents better understand their child, the play therapy process, and how lasting emotional growth takes place. https://www.amazon.com/Parent-Companion-Play-Therapy-Understanding/dp/B0H2D98F18/ My First Book: Device Detox: A Parent's Guide To Reducing Usage, Preventing Tantrums, And Raising Happier Kids https://a.co/d/bThnKH9 Podcast HQ: https://www.playtherapyparenting.com/ My Newsletter Signup: https://www.playtherapyparenting.com/newsletter/ My Podcast Partner, Gabb Wireless: https://www.playtherapyparenting.com/gabb/ Common References: Landreth, G.L. (2023). Play Therapy: The Art of the Relationship (4th ed.). Routledge. Landreth, G.L., & Bratton, S.C. (2019). Child-Parent Relationship Therapy (CPRT): An Evidence-Based 10-Session Filial Therapy Model (2nd ed.). Routledge.

In this episode, I answer a question from a mom who realizes that screens have gradually become a major part of her children's daily lives and now wants to make a change. I talk about what to expect when you begin reducing screen time, why children may push back so strongly, and how to use child-centered parenting skills like reflecting feelings, setting limits, giving choices, and encouragement to help them through the transition. I also explain how to talk with children about screen limits in a way they can understand. Rather than arguing about whether screens are "good" or "bad," I encourage parents to return to a simple message: it is our job to keep our children safe. Changing long-established screen habits may not be easy, but once we know more, we can make different choices—and we can confidently hold boundaries that protect our children's developing brains. Ask Me Questions: Call (813) 812-5525, or email: [email protected] My New Book! Parent Companion for Play Therapy: Want to go deeper into the concepts discussed in this series? Check out Parent Companion for Play Therapy, created to help parents better understand their child, the play therapy process, and how lasting emotional growth takes place. https://www.amazon.com/Parent-Companion-Play-Therapy-Understanding/dp/B0H2D98F18/ My First Book: Device Detox: A Parent's Guide To Reducing Usage, Preventing Tantrums, And Raising Happier Kids https://a.co/d/bThnKH9 Podcast HQ: https://www.playtherapyparenting.com/ My Newsletter Signup: https://www.playtherapyparenting.com/newsletter/ My Podcast Partner, Gabb Wireless: https://www.playtherapyparenting.com/gabb/ Common References: Landreth, G.L. (2023). Play Therapy: The Art of the Relationship (4th ed.). Routledge. Landreth, G.L., & Bratton, S.C. (2019). Child-Parent Relationship Therapy (CPRT): An Evidence-Based 10-Session Filial Therapy Model (2nd ed.). Routledge.

In this episode, I answer a question from a mom whose 9-year-old daughter experiences intense anxiety every morning before school—even though she does well once she gets there and usually comes home saying she had a good day. I explain why this pattern often points to anticipatory anxiety: the fear of what might happen becomes far more overwhelming than what actually happens. Over time, children can even begin to fear the physical feelings of anxiety themselves, creating a cycle of stomach aches, tears, worry, and resistance every morning. I also share what parents can do to help break that cycle. Rather than focusing solely on getting the morning behavior to stop, I explain why we need to address the anxiety underneath it by staying calm ourselves, reflecting our child's feelings, and building their confidence in their own ability to handle difficult things. Combined with child-centered play therapy, these simple shifts can help children develop the emotional vocabulary, self-esteem, and regulation they need so anxiety no longer controls their daily lives. Ask Me Questions: Call (813) 812-5525, or email: [email protected] My New Book! Parent Companion for Play Therapy: Want to go deeper into the concepts discussed in this series? Check out Parent Companion for Play Therapy, created to help parents better understand their child, the play therapy process, and how lasting emotional growth takes place. https://www.amazon.com/Parent-Companion-Play-Therapy-Understanding/dp/B0H2D98F18/ My First Book: Device Detox: A Parent's Guide To Reducing Usage, Preventing Tantrums, And Raising Happier Kids https://a.co/d/bThnKH9 Podcast HQ: https://www.playtherapyparenting.com/ My Newsletter Signup: https://www.playtherapyparenting.com/newsletter/ My Podcast Partner, Gabb Wireless: https://www.playtherapyparenting.com/gabb/ Common References: Landreth, G.L. (2023). Play Therapy: The Art of the Relationship (4th ed.). Routledge. Landreth, G.L., & Bratton, S.C. (2019). Child-Parent Relationship Therapy (CPRT): An Evidence-Based 10-Session Filial Therapy Model (2nd ed.). Routledge.