EP: 179 Is Regulated The Goal?

What does my child need for their success to be inevitable?If I wanted to paint the top of a 20 foot wall, I’d rent some scaffolding.  Scaffolding makes the floor higher and would get me as close to the top of the wall as I needed.  The scaffolding would help make my success inevitable.  It’s not the only thing I need to be successful (paint would come in handy!), but it’s a really important piece.  In parenting, scaffolding is the support that we put in place that allows our children to be successful.  Then, slowly, thoughtful, and sequentially, we decrease the amount of external support needed as our children develop that capacity to be successful on their own.Read a summary of this episode and access the full show notes at: RobynGobbel.com/ScaffoldingFollow Me On:FacebookInstagramOver on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With:::Reframing Resistance: Supporting Parents & Caregivers through the lens of Relational Neuroscience3-hour virtual workshop for professionalsJune 25, 10-1pm easternEveryone receives the recordinghttps://RobynGobbel.com/ReframingResistance I'll be keynoting the Families Rising (formerly NACAC!) VIRTUAL conference this summer!All the details are here: RobynGobbel.com/FamiliesRising :::Overwhelmed and unsure where to start? Check out the START HERE podcast- I put it together just to answer the question "Where do I start?" Get your invitation at RobynGobbel.com/StartHere :::::Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources 

Janet Nordine is a registered play therapist, adoptee, and mental health activist working tirelessly to improve children’s mental health services, specifically in the state of Nevada. Janet has an important message for adoptees that I think is relevant to all kids and families who are supporting kids with vulnerable nervous systems:There is nothing wrong with you. You’ve done nothing wrong. You can be OK.In this episode, exploreHow to help create ‘good parent messages’ for children who feel unloved and unwantedSitting with two conflicting feelings at once The benefits of falling in love with yourselfResources mentioned in this podcast:Children’s Mental Wellness Symposium- Las Vegas NVSeptember 26 - 29, 2024Details and registration here: https://lasvegasplaytherapy.com/Good Morning, I Love You by Dr. Shauna ShapiroRead the full transcript at: https://RobynGobbel.com/NothingWrongFollow Me On:FacebookInstagramOver on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With:::Reframing Resistance: Supporting Parents & Caregivers through the lens of Relational Neuroscience3-hour virtual workshop for professionalsJune 25, 10-1pm easternEveryone receives the recordinghttps://RobynGobbel.com/ReframingResistance I'll be keynoting the Families Rising (formerly NACAC!) VIRTUAL conference this summer!All the details are here: RobynGobbel.com/FamiliesRising :::Overwhelmed and unsure where to start? Check out the START HERE podcast- I put it together just to answer the question "Where do I start?" Get your invitation at RobynGobbel.com/StartHere :::::Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources 

Self-regulation is a crucial developmental milestone and I’m thrilled that we are turning our eyes toward self-regulation instead of staying focused on behavior modification through rewards and consequences.  At the same time, we must remember that self-regulation is developed through repeated and regular experiences of co-regulation with an attuned, regulated, present caregiver.  If children are struggling to use their self-regulation skills, it’s quite possible that they aren’t regulated enough to access those skills.  They are getting dysregulated too quickly and need co-regulation before they can be expected to use skills on their own.  It is these experiences of coregulation that build the neural circuity for what is ultimately labeled self-regulation...so you don’t need to worry that the continued offering of co-regulation will impede the development of self-regulation- it’s exactly the opposite!!!Humans never outgrow their need for co-regulation!  We all need connection and co-regulation!  Which is exactly why I've created The Club- a virtual community for parents of kids impacted by trauma!CLICK HERE to read about The Club and join the waitlist for the next time we welcome new members!Follow Me On:FacebookInstagramOver on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With:::Reframing Resistance: Supporting Parents & Caregivers through the lens of Relational Neuroscience3-hour virtual workshop for professionalsJune 25, 10-1pm easternEveryone receives the recordinghttps://RobynGobbel.com/ReframingResistance I'll be keynoting the Families Rising (formerly NACAC!) VIRTUAL conference this summer!All the details are here: RobynGobbel.com/FamiliesRising :::::Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources 

What’s the connected response to {insert difficult behavior here}??How do I respond to {insert difficult behavior here} in a connected way???I get some version of this question almost every day. So, let’s answer it here on the podcast!In this episode, you’ll learnWhat most parents are really asking when they ask ‘what’s the connected response’?What a connected response really isHow to trust your own intuition to answer that questionResources mentioned in this podcast:Felt Safety (Inside) - Part 1 {EP 161}Felt Safety (Outside) - Part 2 {EP 162}Felt Safety (Between) - Part 3 {EP163}What Does Co-Regulation Really Look Like? {EP 81}Boundaries With Connection Part 1 of 3 {EP 111}Building The Tower Of Self-Regulation {EP 9}Stealing {EP 138}Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/connectedresponseFollow Me On:FacebookInstagramOver on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With:::Reframing Resistance: Supporting Parents & Caregivers through the lens of Relational Neuroscience3-hour virtual workshop for professionalsJune 25, 10-1pm easternEveryone receives the recordinghttps://RobynGobbel.com/ReframingResistance I'll be keynoting the Families Rising (formerly NACAC!) VIRTUAL conference this summer!All the details are here: RobynGobbel.com/FamiliesRising :::Overwhelmed and unsure where to start? Check out the START HERE podcast- I put it together just to answer the question "Where do I start?" Get your invitation at RobynGobbel.com/StartHere :::::Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources 

It’s normal and common for stress and dysregulation to cause kids to act younger than they really are. This happens to grown-ups too! Simply because it’s normal and common doesn’t mean it’s not very frustrating!In this episode, you’ll learn A neurosequential explanation for regressionHow to use regression as a cue or a clue about the state of your child’s nervous systemWays to respond to regressed behavior that may increase regulation, connection, and felt safetyResources mentioned in this podcast:A NueroDevelopmental Approach: Right Intervention, Right Time {EP 47}Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/regressionFollow Me On:FacebookInstagramOver on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With:::Reframing Resistance: Supporting Parents & Caregivers through the lens of Relational Neuroscience3-hour virtual workshop for professionalsJune 25, 10-1pm easternEveryone receives the recordinghttps://RobynGobbel.com/ReframingResistance I'll be keynoting the Families Rising (formerly NACAC!) VIRTUAL conference this summer!All the details are here: RobynGobbel.com/FamiliesRising :::::Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources 

I’m sure you often feel like ‘getting your kid regulated’ is a very important goal!But- is it? Is regulated the goal? And is it possible to even consider these kinds of questions when we are parenting very dysregulated kids with very dangerous behaviors?In this episode, you’ll learnThe difference between a moment of being regulated and having a regulated (balanced) nervous systemHow regulation and dysregulation must coexistWhy thinking about any of this high-level stuff when you have REAL PROBLEMS TO REALLY ADDRESS can be helpfulResources mentioned in this podcast:Regulated Does Not Equal Calm https://RobynGobbel.com/lisadionRead the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/regulatedthegoalFollow Me On:FacebookInstagramOver on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With:::Reframing Resistance: Supporting Parents & Caregivers through the lens of Relational Neuroscience3-hour virtual workshop for professionalsJune 25, 10-1pm easternEveryone receives the recordinghttps://RobynGobbel.com/ReframingResistance I'll be keynoting the Families Rising (formerly NACAC!) VIRTUAL conference this summer!All the details are here: RobynGobbel.com/FamiliesRising :::::Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources 

Believe it or not, we don’t want to get rid of our kids’ watchdog and possum brains!We want to help their watchdog and possum brain rest so they aren’t working so hard.Their watchdog and possum brains are overworked and overactive.In this episode, you’ll learnWhy we must remember that everyone has a watchdog and possum brainHow gratitude and acceptance of the watchdog and possum brain strengthens the owl brainWe don’t want to get rid of our children’s watchdog and possums brains- we want to help them restResources mentioned in this podcast:What Does Vulnerable Nervous System Mean? {EP 122}Connection Or Protection??? {EP 7}Stress Response System {EP 94}Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/everyoneFollow Me On:FacebookInstagramOver on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With:::Reframing Resistance: Supporting Parents & Caregivers through the lens of Relational Neuroscience3-hour virtual workshop for professionalsJune 25, 10-1pm easternEveryone receives the recordinghttps://RobynGobbel.com/ReframingResistance I'll be keynoting the Families Rising (formerly NACAC!) VIRTUAL conference this summer!All the details are here: RobynGobbel.com/FamiliesRising :::::Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources 

When I work with parents whose child spends a lot of time on the possum pathway, I warn them that sometimes possum kids become watchdog kids before the finally have a nice, strong owl brain.Because watchdog behaviors are often more intense and scarier than possum behaviors, this can feel like your child is ‘getting worse.’It’s actually a sign of healing, and here’s why!In this episode, you’ll learnWhy kids who have a lot of possum behavior can sometimes become kids who have a lot of watchdog behaviorWhy this phenomenon usually means there is progress and healing happeningWhy sometimes kids move from possum behaviors to owl behaviors without having watchdog behaviorsRead the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/possumsbecomewatchdogsFollow Me On:FacebookInstagramOver on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With:::Reframing Resistance: Supporting Parents & Caregivers through the lens of Relational Neuroscience3-hour virtual workshop for professionalsJune 25, 10-1pm easternEveryone receives the recordinghttps://RobynGobbel.com/ReframingResistance I'll be keynoting the Families Rising (formerly NACAC!) VIRTUAL conference this summer!All the details are here: RobynGobbel.com/FamiliesRising :::::Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources 

This episode originally aired on December 22, 2020, episode 8:::I love love love talking about self-compassion for two main reasons.  #1- Self-Compassion is solidly anchored in the relational neurosciences- and you know how much I love...and need...for things to be anchored in science.  #2- Self-compassion has tenacity.  There's no way out.  Self-compassion has an answer for all your reasons why you aren't worthy of self-compassion.  I love that about self-compassion (probably because people describe me as tenacious- especially, relationally). In this episode, we will explore the science of self-compassion.  We'll look at why compassion is the neurobiology of change.  Why you deserve compassion.  Why compassion is how the brain heals and changes.  Compassion can feel risky- and I'll give you the science that might help you feel safe enough to take the vulnerable step toward self-compassion.To read more about self-compassion, visit robyngobbel.com/selfcompassion:::Reframing Resistance: Supporting Parents & Caregivers through the lens of Relational Neuroscience3-hour virtual workshop for professionalsJune 25, 10-1pm easternEveryone receives the recordinghttps://RobynGobbel.com/ReframingResistance I'll be keynoting the Families Rising (formerly NACAC!) VIRTUAL conference this summer!All the details are here: RobynGobbel.com/FamiliesRising :::::Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources 

Is it possible to feel better even if your child’s behavior doesn’t change?Even if the stress doesn’t change?Theoretically, yes.Your chronic watchdog or possum state means you are in chronic protection mode. Is it possible to shift out of protection mode before the chaos in your life changes?That’s exactly what we address in today’s episode!In this episode, you’ll learnThe two different paths you can take to feel better (come out of protection mode) even if the chaos in your life never changesThe neuroscience behind how connection and co-regulation (for you!) becomes twice as important for your ability to stay more regulated even when things are really hardResources to help you feel better (shift out of protection) that you can do by yourself, as well as resources that are based in connection and co-regulationResources mentioned in this podcast:Connection Or Protection {EP 7}When Your Nervous System Is Fried {EP 139}The Privilege Of Parenting With Safety {EP 169}Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/feelbetterFollow Me On:FacebookInstagramOver on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: Being With:::Reframing Resistance: Supporting Parents & Caregivers through the lens of Relational Neuroscience3-hour virtual workshop for professionalsJune 25, 10-1pm easternEveryone receives the recordinghttps://RobynGobbel.com/ReframingResistance I'll be keynoting the Families Rising (formerly NACAC!) VIRTUAL conference this summer!All the details are here: RobynGobbel.com/FamiliesRising :::::Want to pick Robyn's brain, hang out with her in Zoom meetings and a forum you can access in an app? Come join us in The Club!Are you a professional who wants to support families of kids with big, baffling behaviors? Then Being With is for you!Just need a little extra help? Head to RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources